Parents Opinions on offering incentives?

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

I get what you are saying, and I have definitely felt tempted to do the same before. It is hard to watch them get left behind because they can't connect the work to results just yet. And like I said before, offering incentives becomes detrimental if it is a regular thing, not the occasional reward. However, I think we underestimate them sometimes.

For example, DD (6) really wanted to join team, so she spent every second she could get at open gym last year working on skills so that she could impress the coaches at tryouts. She is naturally strong, but really needs work on flexibility, but stretching is no fun so she didn't work on that.

Fast forward to this year and she is level 2 scoring near the top of her team. She will condition all day long at home for fun, but her coaches have mentioned to her (and me) many times that she really should be stretching at home if she wants to move up and not struggle/fall behind. Every time they mention it, she does it for a few days then quits. I knew that even though she's had a successful level 2 season, that she could be held back if she struggles with the level 3&4 skills that require more flexibility. I told her as much, but I also told her that it is my job to take her to and from gymnastics, cheer for her at meets, but that is as far as it goes. About a month ago she came home very upset that they had a split competition and hers were the worst. Guess what she's been doing every day now, without fail? Not sure if she'll keep it up through the end of the season, but a gentle reminder is all she will get from me if she doesn't. Will it hurt me to see her fail? Yep. Will it teach her a valuable lesson? You bet. Repeating a season/waiting a year for team is not the worst thing in the world, and can give them time to develop more of the work ethic needed for the next step. They learn to connect hard work to results by working hard and seeing results, or not working hard and being passed by, and by protecting them from that we are only delaying that lesson.

All that being said, that is my kid, and she is the type to be motivated by failures like that. It would be harder for me to stick to my guns if I thought she'd quit something she loves because things got hard.
 
Incentives, no. I recognise in myself that totally have the ability to become a CGM, so sometimes I really have to take a step back and think "whatever". It is particularly hard when I know she can do something, but doesn't want to put in the effort to try.

Comps and the like, well, I think if she doesn't do her best at comps, well what's the point anyway? She's not going to think "oh, if I do my best I'll get xyz".

Rewards, yes. There was a reward when she got her kip (though I currently have a bad cold and am doped up on codeine and cough syrup, so can't remember right now what it was) but it was more of a reward for all the hard work and effort she put in.
 
Yes, I see what those of you who don't do any incentives are saying about motivation coming from them not us. But aren't there times when we know better than they do? For example my DD REALLY wants to move to team -she cares about this a lot more than I do. Because she wants it I want to help her get it. So rather than me (or coach) saying "hit all your bar skills today in practice and you'll have a better shot at making team" for me it sometimes makes sense to give her a little challenge that will seems to her like a fun little game but will get the same results. I personally feel that these challenges de-emphasize the pressure of getting a skill(s) by a certain date in order to compete a certain level -which unfortunately is the reality of this sport.

I just think it is too hard to keep up with it. The nature of gymnastics is that there is always going to be something/someone better. Also, she may not be developmentally capable of making certain goals. For some kids, this won't bother them if they don't get the incentive. But for other kids it can disappoint them more than if they were just trying to get the skill (as cbifoja mentioned up thread about her daughter's meet season). Also, even if they do, there's always going to be something else.
 
My ODS tried negotiating a reward for my YDS if YDS scored well at states. I turned to YDS and asked him, "Do you need a trip to the toy store to do your best at a meet?" He looked at me and disgustedly shook his head. "What is your reward for doing well at the meet?" He said, "That I did my best and it worked out." ODS tried to negotiate after the meet a trip to the toy store, and YDS said, "What does this have to do with my meet?"

We wouldn't have gone to the toy store either way - good meet or not.

We do go out to eat after every meet, because my YDS has food allergies, and going out to eat is a time saver and it is a treat for him. It has nothing to do with scores. The fact he goes out there and performs and gets judged is amazing to me. He is learning some great life skills, and I don't want odd rewards thrown in the mix to cloud it all up.
 
Thanks for the responses. Some of you have put some things in perspective -like for example right now in our house making team is a BIG deal -because she's been working for a couple of years to get there and was already disappointed last year. But yes, as someone pointed out a delay in making team is not the end of the world.

A few people mentioned incentives for scoring well at meets. Well we're (obviously) not there yet but I do think that's VERY different from what I'm talking about here. For one thing, the medal/score, etc would be the reward! For a kid who has been in the sport for a while and not competing it's very different -b/c there are no rewards, etc other than making team -and for my DD that has been such a long time coming that a little treat in the meantime seems like the right thing.
 
The thing is, gymhorsemom, if your daughter really wants team, she's going to have to be the one that works hard and wants it. Even young kids can be told the expectations of team and your daughter has been on preteam for a few years, tried out and not made it, etc, so she can be helped to understand what she needs to have to get there. That should be her motivator. Bribing/incentive won't help unless they continue for the long term. The reward for doing rope climbs? Getting stronger, makes skills easier.

I've seen many kids passed up for team because while they say they want it, they don't show they do. They want to work the skills and fun stuff, but are "hurt" or tired when it's time for the boring stuff. My daughter had a teammate was like that. While very good at gym, she didn't like the boring stuff and from little she'd feign injury or illness to get out of stuff she didn't like. She was naturally talented, so gym was easy at first, but after a few years in the sport, her lack of work ethic caught up to her and she quit because she couldn't say she was bored anymore because she was too advanced, it became obvious she didn't like all the boring and hard stuff that go along with gym. As I always told her mom (she'd be saying she was messing around etc, because she was bored, and they actually fast tracked her because of her natural ability, though that didn't last long) boring stuff, repetitions, drills, conditioning, will always be part of gym!
 
We have several talented girls at Dds gym who are way more talented than my kid. They did exactly what the girls at mariposa's kid's gym did, all summer long. Faked injury, cheated on reps...ooh it irked my kid. But then she jumped to 4 and said goodbye to the group of kids with more talent who chose not to give 100 percent 100 percent of the time. Ooh they were irked....:D
 
I surprised my DD with a pretty new leo when she leveled up the first time in rec. I would do something like that again since it's sort of a souvenir, but I don't see us rewarding for skills or scores. That's her circus, her monkeys.
 

New Posts

DON'T LURK... Join The Discussion!

Members see FEWER ads

Gymnaverse :: Recent Activity

College Gym News

New Posts

Back