WAG Missing Practice - Coaches and Parents Input Please

[AgingHippie]

Let me start by saying we are pretty adamant about going to practice. DD has only missed for the one week summer vacation and the rare times she is sick. She has missed A LOT of birthday parties, sleepovers and family gatherings (including Christmas dinner when my Aunt had it one week early last year) for gymnastics and she very rarely complains about it.

We made an exception on practice this week (she goes 4 days) so she could attend a party. It really didn’t sit right with me but I talked to the coach beforehand and the coach was really good about it. Now DD has asked to miss another practice next week to attend a HUGE annual Fall event at her school. She asked dad while I was not around and he told her no right off the bat. He is the strict one when it comes to gym and working hard. He told me about it later and he said she was a little upset and reminded him it was her last year of elementary school and her last chance to attend this event with her friends.

Her first meet is in early December and DD says she is struggling with a lot of the L5 skills and feeling behind most kids on her team. The coach has told me this is not true but I watched the tail end of a few practices and I know DD is having trouble with her BWO and blocking on Vault. I have not really seen the other events. That being said DD is usually slower to get things in the beginning of the season but ends up doing really well by the last few meets and States.

I am playing devils advocate in my head as follows:

Is one more practice really going to kill her?

DD is not going to the Olympics.

What if the missed practice would be the one where things just click on Beam?

A lot of kids on her team miss one practice a week….What other kids do have not bearing on our family.

It’s crunch time.

It looks like practice is on Friday for the next 4 levels, am I setting a precedent if we miss a Friday whenever something social comes up?

What if she quits next year and I made her miss this for nothing?

Is this fair to the coach who is working so hard to get the girls ready?

Is it fair to my daughter?

She is 10 and should be able to figure out what is more important to her and it’s just one night.

As you can see I am making this harder than it needs to be. I could probably just text the coach about it and ask them if they think the night would make a difference but who wants to be put in that situation?

Anyway, I surely can’t be the only parent that has felt this way before and I am sure you coaches have had some experiences with this type of stuff.

Let me know your thoughts please.

 

[skschlag]

Let her go. D misses for things like that and he is training level 9. I don't wnat him to resent gymnastics. That is what makes kids quit. I say let her go, no guilt, no conversation. In the end, it will make her a better gymnast..

 

[duyetanh]

Miss the practice. Sometimes when they have a block, believe it or not, I have heard a missed practice seems to help! When my dd had one, I tried to encourage this for a night...she looked at me like I had 3 heads. Sigh....

But yes she misses the practice. The last thing you need is her bitter AT practice!! If she missed once a week, and was behind, I would have a very different answer. And even if you are there every d*MN day, level 5 is evil and can strike the best gymnast down at a meet...and sometimes those who struggle will rise to the occasion in it. My dd learned a lot from that horrible level. Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Even most jobs allow for time off.

We don't blow off practice lightly. She has missed parties and things but occasionally there are conflicts and sometimes the choice is not gym.

Next week she has her first school/party dance. Friday night 7-9, I'm pulling her early from practice.

Three day weekends, we miss Monday practice. That family time is priceless.

The occasional day from time to time should not be that big a deal. Now that her skills are getting harder we do have her condition no matter what.

 

[suebee]

I don't know. I'd probably let her go. But some things I would wonder are:

Was there something special about the party this week that she skipped practice for it when she's missed many parties in the past?

The school event is an annual one, so it's one she knew was coming up, not something unexpected. If she could have chosen just the school event or the party, would she have chosen the school event? If so, why ask to go to the party?

Is this all just a sign that she is getting frustrated with gym?

 

[ZJsMom]

I always struggled on the balance with this when my kids were younger. One approach I sometimes used was to give them a pass, say once a month, so they could decide when they wanted to miss a practice for whatever reason.

 

[AgingHippie]

I don't know. I'd probably let her go. But some things I would wonder are:

Was there something special about the party this week that she skipped practice for it when she's missed many parties in the past?

The school event is an annual one, so it's one she knew was coming up, not something unexpected. If she could have chosen just the school event or the party, would she have chosen the school event? If so, why ask to go to the party?

Is this all just a sign that she is getting frustrated with gym?

This particular party was a sleepover in which all of DD's close friends were invited. She has always been terrified to spend the night out and thought this would be the easiest one to get through since everyone was there. She made it fir the first time!

I also don't think she realized the fall event was going on until she was at the party. I didn't say anything about it in hopes she wouldn't mention it but I think they were talking about it at the party.

I also think she is frustrated with gym.

 

[skschlag]

This particular party was a sleepover in which all of DD's close friends were invited. She has always been terrified to spend the night out and thought this would be the easiest one to get through since everyone was there. She made it fir the first time!

I also don't think she realized the fall event was going on until she was at the party. I didn't say anything about it in hopes she wouldn't mention it but I think they were talking about it at the party.

I also think she is frustrated with gym.

I think this is all the more reason to let her go. Keeping her from it because of gym can cause more frustration and resentment. Sometimes they are taking the break they need, in this way.

 

[gymgal]

Let her go. It's the last time she will be able to do it. I would recommend from here on out that you sit down with her and a calendar to plan out the month. That way she sees what is coming up. You will likely be fine this year but once middle school hits, there are ball games, parties, dances, etc. You need to allow her a life but she also needs to be responsible for making those difficult choices of whether she will skip for the game or the party. Gym is very expensive and while it is ok missing a couple practices a month, you don't want it to be a weekly occurrence.

 

[Canjump]

Let her go I am strong for not missing practises But I am now 17 and have realised I missed out on so many special events. Things such as important events school break up I try to get to even if I attend training for an hour or two then leave it. When she's old she's not going regret missing one training. But missing an important school event

 

[Deleted member 17723]

Let her go. I know that for me skipping a practice when I'm really struggling always allows me that short break that is much needed. I go back into the gym happier, and I find some fears have floated away. It's two practices, it's not the end of the world. She will have more chances to go to gym, but that Fall event may not be able to happen again. It's going to get harder as she gets older, so learn to start dealing with it now. Maybe set a rule where she can miss 1 or 2 practices a month for a "fun" activity, not just injury/illness. Just be sure to put the rule into place. She'll listen.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

When she's old she's not going regret missing one training. But missing an important school event

This

 

[sce]

First, I agree with others, there has to be balance. Second, can she do part of the event or part of practice that day? Rather than missing all of one for the other?

 

[TheGMom]

Let her go. It's all you can say, if she wants to, let her live with her choices. It's happened to everyone.

 

[OrangeKangaroo]

Another vote for let her go, she sounds like a dedicated gymnast who needs a little balence with her school friends, it's just as important to keep those friendships going, it's her sport in the end ....

 

[Mom2-4]

I agree GMom. My DD has missed quite a bit of gym lately she is a 7th grader and competing 7 this year. She started volleyball much to my concern. Her coach has been great about it. I am not sure if she thinks it's going to be fine or if she doesn't care how Dd does this year or not. But I have let the preteen decide this time. I have huge reservations about 2 of 4 hours missed 3 days a week but 1.5 more weeks of VB. I have told her it's her choice and if her gym suffers because of it she will live with the consequences. The funny thing is the HC says her tumbling and vault have improved a ton. She loves the team aspect since she is the highest level with no teammates at her gym. I don't know what we will do next year. We will see. We have had some conflicts with family events and she missed gym. I think I am doing the right thing. It's a tough line to walk between keeping them moving forward in gym and balancing life, fun, food, school and sleep. I don't know what level the OP Dd does but time moves so fast. I remind myself every time I get annoyed at the time driving. She is having fun, learning a ton and I get to spend a lot of time hanging out with her for a few more short years.

 

[lovemygymnast]

Well, I would say miss the practice. It's important in the long term, more important than one more practice. Of course, we generally leave these decisions to our dd because she thinks she can NEVER miss but even the coaches say it's ok to just be a kid. So we do encourage her to do things outside of gym. It's tough though when you see her struggle & you wonder if that 1 or 2 more practices would have helped.

 

[gymdog]

What if the missed practice would be the one where things just click on Beam?

.

Doesn't work like that.

I think you are overthinking, honestly, and it is going to stress out your daughter in the long term.

 

[Sasha]

First meet not until December? Let her go to the event. If her first meet was in 2 weeks, might be a harder sell. But if she has proven to be a dedicated gymnast that doesn't miss practice regularly, missing 2 in a short time span is fine.

I agree with others who say it would be good to sit down and plan any future possible events (best friend's birthday? School Holiday party? etc etc) and prioritize what might be a candidate for "special enough to miss gymnastics" and also keep monitoring her general feelings since it seems she might be frustrated right now.

I think the break to go have fun with her school friends will be very positive

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I fully expect kids to take days off for school functions or family functions. Obviously keeping a limit on it is important but it is what it is,,,, life.