Parents Making it work

[skschlag]

Looking for some feedback on life I guess. I know I am borrowing trouble since fall isn't even here but it is on my mind, I am on spring break, and my mind tends to obsess

So for fall, coach has told me that he wants ds at practice from 5-9 (been doing 6-9 this year). Ds will be a L10 hopefully, so he will probably need the extra hours.

Here's the issue. He gets out of school at 2:50, and home about 3:15. I get off work at 4 home around 4:20. Practice is 45 minutes away. So for a 4 hour practice it is actually 5 1/2 hours out of our day.

I am pretty sure I can figure out my work and his schedule works, but my question is, how do you balance it? How do you balance eating, school work, girl/boyfriends, etc. to make it work for them? I am sure logistically we can figure it out, but I guess I am more worried about him still being a teenager and enjoying high school.

Thoughts or commiserations??

 

[duyetanh]

Does your high-school have the early period some offer? Also, some highshooks allow p.e. for last period and then they waive it for athletes.
That's all I can think off offhand. I am sure others will chime in here.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Can he drive himself to the gym and do his homework there so by the time he is done with practice he's got his schoolwork out of the way?

 

[skschlag]

Not yet. He is 14. But give us a year or two lol

 

[skschlag]

Logistically, I think it will be fine. I think I am looking more for the emotional side....missing out, etc.

 

[duyetanh]

How does he feel about it? That is the big question. He has made huge strides with the gymnastics...and had big changes to overcome. I would love to see a pm'd video btw...no idea who he is, and won't even after watching...but I figure he is old enough to wear if he knows he wants to continue, he probably already knows what he is giving up.
I was in an intense sport from age 6 on...double workouts since age 10...never cared about missing any of the social stuff....but my sister did. It was much harder for her, but I think that was because she was an extrovert. In high school I was not an extrovert...ironically, college helped me find myself and I blossomed there.
So...I would talk to your son. He might provide insight.

 

[sce]

Logistically, I think it will be fine. I think I am looking more for the emotional side....missing out, etc.

I think that is a choice for him to make. While giving up some things he is choosing others. Gymnastics does requires sacrifice but there is also benefits. Also, there could be compromise, occasionally missing practice for a school dance etc.

 

[NutterButter]

I've had to accept and make peace with the fact that DD has a different high school experience. Our gymmies really aren't 'normal' teens. My DD literally has zero time for normal high school stuff like friends, clubs and activities. She doesn't even go to school dances (sometimes she has had real gymnastics conflicts and sometimes she knew she needed the time to study/rest; always been her choice). She used to have time to keep up with school friends and stay connected on social media but this year that has gone by the wayside because the homework load is too much (she's in 9th grade). Time is such a commodity and she prioritizes contact with her gym friends so these are the people she's keeping up with. And this is OK. We live in a very tight-knit community. Life revolves around the community public schools - elementary through high school. And my DD is on the fringe of it all which is ironic considering that's why we moved here. But she's happy and wouldn't want it any other way.

 

[MILgymFAM]

My ODD is the only 15 year old girl I know who has never: been on a date, been kissed, had a boyfriend, been to a high school dance. She also doesn't have any hang-out type friends. She relaxes plenty (that's is due to her unique school schedule) but it's at odd hours and usually includes pajamas and junk food. She told me once if she wanted to be normal she could quit gymnastics. She doesn't want to. These kids definitely make a choice for a different lifestyle than most of their peers. As long as it's what they want, I see no harm..

 

[skschlag]

Thanks guys. This is what I needed to hear. I think it is more my projection of what high school "should" be. So maybe I am worrying over things I think he will miss. We have never made him miss a dance unless it was for a meet. We also let him have the occasional night to be with friends etc. I am sure I will let him miss some to go to football games, etc.

But I think @NutterButter nailed it. I have to let go of waht might be "normal" as he is going to be different. So his choices will be his to make. He is quite social so that has been good for him and he does do speech and debate right now.

But moving to high school, maybe I am projecting a bit...

 

[CCGymbug]

My ODD is the only 15 year old girl I know who has never: been on a date, been kissed, had a boyfriend, been to a high school dance. She also doesn't have any hang-out type friends. She relaxes plenty (that's is due to her unique school schedule) but it's at odd hours and usually includes pajamas and junk food. She told me once if she wanted to be normal she could quit gymnastics. She doesn't want to. These kids definitely make a choice for a different lifestyle than most of their peers. As long as it's what they want, I see no harm..

Oh my goodness, my #1 reason for wanting DD to continue gymnastics is for lack of downtime (ie doing drugs or other stuff that isn't good for her). We live in affluent area where the kids have money and means to party hard and I would prefer her to not be in that crowd! Ironically, we moved here for the school system and the beauty of the town not realizing what was happening in the HS.... I know its everywhere but a majority of the kids do not have to work and drive better cars than I do so the means to the bad stuff is much easier.

 

[Sasha]

As you know, I don't have a high schooler yet (do have a middle schooler who has a 'normal' non-gym life), but here is my take on my own high school experience (oh just a few moons ago)...

I had a very 'normal' experience in the sense we are talking here. I had dates, boyfriends and a clique of friends. I was in clubs. I was in band. I went to dances. Most nights, though, my friends or boyfriend and I had nothing much to do, so we hung out at the mall, or park, or one of our houses watching MTV (and maybe some... smooching... ) It was... fine. But it was repetitive, uneventful for the most part, and I didn't have anything 'special' to do that I was passionate about (we were pretty humble means). My friends and I never did alcohol or drugs, but plenty of kids did. There was nothing much else to do once you got bored with the stores at the mall....

So I WISH I would have had the opportunity to throw myself into something I was passionate about like gymnastics. I think gym can be an incredible teenage experience from where I sit.

 

[skschlag]

THanks everyone. I think I am creating issues where there are none yet lol. But I am a planner and like to think about all contingencies. D said pretty much the same things, and just requested that I trust him if he says he needs a night off. I forget how grown up he is getting. he isn't little anymore! LOL! He just started driver's ed for goodness sakes! So I gotta trust him to know what he can/can't handle and try to get the school to give him an off period...

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have found that I have to look for opportunities to make sure my gymnasts connect with school friends when they are available to connect. For instance we had a snow day this week. So I had one of my dd's text her school friends for a Starbucks meet up. When there is a holiday making a long weekend, I try to encourage them to meet up with friends, even if that means they come over here a lot. No they don't have a normal high school or middle school experience, but they have the experience they are wanting.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

He is old enough for this to truly be his choice at this point. And if you are open minded about letting him, do whats really important to him. Even if that means the occasional missed practice here and there. And you all will know if you are stressed.

Again, perhaps he can opt out of gym and take an extra study hall. (we can not in NY) or get work done in study hall, for the practical side of things.

Then I think you are all good.

 

[NY Dad]

So for a 4 hour practice it is actually 5 1/2 hours out of our day.
I am pretty sure I can figure out my work and his schedule works, but my question is, how do you balance it?

This is really funny. My dd7 (level 2) does 4 hours/WEEK. She's already missed almost every girl scout meeting b/c they basically directly overlap. I've felt bad about this but she made the decision. I know the hours only go up from here. I keep wondering how everyone fits in all the hours.

My dd is on the opposite side of the spectrum from you. At this point my dd loves going to the gym, if she didn't she would find another sport. I get the sense from comments on CB that at the higher levels the reasons to continue become more complex.

Your DS has "missed out" on plenty. You/he have made choices along the way. For him the extra hour might not be any different than the previous hour he committed to. At 14 he's at the age where he should be able to make the decision himself (IMO, as long as he's got enough time for schoolwork). Has he commented about missing out on stuff? Does he feel pressure to continue/increase his hours? Or is this totally coming from you?

The question does make me wonder how many ex-gymnasts are out there that resent the amount of their time they had spent training.

 

[mommyof1]

I am already dealing with a version of this with my 10-year-old who trains four days a week and is soon headed to middle school. She is having a hard time giving up another activity in which she's participated with many of her closest friends since kindergarten. She won't quit because she doesn't want to leave her friends behind, but when it comes down to it she's not willing to sacrifice any gym time for it.

Otherwise, though, she is totally committed to gym and wouldn't have it any other way. Interestingly, her school friends are all also high-achieving kids who are starting to make similar commitments to their own sports and activities (travel soccer, dance, etc.), or are involved in a large number of activities. Scheduling birthday parties and play dates has become very complicated. So even if she weren't spending her entire life in the gym, none of her friends would be available just to hang out anyway!

 

[skschlag]

This is really funny. My dd7 (level 2) does 4 hours/WEEK. She's already missed almost every girl scout meeting b/c they basically directly overlap. I've felt bad about this but she made the decision. I know the hours only go up from here. I keep wondering how everyone fits in all the hours.

My dd is on the opposite side of the spectrum from you. At this point my dd loves going to the gym, if she didn't she would find another sport. I get the sense from comments on CB that at the higher levels the reasons to continue become more complex.

Your DS has "missed out" on plenty. You/he have made choices along the way. For him the extra hour might not be any different than the previous hour he committed to. At 14 he's at the age where he should be able to make the decision himself (IMO, as long as he's got enough time for schoolwork). Has he commented about missing out on stuff? Does he feel pressure to continue/increase his hours? Or is this totally coming from you?

The question does make me wonder how many ex-gymnasts are out there that resent the amount of their time they had spent training.

Occasionally when he has to miss a party or a sleep over he will get upset, but it is usually related to being tired and hungry. We make sure he has lots of down time and encourage time with his friends (he is on spring break now so we have given him lots of time with friends). you are right, he has missed out. And I think overall he is ok with it. I think he is a little concerned about the increase in hours but I also think he is kind of excited about it.

I think those who resent it end up quitting. So I hope we can balance it for him....

Thanks everyone! I know it will be fine, and we can cut back hours if we need to.

 

[l.c.o]

I think those who resent it end up quitting. So I hope we can balance it for him....

IMHO, I think this is the key. And of course reminding him it's ok to balance would help him along.

My DD is in middle school, and it almost seems a bit personality dependent as to which girls on her team are talking about quitting (while loudly resenting missed social opportunities) and which girls aren't. I honestly think that the more introverted and shy girls maybe bond more strongly with the girls at practice vs school friends, and have less trouble missing out on school events.

For my DD, she's an introvert, and so far she genuinely seems to prefer her gym friends to any other friends. Is she has a sleepover, she usually wants it to be a teammate. I do think that helps keep her invested in the sport (not that I'm saying a parent should intentionally try to skew things this way, LOL - I do often wish my DD had a better balance).

With a few exceptions, my DD is happy to miss dances and school events for practice. When she does want to attend a school thing, or a sleepover, we let her go. But really she only asks a couple of times per year.

That said, my DS is the opposite of her and never wants to miss a thing, so I anticipate a bigger struggle there.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The question does make me wonder how many ex-gymnasts are out there that resent the amount of their time they had spent training.

This is always the big unanswered question for me. How do these "kids" feel as adults, in hindsight?