Parents Lacking Team Support

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My daughter changed gyms last year and had a successful season (qualified for regionals!). The other girls at her level have been together from the beginning and definitely have a little clique (as do their mothers). Without going into detail, I'll just share that my daughter is not always treated as part of the team. Here is an example: At a recent meet, my daughter was in an older age group than her teammates. During the awards ceremony, they all up and left after their age group had received their awards. I was truly flabbergasted and appalled that their parents would not stay an extra 15 minutes to support their "teammate". I actually don't have much hope for improving the current situation but I'm wondering if I should consider another gym change? Could team camaraderie be better someplace else or is it hard being the newcomer?
 
We changed gyms and were immediately warmly welcomed. It’s definitely a culture thing.

As to if you should change again, if the girls are just cold to your daughter and not bullying, I’m not sure we would change gyms for friendlier kids (definitely not for friendlier parents).

However, if the gym is somehow otherwise questionable it would definitely push me over the edge to suggest a change.
 
Leaving awards early and not supporting a teammate is a huge red flag to me. I know we have had gymnasts from other gyms come to ours and sometimes it takes a while for them to really feel part of the group, but we would never strand a gymnast at awards unless someone had to get home quickly for something else but that would only be one member of the team. Did the coaches come to awards? I think coaches should also be there unless they are needed for the next session. I would talk to the coaches but not sure anything would change. If you have already moved once I would think it would be hard to move again so quickly. If you have choices than I would think about it. Too me that is just really mean.
 
I've never seen a full team leave mid awards unless their was two different levels competing at the same time and they are now starting over again with another level, even then other teams often are polite and stay. The fact that it happened to your own team, that's ridiculous.
 
I was truly flabbergasted and appalled that their parents would not stay an extra 15 minutes to support their "teammate".

This should be brought up to the head coach. Anyone that is trying to develop a team atmosphere at their club would ask all the parents to stay until the end of the awards ceremony in the future. It's a respect thing.
 
This is horrible sportsmanship- I’m so sorry your daughter had to experience that. Definitely think head coach should be made aware. If they were aware and thought this was acceptable then that would be a big red flag.
 
I would talk to the coaches but not sure anything would change.
Unfortunately, I don't think the larger issue would change. It's possible that they wouldn't leave awards early again but the mentality would remain the same. We are level 8. These parents should not need to be told that it is common courtesy to stay at the awards ceremony. This was just one example of the poor behavior we've experienced and you are all right: it is mean, ridiculous and horrible sportsmanship.

In response to some of the comments, our coaches don't attend the awards ceremony so that certainly doesn't send the right message. Besides for that, the coaches - the head coach in particular - are very good and my daughter likes them. I'm not sure she'll want to switch gyms but I want to see how the season plays out and have options available to consider. I know that no gym is perfect but I'd like to have realistic expectations for what it's like being the new girl on the team.
 
These parents should not need to be told that it is common courtesy to stay at the awards ceremony.

People should have common courtesy to not park in the fire lane at the grocery store too... but they don't... they need to be flashed out of the way by the local police all the time.

That’s on your coaches. They set the standard

I agree... the coaches need to get on this and remind them unless this is the culture they are looking for.
 
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I don’t allow gymnasts from my gym to leave the award ceremony until all awards are presented. The kids stay with the coaches until the End and then get a team photo with awards.

Parents don’t have the option of leaving early because their kids are with the Fischer’s and they can’t access them to leave.

We also make it clear when signing up for comps that the expectation is that they stay to the end of awards.

The excuses of “oh but we had to go” don’t fly because if their child was last to receive awards, they would stay.
 
Just as devils advocate, perhaps it was just a simple mistake, as a new girl, first meet, they just didnt realize she still had to go through her age group, one gets up and the rest follow unknowingly. I know in the moment it sucks and not cool at all, but it really could have been a mistake caused by unfamiliarity with your DD.

Coaches never stay for awards except maybe for the last session of the day, but even then, they are usually spent or have to get ready for an early session the next day.

As mentioned, I would kindly bring it up with head coach if that concerned and watch if it continues to happen. Still not something that I would change gyms mid-season unless your daughter feels the environment is untenable.
 
I am sorry this happened to your daughter. In terms of the awards, they do tend to drag on forever so could it have been an oversight? The main issue to me is the clique you mentioned...while our team has groups of kids that are better friends than others, new girls are warmly welcomed. It's the expectation and it doesn't seem forced at all, at least from my vantage point. I guess I never really thought about it but it's probably something the coach helps with from the very beginning. My daughter was new to the gym last year and within 2 weeks felt very much part of the team. Same this year, 2 new girls and they are among her closest friends already.
 
Just as devils advocate, perhaps it was just a simple mistake, as a new girl, first meet, they just didnt realize she still had to go through her age group, one gets up and the rest follow unknowingly. I know in the moment it sucks and not cool at all, but it really could have been a mistake caused by unfamiliarity with your DD.

Coaches never stay for awards except maybe for the last session of the day, but even then, they are usually spent or have to get ready for an early session the next day.

As mentioned, I would kindly bring it up with head coach if that concerned and watch if it continues to happen. Still not something that I would change gyms mid-season unless your daughter feels the environment is untenable.
My daughter was on the team last year. And, it's not just about the awards ceremony. That was just the most recent example of how my daughter is treated. I don't plan on changing gyms mid-season. I'm legitimately trying to determine if this is how it is for the new girl when there is already an established clique of girls/parents.
 
is it hard being the newcomer?
YES. There is usually a long-established clique of moms, and your child will struggle to build relationships with teammates if you aren't friends with their parents. What can make things even worse is if your child is the youngest--then she will likely have no power and become the punching bag for the older girls. Double worse if your daughter is talented.
 
Just chiming in to say that as a coach, I have missed awards exactly once in over 10 competitive seasons, and it was at state last year because the first session ran extremely late. My co-coach and I were in a position where only one of us could go to awards because we had a full group in the next session, which started on time (2 minutes after the last athlete in the first session finished! It was bonkers). Because we were on my events first, I coached the warm up and first event and she went to awards and texted me the updates so I could read them on my watch!

Your awards must also be different, because the team award for us is always after the last age group, so unless it is an emergency, no one would even want to leave. It's also not only rude to their teammate, but to everyone in that age group.
 
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Wanted to add to my post--

The number one thing those moms in that clique know instinctively, and their daughters know it too, is the easiest way to make those unwelcome "gym hoppers" move on to the next gym, is to never converse with them, avoid them, ignore them, exclude them, and make sure the daughters get enjoyment from this strategy also, with plenty of happy group (minus the new girl) instagram posts to rub it in.
 
I've never seen a whole group leave before the end of awards from ANY gym. I would speak with the head coaches about it, and hope that they are equally disappointed in their athletes' behavior. If you are otherwise happy with the gym,I would give the social piece a bit more time to sort itself out. I'm a bit surprised that there is so much cliquey behavior among a group of 8s- at that point they've probably experienced a fair number of teammates leaving the sport and others joining the gym. I do think creating a strong, cohesive team comes from the top down. New girls join my daughter's gym quite frequently at the upper levels and they are quickly embraced and welcomed into the group. Our coaches wouldn't stand for excluding a new girl and they incorporate a lot of team building both among girls on the same level and across the levels to create a solid sense of team.
 
Our gym has a clique of parents/girls who moved from a different gym, and they are sometimes cliquey and have brought some of the negative aspects of the old gym’s culture with them- including seeking out the youngest/most naive in the group and sneakily picking on them, and starting drama around move-ups and levels. Unfortunately girls are socially clever and most of this stuff often happens under the radar when coaches can’t see it, and there are very few gyms (maybe none?!) that would have the guts to punish a high-performer for it if it was caught. You were lucky that you saw the awards thing because if something like that happens in public, you know it’s worse in private.
 
Parent cliques can be effectively combatted by doing simple team outings that include the parents and do not include gymnastics. Especially try to get activities that the dads will also attend.

We are now doing a baseball outing to a local minor league team each year. Everyone has a good time... everyone that attends is basically forced to talk as we rent and open area with tables and they can all move around.

Again... the problem is that these events are better when run by the club and not a group of parents. It's also much better when the coaches "hype up" the event to the athletes so they all want to attend.

Could team camaraderie be better someplace else or is it hard being the newcomer?

It is not always hard being the newcomer. At our club we definitely have examples of both sides of it. As a club we really do try to provide a few activities per year to un-clique the parents though.

We always try to schedule one team activity on travel meets as well. This give people a little less time to clique out.
 
I'm going to throw this one out there in plain site for everyone to see as well...

In my experience (just my opinion)... booster clubs cause / create cliques.

Again... just my opinion (from years of experience)... if a booster club does not believe this and create events to combat it... then they are just part of the problem.
 

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