Parents Red flags or greener pastures?

[RTT2]

The recent post about a coach not believing a gymnast is injured has me trying to articulate a question that has been nagging at me for a while. What are your red flags? There are some issues I'm concerned about currently, but then I worry things are the same at every gym and maybe I'm just looking for greener pastures. When a gym has a history of success it can be easy to believe their methods must work. Obviously, screaming at kids, or a documented history of abuse are major red flags for a gym, but what about the things that aren't as glaring (not taking injuries seriously, high coaching turnover, poor communication, etc.)?

 

[M2Abi]

Not taking injuries seriously would be a major problem for me. Poor communication, while I wouldn't like it, would be less of an issue. High coach turnover, it depends on what the reasons are, if you can find out.

 

[l.c.o]

One I can think of right off the bat:

Coaches being unwilling to truly coach - as in repeatedly kicking gymnasts out of a gym when they are struggling on a skill or dealing with fears, etc.

Also: Belittling or aggressively touching kids in the gym (as in, say, yanking hard on a ponytail while yelling at a kid that OMG she needs to hold her chin up this time).

Repeatedly verbally threatening kids: if you don't manage to do "X" (obtain a certain score, improve a skill, etc) then you're gonna suffer "Y" consequence. This is more difficult to discern as a parent unless your child specifically overhears and/or complains. And I don't mean rope climbs which may aguably be considered beneficial for strength.

And I agree with not taking injuries seriously being a red flag.

Lack of communication is frustrating as all get out, but not a sign of a poor gym, necessarily. Many clubs suffer that.

High turnover... well, this could be a red flag, but you never really know. I mean, there are some clubs in my area with next to zero turnover that have many complaints, so I wouldn't use this as an indicator alone. Unless it's your upper optionals - it could hinder progress a bit as gymnasts have to keep learning to trust a new coach.

 

[John]

@RTT that is a tough dilemma and I suspect that many parents think about this from time to time, I know I have. I think about injuries not being taken seriously, for me this is a red flag. Kids get injured and some of those injuries can be serious, this is an intense sport. Coaches should demand that their athletes see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis of persistent injuries. I attempt to see both sides of every situation. I can see how a coach, after years of coaching, has experience with athletes attempting to manipulate the system with injuries. This is to mean that possibly an athlete is having a hard time with gym for whatever reason and uses injury as a way to stay home while they attempt to decide if they can continue the sport. This is not to say I know it is done, but only conjecture. It's just an example of how a coach could become jaded. I can understand why the athlete does this.

Maybe a coach knowing their athletes and having open honest communication with their athletes is a trait of great coaches. The question for me is how do you find that coach that fits your athlete during a week try out? How long does it take to truly know a person? My 11-year-old, at this point, works for her coach out of her love of gymnastics and the respect she has for him. He is tough has lofty expectations but is fun and affectionate when appropriate. For now, she is thriving and happy but tomorrow can bring change.

@I.c.o I would take my child and run if a coach were to demonstrate aggressive behavior. To me a coach is someone to look up too, someone who teaches, knows when to demand more and when to say let's call it a day.

 

[l.c.o]

@John we did no worries

 

[l.c.o]

Adding on: I'm not sure about coaches being jaded about injuries. I mean, I get it to an extent. But coaches disbelieving gymnasts who are suffering in pain is a large reason why a lot of kids don't report injuries.

And if a kid IS truly 'faking' an injury, I sometimes wonder what this says overall. Clearly the gymnast is dealing with something like burnout, fear, distrust of coaches, stress in handing perceived high amounts of pressure, etc. The fact that the gymnast can't be honest about one of those things is a red flag... be it with coaches/gym or their parents. That time off that the 'injury' provides might be just as necessary as time off for a real injury.

And hey, some coaches (and parents) don't believe injuries even with documentation from physicians.

 

[RTT2]

Name calling and belittling gymnasts has to be on the red flag list, right? I've been pushing aside concerns for a while, but the more I ask the more I learn about an environment I do not want my child to be in. Had an illuminating and disturbing conversation today with a parent who used to be at our gym that has me wanting to run for the hills. Part of what is difficult about all of this is that I keep hearing "this is normal for gymnastics" from other parents about behavior that shouldn't be normal at all in a coaching relationship with children. My daughter told me today that one coach tells them routinely that they are the worst in the gym as a group and "wimps" who need to toughen up. Injuries are treated as a moral failing. Is gym culture so sick that this is normal?

 

[amiandjim]

Name calling and belittling gymnasts has to be on the red flag list, right? I've been pushing aside concerns for a while, but the more I ask the more I learn about an environment I do not want my child to be in. Had an illuminating and disturbing conversation today with a parent who used to be at our gym that has me wanting to run for the hills. Part of what is difficult about all of this is that I keep hearing "this is normal for gymnastics" from other parents about behavior that shouldn't be normal at all in a coaching relationship with children. My daughter told me today that one coach tells them routinely that they are the worst in the gym as a group and "wimps" who need to toughen up. Injuries are treated as a moral failing. Is gym culture so sick that this is normal?

No!!!! That is not normal!! My daughter goes to a gym that is consistently listed in the top 5-6 in the country, has tough coaches, but there is NO name calling! Injuries are not treated as failures. Please run far away!

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

It's common, but not OK. We left a gym like that. Our new gym has a laundry list of issues, but how the coaches treat the gymnasts is not one of them. We did not find a "dream gym" with a great facility and results, a nurturing environment and excellent communications. But we did find a gym doing good/safe gymnastics, where my kid is genuinely happy and I don't have to worry that the coaching she is receiving is negatively impacting her view of herself, or normalizing abuse from those she holds important or in authority. So we stay...

It is absolutely true that the grass is not always greener. EVERY gym has their issues. But sometimes your own field is on fire. Staying will cause far more damage than leaving ever could.

 

[raenndrops]

Name calling and belittling gymnasts has to be on the red flag list, right? I've been pushing aside concerns for a while, but the more I ask the more I learn about an environment I do not want my child to be in. Had an illuminating and disturbing conversation today with a parent who used to be at our gym that has me wanting to run for the hills. Part of what is difficult about all of this is that I keep hearing "this is normal for gymnastics" from other parents about behavior that shouldn't be normal at all in a coaching relationship with children. My daughter told me today that one coach tells them routinely that they are the worst in the gym as a group and "wimps" who need to toughen up. Injuries are treated as a moral failing. Is gym culture so sick that this is normal?

Not Normal. Leave... post haste.

If you wouldn't accept it from your child's teacher, don't accept it from a coach.

 

[RTT2]

DD is trying out at a different gym on Monday. Had a fantastic conversation with the owner of the gym and am interested in seeing how my daughter likes the gym as she tries it next week.

 

[Madden3]

Anyone saying

"this is normal for gymnastics"

is a red flag. Kid gymnasts are still and most importantly kids.

 

[Texasmomof3]

Another "red flag" for me is secrecy. We left our last gym for several reasons, but the first big red flag was the push for kids to keep secret what happens at practice. My daughter was reprimanded for telling us about what the coaches said to them at practice. Her coach actually told her they could no longer trust her. Any gym that promotes secrecy from parents is not a place I want my kid.

 

[Taxidriver]

Another "red flag" for me is secrecy. We left our last gym for several reasons, but the first big red flag was the push for kids to keep secret what happens at practice. My daughter was reprimanded for telling us about what the coaches said to them at practice. Her coach actually told her they could no longer trust her. Any gym that promotes secrecy from parents is not a place I want my kid.

If that ever happened at any gym or anywhere where I leave my kids with adults I would be gone, no way do I find it acceptable for coaches to promote secrets.

 

[Texasmomof3]

If that ever happened at any gym or anywhere where I leave my kids with adults I would be gone, no way do I find it acceptable for coaches to promote secrets.

Oh, we took her out of the gym the very next day. That is an absolute for me.