WAG New Mantra: I am not her coach

[LindyHopper]

Okay, I have come across this struggle for the first time in Short Stack's gymnastics career.

I am not a coach. I realize this.
I have never attempted to coach my daughter, because, 1) it's not my role 2) I know that I don't understand enough about the sport and skills to speak intelligently about it.

Compulsory floor routines were included in the above. The problem? she has moved on to optionals.

I spent 12 years of my life as a member and/or choreographer of various show choirs (for those who don't know: groups that sing and dance simultaneously), and I've been socially swing dancing for the past 20 years. So, for once, I feel like I have some applicable knowledge. And part of me is so excited for/with her and says "Yay! I finally found part of the sport I can share with her."

I am REALLY struggling with wanting to help my daughter with the dance parts of her routine--helping count it out and help her find the right beats. I feel like I could help her appear more musical (which is one of my biggest pet peeves about floor routines--lack of musicality).

I haven't overstepped. I haven't done anything I shouldn't. I haven't said much of anything beyond telling her what I would do when learning and practicing a new dance. (That ends up sounding like a "in the olden days" story to her) But that doesn't mean that I haven't been tempted.

I am not her coach. I am not her coach. I have seen with my own eyes that coach/choreographer is very musical. I need to trust that coach/choreographer will get her where she needs to be. It's not my role. I am not her coach. I am not her coach.

Now to make sure that I don't forget it.

 

[duyetanh]

You are doing great!
I get it. I have my personal trainers license. My kid asked me if she could do a bit extra conditioning at home. Sure, i said...ask the coach what he would like...and then have daddy do it with you.
Eta : i am sure it is hard when you can see ways to help, but you are doing great trusting the process.

 

[mommyof1]

Right there with you. It is soooo hard not to say anything about the dance stuff, even though I know "dance" in gymnastics is not the same thing as actual dance. It used to kill me to watch the kicks at the beginning of the L3 floor routine. I don't even know whether what my kid was doing was what she was supposed to be doing, but I always wanted to grab her leg and rotate it at the hip. Sometimes she will do dance-throughs of her floor routine in the living room and ask me things like "Does my sissonne look right"? All I can say is, "I don't know how it's supposed to look in gymnastics."

 

[honu]

I completely understand. Fortunately, for DD I have zero background in gymnastics or dance. I have another child who rides horses and that was my activity throughout childhood. Occasionally, I give input but mostly I leave it at taking joy in having a shared interest. The riding is for fun and not competitive, so that probably makes it easier to sit back and enjoy. Still hard to see and know what needs to be corrected and let it go, but for that child I know it is better to leave it to the instructor. Some kids may be okay with the added input and help especially if you have the background. I think it can be about finding balance and what works best in each situation.

 

[duyetanh]

I completely understand. Fortunately, for DD I have zero background in gymnastics or dance. I have another child who rides horses and that was my activity throughout childhood. Occasionally, I give input but mostly I leave it at taking joy in having a shared interest. The riding is for fun and not competitive, so that probably makes it easier to sit back and enjoy. Still hard to see and know what needs to be corrected and let it go, but for that child I know it is better to leave it to the instructor. Some kids may be okay with the added input and help especially if you have the background. I think it can be about finding balance and what works best in each situation.

I dont have any abilities or knowledge in dance or gym either, and my kid loves it, lol...feels the sport is truly hers, and i didnt pick it for her...op, hang in there! Sounds like you are very lucky to have a good choreographer for your dd!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

OK, I of course will be the lone dissenter as usual. Our kids actually get to participate in designing their choreography. So I would think you could put your 2 cents in. ********** provided everyone is good with it***************in other words offer to give input, if shoooed away, stay away**********************

You could ask your daughter (and then coach) if they would like your help. And if they say no you need to live with that. My experience in the mother-daughter thing, sometimes she rejects an idea just because it comes from me. Same idea from someone else is well received. From me ummmm nooooooooooooo moooooooooooom.

And you certainly could help with timing and hitting beats in run throughs at home. Again our kids are encouraged to watch the videos we are supposed to take of their floor, without tumbling (until we have an actual meet video). Its also the one thing coaches OK to practice at home, again minus leap and tumble passes. For timing and getting it to be muscle memory. And again if you daughter wants you out, stay out...................

 

[Deleted member 18037]

PS I think my kids choregraphy is boring and needs more drama. She has rejected me at every turn. Her coach says she likes it, its fine. I ask her to at least add some drama to the ending every once in a blue. Nope................. nada, not gonna happen.

 

[John]

Its the whole thing parents shouldn't coach thing. I just do not know how I feel. I think if your Child asks you for help on something you have qualifications to assist with give it a whirl. As discussed in another thread many high-level gymnasts have their parent as their coach. If your gymnasts wants mom to help choro or to give pointers I think it's ok. It may ed badly or it may be a bonding moment. My two cents.

 

[iluvgym]

Even if it comes from the child (and if they are asking and you do not have a competitive gym background I'm assuming they are young?), please just don't try to help. If you say something different from the coach your daughter will be confused on who to listen to. As hard as it is, stick to the original poster's mantra and it will be better for all. There are many other ways you can have mother/daughter bonding other than well intentioned "help" with their gymnastics.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I don't think it's so bad. I have helped my dd with her floor routine every year. I'm good with details, little things like hand positions, head position, keeping knees straight, toes pointed entertainment factor, etc. Anytime she has gotten a new floor or beam routine she's always came home and wanted me to work with her on it. We only work on the dance portions and getting it in time with the music. Basically just cleaning up. So if you don't think yoir dd will mind, it doesn't hurt to give her some pointers. Now if you think she won't take it well, that's a whole different story lol.

 

[Pigeon]

You could always just dance with her! You're a dancer, you love dancing...turn on some music and dance around at home (no choreo necessary). Put on different styles of music and just bop around with her. Might help her with musicality and learning how to move with music. No coaching...just fun!

 

[LindyHopper]

Its the whole thing parents shouldn't coach thing. I just do not know how I feel. I think if your Child asks you for help on something you have qualifications to assist with give it a whirl. As discussed in another thread many high-level gymnasts have their parent as their coach. If your gymnasts wants mom to help choro or to give pointers I think it's ok. It may ed badly or it may be a bonding moment. My two cents.

I'm not going anywhere near it unless she asks me of her own accord and coach approves. One concern is that, like @iluvgym said, I would be telling her different things than her coach, causing confusion.

Another thing is that nearly 75 of her waking hours a week are already committed to school, gym, church, girl scouts, homework, commuting, and getting ready for her day or for bed. The last thing I want to do is take some of her precious free time and make her do gym with me. She's already there 20 hours a week.

I AM tempted to secretly learn the dance portions of her routine on my own--just for fun.

 

[LindyHopper]

You could always just dance with her! You're a dancer, you love dancing...turn on some music and dance around at home (no choreo necessary). Put on different styles of music and just bop around with her. Might help her with musicality and learning how to move with music. No coaching...just fun!

Love this idea! Family Dance Party!!!

 

[John]

Pigeon shoots and scores. Great idea I mean brillant, seriously.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Poses/dance vs tumbling. Completely different things.

We're talking a wink, a shimmie, a flic, a nod. Arms overhead vs one arm up one arm down.....

This is not necessarily interfering with coaching or skills.

Again at our gym choreography is collaborative. Tumbling passes not.

These are different things.

Now how receptive your daughter and her coach is, no clue. At our gym if your kid was good with the help the coach would be too, with veto power. You mileage may vary.

 

[LindyHopper]

Again at our gym choreography is collaborative.

At our gym... not so much.

But I'm not going to complain. I love the routine. I just want Short Stack to actually LISTEN to the music.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

But I'm not going to complain. I love the routine. I just want Short Stack to actually LISTEN to the music.

Well that is absolutely something you can work on at home. And should.

 

[LindyHopper]

Well that is absolutely something you can work on at home. And should.

If she comes to me, I might. But I won't bring it up. I know we're not the highest hours gym, but her free time is precious, and I would rather her use it in other ways than dedicating more time to gym. (Doesn't mean that I don't want to geek out on her floor routine, just that I am resisting the urge.)

 

[Deleted member 18037]

If she comes to me, I might. But I won't bring it up. I know we're not the highest hours gym, but her free time is precious, and I would rather her use it in other ways than dedicating more time to gym. (Doesn't mean that I don't want to geek out on her floor routine, just that I am resisting the urge.)

Do what I do, wait.... The season is long. Watch her floor video together.
Hmmm you good........ I of course would have to offer her Coaches help, my kid elected not to tweak her routine......

You could just be available if she needs you .......

 

[duyetanh]

N

At our gym... not so much.

But I'm not going to complain. I love the routine. I just want Short Stack to actually LISTEN to the music.

Now see, that is an easy one. Put it on a cd/stick/Bluetooth/whatever, and loop it and listen to it in the car while driving to practice. Problem solved. This does not mean listen 15 times a day....two or three....before or after....mine liked before....