Parents Is it time to quit?

[MamaofEnS]

Hi All,

I have written about my dd's before, but I am feeling a lot of heartache today. My youngest DD, who has been doing this sport for 8 years, is really struggeling. Earlier this month, everyone in her class moved up except for her. They had only been in her class for months, while she has been there for 2 years. Even the owner of the gym felt that this was terrible, and had her get a free private. They have been telling her that she will move up for months, but she needs to improve her consistency, her vault, and her bhs. Her consistency is terrible. It is almost like there are two different people out there, a good gymnast, and a horrible gymnast. She does not improve in this. In fact, she will lose 5 skills before she gains a new one. She has never had vault, and is getting worse after 8 years of practice. Finally, she did a bhs today, but with a spot, and I don't know if she will get it by herself. Today, she said asked if she should quit. I told her yes, if it wasn't fun anymore. But, she doesn't want to do any other sports, except ice skating, which we don't have a rink nearby, not even in our county. I know many of you drive far for gymnastics, but for a beginner, I'm not ready to make that committment.

However, she is the first one to do handstands, etc, during her free time, and she loves open gym. So, I know she still likes the sport. However, today it was just awful to watch her struggle. Any suggestions?

MamaofEnS

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

What a hard thing to go through after putting 8 years into it. Does your gym offer a prep optional program? These programs have worked for others by taking pressure off of her and moving up levels. I hope she can find a way to remain in gymnastics!!

 

[gymjourneymom]

My heart goes out to your DD. Such a tough situation. Any gyms near you compete tramp & tumbling??? That would still keep her in the gym.

 

[bogwoppit]

Oh you poor pair, I really feel for you. I know how hard it is for them to be left behind, especially when she has no real control over what is happening. Here's a (((HUG))) for you both.

If she wants to stop, let her, she has run her race and she has shown perserverance and motivation, what great things she has learned.

Even if there is nothing else to do it is fine to let go of gym. SOmething may come up. We are in the same situation herem it is gym or nothing. When Bigger Bog decided to quit in spring I was not totally surprised, but very wary as there was nothing else to fill the gap. She has kept herself active throughout the summer, that drive is still there. SHe will do some tramp in fall, but that will only be two hours a week. But I saw, that for her, the race was run and she needed to let go.

I don't have much else to offer, except that I know what you are going through. This stage will pass and you both will be fine.

 

[10.0]

My suggestion is to have her try new things, related and unrelated to gymnastics. She may not think she will like something else, but might be surprised. I know a lot of girls who have gone from dance to gymnastics and gymnastics to dance and that was a good switch. They also have acro dance that involves some gymnastic elements, also if she is interested in ice skating she might like ballet or lyrical dance as it is fluid like ice skating and you get to perform. Also maybe have her pick something completely unrelated and give it a shot, like softball or tennis, you will never know if you are good at something or like it until you give it a try and lastly maybe if she still loves it just keep doing gym, maybe more recreational, so what if she isn't going to the Olympics for it, it can be a hobby, it is healthy, keeps her fit and keeps her occupied with something good for her.

 

[MamaofEnS]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. However, I'm still undecided about what to do.

She has taken dance lessons, and doesn't want to do that again. She is in a rec cheerleading class, but that is only 1/2 hour a week. She likes that a lot. She is really into animals, so I signed her up for 4-H, she hated that. I also suggested horseback riding, which to my surprise, she wasn't interested in either. I suggested soccer, tennis, etc, with no interest. Regarding gym, bars is her best event, so I don't think she would like doing tumbling, although I suggested it to her. I am perfectly fine with her quitting, as long as she finds something else that makes her happy. I am hoping it is a sport, though, because she is homeschooled, and needs it for P.E.

Please keeps your suggestions coming.

MamaofEnS

 

[gymjourneymom]

We had a gymnast leave our gym to do rock climbing at a local rock climbing school( it has all indoor rock climbing walls). The gym team had gone there on a field trip for team camp & the child just fell in love with it!!! She now does it competetively, they have teams!!! Who knew??? Gymnasts tend to make great divers also!

Is there anything available specific to your local area that you've read about the paper perhaps??? Families running marathons together is becoming very popular in my area. I'll come up with some more, let me sleep on it!

You never know what doors will open when one closes. Best for you both to keep your eyes & ears open for something that does peak her interest. Network & chat with other moms & kids. Is there anything she has tried casually in the past that she seemed to gravitate too??? Try to keep a positive outlook, although I know you are worried about her. Help her look at it as an adventure & chance to try new things. The world is her oyster. It's actually a very exciting time for her. (((Hugs))) & Best wishes!

 

[emandelsmom]

Hugs

I've been there. DD started gym at 3. Last year we attempted level 4. She could not throw her backhandspring or dismount on beam or the bars. or the vault. She competed 2xs. We moved her back to level 3. Her friend who was a smidgen better stayed a 4 and had a very rough year. Em had an awesome year repeating the level. It gave her a year to work on skills. She is just now getting the ROBHS and it isn't pretty. But she is now throwing it. Her coach and I joke: 8 meet fees later, 2 years as a level 3, tumbling classes, and 600 dollars for camp= 1 ROBHS by herself-priceless!!!!
For tumbling I trade photography for the tumbling classes. Em is now doing all the skills but the beam dismount by herself. Her vault is messy-but even the roll vault last year that she did when doing the handstand one scored a 6.5. LOL As a repeat level 3, she placed with higher scores. Her self confidance is now there.
HTH

 

[MdGymMom01]

Do you have any local running clubs near you? Track is a very varied sport that has something for everybody--sprints, middle distance, long distance and the field events like long jump, high jump and even pole vaulting. It sounds like your dd is very dedicated and determined and runners tend to be very dedicated because it can sometimes be a lonely sport when you have to put in the miles. But running is also something that you can do as a family. A lot of cities have 5K races and 1 mile fun runs that everyone can participate in. Some cities even have kids triathalons that are just like the adult ones only shorter distances in the swim, bike and run.

Has she ever expressed an interest in martial arts? There also are many different styles from karate to jui-jitsu wrestling that many girls participate in.

There really are so many activities and things for kids to get into these days. You just have to keep looking and keep trying anything and everything until she finds something that clicks. Good luck and don't think of it as quitting gymnastics--think of it as opening up other opportunities for her!!

 

[gymnut1]

Sounds like she needs a different sort of gymnastics - maybe for a short while, maybe permanantly. Lots of good ideas given. Best wishes to her. I hope she finds something which utilises her love of gym in a different situation. Or maybe some thing else entirely and some open gym. Sounds like she does want a connection to gymnastics in some way.

 

[Granny Smith]

Does she really want to quit? In your post you said she asked you if she should quit, but is that what she really wants. If she actually enjoys what she is doing and accepts where she is placed, then tell her don't worry about others moving up just worry about yourself. In gymnastics, there will always be someone better than you and others who are worse.

I know you mentioned that she wanted to do ice skating, how about roller skating or in-line skating. Do you have a roller rink near you? It's not ice skating, but it's close....

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I'm also suggesting the prep optional route for her. Especially sincd she still loves the sport. Less practice time and more of a "fun" team experience. She will also have time to participate in some of those other activities that you have or will discover for her. Good luck.

 

[jdf]

Do you have a competitive cheer team in your area? You mentioned that she likes rec cheer, so maybe that would be a good sport. I second the diving, but unless you have a college with facilities near you, it is hard to find year round diving.

 

[LizzieLac]

How about swimming? It is GREAT exercise even if she does not want to compete.

We have found with our kids and watching other kids that different sports require different technique and use the muscles differently. So, a child may "struggle" with a couple of sports, but it is not because they are not coordinated or not athletic enough. It is because it is "unnatural" for them based on their body mechanics.

Good luck and keep trying to expose her to different things. Maybe art lessons or something "not physical" but still challenging and engaging.

 

[gymjoy]

If she really wants to quit, then I think you should let her quit without any strings attached.

Just reading through this thread made my head spin with all the suggestions for other activities. I can't imagine how I would feel if I was a kid. I do know that when I present too many ideas to my own kids they shut down.

Sure, some kids move very quickly into another sport or activity, but others need time to settle and adjust. Gymnastics has been a part of her for a long time. Allow her to quit and do nothing for a while. Then give her opportunities to try different things. She will find something - but she has to find it and fall in love with it.

As for homeschooling PE - go for bike rides or to the pool. Don't make it to formal at first. If you have to document, as I do, that she has done a certain amount of PE then she will have to choose some kind of sport activity.

((HUGS)) to you and her.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I would be sure that she really wants to quit she probally is just frustrated it happens with this sport. If she got her backhandspring with a spot encourage her and let her know how proud you are. I have learned through my daughter that kids progress at different levels and that if she really loves the sport she will hang in there and it will eventually click. My daughter repeated level 4 was the last kid in her group to get her backhandspring amongest other kids but she loves it and will not give up. Sometimes reapeating a level gives them alot of confidence ecspecailly if they overcome something they have been working hard to get. There have been times that my daughter has wanted to quit she even left for a week but these times pass. If your daughter is still doing handstands around the house she probally does not want to quit. I would just be supportive and let her vent, it sounds like the gym is really supportive of her by giving her a free private. I would just wait it out she may have a great season.

 

[hunde2]

So sorry to hear about you and your daughters struggles.My daughter quit gym after 6 years because of injuries at the end of last season.
She did summer track.Placed second at the triple jump at the state championships in her age group.Also tried pole vault and loves it.
She also went to a volley ball camp and is doing tennis right now.
Best part about most of these sports is that it does not cost very much.I was shocked to hear that I only had to pay $10 for the state championships.
She is also happy that she can try different things now.
Most of theses sports do not go year round and she is actually able to take a little break in between.Able to sleep in this summer break for the first time in years (practically).Mostly had am practice during summer in gym.
With my daughter being in middle school she will be able to participate in a lot of different school sports now.
Don't get me wrong.I still miss my daughter doing gym but there is a lot of other things out there.

Hope everything will work out for you and your daughter.

 

[MamaofEnS]

Wow, I'm so impressed with all of the input. You are all wonderful. I will keep searching for an activity (or no activity) for her to do. I think short-term planning is the best.

She is still undecided. Today it sounds like she wants to quit, because she said she doesn't smile at gym anymore, and that she only does it because her big sis is doing it. Her big sis will complete the spring season, and then focus on high school activities, and most likely quit gym.

Regarding repeating the level, I have no problem with that. Bear in mind, though that she is only in about a level 3/4. After 8 years of practice, that's more than 2 1/2 years per level. She has already been in level 3/4 for 2 years.

MamaofEnS

 

[Blackie6]

Hi MamaofEns,

Mom of struggler here with some thoughts. My DD did 2 yrs of L4 and doing her 2nd year of L5 in Sept. We like to quote "slow and steady wins the race" alot around here,LOL. She also has had her fair share of watching others move up and past. We have always explained to her that some kids just pick up some things more quickly than others and that as long as she loved it she should think more about goals for herself. We also try other activities in addition to gym so she has a taste of other sports (with different friends) and never feels like she missed out. She does dive team in the Summer and loves it. You may want to see if there are any dive teams in your area, even at your local pool, gymmies take to dive really quick! My DD also hates dance, so for us that was a no brainer, but she surprisingly tried a field hockey camp last Summer and loved it and did it this year too. Check if your town have a recreation program that allows the children to try sports in a camp or for a season. Usually there is little expense/comittment involved in case she doesn't like it. My DD is going give Lacross a try too. There is a free program being offered for a couple evenings in my town trying to see if there is an interest for this kind of program. You would be surprised at the cheap, free and inexpensive things you can find in your hometown area! Also, not sure where you live, but there are other programs besides USAG that still offer competative gymnastics. If she really loves gym it may be worth looking into programs that are less hours, less intensity.

All I can say is every child is different and for some, skills and form just click slower than others. It is frustrating to watch, and you can't help but compare, but the fact that your DD has stayed in it this long is a sign of heart and dedication!

 

[Linsul]

Sorry to hear you and your DD are struggling with this decision! You've gotten a lot of great suggestions. My DD has only been in the sport for 3 years, and it's always been rec as she was more interested in dance. A few months ago she was not feeling dance as much anymore but kept going. We talked about it and she decided to just do gym for an hour a week. I wanted her to find something that she loved though, and would spend time doing.

Long story short, we went the Girl Scouts route. DD has loved it. They try lots of things and also spend time doing things like charity work. I really like that it's allowed her to try activities without serious commitment, and fostered a sense of compassion and social responsibility. I was worried that it may just be sitting around and talking a lot, or that trying a bunch of stuff may just be random and pointless. Not so! DD is 7, so sampling activities with a core group of friends has been perfect. Though, on the chatty note, her conversations have actually improved! I really recommend it as an alternative way to spend free time and experience different things.