For Parents Overlooked

ODDBALL

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The best coaches make all of their gymnasts feel like each one of them is a crucial part of the team, not our gym. These coaches have favorites who get special privileged. Professional coaches of gymnast should not play favorites but they DO!. Fairness is a process—not a result. So, when a parent is paying for gymnastics instruction they have a right to expect that the tuition they pay provides their child with a similar level of attention as every other gymnast in that group. That’s the process. Your job as a gymnastics coach is to motivate and instruct a group of gymnast, not give a one-to-one private lesson with the most talented or agreeable gymnast.
How does a level 10 sophomore deal with being overlook for videos that promote her recruiting, denied access to the gym recruiting page, no support when others are high fived at meets, they are invisible but an excellent gymnast. As a parents we are not *** kissers!! Who go along with things they know are dead wrong. If you say something, it only makes it harder for the gymnast.
We are at the point of not trying to switch gyms, but how does a parent navigate the recruiting process when you don have the coaches backing your daughter?
Any suggestions on starting this process on our own.?
 

GymOwl

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I know you're not looking into changing gyms, but I'd say book it and never look back!!! If there are some gyms around your area that are far better than the current one you're at now, you should check them out. It'll be a lot better than wasting your time at a gym with horrible coaches.
 

txgymfan

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If you allow it to continue you will teach your daughter that it’s ok for people to treat her without respect. Move her, make the decision yourself that she is switching and explain your reasons but don’t give her the choice.
 

LPmom

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Feb 19, 2019
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The best coaches make all of their gymnasts feel like each one of them is a crucial part of the team, not our gym. These coaches have favorites who get special privileged. Professional coaches of gymnast should not play favorites but they DO!. Fairness is a process—not a result. So, when a parent is paying for gymnastics instruction they have a right to expect that the tuition they pay provides their child with a similar level of attention as every other gymnast in that group. That’s the process. Your job as a gymnastics coach is to motivate and instruct a group of gymnast, not give a one-to-one private lesson with the most talented or agreeable gymnast.
How does a level 10 sophomore deal with being overlook for videos that promote her recruiting, denied access to the gym recruiting page, no support when others are high fived at meets, they are invisible but an excellent gymnast. As a parents we are not *** kissers!! Who go along with things they know are dead wrong. If you say something, it only makes it harder for the gymnast.
We are at the point of not trying to switch gyms, but how does a parent navigate the recruiting process when you don have the coaches backing your daughter?
Any suggestions on starting this process on our own.?
I have no idea how much it costs, but if moving isn’t an option, what about a recruiting consultant? Since NCAA conference championships are this weekend, I saw one of my favorite college gymnasts had her routines reposted by a college recruiting consultant who worked with her as a Level 10. I went to her company’s page out of curiosity and looked at some of her current potential recruits’ IG pages and it was interesting to see differently they how they manage their social media and tracking progress, routines, improvement, etc. once they start working with her. If the coaches are truly ignoring her then a consultant might be helpful, assuming you have a way to take video on your own as needed.
 

Aussie_coach

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Yes, obviously it is in appropriate to treat gymnasts differently and to spend the bulk of coaching time with some athletes over others. Yes, every kid needs a fair go, and it is absolutely in appropriate to ignore and neglect some gymnasts.

But, to the less extreme end of things. No matter how amazing they are all coaches have favourites. Just like all teachers have favourite, and all kids have favourite teachers. It is human nature to be more drawn to some people and not to others, and to better connect with some people than with others. The art of good coaching, is of course not to make it obvious, and take your time to ensure all gymnasts are treated well.

But as a coach there are certain gymnasts who I sprite you as a coach, much the way you aim to inspire your own gymnasts, the kids you are so excited to teach each day, and they spur you on and drive you to be a better coach, which helps all your gymnasts not just those kids.

Never excusing neglectful coaching but when you have a kid who walks in the door and gives you 100% of their energy, commitment and dedication you want to give just as much back. It’s much, much harder to give the same level of enthusiasm to the kid that walks in and gives you 10%.
 

ODDBALL

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Feb 15, 2021
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Yes, obviously it is in appropriate to treat gymnasts differently and to spend the bulk of coaching time with some athletes over others. Yes, every kid needs a fair go, and it is absolutely in appropriate to ignore and neglect some gymnasts.

But, to the less extreme end of things. No matter how amazing they are all coaches have favourites. Just like all teachers have favourite, and all kids have favourite teachers. It is human nature to be more drawn to some people and not to others, and to better connect with some people than with others. The art of good coaching, is of course not to make it obvious, and take your time to ensure all gymnasts are treated well.

But as a coach there are certain gymnasts who I sprite you as a coach, much the way you aim to inspire your own gymnasts, the kids you are so excited to teach each day, and they spur you on and drive you to be a better coach, which helps all your gymnasts not just those kids.

Never excusing neglectful coaching but when you have a kid who walks in the door and gives you 100% of their energy, commitment and dedication you want to give just as much back. It’s much, much harder to give the same level of enthusiasm to the kid that walks in and gives you 10%.
This is not the case sadly as you describe.
Just to set the record straight. My DD is a level 10 gymnast and has placed 1st on States and Regionals mant times. She has made the Top 100 list for 2 years in a row.
She is NOT Elite, TOPS, HOPE, nor has she been to a JO meet. Why not, if she that good? Coaches.!!
We came to this gym as a Level 8 as we had outgrown the previous old gym which only went up to Level 8. We started somewhere new for level 8 rather than stay at the old gym so she would have the opportunity, just like everyone else. The problem with this gym is the favorites are ones who have been at the gym since they started taking classes. We made many inquires to the local gyms in our area to meet DD goals. I was assured this was not how they operated, at this gym, we chose this gym in good faith. I'm not asking for any more than any other parent would expect. Are we training for the Olympic NO. I do believe this is why the gym shows favorites. To be acknowledged for producing such atheletes.

Fairness is a process—not a result. When I pay tuition and help out for FREE as a parent. I have the right to expect the level of skills taught to our DD just as every other parent would want. I am paying for a service not provided, can I get a refund or a reduced price , after all they are a business. A private lesson can be an add on for those who are Elite or group those in a separate group at practice. It is done at the meets, my DD is not grouped with the Elites or homeschooled gymnast.
 

NutterButter

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Leave. Now. Your daughter has two years left which is plenty of time for her to get reestablished in a new environment and make her goal of college gym. My daughter was never a ‘favorite’ in her gym but she was always treated fairly. That is until her last year there when the pendulum shifted and she was no longer being treated fairly. It’s one thing to not be the coaches favorite. That is life. It’s another thing to be devalued and overlooked. It’s been almost 2 years since and I’m still mad at myself for not forcing a gym change. Also, she and I had several meetings with the coaches and management. They had an opportunity to correct and didn’t (and in fact the poor treatment just got worse). Trust your gut on this one...sounds like you already know what needs to happen.
 

NutterButter

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Fairness is a process—not a result. When I pay tuition and help out for FREE as a parent. I have the right to expect the level of skills taught to our DD just as every other parent would want. I am paying for a service not provided, can I get a refund or a reduced price , after all they are a business. A private lesson can be an add on for those who are Elite or group those in a separate group at practice. It is done at the meets, my DD is not grouped with the Elites or homeschooled gymnast.
I agree with most of what you wrote but I bolded the part I disagree with. If your daughter is not part of this other homeschool/elite group then it could be fair that she not have access to all the same coaches, times, training groups and private lessons. It seems like that’s part of the deal with being in that program. This doesn’t mean that it’s unfair to the others who aren’t in that group. And one additional thought on the recruiting that’s entirely on your DD. Yes, it’s helpful when a coach is well known to college coaches but ultimately, your daughter is the one who will be reaching out to the schools she is interested in. My DD was at a gym that does nothing to assist those interested in college gym yet those who have wanted to continue have been successful in finding a team.
 

cogymmom2dd

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Leave. Now. I know that you originally mentioned that you don’t want to leave and are seeking advice more on private college recruiting, but there have been so many red flags going off in my mind.
Here’s my perspective- it sounds like you have many options available to you gym-wise in your area if you did your research a few years ago. Maybe see if there are any gyms with level 10’s that strictly train in a traditional format and don’t lump the traditional 10’s and elites in the same basket. Or, who have L10’s but not nessarily elites that have produced collegiate athletes.
Our gym does not produce elites, so I can’t speak from experience from that perspective, but if we have a new kiddo from the local elite producing gyms that comes to us specifically after competing higher level JO optionals, we welcome them with open arms and any gym that your DD goes to should be doing the same.
And, unfortunately, these elite producing gyms start grooming/recruiting their next batch of elite athletes at a young age. I have an acquaintance who has her 8 year old home schooled for gym at level 4. So, it is possible that your DD is being overlooked because the gym has not had the chance to groom you as a parent who has been in the gymnastics world for long enough to know better or your daughter as a young child— red flag there.
A lot of our transfers come to us from gyms such as yours where they felt devalued and overlooked by coaches because their kids had talent, but the parents weren’t necessarily willing to sacrifice all that the gym wanted from them to get them to where they are. They instead favored the kids whose parents were willing to sacrifice financially and time wise (privates, home schooling, etc).
Unfortunately, the grass really isn’t greener when you uproot your kids from their original home gyms. I know that you were looking for more than what your home gym could offer, but it appears that maybe it was at the sacrifice of your DD being noticed. I’m sure that it was hard for her to go from being a high performing athlete at the gym that she came from if she was winning state and regional titles to now not even being offered resources for college recruitment.
 

ODDBALL

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I agree with most of what you wrote but I bolded the part I disagree with. If your daughter is not part of this other homeschool/elite group then it could be fair that she not have access to all the same coaches, times, training groups and private lessons. It seems like that’s part of the deal with being in that program. This doesn’t mean that it’s unfair to the others who aren’t in that group. And one additional thought on the recruiting that’s entirely on your DD. Yes, it’s helpful when a coach is well known to college coaches but ultimately, your daughter is the one who will be reaching out to the schools she is interested in. My DD was at a gym that does nothing to assist those interested in college gym yet those who have wanted to continue have been successful in finding a team.
I think you may have misunderstood that part.

At the gym they are all grouped together.and they practice as a team. The time that is given during practice is not equal to those who are considered the "favorite" gymnast. In meets the are separated but in the same sessions. It's quite clear when watching the coaches reactions with how much support and encouragement is given to each group. It all amazes me what a camera can pick up in the background of my DD meets.
I have nothing against theses Elite gymnasts. My problem is with the gym and coaches. All the gymnast are supposed to have access to the gyms recruiting page. We can all make private lessons appt. For them to choose not to share these with the "Regular" Level 10 gymnast is a disservice gymnast are missing out on and creates a division among the team. As the girls have named them the "Favorites". The yearly contracts are all the same. If you bring it up, the gymnast is the one who suffers. So tired of this foolishness. Be an adult and do the right thing.
If your gym decides to do these things for your elites make it clear, have a standard optional USAG policy and an elite USAG policy. Don't say we are all equal playing grounds , when clearly we are not.
 

NutterButter

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I think you may have misunderstood that part.

At the gym they are all grouped together.and they practice as a team. The time that is given during practice is not equal to those who are considered the "favorite" gymnast. In meets the are separated but in the same sessions. It's quite clear when watching the coaches reactions with how much support and encouragement is given to each group. It all amazes me what a camera can pick up in the background of my DD meets.
I have nothing against theses Elite gymnasts. My problem is with the gym and coaches. All the gymnast are supposed to have access to the gyms recruiting page. We can all make private lessons appt. For them to choose not to share these with the "Regular" Level 10 gymnast is a disservice gymnast are missing out on and creates a division among the team. As the girls have named them the "Favorites". The yearly contracts are all the same. If you bring it up, the gymnast is the one who suffers. So tired of this foolishness. Be an adult and do the right thing.
If your gym decides to do these things for your elites make it clear, have a standard optional USAG policy and an elite USAG policy. Don't say we are all equal playing grounds , when clearly we are not.
I thought maybe I misunderstood...and glad that I did.

I go back to what I first said. Leave.
 
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ODDBALL

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Feb 15, 2021
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Leave. Now. I know that you originally mentioned that you don’t want to leave and are seeking advice more on private college recruiting, but there have been so many red flags going off in my mind.
Here’s my perspective- it sounds like you have many options available to you gym-wise in your area if you did your research a few years ago. Maybe see if there are any gyms with level 10’s that strictly train in a traditional format and don’t lump the traditional 10’s and elites in the same basket. Or, who have L10’s but not nessarily elites that have produced collegiate athletes.
Our gym does not produce elites, so I can’t speak from experience from that perspective, but if we have a new kiddo from the local elite producing gyms that comes to us specifically after competing higher level JO optionals, we welcome them with open arms and any gym that your DD goes to should be doing the same.
And, unfortunately, these elite producing gyms start grooming/recruiting their next batch of elite athletes at a young age. I have an acquaintance who has her 8 year old home schooled for gym at level 4. So, it is possible that your DD is being overlooked because the gym has not had the chance to groom you as a parent who has been in the gymnastics world for long enough to know better or your daughter as a young child— red flag there.
A lot of our transfers come to us from gyms such as yours where they felt devalued and overlooked by coaches because their kids had talent, but the parents weren’t necessarily willing to sacrifice all that the gym wanted from them to get them to where they are. They instead favored the kids whose parents were willing to sacrifice financially and time wise (privates, home schooling, etc).
Unfortunately, the grass really isn’t greener when you uproot your kids from their original home gyms. I know that you were looking for more than what your home gym could offer, but it appears that maybe it was at the sacrifice of your DD being noticed. I’m sure that it was hard for her to go from being a high performing athlete at the gym that she came from if she was winning state and regional titles to now not even being offered resources for college recruitment.
We left her original gym because they did not teach pass Level 8. She had been with this gym since she was 2 yrs old. We researched other gyms in the area before she started Level 8 season so she could train for the skills needed to start the season. We would have only had another year there.
 

bookworm

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This is not the case sadly as you describe.
Just to set the record straight. My DD is a level 10 gymnast and has placed 1st on States and Regionals mant times. She has made the Top 100 list for 2 years in a row.
She is NOT Elite, TOPS, HOPE, nor has she been to a JO meet. Why not, if she that good? Coaches.!!
We came to this gym as a Level 8.
Ok, so a few things aren't making sense to me ... if she's a level 10 gymnast who has been 1st at Regionals "many times", how has she not gone to JOs? When you say "coaches!!" , do you mean she qualifies, and they won't take her? But they take their favorites? That's a deal breaker for me...

You say you came to the gym as a level 8... many gyms have girls come in at the upper level optionals because they outgrow the coaching at their smaller gyms . We did it so I get the move. You move into an established group/system and you hope your kid gets the coaching she needs and makes a few friends to boot... but sometimes people , including coaches, aren't as welcoming as we like or expect and you have to deal with it. If they were just a little cool but still coaching her that's one thing but if you feel she's not being coached , take your wallet elsewhere as they've already demostrated that they won't miss her.

As far as recruiters, be very cautious ...if your kid can create a channel with her videos, link to Instagram/Twitter etc and you could do a chalk warrior or gym style website , you won't need to pay a recruiter . You need to be honest about her results also ... never making JOs can't just be marketed as "the coaches hated her" ... you have to turn that into "5 time Regional champ" and if you're in a tough region, people will get it .

The fire and brimstone approach is not going to draw people to your kid .... take a deep breath, make a list of her strengths and accomplishments, assess the actual gym situation and get moving... and if you do look at other gyms, keep your mouth shut at your current one until you are out the door, and then send a polite email thanking them for their time .
 

ldw4mlo

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You daughter should take control of her own destiny. greatest life lesson you can give her.