Coaches Kids crying during practice

[Geoffrey Taucer]

From: http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/parent-forum/29117-getting-kicked-out-gym.html

My gymnast is almost 12 going into level 9, and has started crying in gym everyday and gets kicked out everyday? She does not know why she is crying and does not want to quit. The parent in me is frustrated I pay for her to be here and kicking her out is not solving it. As a former coach I understand her coach is frustrated and their is a safety issue, I also get the issue of what it looks like to rec kids and parents and the time and distraction it takes from the kids who want to be here. As a Mommy I overanalyze it and think my poor baby ( I Never Vocalize This) I do not know what hat to wear so I try them all and nothing is working. We are going to cut back on hours and see if that helps. Any suggestions?

One girl at my gym was like this from about 10 to about 12 years old. She would regularly have all out uncontrolled screaming crying breakdowns. Now, three years later, she's matured out of it, blossomed spectacularly as a gymnast, and has quite possibly the best attitude in the whole gym.

So don't worry too much: the problem is likely temporary, and is not necessarily a crippling and career-ending issue.

I think in that age range, things are changing, hormones are going haywire, and different girls respond in different ways. Some get upset easily. I would be very hesitant to kick a girl out of practice entirely, but I do think the best response is to have her take a break and sit out for awhile so she can calm down and get focused. The girl I mentioned would be sent to sit down and have a snack -- this gave her something else to think about and some time to calm down, as well as giving her an energy boost (and nutrition may well be part of the problem -- if she's not getting enough to eat before practice and running out of energy, she's probably more likely to have problems).

Continuing to train while in such an emotional state is dangerous and unproductive. I think your coaches have the right idea in removing her from the workout, though if they're sending her home early they're taking it a step further than I probably would.

 

[gymdog]

I wouldn't kick the kids out, I send them to go get a drink and come back when they are calm. Most gyms have some area a kid could go to. Getting a drink is really helpful when you're starting to cry too, I've used that trick for years.

When I was doing gymnastics we had a no crying rule (and I had primarily female coaches at that time, who were great coaches). However, having seen a lot of other gyms, I'm struck by the irony of this rule, because someone in my group was always crying. And getting in trouble (not kicked out usually). So my own personal observation is that banning crying doesn't seem to make any difference and really just makes everything worse, because everyone would get so worked up about being in trouble, etc.

Maybe it's a little easier for the females working with girls, actually my male coaches were more likely to just throw up their hands and kind of ignore it, I guess it would be easier to seem insensitive. For me I tend to mostly ignore it, I will just send them to get a drink, this a) doesn't call attention to them when they are embarassed and b) doesn't allow me to be manipulated by negative emotion (not as usual but it does happen).

 

[CoachGoofy]

Tears happen.

If I see a kid looking ready to cry, I send her for a drink. If a kid actually cries, I send her to wash her face & take her time--if it's something we can talk about quickly, we do, otherwise it waits. They all know they can talk to me (I'm, like, the anti scary). I ask them what they need. Sometimes that's for me to go away, & that's fine too. Hormones suck. As long as they aren't hurt or utterly out of control, tears happen.

No one gets on equipment while crying, not because they're in trouble, but because you can't see through tears. It's the same as no one gets on equipment while dizzy--it's just not a good idea.

I did have one kid who would just WAIL every time-literally- we did something she didn't like (this includes warm up, stretching, and conditioning, it was a rec class) and I kind of ended up not acknowledging her until she stopped wailing at me. This may make me a terrible person, I just didn't know what else to do since sitting her out was essentially reinforcing screaming at me :blush:

The only situation in which I could see me removing a kid from practice for crying would be if they were so overwrought with emotion and frustration that they were a danger to themselves. It happens. Some kids can get to that place, & it feels awful. In that situation, removing the frustrater is kinder.