Parents next step new gym??

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So I had a post about Sunshines lack of confidence on ROBHS and her frustration wiht not placing. I finally put it all togethor tonight at practice. She is acting out in class to get attention and when I set her down to get to the bottom, she says her coach yells at her all the time. I have heard/seen this and discussed it with the coach even HC and was informed to support the coach and tell Sunshine to listen and not argue. When I asked coach about it tonight she informed me that she no longer has the time to obligate to Sunshine because she is not trying.

My response was that we would not be back. This is very hard for us, we have been here for almost 4 years. I just cannot support a coach(both my girls have the same coach) that does not believe in positive coaching for a 6 yo.

On the way home we discussed what was going on in her mind and Sunshine said that she was so mad at her coach she wanted to hit something. This is my totally non-violent sweetheart. How did it come to this?

I really am so sad and frustrated.
 
Positive coaching is so important, especially for the younger ones. Good for you for investigating further and figuring out what was going on.

Abby's old gym used a lot of negative coaching techniques. It bugged me, but I thought it was just part of the sport. It only bothered her sometimes, so I let it go.

Her new gym is all positive. No conditioning for punishments, no punishing all for the actions of one/a few, etc. She loves it and I am happy she is at a gym that coaches more like I parent. Helps a lot.

It looks like you might be gym hunting. Not all gyms work for all kids. Try a few, maybe even go to a meet (if there is one coming up that might have some of your choices competing there) and watch the coaches at meets. I did that while DD was at a meet with her old gym and quickly struck one gym I had thought about looking at off the list.

If you can, go watch L4 practice at the gyms you are considering and see how the girls are, how the coaches interact with the girls, etc.

Good luck finding a new gym for Sunshine and Punkin. Hope you can find one that fits for both of them. It can be hard to leave a gym, and the mat isn't always bluer on the other side (LOL), but sometimes it IS. ;)
 
I am loving your posts. Not being from a gymnastic background I thought the negative/punishing was the norm for gymnastics and am paranoind to try to find a new gym, but I do beleive it is whats best. If my girls are not having fun, they will not want to continue and that is not what I am wanting.

Thanks for the gym hunting tips!!
 
I too thought it was the norm. I was pleasantly surprised to find out it isn't. :) I think it is really, really important at the young ages to be positive and make things fun. Her coaches keep them motivated through positive methods, are very encouraging and positive in their comments to them as well. They also know when to be tough, etc, she has never told me a negative story since changing gyms.

Rough to have to do this during meet season, but she is young and will adjust. Hope you find the perfect place for them! Hang in there, mama. :)
 
I'm sorry you have to go through this. The first time I switched DD to another gym from the gym she was in as a little tyke was hard. Easier after that.
 
I'm sorry to hear this. My DD was 6 as well when we changed gyms. She cried most days I took her but really loved gymanstics. Being my first experince w/gymnastics I was not sure what to expect, but I can tell you yelling and making a 6 year do push ups when she does something incorrect was all it took for me to pull her out. I confronted her coaches and was toldh my dd better toughen up as gymanstics is a hard sport. I sad SHE IS 6 years old on a pretem come on. That was the last day we were at that gym. She is now at wonderful gym with positive coaching for the past 1 1/2 years. Great move for us.

Do what you know is BEST for your daughter. :eek:
 
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My dd had a couple years in a negative coaching environment and it really broke her spirit :-(. After we switched gyms it took over a year to get her to open up and trust coaches and even talk to them. She would just stand there with a blank look on her face and shrug her shoulders when the coaches would ask her a question. But, recently we found a really good gym with a very positive, patient and loving coach--Dani adores her!!! Her coach really brought Dani out of her shell and got her to trust again. I think a positive encouraging environment is so very important to children in sports, even more so than the well-known "star producing" gyms, especially for a kid like mine.

Since your dd is very young and impressionable, I would find another gym that is more positive especially with the coaching. It is very hard to find that "perfect" gym, but I think that the coaching and positive environment is necessary for the emotional well being of kids.
 
What a heartbreaking situation for you and your DDs.

Positive coaching is where it's at. My DD spent 1 year with a coach who hardlined them. She was 7 turning 8 and percieved fromher coach that her gymnastics was ugly and a judge wouldn't want to see it. :( My DD broke down in tears and said she wanted to try rythmic gymn. It has been a long process. This coach had my DD doing lots of skills Cartwheel back tuck dismounts on beam, BWO on beam, Flyaways with light spot, giants on bars with spot etc. As soon as this coach left the gym my DD started with her mental blocks. She continues to struggle with almost anything backwards. I really believe that the 1 year with this coach who of course meant well has created many setbacks for my DD.

Good for you for making a quick decision in your daughters best interest. If I only knew then what i know now...;)
Best of luck in finding a gym that fits your parenting style.
 
What a heartbreaking situation for you and your DDs.

Positive coaching is where it's at. My DD spent 1 year with a coach who hardlined them. She was 7 turning 8 and percieved fromher coach that her gymnastics was ugly and a judge wouldn't want to see it. :( My DD broke down in tears and said she wanted to try rythmic gymn. It has been a long process. This coach had my DD doing lots of skills Cartwheel back tuck dismounts on beam, BWO on beam, Flyaways with light spot, giants on bars with spot etc. As soon as this coach left the gym my DD started with her mental blocks. She continues to struggle with almost anything backwards. I really believe that the 1 year with this coach who of course meant well has created many setbacks for my DD.

Good for you for making a quick decision in your daughters best interest. If I only knew then what i know now...;)
Best of luck in finding a gym that fits your parenting style.

Sounds like we have very similar situations taximom! My dd was with the negative coach from ages 6-8 and the negativity really took a big blow to her self confidence. Even now that dd is 10, she is slowly getting over the fear issues (anything backwards as well) and self-doubt that had developed back at the old gym. I too often wonder what if she was never in that negative environment--where would she be confidence and skillwise now??? But I am greatful that I made the switch relatively early and she is around positive coaches now.
 
We have experienced a HC with a non-positive attitude also. Several years worth. Big HC change last year (2 weeks before state) and we now have the complete opposite style of coaching. HC is very positive with the girls and focuses on little goals and praise when accomplished. Has been around long enough to know some will and some won't, some can and some can't. Most of the gym was comfortable with the change. A few left.

Sorry about the situation for you guys.
 
((((HUGS))))

how difficult. We recently moved, DD was at the old gym from 4 - 7 years old and we could not be happier with our new gym.

Great coaches and great girls . . .

scarier for me then her - always second guessing if I was making the right decision. . . .

gymnastics should be fun - and boost confidence not diminish it

Good luck!
 
Sounds like we have very similar situations taximom! My dd was with the negative coach from ages 6-8 and the negativity really took a big blow to her self confidence. Even now that dd is 10, she is slowly getting over the fear issues (anything backwards as well) and self-doubt that had developed back at the old gym. I too often wonder what if she was never in that negative environment--where would she be confidence and skillwise now??? But I am greatful that I made the switch relatively early and she is around positive coaches now.


MdGymMom
I'm often surprised that my DD still loves the sport.
Currently she is on top of her fears but they often rear their ugly head. I keep telling myself that she has learned many life lessons about perserverance from gym. It sure is hard some days to watch them struggle It breaks my heart. I sometimes think starting something new like competitive dance would be easier but she loves gym.
Glad to hear your DD is in a gym now that focuses on the positive!
 
I an so sorry this has happened to Sunshine. How sad.

Best of luck in your search for a new gym. Not sure where you live but I hope you have some options.

How is Sunshine taking this, I hope she understands it is not her fault !
 
I'm so sad to hear about the negative treatment Sunshine's been facing. It's just plain wrong. 6 year olds need kindness, fun, and validation, among other things from their gym. There is no place for poor treatment and bad attitudes.

You got some good tips up above, as far as searching for a new gym. Since we've been at the same gym since day 1, I don't have a lot to add. If you do go for a trial at a few gyms, look for the one that puts the sparkle back in your daughter's eyes. This is her sport, and she deserves to love it!

Good luck in your gym search, and good for you, recognizing the problem and taking action!
 
We went through a very similar experience. The old gym had many questionable practices. For a year and half I just looked the other way and figured that it came with the sport. Coaches using sarcasm, ridicule, etc. I asked my dd one day what HC says to her about her "gymnastics" and she responded..."I do gymnastics like a puppet on a string." (DD was only 5 then) A few months later she performed at her schools Talent Show and afterwards everyone told her how wonderful she was. On the way home she said "Mama I guess I AM really good at gymnastics." Poor baby! All she would hear at old gym was all the things she did wrong and ugly. What finally made me make the change was one day while taking a bath dd told me that "gymnastics used to be fun when she was little but it's not fun anymore" (mind this is coming from a 5 yo) It broke my heart to hear her say that. She is still soooo young and it shouldn't feel like a job or punishment. It should be all positive at this age. Transitioning to the new gym was tough. To some degree she was used to being "treated" a certain way. She was close to many girls on her team. And even missed one her coaches that mistreated the girls the most(stockholm syndrome?!?!). I was afraid she thought it was ok to be treated that way. For a few months Liv still asked for old gym, would point out all the ways the gyms differ, cry and blame me for switching her etc.

Fast Forward almost 6 months and dd is the happiest she's ever been with gym. She is back to playing 'gymnastics' with her sister (as judge or coach). She asked for a gymnastics birthday party! And the other day in the car said to me in passing....." I love this time of the year." I asked- what going back to school? She said..."competition season"

Last year the coached pressured her some much I thought she wouldn't finish the season. Sometimes the floor IS blue-er on the other side.

Good luck finding a right fit. In the long you'll be glad she is out of the negativity.:)
 
I'm so glad that you recognized the problem early. All the posts are right, positive coaching is the key. At my dds 1st gym, the coach didn't have a positive coaching style at all, but again, I thought this was the norm. It never bothered dd, as she wasn't the one being yelled at or told to do conditioning as punishments, but it still wasn't good. And, I really don't blame the coach for her style either. We found out after we left that the coach had never been to any training camps, etc. She was just going by how gym was when she competed and didn't have any guidelines as to teaching except what was in the compulsory routine book sent out by usag. So.....how can I blame a coach when it's the owners who hired an under-qualified coach and gave them no training.
Fast forward 1 1/2 yr and dd is thrilled to be at her gym now and the coaching is wonderful, very positive, and still works for each gymnasts full potential. Moving gyms was the best thing that could have happened for dd....except maybe coming to her current gym right away and not spending 2 yrs at her old gym, but ....life lessons I guess.

Good luck finding a new gym that fits for both your dds. Mariposa had some great ideas. Adding to that, when we were looking at gyms to switch to, I called a few of the Optional parents. I chose Optional parents, figuring that they had been there the longest and would have the best insight about the gym. They were very honest about all the pros and cons of the gym and extremely helpful to me in making a difficult decision. I also talked to the moms when I took dd for a trial practice. The trial was a mandatory, not just for me, but for the gym as well. They wanted to see if dd would mesh well with their coaches and team also. All in all, I'd look for a gym that has the style of performance your looking for (look at meets for this), and the coaching style that your looking for (observe a practice or two if you can, and talk to the parents).

Good Luck! Hugs for both your dds!
 
I am very sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. But I do think you handled it just right by pulling her out.

I think you have gotten lots of great advice to use going forward as you search for your new gym. Good luck, I know it will be wonderful in the end.
 
Glad you're moving her--hopefully you'll find the perfect gym for her and you will all be glad you made the change!!
 
scarier for me then her - always second guessing if I was making the right decision. . . .


Thats exactly how I feel Sunshine is SOOOO ecxited today we are going to try a new gym. Just the fact that she is happy about going someplace else makes me feel I have made the right decision.
 
I knew that leaving her old gym was the right decision for her, but it was still scary to actually go through with it. We have wonderful memories with her old gym, but know that moving to another gym was the right decision for her.

Hope Sunshine finds the right gym for her soon! I am sure she is missing it.
 

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