As other posters have stated- not acceptable behaviour on any level!!
Definitely let the HC know your concerns with specific examples.
As this coach has a typical pattern of abuse/ kindness as an adult I would have no faith in the long term attitude change- but hopefully will give you breathing space to find a new best fit gym.
Generally little ones take their attitude from those around them, so as others have suggested if you present the move as positive she will take that on board.
OP your little one also needs to know that you are not accepting this behaviour- at her level.
I would also work at giving her positive self esteem ' boosters' in other areas- for example art is good as it is subjective- so I would maybe get her to paint/ draw/ craft gymnastic themes ( presuming that's her main passion
) then 'frame ' them/ display them prominently with heaps of praise!
Other ideas are maybe help make/ bake/ create the families favourite treat.
The idea is for her to realise that she is great all around!
Our pedi's just happened to be at a perfect time in life! We spent the afternoon and it was just about us and her feeling special. No sibling, no pressure, just fun. We were able to talk and laugh. Thank you, a very good reminder that, even without gym time, we are rebuilding her confidence in herself. I work really hard on trying to find the good more than the bad.....some days that is just HARD. lol
Don't fall I to the trap,of thinking what happens at 6 and level 2 do not matter. They matter, A LOT. 6 is a key age in gymnastics. This is where she either falls in love with sport or decides its not for her.
I agree that this stuff matter, but like the post after yours, I meant more about competing and worrying about some of the small stuff. At this age, there is so much growing going on that things are a big deal.
I think if *you* don't think of not competing as a demotion and clearly explain to your daughter your concerns she may surprise you.
We had an abusive situation in a dance school. Not quite as bad as that, but almost. My daughter started saying "it's OK that she yells at us because she's not angry, she just wants us to do better"...
At the point when we left, I don't think it had affected her very much, me more than her, but it had reached an inexcusable level. I was watching first hand. I'd defended the teacher for a long time and when that line was crossed we absolutely couldn't stay.
Yes, you need to learn to work with difficult people, people you don't like etc. tolerance, work ethic etc. but abuse is abuse and leaving my child in that school would have set her up for a lifetime of 'abuse is OK'.
I was amazed at the maturity and perception that my 5 year old showed when I discussed the situation and a potential move. I hadn't intented to go into as much detail as I eventually did about my reasons, but she wanted to talk about it more and I was really impressed. There was a definite shift, almost a relaxing, a relief in her when she realised that there was another option and she didn't have to keep tolerating the situation.
My daughter will want a lot of details and want to know everything. I can be open and honest with her. There have been other things that we've had to explain that she may not like something, but it is in her best interest. She just may not realize it.
Based on Monday and the pattern of behavior previous to that, I would pull her ASAP. Not only is her behavior over the top and out of line, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing is far from beneficial. I would be on pins and needles every day wondering which personality I was going to get. And favorite or not, you better believe that I would let the HC /owner know exactly why we were leaving on our way out the door. (Not in a mean way, but in a matter-of-fact, "hey, this woman is going damage your business unless you step in kind of way.)
My husband said the other day that it was a shame that this coach was going to be allowed to run this business into the ground.
Thank you again, everyone. Like I've said above, it isn't about her not being able to compete. That is a disappointment that she will certainly overcome and certainly not a deciding factor. Yes, you've worked hard for it, but right now it isn't what is best. It is going to come down to whether there has been enough of a negative conotation put on being moved back to preteam as a threat that it will also be harmful to her self-esteem. Like I wrote after, I believe, the first quote, will it be in her mind that we (her parents) and her new coaches don't believe in her and this current coach was right that she isn't good enough for team. I can tell her that it is not bad and is a great option all day long, but in the end perception is reality and I don't know how deep negative thoughts on this go. We are also working really hard on "you need to tell us honestly how you feel about (insert anything) and not just give the answer you think we want to hear." She wants to please and that is a good and bad thing in one.
So, next week will be the big search for a place. Dunno, if I don't hear from the one in the first of the week, I'll contact them again. If you can think of a couple others that may be decent options, please PM me. They may not be forever perfect, and it may have to be that we move again in a couple years....then so be it. That is better than what our circumstances are now. And....you know you love us "cray cray" parents, you just don't want to admit it.
I found this while searching...I thought it was pretty perfect - Gymsanity from a thread a while ago "You yell or humiliate when you have run out of constructive ideas, and your mental bank is bankrupt."
I may have to send that to the gym----a poster?!