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cyclopsmom

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2016
48
49
Just venting because I have no one to talk to as my husband just says "why do you keep going back for more" and the other gym moms I knew well have all gone away as their dds have moved on to other sports and activities.

I'll try to keep it short- my dd is not a great gymnast and often does not place well. She has been at her gym for 8 years next fall, and on team for 6. She loves gymnastics and works harder than I ever imagined an 11 year old could. Much harder than I ever could. She strongly considered quitting for next season, but decided that she was not ready to be done and has been practicing with the new groupings for 1 month. She is the only 1 of 6 girls on her previous team that does not practice in the highest optional group. That has been difficult for her, and she was in tears on Thursday night after practice because of it. I tried to let the coach know that dd is feeling discouraged, so coach took her aside and told her that the current group is where she belongs because she is the "weakest in the high group and the strongest in the low group". Funny how the dividing line starts right before her and how one more person in the high group is just not possible. BUT, I understand that it is not my call, and I know her level 6 season did not go well so I try to do what everyone says and "trust the process".

Then, tonight, we go to the team banquet. Coach has always given awards to every team member, but this year decided to do only 4 per team. In levels 2-4, there were 10-15 girls, and each level had 4 award winners. In level 5 there were 3 girls and each girl got an award. In level 6, there were 6 girls and 4 awards- my daughter and another girl who has moved to another gym did not get awards. In level 7 there were 2 girls, both of whom received awards. In level 8, there were 5 girls. I waited to see if they would leave the extra girl out. . . and they did NOT. They gave the 5th girl a special award. So from levels 5-8 my dd and another girl who left the team for another gym were the only ones who did not get an individual award. Dd handled it well, but I was highly annoyed. Dd had to watch all of her teammates receive awards while she got nothing for all of her hours of hard work and years of dedication. This was pretty much how all of her awards ceremonies went this season, and it seemed like rubbing salt in the wound to me.

Finally, coach decides to call up each individual gymnast to recognize them(even though they have all been up front once already. She calls up a group of 20 or so girls of all levels, but not dd. Then coach calls the "35" club (dd scored no higher than 34 so she is not called). Then the "36 club". Then, just as the "37 club" is being called, someone realizes that dd is still sitting in the audience, near tears, They call her up, mispronounce our last name, and point out that she scored a 34 (no one in the first group had scored a 35, but their scores were not announced.) I was livid about the whole thing. How hard would it be to give every member of our small optional team an award? How hard is it to remember a gymnast who has been giving it her all (even if it doesn't measure up) for 8 years? Who had so much fun curling her hair, putting on makeup, and searching for a dress and shoes in preparation for this special event? She tried to keep a smile on her face, but I could see she was crushed.

Dd is at a friends house tonight, and I am so glad I will have a chance to get it together before talking to her. Thanks for reading if you made it this far-I failed miserable at keeping it short.
 

MILgymFAM

Proud Parent
Fan
Feb 6, 2014
4,717
42
Twin Cities
I feel for you and for her, and I think the gym handled it terribly. I don't think everyone needs to get awards, but structuring it to leave only one girl out is thoughtless at best and mean spirited at worst. And the name thing is irksome too. Huge hugs momma. I completely understand.
 

cyclopsmom

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2016
48
49
I feel for you and for her, and I think the gym handled it terribly. I don't think everyone needs to get awards, but structuring it to leave only one girl out is thoughtless at best and mean spirited at worst. And the name thing is irksome too. Huge hugs momma. I completely understand.

Thank you for your comments. I can't understand how a coach who works with kids wouldn't think about how this would feel to the one optional who didn't get an award. Couldn't they have found something to recognize her for, like they did for the 5th level 8 girl? And I know they just forgot her at the end, but it sure was an unfortunate coincidence.
 

tuckfull

Proud Parent
Mar 16, 2014
149
I'm so sorry! How hard is it to publicly recognize each gymnast at the end of year banquet for the hard work they put in all season? No matter their AA scores or level or current practice groups. That's terrible that she was left out AND that they mispronounced her name!

From your post, it sounds like she is a hard working 11 year old level 6/training 7 who loves the sport but is being overlooked in her current gym. Is a gym switch an option? I'd be tempted to look for another gym where she could start fresh. We've been in a similar situation with tears and thoughts of quitting but DD tried a new gym first and she is thriving now. Its amazing the change that a positive, encouraging gymnastics environment can make!
 

cyclopsmom

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2016
48
49
Thanks for all of the replies. Our coach has given out individual awards to every team member for the previous 5 years, but I guess she was trying to keep the awards shorter this year (the time difference was negligible and the banquet was still 4 hours long). Would have been nice to know about the change ahead of time as I know dd was excited to find out what award she would get.

Gym change is not an option. The nearest gym is 120 miles away. The teammate who changed gyms was coming from 60 miles away and the other gym is just about the same distance for her. I almost feel like my dd wasn't given an award because they didn't want to give the girl who quit an award. But I guess it is possible that the coaches just didn't think about it- not that that helps much.
 
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GymDad9.9

Proud Parent
Feb 16, 2016
1,089
There's no excuse for that kind of omission. Terrible. My gym has probably over 300 team members between all levels, men and women, Xcel, TNT, and at our banquet they are all honored. It might take five hours but everyone is recognized.
 
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GymDad9.9

Proud Parent
Feb 16, 2016
1,089
Thanks for all of the replies. Our coach has given out individual awards to every team member for the previous 5 years, but I guess she was trying to keep the awards shorter this year (the time difference was negligible and the banquet was still 4 hours long). Would have been nice to know about the change ahead of time as I know dd was excited to find out what award she would get.

Gym change is not an option. The nearest gym is 120 miles away. The teammate who changed gyms was coming from 60 miles away and the other gym is just about the same distance for her. I almost feel like my dd wasn't given an award because they didn't want to give the girl who quit an award. But I guess it is possible that the coaches just didn't think about it- not that that helps much.
Your DD is the exact opposite of the girl who quit. She deserves honoring.
 

cyclopsmom

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2016
48
49
Team banquet and everybody does NOT receive something??? That's awful!
The banquet is a feel good, team building event......I'm so sorry, that's all just wrong.

To be fair, each level did come up and receive a certificate (same one for every girl in the group), but only 4 in each group had their names read and had a little speech made about them. There were obviously girls in levels 2-4 who didn't get individual recognition, but it was much more obvious in levels 5-8 because they are so much smaller. Then not having dd's name read at the end when everyone was named was just the cherry on top.

I feel that making it to optionals deserves special recognition due to the hard work and perseverance it takes, but just my opinion. I think being at the gym longer than all but 4 other girls deserves something as well.
 

Seeker

Proud Parent
Aug 30, 2012
6,687
USA
I'd have a very hard time staying at this gym, but if it is your only option and your daughter doesn't want to quit, I would also have a talk with the coach. Knowing that she was already feeling bad (because you spoke to her about it), I find it highly concerning that this happened right after that discussion and coach didn't realize this oversight before it was in motion for all to see.

Even if it was an honest mistake, it is one that has a lasting impact. At a minimum, I think she owes your daughter an apology. From your description, it seems as if you're at a small gym with a rather small optional program. It's often harder to navigate in a small environment, especially when there are hurt feelings and challenges as you describe. But I think a simple comment to the coach letting her know the aftermath of the oversight is warranted. I would just say something like "Suzie was pretty upset after the banquet. It was pretty hard on her to see her teammates recognized and being the only one left out. She still loves gymnastics and is determined to keep improving, but she is a bit beaten down emotionally right now."

I'm sorry.
 

cyclopsmom

Proud Parent
Jul 23, 2016
48
49
I'd have a very hard time staying at this gym, but if it is your only option and your daughter doesn't want to quit, I would also have a talk with the coach. Knowing that she was already feeling bad (because you spoke to her about it), I find it highly concerning that this happened right after that discussion and coach didn't realize this oversight before it was in motion for all to see.

Even if it was an honest mistake, it is one that has a lasting impact. At a minimum, I think she owes your daughter an apology. From your description, it seems as if you're at a small gym with a rather small optional program. It's often harder to navigate in a small environment, especially when there are hurt feelings and challenges as you describe. But I think a simple comment to the coach letting her know the aftermath of the oversight is warranted. I would just say something like "Suzie was pretty upset after the banquet. It was pretty hard on her to see her teammates recognized and being the only one left out. She still loves gymnastics and is determined to keep improving, but she is a bit beaten down emotionally right now."

I'm sorry.

Thank you for the advice- I am really wrestling with how to handle this and what to do next. The beam coach took dd aside after they finally called her up last night and gave her a talk and a hug. It looked like the coach apologized, but I haven't talked with dd due to her sleepover last night. Head coach (the one I had communicated with) didn't apologize unless it was after I went home.

My husband said we should just stop taking dd and give no explanation. I think I will see what dd has to say when she gets home, but I think at least a day or two off from practice and a little reevaluation might be in order.

Talking to hc would probably do very little good as she often gets defensive and rarely makes appreciable changes (although she goes through the motions for a period of time). The only way to make the statement that things are unacceptable is to take our tuition money and leave. If dd didn't love gym, we would have done this long ago.
 

MILgymFAM

Proud Parent
Fan
Feb 6, 2014
4,717
42
Twin Cities
Gotta get one more vent out before dd gets home and then I will have to stop. I just noticed that they spelled dd's name wrong on her team certificate. Is 9 a.m. Too early for wine?

Gah!! This is a pet peeve of mine! My YDD's name is almost universally spelled wrong. It used to happen at school and it happens at gym. I know her name isn't commonly spelled (for where we live- much more common where she was born), but seriously I don't think it's too much to ask to learn how to spell the name of everyone on the team. My DDs name was misspelled on her darn team jacket once! Ahhh.
 
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