Parents I need advice!!

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Agree 100% w ascarter1.
If possible, I would observe, although it can be really hard to hear what is being said out on the floor at times.
Talk to your DD and let her know thatcorrections are the coaches way to help her.
I coach developmental team and L3 primarily, so lots of young girls. I am loud and strict/structured. I know I do not mesh with all kids and parenting styles. Most really appreciate my coaching style but I am not going to be the right fit for someone who wants nothing but warm and fuzzy... out on the floor crying doesn't work for me, unless you are hurt and then I will nurse you up. Whining isn't tolerated. Corrections are sometimes shouted to get heard (noisy gym!), and often short and to the point. I don't have the time and luxury to softly say "now little Suzie, would you please take a moment and point your toes" during drills, it will be a loud "point your toes!", just as an example. I do make sure the girls know that getting corrected is good and means I care about their gymnastics, and not that I am upset with them. It is my JOB to correct them and push them so that they can become better at gymnastics. I truly care about my gymnasts and want them to be happy, and cheer them on, joke around, give hugs and high fives for great turns etc, but I do not baby them out on the floor.
FWIW, I have had a couple of parents approach me through the years and let me know their DDs are sensitive and would like softer corrections etc. I don't take offense to that (being approached) but I am also honestly not changing what I am doing to accommodate that in any way. To be perfectly frank, you run the risk of having your kid labeled what I like to call a "snowflake" (which is almost never a problem with the kid, almost always the parents....) That may sound harsh BUT this is competitive gymnastics. If you want fun and soft spoken, always positive reinforcement, then rec is a better option (not YOU original poster, any "you"!). I already make sure to give all the girls kudos for things well done and I am never mean, derogatory or condescending to any of my girls.
Just giving you the other side of the coin, so to speak.

Now, as a parent.... throughout my DDs gymnastics, my favorite coaches of hers have always been the ones with similar attributes. I want my kid to learn, focus and progress. When she was younger, there were a few coaches that she felt were "mean" initially but they have always ended up being her favorite coaches. Now as a young teen and L8, she understands much better what coaching needs to be and she can differentiate "mean" from structured, hard on conditioning etc.

If her coach is truly mean and derogatory, then I wouldn't even talk to her/him. I would either bring it to the higher ups or simply move my DD. There ARE coaches who should not work with kids, period.

It doesn't sound like you think this coach is truly a problem but it is more how to help your kid process the feel of the corrections. Talk to your DD and explain all that has been said in this entire thread, much great advice has been given. 7 is absolutely not too young to understand this!!!
Best of luck!
 
I concur with the suggestions to observe practice and see exactly what is going on.

I am very big on teaching kids to advocate for themselves, but I don't think that sending a 7-year-old to tell a coach that the coach's manner of delivering corrections is making her feel badly is likely to be productive. That's a lot to ask of a 7-year-old. Even as a parent I would not approach the issue that directly, as it's not likely the coach would change her behavior, and as SurpriseGymMom points out you are likely to get your kid labeled a special snowflake.

Whether you get involved should depend on how seriously the issue is affecting your child. If the issue is minor and has not persisted for a long time, it's great to treat it as a life lesson. If, however, it's affecting your child's self-confidence in general, it's time to take action.

The approach that worked with my daughter, who at age 9 was not dealing well with her coach's style and was generally a miserable wreck over it, was to tell the coach how my daughter was feeling about gymnastics in general, leaving the coach's actions entirely out of the discussion. I dragged my daughter in to meet with the coach and explained that my daughter was extremely frustrated and discouraged with her lack of progress, was spending an extended amount of time after every practice crying or complaining, and believed that she was "the worst gymnast on the team." I also told the coach I suspected that my daughter might be having trouble applying corrections because she didn't understand them, and wasn't asking for clarification because she was afraid to speak up or didn't even know that she didn't understand. The coach turned to my daughter and told her exactly what she needed to hear: nobody thought she was a terrible gymnast, there were great expectations for her progress based on what they'd seen from her in the past, certain specific obstacles were standing in her way and the coach was willing to work with her to overcome them, and the coaches wanted her to ask questions whenever she needed to. This one conversation turned everything around for my daughter. The coach didn't suddenly turn into the warm, huggy person my daughter wanted her to be and my daughter did not suddenly become one of the coach's "favorites," but hearing that the coach believed in her gave her enough confidence and trust in the coach to start making real progress.
 
So I reached out the coach and she called me back yesterday. I felt very awkward but the coach was nice about everything. I positioned it as my daughter can be sensitive about things and she has gotten her feelings hurt recently which has made her a bit anxious about going to gym. I tried not to make it about this specific coach even though it was because I didn't want to cause issues. The coach said she understood and had noticed that as well. She talked more about it being about doing round off back handsprings--which its not that's just the example that has come up the most with my daughter getting upset but I wanted to keep it on general terms. So I listened to the coach and just asked her to keep in mind that DD can take corrections personally sometimes and I am working with her on that but she may just need a hug at the end of the day if its been a rough day. The coach also said that DD is improving on not taking things personally. That sometimes she would start to cry and sort of shut down and it was hard to get her back to practice. Just the other day the coach could tell she was upset but she didn't start to cry she sort of pulled herself together and got back to work. I have noticed that this is happening too which is a good thing. And I think sometimes I have contributed to this problem because if I am there watching and DD leaves practice to take a moment cause she is upset I will (out of mom habit) ask whats wrong and that tends to start the water works--where she might have otherwise been able to pull it together. I can't go really to any of the summer practices and that maybe a good thing for DD. The coach also mentioned that with the change up in the groups DD is now one of the better ones in her group so she has been using her as the "example" for drills and stuff some of the time. I said this is great as it will boost DD self confidence.

So when I talked to DD I just told her the coach understands and will try and keep in mind that she is talking to 7 year olds when giving corrections (this is something the coach did say) and that the coach thought DD was a bit of a leader in her group and would likely be using her as an example and that's something she should be proud of. My husband also said that the coach gives her corrections because she knows she is good and wants her to be the best she can.

DD said well she is still kinda mean but she doesn't seem as bothered by it now since I talked to the coach--and I think she is starting to understand what is "mean" and what is corrections. I also told her she can always talk to me about it and we can figure out together if she is being mean or not--I want to keep communication open with DD. So I guess we will see how this goes. DD is going to have figure some of this out herself.

thank you all for your advice and for talking me off the ledge ;)
 
Agree 100% w ascarter1.
If possible, I would observe, although it can be really hard to hear what is being said out on the floor at times.
Talk to your DD and let her know thatcorrections are the coaches way to help her.
I coach developmental team and L3 primarily, so lots of young girls. I am loud and strict/structured. I know I do not mesh with all kids and parenting styles. Most really appreciate my coaching style but I am not going to be the right fit for someone who wants nothing but warm and fuzzy... out on the floor crying doesn't work for me, unless you are hurt and then I will nurse you up. Whining isn't tolerated. Corrections are sometimes shouted to get heard (noisy gym!), and often short and to the point. I don't have the time and luxury to softly say "now little Suzie, would you please take a moment and point your toes" during drills, it will be a loud "point your toes!", just as an example. I do make sure the girls know that getting corrected is good and means I care about their gymnastics, and not that I am upset with them. It is my JOB to correct them and push them so that they can become better at gymnastics. I truly care about my gymnasts and want them to be happy, and cheer them on, joke around, give hugs and high fives for great turns etc, but I do not baby them out on the floor.
FWIW, I have had a couple of parents approach me through the years and let me know their DDs are sensitive and would like softer corrections etc. I don't take offense to that (being approached) but I am also honestly not changing what I am doing to accommodate that in any way. To be perfectly frank, you run the risk of having your kid labeled what I like to call a "snowflake" (which is almost never a problem with the kid, almost always the parents....) That may sound harsh BUT this is competitive gymnastics. If you want fun and soft spoken, always positive reinforcement, then rec is a better option (not YOU original poster, any "you"!). I already make sure to give all the girls kudos for things well done and I am never mean, derogatory or condescending to any of my girls.
Just giving you the other side of the coin, so to speak.

Now, as a parent.... throughout my DDs gymnastics, my favorite coaches of hers have always been the ones with similar attributes. I want my kid to learn, focus and progress. When she was younger, there were a few coaches that she felt were "mean" initially but they have always ended up being her favorite coaches. Now as a young teen and L8, she understands much better what coaching needs to be and she can differentiate "mean" from structured, hard on conditioning etc.

If her coach is truly mean and derogatory, then I wouldn't even talk to her/him. I would either bring it to the higher ups or simply move my DD. There ARE coaches who should not work with kids, period.

It doesn't sound like you think this coach is truly a problem but it is more how to help your kid process the feel of the corrections. Talk to your DD and explain all that has been said in this entire thread, much great advice has been given. 7 is absolutely not too young to understand this!!!
Best of luck!
YES!!
 

New Posts

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

New Posts

Back