Parents Reassure me about gym switching!

[Faith]

Please

I know we need to do it. But I'm terrified.

DD doesn't want to. 100%.
I do love her coach and know he will be very upset. I am dreading telling him.
What if a new club isn't any better? It's so difficult to reach out to a new club and arrange things without risking things if we do stay- unlikely, but there's always the possibility if new club doesn't have space or something.

Tell me positives and negatives. What worked, what didn't. How do you persuade a reluctant DD who swears she will quit rather than move.

 

[GymCMLA]

Our situation was different as DD is 100% set on leaving as well (we were leaving a negative abusive coaching staff) so we either had to quit or move gyms. It was 1000% the right move and I only wish I would have left a year sooner.

In your situation aren't you leaving b/c of poor coaching, IIRC you are leaving for a higher level training and it requires a family relocation? I'd be honest with you DD and her coaches and maybe pose it as a trial instead of a move. Your DD is an early teen? right? Once she has seen/been at both places have her work on pros and cons.

I do wish our coaches would have listened to our concerns at the old gym and fixed the problems, but we merely got lip service and the same coaches continue to wreck havoc on the gyms there now. So ours was not a well taken good bye. I left a letter for HC and notified the front desk when coaches were away at nationals (as I feared the damage that would have been done to DD if the coach was there when we left)

 

[UnoMas]

It will be ok. I promise. We have switched twice and now we are at our forever gym.

Advice:
1. Do not reach out to the other gym(s) unless you are SURE you are leaving. Anything beyond an anonymous phone call to ask if they will take a new team member is risky. Your current gym will find out if she goes there to be evaluated and they will find out fast. And generally that never ever goes well.
2. Make a clean break. Do not send your daughter to say goodbye. Try to make arrangements for someone to get her grips, whatever, and bring them to you or you as a parent should go in and get belongings. Have a get together later to say goodbye if you want. Later.
3. Be prepared for some ugliness from old team parents and/or teammates. Sad, but often happens.
4. Be prepared to lose your tuition, any money you've got invested in the old gym.
5. I don't know how old your daughter is, but unless she is an older teen then this must be your choice even if she leaves kicking and screaming. Explain your reasons for why this must happen but make it clear that the decision IS made and you will help her through it, but it is not her choice.
6. Try to meet other parents at new gym right away and try to get involved in carpool, play date, etc with new teammates. You want your daughter to make the new friendships as quickly as possible. If you know someone at the new gym reach out now.
7. Make the announcement to old gym through email. Compliment the old gym and thank them. Unless you are very close personally with old gym nothing good usually comes from in person or phone break ups.

Hope that helps. I'm not sure your reasons for leaving but make sure that you are completely sure that it needs to happen before you start the process. Research THOROUGHLY about the gym(s) you are considering. Get parent opinions if possible and look at their upper optional program. The grass is not always greener and you may need more than one gym switch as your daughter's needs change. Mine did.

Good luck. PM me if you want more info. It will be ok. It felt like dying both times we did it but it does work and the child does adjust!

 

[munchkin3]

It will be fine.
As Madigym states- dont give reasons for leaving other than diplomatic general reasons....ie. better fit, better schedule, closer, more economical.....never make it about the program or coaches.
Keep it simple an to the point.

As my father told me when we went through a VERY emotional switch....it is a much bigger deal to YOU more than anyone else. The coaches will be bummed but trust me they wont be 'crushed' and hurt etc....there are more kids to teach.
dont speak badly of the old gym to the new gym parents or anyone....this all gets back. Practice your best 'zen' attitude....

I cried and was depressed but I knew it was the right thing for my DD.

dont worry about the negatives in the new gym. There WILL be some, but it will be different than the old gym....no gym is perfect....One thing Im sure about....gyms and coaches and owners generally dont change with complaints.....they are creatures of habit. The only thing that can change a program is new blood.

 

[Faith]

In your situation aren't you leaving b/c of poor coaching, IIRC you are leaving for a higher level training and it requires a family relocation?

Yes and no- DD has an elite coach, who has produced elite athletes (at other clubs). Problem is being the elite coach, he's all over the country/world with one or the other of them, and there's no other coach back home. So far this year DD has had 8-12 weeks where there has been no coach for her. Since January. Other parents in her group feel the same. Some have already left.

There are only 4 other clubs in the country that can realistically take her. One is way too far, the other is too far, the other two are do-able, relocation wise. Picked one of those on its results, both elite and beginner, and from what we have seen at comps.

Basically we are at the point where we don't think it can get much worse, and don't think it will ever be fixed.

Thanks for the kind words, it helps!

 

[Frase]

I guess it really depends on your reasons for a move.

A few years ago I looked at a gym move for my DD - I knew it was the right time to move for a number of reasons.

She was adamant she didn't want to move - I forced her to go to a trial at a very good well respected gym a bit further away from where we live and they offered her a place. Dd refused to move and I didn't make her. That was the wrong thing to do - I should have moved her. When (about 12 months later) she finally realised the other gym would be better for her and she was 'ready', there was no longer a place for her. Whether the gym was actually full or not I don't know but we had certainly missed that boat.

But I agree I would fully investigate as much as possible before actually trailing the potential new club - gymnastics is a very small world - particularly in the uk!

Good luck with your decision.

 

[skschlag]

I hope she will come around. You know you need to do this for her. And you know she needs more consistent coaching. I think in 6 months, we will hear a very positive update. But I understand the reluctance. Even when the situation seems dysfunctional, they are still a kind of "family" to her and to you all, and they are the known entity.

Good luck!

 

[calli]

8-12 weeks is a way too much time off to not have coverage. It will interfere with your daughter's goals and potential. It is too much of a compromise to keep her where she is based on what you have said. Follow your gut, and don't let her settle for the current comfort zone she has in her gym.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

It is so hard...we also very much liked HC, and I knew he was hurt, but honestly it was a business decision. I did tell him in person because he was a family member (yea...that was rough...) but it does seem a concise, professional email is common and acceptable in this world. The biggest advice I have is listen to your gut. You know you have to do this. Like @GymCMLA , I also feel this was 1000% the right decision and also wish I had done it a year before. Maybe make a pros and cons list so DD can see on paper how it looks? Puma Jr was also nervous to leave but the nail in the coffin for her was me showing her video of the best girl at the old gym vs girls of the same level at the new gym (thank you YouTube...lol) You've got this! GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[GymDad9.9]

It will be ok. I promise. We have switched twice and now we are at our forever gym.

Advice:
1. Do not reach out to the other gym(s) unless you are SURE you are leaving. Anything beyond an anonymous phone call to ask if they will take a new team member is risky. Your current gym will find out if she goes there to be evaluated and they will find out fast. And generally that never ever goes well.
2. Make a clean break. Do not send your daughter to say goodbye. Try to make arrangements for someone to get her grips, whatever, and bring them to you or you as a parent should go in and get belongings. Have a get together later to say goodbye if you want. Later.
3. Be prepared for some ugliness from old team parents and/or teammates. Sad, but often happens.
4. Be prepared to lose your tuition, any money you've got invested in the old gym.
5. I don't know how old your daughter is, but unless she is an older teen then this must be your choice even if she leaves kicking and screaming. Explain your reasons for why this must happen but make it clear that the decision IS made and you will help her through it, but it is not her choice.
6. Try to meet other parents at new gym right away and try to get involved in carpool, play date, etc with new teammates. You want your daughter to make the new friendships as quickly as possible. If you know someone at the new gym reach out now.
7. Make the announcement to old gym through email. Compliment the old gym and thank them. Unless you are very close personally with old gym nothing good usually comes from in person or phone break ups.

Hope that helps. I'm not sure your reasons for leaving but make sure that you are completely sure that it needs to happen before you start the process. Research THOROUGHLY about the gym(s) you are considering. Get parent opinions if possible and look at their upper optional program. The grass is not always greener and you may need more than one gym switch as your daughter's needs change. Mine did.

Good luck. PM me if you want more info. It will be ok. It felt like dying both times we did it but it does work and the child does adjust!

Regarding Point 1. We had a girl in our gym who really needed to move up levels and was getting resistance go to another gym for evaluation. Her evaluation confirmed she needed to move levels and that coach called her current coach to have them reconsider or risk losing her altogether. Current gym decided to move her up. Worked out well surprisingly.

 

[duyetanh]

It is so hard...we also very much liked HC, and I knew he was hurt, but honestly it was a business decision. I did tell him in person because he was a family member (yea...that was rough...) but it does seem a concise, professional email is common and acceptable in this world. The biggest advice I have is listen to your gut. You know you have to do this. Like @GymCMLA , I also feel this was 1000% the right decision and also wish I had done it a year before. Maybe make a pros and cons list so DD can see on paper how it looks? Puma Jr was also nervous to leave but the nail in the coffin for her was me showing her video of the best girl at the old gym vs girls of the same level at the new gym (thank you YouTube...lol) You've got this! GOOD LUCK!!!

a FAMILY member?!?!
OMG>.........

 

[GymDad9.9]

Yes and no- DD has an elite coach, who has produced elite athletes (at other clubs). Problem is being the elite coach, he's all over the country/world with one or the other of them, and there's no other coach back home. So far this year DD has had 8-12 weeks where there has been no coach for her. Since January. Other parents in her group feel the same. Some have already left.

There are only 4 other clubs in the country that can realistically take her. One is way too far, the other is too far, the other two are do-able, relocation wise. Picked one of those on its results, both elite and beginner, and from what we have seen at comps.

Basically we are at the point where we don't think it can get much worse, and don't think it will ever be fixed.

Thanks for the kind words, it helps!

It's a pity your club doesn't have the wherewithal to keep an able assistant on staff while elite coach is away. I'm sure that would not only solve your problem but the problems of the other families and quite possibly the club itself.

Good luck.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

a FAMILY member?!?!
OMG>.........

Yup. My MIL's first cousin, and they are a very tight knit family. I felt awful. He is a good kind man and I will forever be grateful for him getting Puma Jr started in this sport, but it had to be done.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

It's not just your basic gym switch for you though, faithlette is sooooo good and needs to be competing on the international stage fully prepared. Not sitting around watching others train !

She will get over it, she is too good for them not to take her.

Its bad Mummy hat time -tell her its happening and in 6 months she will be grateful.

 

[NewtoGym]

I hope it works out for you guys. Everyone says it will and we were told the same. However, I don't know if it has been the best move for us. My daughter is happy enough and likes her new gym (it has been 2 years now) but I don't know if it was the best move. She hasn't grown gymnastically as much as I had hoped and she hasn't been with the coaches or the group we had hoped and been led to believe she would be. Just wanted to give you a different perspective on when it doesn't always work out like everyone says it will. Good luck.

 

[3rd_time_around]

My dd's gym owners are very forgiving people and have allowed many to return after leaving, even those that left badly or caused problems have been welcomed back. But I know that's not the norm, although it should be. Basically if someone doesn't want to be there, they'd rather them go than stick around causing trouble, and many times they return with better attitudes. You know your place better than we do, would she be welcome back if she tried another place for say, 3 months, and then you all evaluate the move and if it isn't working out return to her gym? Or you have to just make a decision and do it, and hope it turns out for the best. Either way, don't burn bridges if you can help it. Sometimes you don't get the choice, the bridge is burned for you, but sometimes not. Good luck!

 

[Learning Parent GB]

The main point is that your don't have a couple of years to wait for them to fix the coaching system. As an elite coach he will recognise that it is not fair on your DD even if he is putting off addressing it. I think that she is unsurprisingly nervous if it means a house move and big change in all areas of life but will be so happy when she is reaching more of her potential 6 months down the line that it will all be worth it. The timing of trials and moving might be tricky - how quickly can you move once the new gym accept her?
But most of all, good luck to her.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

My daughter cried for hours the night before. Cried, complained and tried to barter her way out the first week. The second and third week went but not happily. Next few weeks it was OK. And by about 6 weeks out she was not only liking it but realizing she was getting better by being there.

And not that it didn't kill me inside. But it's Ok if a child is sad, upset and disappointed, because these are emotions they all come and go. They can't learn to manage them if we try to protect them from having them.

So you're changing course, it will be fine. And if it's not, you change course again.

 

[GymDad9.9]

My daughter cried for hours the night before. Cried, complained and tried to barter her way out the first week. The second and third week went but not happily. Next few weeks it was OK. And by about 6 weeks out she was not only liking it but realizing she was getting better by being there.

And not that it didn't kill me inside. But it's Ok if a child is sad, upset and disappointed, because these are emotions they all come and go. They can't learn to manage them if we try to protect them from having them.

So you're changing course, it will be fine. And if it's not, you change course again.

Curious, what were the reasons you left that gym?

 

[gracyomalley]

another perspective - DD was "forced" to move a few years ago due to circumstances - loved her old coach who was a very good coach for her, brought out her best, understood her psyche, etc...but was not available much and was getting ready to move out of town (the girls did not yet know this, which made it all the harder on DD as she was torn between my insistance and beloved HC not having made it public). New gym COULD have trained her well if she had been in the right "space", although there are always positives and negatives everywhere...but in reality is was gym at the new gym or no gym for her.

Fast forward 2 years - she's out of gym now for 9 months after a year of trying to make it work while trying to decide if its what she wanted. Most of the girls who moved with her are done now...but they were all age 11-12, levels 7-9, so many would have transitioned out of gym at this point anyway. 2 of them are heading toward L10 this year and very successful for our small region. Old gym did close that fall. DD has moved on and is as happy as any 13 year old, tried other sports, etc. Really misses gym at times, but only what gym "used to be" not what gym had become - which I suspect would have happened anywhere, just more pleasantly and with another year of 2 of competitive success for her without the move, which no one could have changed. I know now that I see the young woman she's growing into that L10 + gym really wasn't for her mentally - which is fine!

What I'm trying to say but probably failing, is that there comes a time when a kid with higher aspirations has to be "pushed" to see if they really have it and more importantly want it. DD didn't, and learning that was painful but a good life lesson (I mean want it....). DS is trying to sort this with his music right now, and gym is one of the things which will be collateral damage for him to reach his potential there...our family makes sacrifices to allow him to pursue his talent and he often feels guilty about that, as I'm expecting your DD might. Sounds like she might have the talent to go far and the only way to find out sometimes is to wade into the water...if it works out it will be amazing and if not then it will be a step to the next thing!