WAG Issue with "Name"

[Lynn]

Ok...I know what I'm about to ask may seem trivial to the masses...but for my DD and slowly becoming to me, it's a big deal.

Although I won't be using her real name, I hope my point and question are clear enough.

My DD goes my her "nickname" which is a shortened version of her birth name. For example Jackson may go by Jack kind of deal. Over the course of DD's gymnastics years most coaches call her by her preferred name. A coach from our past and former gym, refused to call her by the name she asked to be called. And I am not exaggerating when I say refused as she flat out told me she wouldn't do it. Fast forward to our new gym ( job transfer required a change) all coaches but one calls DD by the name she asked to be called. The coach who doesn't reminds her of the negative coach from her past. DD does not respond well to this and it shows on her night she coaches 2 events.

Coaches, what would be the reason you would go against this or maybe not against but what would be a reason to not use her name correctly? For the record, her paperwork all states the name she wishes to be called by and not her birth name. To be honest, they really have never heard her called anything else. Parents, what's a good way to help explain this to your gymnast?

Sorry.. Again I realize this may seem trivial but it is bothering my child inside the gym. Just looking for advice. Thanks so much!

 

[bookworm]

[QUOTE="Lynn, post: 346066, member: 16430

Coaches, what would be the reason you would go against this or maybe not against but what would be a reason to not use her name correctly? For the record, her paperwork all states the name she wishes to be called by and not her birth name. To be honest, they really have never heard her called anything else. Parents, what's a good way to help explain this to your gymnast?
[/QUOTE]



In a nutshell, your daughter's coach is rude and ignorant and on some power trip by using the name he/she wants and not the name she is registered as in the gym...I would talk to the owner and tell him that your daughter's name is "Sally", and not "Sarah" like the coach continues to call her...you are not paying for your kid to be bullied or harassed by an adult, period....I would nip this in the bud...

One of my girls has a nickname that she goes by as well and it is on her USAG card (but not her passport) and it has never been an issue....some people actually just think it is her "real" name...is your daughter's birth name even on any of her paperwork at her gym because my daughter's never was?

 

[Sasha]

Is the new gym coach also 'refusing' the preferred name, or just, for unknown reasons, can't get the name right?

How old is your daughter?

Is the nickname unusual or hard to pronounce? Like "Allie" for Allison or "Jackie" for Jacqelyn is common and easy, but "Mads" for Madison or "Vi" for Violet might just feel strange for some people to say.

Was the former gym coach mean/rude in other ways that upset your daughter (so she now associates that call name with fear, etc.), or just the weird name refusal thing?

 

[iagymmom]

Some of the situations that I read that people have experienced when they are paying customers at a gym amazes me. So glad dd has never had a coach like that. My daughter's name and nickname are both unusual. Most people dont even know her nickname is not her real name and it is also what is on her usag card.

 

[cbifoja]

I think it is a matter of respect to call children by the name they wish to be called as long as it is reasonable. My daughter loathes her first name in its entirety and has gone by a shortened nickname since she was old enough to have an opinion and definitely before she was enrolled in school.

Both her full name and nick name are common so pronunciation is not a problem but the quickest way to enter into an antagonistic relationship with her is to call her by her full first name.

We have a mother at our gym who made it very clear that she did NOT want her daughter's name shortened. She told us in no uncertain terms that she spent a lot of time choosing a name for her daughter (it was a two word name) and wanted both names used when addressing her daughter in the gym and any personalized item of her uniform. I have to respect her request. She has the right, and the daughter has the right, to the name of their choosing.

 

[bogwoppit]

It is her name that she identifies as, she has a right to be respected and have it used. I would just go tell the coach that "xxxxx" is the name she is to be called.

My husband uses a completely different name than his birth name, nobodies business but his.

 

[wallflower]

Is it possible the coach just doesn't remember? I'm bad with names and will often call my Joshua's josh and Josh's Joshua. I just get mixed up. I tell the kids to "politely" correct me! I also will call them their siblings name.

 

[Lynn]

Is the new gym coach also 'refusing' the preferred name, or just, for unknown reasons, can't get the name right?

How old is your daughter?

Is the nickname unusual or hard to pronounce? Like "Allie" for Allison or "Jackie" for Jacqelyn is common and easy, but "Mads" for Madison or "Vi" for Violet might just feel strange for some people to say.

Was the former gym coach mean/rude in other ways that upset your daughter (so she now associates that call name with fear, etc.), or just the weird name refusal thing?

The new gym coach won't even acknowledge the desired name in any communications. Sometimes I even overuse it to drive it home. Doesn't matter. So I'm not sure why the coach won't call her by what she asked to be called.

The name is very simple and very common. There are many in both gyms we've been at with the same.

The coach at former gym who out right refused was mean, belittling and rude. I could write a book on how her attitude bothered many not just my own child. So I'm sure hearing it does take her back to that time.

My DD is 12

 

[Lynn]

Is it possible the coach just doesn't remember? I'm bad with names and will often call my Joshua's josh and Josh's Joshua. I just get mixed up. I tell the kids to "politely" correct me! I also will call them their siblings name.

At first I thought this may be the case. But DD was introduced as what she would like to be called with no mention that her name was something else. And as someone mentioned, all her paperwork has the same name. No sign of her birth name.

 

[Redford]

I don't do nicknames anymore. I have made bad experiences with children overusing that privilege by requesting to be called by names that are not apropriate and/or by inventing names for their teammates. Some of those girls didn't want to be called like that but were to shy to admit it in front of their friends.
That being said, if a child is called differently at home I do the same, even more if it is stated in her papers.

How come that coach even knows her birth name?
Have you ever ask WHY he/she is refusing to use the name she identifys with?

 

[Lynn]

I don't do nicknames anymore. I have made bad experiences with children overusing that privilege by requesting to be called by names that are not apropriate and/or by inventing names for their teammates. Some of those girls didn't want to be called like that but were to shy to admit it in front of their friends.
That being said, if a child is called differently at home I do the same, even more if it is stated in her papers.

How come that coach even knows her birth name?
Have you ever ask WHY he/she is refusing to use the name she identifys with?

Definitely not an actual nickname situation like calling Libby "Libby-Lu". She goes by a shortened common version of her name.

I have no idea how this coach knows her birth name other than just assuming because it is a common shortened version of her name that's what it is. And my DD being who she is, won't say a word. But now it's getting to a point where it is distracting and even as small as it is, I do feel as someone mentioned, that my DD feels disrespected.

 

[bogwoppit]

Nip it in the bud.

 

[txgymfan]

I agree with the others, contact the head coach and or owners. I deal with an adult that calls me by a shortened version of my name when she should not. It irks me but since I have to deal with her as an adult I have made the choice to ignore it. I now wish I had chosen to correct her when we first met.

 

[Ginger]

The name is very simple and very common. There are many in both gyms we've been at with the same.

Maybe this is the reason? Two girls with the same name and the coach just wants to make sure the 'right' girl pays attention when he/she talks to her/gives her corrections? Like two girls that wish to be called Sam, so he/she calls one Sam and the other Samantha?
Or he/she is bad with names as already mentioned.
Can't think about any other justifiable reason.

 

[suebee]

That is very odd.

However, you said that your dd doesn't bring it up to the coach. Is it possible coach is just forgetting and not doing it on purpose? Has this coach (not old coach) said that s/he refuses to call your child by her preferred name?

My legal name is actually a commonly used shortened version of another name. I have several friends with similar situations (for example, given name is actually Alex, not Alexander). As a child, adults often assumed my given name was a longer version of my name and that my actual name was a nickname. These adults would sometimes call me by the longer version because they assumed it was my given name, even though it was not. These adults would often also express disbelief that my given name was actually my given name. My friends also often experienced the same thing.

As an adult, I have never had anyone call me any thing other than what I introduce myself as.

 

[gymgal]

Have you talked with the actual coach about it? not just implying it, but actually saying - please call her this. this is what she goes by at home and school. I don't think it's petty for you or your child to be annoyed by it. Just address it now before it gets worse.

 

[gymdog]

Maybe this is the reason? Two girls with the same name and the coach just wants to make sure the 'right' girl pays attention when he/she talks to her/gives her corrections? Like two girls that wish to be called Sam, so he/she calls one Sam and the other Samantha?
Or he/she is bad with names as already mentioned.
Can't think about any other justifiable reason.

This sounds like the most logical assumption to me. Even if they don't practice in the same group, maybe the coach has had other kids by the full name and just gets confused. I have several kids with the same names, we use a combo of nicknames and confusion, I know the kids don't feel disrespected, they help come up with it. If one kid had a different full name we'd probably try to use that, unless it was extremely upsetting to the child.

The old coach sounds like there was something else crazy going on, but this coach seems more clueless.

 

[JBS]

I only have one gymnast that I call by a different name than her own. We all call her Lexi...but she is Alexis. Not sure why we call her Lexi...the other 55 that I coach all get their real names. If she ever said..."My name is Alexis"...then she would never be called Lexi again. I have asked her a hundred times what she would rather...says she doesn't care.

In my opinion...this is a matter of respect.

The coach is not very smart.

EDIT: My daughter's name is Maggie...some people assume that it is short for something...it is not. You call people what they want to be called...respect.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

We can all assume and talk about why the coach is doing this. Just ask! In a non threatening, non judgmental way just walk up to that particular coach and point blank ask. Maybe they do it for their own reason and don't realize they are hurting the child. Skip owner and HC for now, save that for later;if the other name eating coach hasn't realized their mistake.

 

[Sasha]

The new gym coach won't even acknowledge the desired name in any communications. Sometimes I even overuse it to drive it home. Doesn't matter. So I'm not sure why the coach won't call her by what she asked to be called.

The name is very simple and very common. There are many in both gyms we've been at with the same.

The coach at former gym who out right refused was mean, belittling and rude. I could write a book on how her attitude bothered many not just my own child. So I'm sure hearing it does take her back to that time.

My DD is 12

Ok, that makes sense about the name reminding her of bad times with old coach. Very sorry to hear that. I agree with others who suggest just asking her current coach in a pleasant way, something like, "Hi, Coach, I have a seemingly small but really important personal favor. Could you please make an effort to always call my daughter 'Sue' instead of 'Susie'? I won't bore you with details, but it is pointedly important to her not to be called 'Susie', but she is hesitant to tell you this directly or remind you. If there's anything I can do to help you remember, let me know. I know it seems minor, and there are a lot of Susie's, but there's a lot behind this and it's important to her. I really appreciate it!"

And if you've done that already and the coach still screws it up, go back and inquire, "Hi, Coach, I'm not sure if you remember us talking about this, but wanted to remind you how important it is for my daughter, Sue, not to be called Susie in class - or anywhere, really. We make a point to only ever call her Sue. Is there anything I can do to help with this? Or is there any reason perhaps why you've decided to call her by the longer name? Again, I know it sounds small, but there are some special circumstances that make this very important to her. Thank you!"

And I'm not sure quite why your daughter doesn't feel she can tell / remind the coach? I would expect most 12 year olds to be able to speak up about the correct use of their name. But I'm not sure if there is some pronounced anxiety or other valid reason, so I don't want to make assumptions...