Parents Jealous older sister...HELP!!!

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gymnastics24.7

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I have 3 DDs in gymnastics. My eldest, 11, is level 6, she started at age 9. My second, 9, is level 9 and started at age 2. Finally, my youngest is 7, level 7 (skipped 6+ will be 8 in July). My 11 yo is not a very fast learner and takes more time to learn skills than my other two. It stresses her out because my youngest are both very muscular and learn very fast, both are in TOPs. It really set her off when my 9 yo was invited to developmental camp. She throws a pitty party when her sister achieve new skills. She begs me to switch to a gym without her sisters. Obviously, because I'm a "horrible mom" - her quote;) I won't allow that. Anyone with similar situations or just any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
 
Honestly? I would probably let her choose a different gym. We've seen siblings in different gyms before even if they were both JO and it worked for them. If she's a competitive person by nature then that constant feeling of not being as good has to be exhausting for her. Would she be willing to try Xcel/t&t/rhythmic/acro? Anything that puts her parallel in gym instead of in the same lane.
 
This doesn't help the now, but I would encourage, or force her pick a non gymnastics activity to do in addition to gym.

How into her own gymnastics is she?

I'm so sorry you are going through that, it stinks!

I've tried to talk her in to that, but man she is stubborn! She is very committed to the sport and tries her best! I'm making her take diving lessons in the summer, I've heard it's a good sport for gymnasts.
 
Honestly? I would probably let her choose a different gym. We've seen siblings in different gyms before even if they were both JO and it worked for them. If she's a competitive person by nature then that constant feeling of not being as good has to be exhausting for her. Would she be willing to try Xcel/t&t/rhythmic/acro? Anything that puts her parallel in gym instead of in the same lane.

I have considered that, but all the gyms in our area are a good 45+ minute drive. The practices are also around the same times so someone has to be late :(( our gym now is 10 minutes away. My youngest are both switching to the homeschooling program next year. Maybe if they won't practice at the same time that would help. Thanks!
 
Switching gyms while it is more work now, will go along way toward them having good relationships with you and each other and that is for life.

Also, have heard great things about the book Siblings Without Rivalry.
 
I have considered that, but all the gyms in our area are a good 45+ minute drive. The practices are also around the same times so someone has to be late :(( our gym now is 10 minutes away. My youngest are both switching to the homeschooling program next year. Maybe if they won't practice at the same time that would help. Thanks!

I can see where that would cause more issues right now, especially deciding who will be late, etc. But maybe just the switching groups will help. And making sure the coaches are not comparing her to her siblings at all at gym. I can imagine how hard it is for her. But wow to her! L6 in just 2 years of gymnastics is fantastic!!

Is she ok with not doing the homeschooling program? Also, as she gets to middle school, she might find something to do at school that she likes too. But for now, I think you just keep celebrating her skills and her sisters' skills, and help them celebrate each other. flip side....lol...no gym talk at home at all (might be difficult).
 
I have a similar situation and they go to different gyms. One gym is a good hour away but we have a carpool. The other gym is local. It works well for our family.
 
I can see where that would cause more issues right now, especially deciding who will be late, etc. But maybe just the switching groups will help. And making sure the coaches are not comparing her to her siblings at all at gym. I can imagine how hard it is for her. But wow to her! L6 in just 2 years of gymnastics is fantastic!!

Is she ok with not doing the homeschooling program? Also, as she gets to middle school, she might find something to do at school that she likes too. But for now, I think you just keep celebrating her skills and her sisters' skills, and help them celebrate each other. flip side....lol...no gym talk at home at all (might be difficult).

I asked her about homeschooling, big NO for her . We love our gym and our coaches are very supportive and make sure to celebrate her accomplishments! Thank god we can trust them!
 
I asked her about homeschooling, big NO for her . We love our gym and our coaches are very supportive and make sure to celebrate her accomplishments! Thank god we can trust them!

That is great! So, maybe the change for the sisters will be good for her. (My training-level-10 son would HATE homeschooling too!) I would give that a try first and see if it helps. And like I said before...really, L6 in 2 years is fantastic!
 
That is great! So, maybe the change for the sisters will be good for her. (My training-level-10 son would HATE homeschooling too!) I would give that a try first and see if it helps. And like I said before...really, L6 in 2 years is fantastic!

Thanks! I don't think she understands that it's impressive to be l6 in 2 years... I try to explain to her that her sisters have been in gymnastics way longer!
 
Sibling rivalry is very tough. Consider sitting down with her and asking what she is thinking feeling having more one to ones with her. That May go a long ways. She is hitting that age where she is trying to find her way.
 
One thing to do is to make all wins a successes, family wins. If one child does well, or achieves something the whole family does something to celebrate, something that everyone can enjoy equally. It put s a positive spin on siblings achieving success.

Make sure each child's successes get to be included in this family rewards. If she will be the only non homeschooling sibling celebrating the things she is doing at school may also help.
 
I was going to suggest trying to get her involved in another sport that she can use her gymnastics training to help her excel. For instance diving. I bet she could be amazing at diving given how quickly she has moved to level 6. In the diving world she is still quite young. Maybe suggest she at least try a few lessons as this could be the thing to differentiate her from her younger sisters. My niece dives with a local diving club in Boston and it is pretty intense. She is on the diving JO team and trains 4 days a week 3 hours a day. She is 12 and wants to dive in college. The chances are much better than for gymnastics so I have heard. She was a gymnast first and was doing JO, then Xcel and then switched completely to diving and she is really really good. She loves it because it is similar in terms of conditioning and intensity to her previous Xcel experience.
 
I just wanted to jump back in and give a different perspective on nudging her to try other sports. I floated the general idea by my DDs (separately) and they both immediately said they would think I thought they weren't good enough to continue, that I would have lost faith in them. My girls are very different from one other, but they both jumped right to that. By suggesting she try other things to help her, you might be accidentally sending her the message that the other two are good enough for gym but she is not.. just another bit of food for thought.
 
No help, just hugs!! ODD is 12 L6, YDD is 10 L6. If I would do it again, I would have definitely signed them up for different sports! Too late now as they both love it.

ODD is a sloth with new skills and gets super frustrated when YDD picks up something faster. No way I could juggle two gyms schedules, so we just try to remind them that they aren't competing against each other, they need to encourage each other just like they do their other teammates, and we try to focus on the other not-gym related things that make them unique and awesome individuals.
 
Keep working to encourage positive interactions. DD was the first team gymnast in our family; DS joined team two years after she did. He went through a phase where he was tearing it up in compulsories; she never had that kind of success. At times, this was difficult for her, but we encouraged both to see their own successes and struggles as relative to themselves. The last few years have been much harder for him, and she's the only one in the family who really gets what it's like when gym is hard. Even if an older sib is progressing more slowly, the older one may well end up having a very important role as a guide and a mentor, even if the younger one has surpassed the older in sheer terms of skills.
 
Keep working to encourage positive interactions. DD was the first team gymnast in our family; DS joined team two years after she did. He went through a phase where he was tearing it up in compulsories; she never had that kind of success. At times, this was difficult for her, but we encouraged both to see their own successes and struggles as relative to themselves. The last few years have been much harder for him, and she's the only one in the family who really gets what it's like when gym is hard. Even if an older sib is progressing more slowly, the older one may well end up having a very important role as a guide and a mentor, even if the younger one has surpassed the older in sheer terms of skills.
This is important not only for gymnastics but how they will treat one another as teens, young adults and beyond. At some point in their lives they will need to get along with one another without a parent over their shoulder.
 

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