Our weird week coming back from Christmas break

[Canadian_gym_mom]

This has a question, a brag and some general gymnastics chat in it, so I decided to just put it here. Sorry, it's also kind of long.

So dd was off gym from the 21st of december and started back Monday the 2nd of January. I will say that all through the break, we couldn't get her to stay right side up for very long. Between handstand walking all around the house, to showing every guest we had over her back handsprings, to sitting in the splits to read, to using the end of the couch as a "bar" to do pike-ups, she wouldn't sit still.

Then Monday morning came, and she woke up crying and told me that she never wanted to do gymnastics again. And this girl was serious. She was asking what other sport she could try, that she wanted me to call the gym and tell them she was never coming back.

She would not explain it. She does not love conditioning or beam, and I was asking if it was that, she said no she just decided to quit. In my mind, she was just nervous about going back after such a long break, so I made her a deal. She had to go to gym that day. If, by the end of training she still wanted to quit, she had to ask her coach to meet with us and she had to tell her herself. That if she was making this big decision on her own, then she could also be the one to let the coach know.

I wasn't working that day, so I went to the gym about halfway through her session. Everything had been great. She came out and I asked her if we were coming back tomorrow and she just rolled her eyes and said, "of course mom!"

Well then they went to beam. Part of her personal program is that she has to do 10 back walkovers stuck before she moves on to back handsprings. Well she did 5 and then fell on 1 and that was IT. The tears started and she stood beside the beam with her arms crossed refusing to do anything. Finally the coach sent her to do 5 ropes and she went to do them, crying but she did them. When she went back to beam she again stood with her arms crossed, crying and refusing to continue.

The coach came out to talk to me and basically she said that she wanted to tell her that she can stand like that all she wants, but she iosn't leaving the gym until she does her beam and then does her conditioning. I agreed and also decided I should leave to take away my distraction. I left and when I came back close to the end of the session, she was sitting by the conditioning and refusing to do it. @@

She told the coaches she had to leave at a certain time, but they told her that she was staying until it was all completed. So FINALLY she starts the conditioning and gets it done. The head coach went and sat with her and had a long talk about acceptable behaviour and then made her apologize to her coach for being so rude.

I didn't know what to expect when she came out of the gym, so I just gave her a big hug and told her that while her rudeness was not a good thing, that I was proud of her for finally sticking with it and doing everything she needed to do. I asked if she still wanted to tell her coaches something and she said of course not.

The next day she was back to her perfectly normal self, seemed a bit tired but did all the work she needed to. And then by yesterday she took her giants to the pit bar and did 5 (with a spot)!! And her coach told me she went through her beam work with not one fall and did 10 back hand springs! And she started doing layout full twists on the tumble track.

And her tumbling coach has decided that she will compete a level up from where she first thought she would, so she's a C instead of a D, which means her routines will be round off, 4 back handsprings and back tuck, and round off, 3 back handsprings and a back layout.

And she is HAPPY!

If you made it through this far, you deserve a medal. I was hoping for some feedback on the first day situation. Would you have let her stay home when she was adament she wanted to quit right then? Would any of you handled it differently when she was upset at the gym? From both a parent perspective and a coach perspective?

When the coach came and told me that they wanted to keep her there until she finished what she was supposed to do, I agreed because I trust them to make the best decisions. Plus I know my dd and if she was allowed to just let it go and not do her beam and conditioning she would know she could get away with the rude behaviour.

Thanks for reading this novel!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

awesome! i love your novel. your daughter is quite the precocious one, eh? mission accomplished!

 

[MaryA]

Wow! What an emotional roller-coaster for both of you. I think you did fine. If my DD told me tomorrow that she wanted to quit, unless I thought there was some sort of awful treatment at the gym causing it, I would make her finish the season. Obviously your daughter has been doing gym for a long time. Quitting something when you've reached the level your daughter has is not something to be treated lightly... definitely not a decision to be made overnight.

I guess I wonder if there is some other issue here... the deciding not to do gym, the obstinate behavior in the gym... are you seeing that kind of behavior at school or at home? It sounds like there might be something else going on here that needs to be rooted out. I mean, maybe it's just a phase (growth spurt, hormone spurt, reaction to a change in routine over the holidays, etc.) but it's something I'd definitely keep on my radar, at the very least.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

awesome! i love your novel. your daughter is quite the precocious one, eh? mission accomplished!

Um, yeah. Head coach said that in all her years coaching gymnastics, she had never come across a gymnast as STUBBORN as my dd. What an honour, lol.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I guess I wonder if there is some other issue here... the deciding not to do gym, the obstinate behavior in the gym... are you seeing that kind of behavior at school or at home? It sounds like there might be something else going on here that needs to be rooted out. I mean, maybe it's just a phase (growth spurt, hormone spurt, reaction to a change in routine over the holidays, etc.) but it's something I'd definitely keep on my radar, at the very least.

Thanks for the reply. One of the things we talked about that day was that she wouldn't dream of acting this way at home or at school, so it's also not acceptable at gym. And she has been stubborn before, and she has cried on beam and in conditioning before, but just never to this extent. She just turned 8 over the holidays, maybe this is the beginning of the dreaded "tween" years? Wake me when she's 20.

 

[coachmolly]

I think you did the best you could with the situation- letting her know she had a say in the ultimate decision, encouraging her to think it out thoroughly instead of coming to a hasty and emotional decision, and supporting her as your daughter while still acknowledging that the behavior displayed was not acceptable. I also think the conversation with the coaches, provided it was done calmly and rationally (as it sounds like that is what your daughter needs). I would just encourage you to keep supporting her, perhaps discussing more productive ways to deal with frustration (quite a task with a stubborn kid! I was one of them once- my poor parents!), and maybe trying to discern if there is a deeper issue leading to these meltdowns- fear of skills, fear of letting parents/coaches down, or other lingering worries, doubts, frustrations. There might be absolutely nothing there and she is just being a stubborn 8-year-old, but I don't think it would hurt to casually explore the possibilities.
As a coach, working with similar types of stubborn/emotional kids is a matter of figuring out what makes them tick and developing a plan that challenges and encourages them without pushing them to the point of self destruction. It sounds like her coaches have the right idea with making her follow through on assignments- I personally think it's a problem to just let the athlete take control and let her do what she wants during these meltdowns- quit working, walking away from a task, etc. I have a few teenage athletes who have been allowed to follow that philosophy and are enormous headcases as a result.
But to sum up my novel of thoughts, great work, Canadian_gym_mom!

 

[profmom]

I think returning after a break can be a bit daunting. After all, it is scary and complicated stuff they do out there. We were on vacation and then my daughter was sick, so she also just went back last night after an extended time away from gym. The previous night, we had much, much drama over how she was scared to do flyaways and all the progress she made on vault in the last few months would be gone and she was dreading going back to practice. I told her it wasn't going to be any easier if she missed; in fact, it would be harder. So back she went, and lo and behold, the flyaway was just fine and so was the vault, and she came out of practice absolutely beaming.

Sometimes I think that younger gym girls "catch" teenage hormones from their older teammates. I think you absolutely did the right thing. A one-person dramatic performance is far less engaging and time consuming than if the parents are recruited successfully as bit players.

 

[gasrgoose]

Sounds like you know your daughter very well.... obvious. But she's lucky to have you! There are some crazy parents out there that would have handled the situation very different.

 

[jasmine196]

I had a coach that made me stand on the balance beam until I went for my back handspring. I was 8, and I stood there for over an hour before I went for it. But I remember that day vividly, and as frustrating as that was for me I'm sure it was much worse for my coach and my mom. But I finally went for it. I never tested that coach again, lol. That was 25 some years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday, what a good lesson

 

[sportyfam5]

You made a great and difficult choice. I think it is important to stand behind the coaches so that our children respect them as we respect them. Hopefully it was just a nervous fluke from holiday break. My only other thought; could a team mate be teasing or does she feel intimidated? Doesn't seem that way but who knows.
Best wishes! BTW for 8 years old she is pretty well accomplished!

 

[gymmomtoo]

I think you did an awesome job with her--letting her know her behavior was not acceptable and supporting the coaches. I hope she's over whatever was bugging her and gets back to enjoying gymnastics again!