Parents Reforming CGM and bored kid

[tpMom]

The biggest problems with gymnastics at home is safety and bad habits. Take it from the mom who encouraged her kid to practice back tucks on the trampoline, only to watch her struggle for MONTHS to reverse the bad habits she learned that I didn't know about until it was too late. Unless you are a trained coach you aren't going to see what her coaches see, and bad habits (like throwing your head back in a tuck) are REALLY hard to break.

Also, skills ramp up in difficulty quickly. My DD still dances around the house, stretches, and does handstands everywhere, but really after a year in the sport there are not skills that she can safely work on at home anyway.

The difference between soccer and gymnastics is the level of precision required, the level of risk involved, and the level of difficulty. I too am a reforming CGM, I get where you're coming from, but I've learned the hard way to back off, sit down, shut up, and hang on for the ride.

 

[sce]

7 days of no beam practice for her. And what happens today? Fall after fall after fall. I mean it was so painful to watch I had to look away.

I get what you’re all telling me. If she doesn’t want it enough, I can’t make her want it.

But here’s what I’m having trouble understanding: if your kid is in soccer or baseball or tennis, would you apply the same hands off philosophy? Pay, drive, and let your kid not practice? Why or why not?

I would not force my kid to practice outside of their practice, no matter the sport. If they want to, then sure. Also, I would not a coach them, as they have coaches. How should does at one practice is a drop int eh bucket in the span of a gymnastics career. Pushing too much now could lead to her quitting. Give her time to learn, grow and just enjoy the sport. give the coaches time to teach her.

 

[duyetanh]

I would not force my kid to practice outside of their practice, no matter the sport. If they want to, then sure. Also, I would not a coach them, as they have coaches. How should does at one practice is a drop int eh bucket in the span of a gymnastics career. Pushing too much now could lead to her quitting. Give her time to learn, grow and just enjoy the sport. give the coaches time to teach her.

This, and I would also not watch. Because honestly the next practice she could have amazing beam....and horrific bars.
My child practices 5 days a week. I do not watch. We have a long drive home, where she uses me as her silent therapist and spews out the practice session happily. Never is an event good two days in a row. And she gets why....and because I was in competitive sports, so do I....That's gymnastics. And sports in general. If practice was amazing everyday, what the heck would they have to shoot for? This is the joy of competitive sports...and learning to work through the frustrations and struggles of the sport to find that joy is truly beautiful. And this is not something that happens everyday. For my child, it is finally happening, and I am in awe of her mental toughness and prowess everyday.

 

[duyetanh]

This, and I would also not watch. Because honestly the next practice she could have amazing beam....and horrific bars.
My child practices 5 days a week. I do not watch. We have a long drive home, where she uses me as her silent therapist and spews out the practice session happily. Never is an event good two days in a row. And she gets why....and because I was in competitive sports, so do I....That's gymnastics. And sports in general. If practice was amazing everyday, what the heck would they have to shoot for? This is the joy of competitive sports...and learning to work through the frustrations and struggles of the sport to find that joy is truly beautiful. And this is not something that happens everyday. For my child, it is finally happening, and I am in awe of her mental toughness and prowess everyday.

edited to add I should have said "this is not something that happens everyday or right away. Like fine wine, it takes time.

 

[LTmom]

Thank you for your rational responses. In some ways this feels like a smoker giving up cigarettes. We were doing “regular exercise” together (it’s my new thing. I told her she doesn’t have to practice if she doesn’t want to, but we have to exercise every day. Our exercises are, conveniently, stretches and strength conditioning but she feels like she’s won. She especially enjoys telling me how my v ups and lunges are wrong.) We were doing push ups right next to her beam and the words were on the tip of my tongue...just one pivot?? But I bit my tongue, thought of all the wisdom you’ve shared, and didn’t say it.
One day at a time.

 

[RTT2]

In another thread I asked the question, "What keeps a girl in gymnastics?", and several gymnasts answered that one of the reasons was that the sport was all their own. They liked having family support, but knowing it was something they did on their own, and that mom/dad/grandparents didn't know enough about the sport to interfere. I'm sure it's different for each kid, and your DD is still really young, but it's something I try to keep in mind.

 

[duyetanh]

I meant to say do not watch entire practices or watch everyday. I honestly only come in at the end of practice when they are conditioning, but could come in any time I want. I think peeking in every once in awhile keeps it really interesting, its just that my kid is at a level where i do not want to watch.

 

[LTmom]

It’s been a little over 3 weeks of my reform. I haven’t said anything to her about gymnastics that she hasn't initiated.
And...now she’s asking me every night to watch youtube gymnastics videos, and asked to get on her beam today, and wants to talk to me about stuff that happened in her class.
It has been SO hard to bite my tongue and completely shut up. So hard. But I’m glad I did it.
So I guess I’m still CGM in my head, and to fully reap the internal benefits to myself of peace and calm, I have to actually reform my thinking instead of just biting my tongue. But at least DD isn’t having to deal with my CGM rearing its ugly head.

 

[LindyHopper]

..now she’s asking me every night to watch youtube gymnastics videos, and asked to get on her beam today, and wants to talk to me about stuff that happened in her class.
It has been SO hard to bite my tongue and completely shut up. So hard. But I’m glad I did it.

I don't think it's necessary to completely eliminate gymnastics from your relationship, just keep it in check.

If she wants to watch YouTube videos it's okay to talk about them with her. Just don't start "coaching". Focus on what SHE likes about particular gymnasts or routines. Tell her that now that she knows more about gym than you do, she needs to teach you about what makes a good routine.

When she wants the beam out, ask her if they are skills her coach wants her practicing outside the gym, then let her practice. Tell her you're proud of her. Tell her you enjoy watching her do what she loves.

When she talks about practices, ask about how she feels about things. Be excited when she is excited. Express empathy when she is frustrated or sad. Laugh when she tells you something she thought was amusing happened.

You CAN talk with her about gym, just leave all criticism out of it. Make sure she initiates the conversation. It's her sport, so make it about how she thinks and feels about it and her performance.

And, again, congrats on being so self aware.

 

[3rd_time_around]

7 days of no beam practice for her. And what happens today? Fall after fall after fall. I mean it was so painful to watch I had to look away.

I get what you’re all telling me. If she doesn’t want it enough, I can’t make her want it.

But here’s what I’m having trouble understanding: if your kid is in soccer or baseball or tennis, would you apply the same hands off philosophy? Pay, drive, and let your kid not practice? Why or why not?

My kids don't practice any sports at home, except shooting around a basketball. But there's a difference. In gymnastics, form counts HUGE in scoring. Not so much in soccer or basketball. Mistakes in form become bad habits and it takes a long time to coach it out of them. My daughter was doing horrid handstands at home and I made her stop. I told her no handstands unless she was doing them right. After she played around with the level 3 floor routine for a week at home, at her next Level 2 meet she turned her handstand into a bridge---because MUSCLE MEMORY!!! It was not a good meet.

 

[sce]

I really applaud your humility and awareness and the changes you've made. I also agree with a lot of what LindyHopper said. you can talk with her and enjoy her enjoyment of the sport. You too can also be a fan of the sport yourself, you seem to have learned a lot about drawing boundaries so you are not pressuring or coaching her.

 

[my4buffaloes]

The only thing I get on my kids about - and this is across all ages and sports - is if they are goofing off and playing with friends more than practicing.

As for her now falling - did she decide that is how to finally get some attention from the coaches on beam? Just a thought - kids are perceptive and she likely saw the others getting feedback and attention every time they fell.

 

[LTmom]

I greatly appreciate everyone who took the time to explain this to me, and walk me through the thought process behind why this is not like practicing any other sport. It was driving me crazy because I couldn’t figure it out, neither could DH nor DDs therapist whose granddaughter is being pushed in competitive swimming. I get it.

We have been doing just stretching and conditioning for “exercise.”

And now DD wants to practice on her bar all the time. She had an unassisted cast/shoot through 6 months ago. Hardass coach was so proud of her. But in the midst of working on all these new skills, her shoot through went on vacation. I’m acting nonchalant about it, telling her she could do it just fine before, it will come back. BUT she wants to practice at home, and I see her mental block getting in her way. She is afraid of something, falling backward, kicking the bar. I really don’t want her to cement the fear and bad habit of falling backward onto the mat. What do I do?

Last week they worked on cast shoot throughs during practice and hardass coach was so pissed off at DD that she made DD sit out and watch. DD was really upset about it.

I found a video that breaks it down into drills-pike pushup and poke knee through -seems like exactly what she needs to learn to balance over her shoulder, and reliably poking her leg through without falling backward. But here we go veering back into coaching territory. I don’t want to coach, and I also don’t want her to keep screwing up and cementing a bad habit. What do I do?

 

[2gymkids]

Last week they worked on cast shoot throughs during practice and hardass coach was so pissed off at DD that she made DD sit out and watch. DD was really upset about it.

I found a video that breaks it down into drills-pike pushup and poke knee through -seems like exactly what she needs to learn to balance over her shoulder, and reliably poking her leg through without falling backward. But here we go veering back into coaching territory. I don’t want to coach, and I also don’t want her to keep screwing up and cementing a bad habit. What do I do?

She made your daughter sit out and watch because she is struggling with a skill? That's a red flag. Sitting out for goofing around or doing something inappropriate, sure, but sitting out because she's struggling? If my daughter (who developed major fears this year and lost the ability to do things she's been able to do for 2+ years) was made to sit out every time she was struggling, she would have been sitting out most of the last three months.

As for how to help her? You don't. She can condition at home if there are things her coaches would like her to do to improve her strength, otherwise you smile and say "most kids lose skills sometimes and they'll come back, you just need keep working hard and listening to your coaches at gym." Rinse and repeat.

 

[Taxidriver]

I greatly appreciate everyone who took the time to explain this to me, and walk me through the thought process behind why this is not like practicing any other sport. It was driving me crazy because I couldn’t figure it out, neither could DH nor DDs therapist whose granddaughter is being pushed in competitive swimming. I get it.

We have been doing just stretching and conditioning for “exercise.”

And now DD wants to practice on her bar all the time. She had an unassisted cast/shoot through 6 months ago. Hardass coach was so proud of her. But in the midst of working on all these new skills, her shoot through went on vacation. I’m acting nonchalant about it, telling her she could do it just fine before, it will come back. BUT she wants to practice at home, and I see her mental block getting in her way. She is afraid of something, falling backward, kicking the bar. I really don’t want her to cement the fear and bad habit of falling backward onto the mat. What do I do?

Last week they worked on cast shoot throughs during practice and hardass coach was so pissed off at DD that she made DD sit out and watch. DD was really upset about it.

I found a video that breaks it down into drills-pike pushup and poke knee through -seems like exactly what she needs to learn to balance over her shoulder, and reliably poking her leg through without falling backward. But here we go veering back into coaching territory. I don’t want to coach, and I also don’t want her to keep screwing up and cementing a bad habit. What do I do?

If she was made to sit out for losing a skill that would be a red flag to me and I wouldn’t be very pleased with that coaching style. Some times kids lose skills, I would also be concerned about a 6 year old having a mental block on a skill.
If however she was told to sit and watch how others do it to help her that would be a different thing, they do that at my dd gym as sometimes watching someone else helps it click in their brain.
She shouldn’t need any coaching from you at home to help her get a skill back that’s the coaches job not yours. Even with the best of intentions you could easily make it worse.
You say the coach was pissed, how do you know this? Did you see it or is this what your dd said? If she was pissed that’s a red flag to me however your dd might of misread the coach? She may of seen the coach making her watch a punishment when it wasn’t meant that way. Obviously I wasn’t there and don’t have all the information you have so the coach may of been pissed in which case red flag but I know the first time my dd was told to sit and watch she thought it was a punishment and she was in trouble but I spoke to her coach who explained why they did it and it wasn’t a punishment and now my dd has no problem with it.

 

[NutterButter]

Last week they worked on cast shoot throughs during practice and hardass coach was so pissed off at DD that she made DD sit out and watch. DD was really upset about it.

I found a video that breaks it down into drills-pike pushup and poke knee through -seems like exactly what she needs to learn to balance over her shoulder, and reliably poking her leg through without falling backward. But here we go veering back into coaching territory. I don’t want to coach, and I also don’t want her to keep screwing up and cementing a bad habit. What do I do?

You are using some really strong language with your DD having a hardass coach who is pissed off at your 6 year old. As others have said this is a red flag for me too and at the very least would have me chatting with the coach to get the other side of the story. Hardass can be ok, but not combined with being pissed off. Not OK for a little. Depending on the coach's version of what happened, prior experiences and the overall philosophy of the gym, this might even have me researching other gyms in the area in case. But maybe it's all a misunderstanding too. My DD struggles with a hardass coach at the gym and has misinterpreted the coaches cues as being mad at DD. The coach is firm and not a warm fuzzy and you can see she is not pleased with whatever is happening but she is not 'pissed off'. A couple of times I have followed up with the coach when something happened and each time the coach's version was reasonable and DD added more emotion into it that wasn't there. I also know that my DD is a sensitive soul. This has helped me try to redirect some of my DD's emotion. The coach is now aware of how sensitive DD is and checks herself a lot even though I think this goes against her grain. See in this case both athlete and coach have had to figure out the relationship.

So what can you do? First and foremost you shouldn't try to 'solve' this by finding videos on how to correct the problem. You are not the gymnastics coach. But also advocate for your kid too. You are there to support your DD. Have a conversation with the coach. You'll know soon enough if the coach is stern, but caring or truly an ***hole. And then you can decide from there how to guide your DD through working with people she may not necessarily gel with. This is the coaching you can do.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Last week they worked on cast shoot throughs during practice and hardass coach was so pissed off at DD that she made DD sit out and watch. DD was really upset about it.

Did you witness this? Or is this your daughters version of events?

And have you clarified with the coach what happened and why?

Perhaps your daughter was in a state of worry to the point where by continuing to practice she would be hurt or make a fear worse. Or not making appropriate corrections.

Really there could be any number of valid reasons the coach asked her to step back. And one round of sitting out is not a red flag. It is something to get clarification on. Which I would certainly do. To best support you and my kid, what happeneD and why type of conversation.

She is afraid of something, falling backward, kicking the bar. I really don’t want her to cement the fear and bad habit of falling backward onto the mat. What do I do?

So she practices at home and falls at home and you think this will fix it how?

What you do is stay out of fixing gymnastics. And be your kids soft “emotional and mental” place to fall.

Things like don’t worry honey, you’ll get it. It will come back. Keep working hard. I love you now go have fun.

You remind her how something that is now easy was once hard.

Remember how awful your first cartwheel was. Here look at this video. And see how pretty they are now? Remember how you used to have to use your fingers to get 2+2..... you’ll get it. It takes time.

Let’s have some ice cream.

Also, put your game face on. You stressing will only cause her more stress. If you think she is having problems, she will sense it. Wow if mom thinks this is a problem it really must be.

The only signal she should be getting from you is that it takes time, and you know she will get it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The only signal she should be getting from you is that it takes time, and you know she will get it.

Timed out to edit. Correction. They only thing she should be getting from you is you have faith in her and her coaches.

Seriously you googling all these tips and drills. What signal are you sending to your daughter?Gee mom must think my coaches don’t have a clue.

How can you expect her to be confident when she is on the floor with coaches you don’t trust because you are busy trying to fix it?

And if for some reason you do not have faith in the coaches. You are not at the right gym for you and your child.

 

[LindyHopper]

And now DD wants to practice on her bar all the time.

BUT she wants to practice at home, and I see her mental block getting in her way. She is afraid of something, falling backward, kicking the bar. I really don’t want her to cement the fear and bad habit of falling backward onto the mat. What do I do?

I'm going to go back to my favorite refrain... "What skills do your coaches say are okay to practice at home?"

If she doesn't know, talk to hardass coach with your gymmie and ask what she is/is not allowed to do on home bar & beam. Then there is no ambiguity. Then you can blame coach when you tell her not to practice those skills.

 

[MUTigerMom]

I want to share my story about mental blocks in hopes that it will help you support your daughter.

Level 2- My daughter was at a "big name" gym. She was not a standout and was largely ignored. She could NOT get her stride circle. Coach told me "there's no reason she can't do it." They would leave her working on it on her own on the high bar. (Often hanging upside down from her knee when she missed it.). For this (and many other reasons... we left at the end of the season for a smaller gym). She broke her arm over the summer and repeated level 2. Getting close to meet season and STILL no stride circle. I tried everything- private lessons, bribing her with a favorite treat, going to the park to practice, asking about it every chance I got. She still couldn't get it. Finally, I gave up and said, "It's really not a big deal honey. You'll get it when you're ready. If you never get it... oh well. You never have to do it after level 3 anyway. I backed WAY off. It became "the skill which shall not be named." We go to state... she hits it and scores a 9.35 (her highest score ever).

Fast forward to Level 3- In July, she comes home ecstatic that she has ALL her bar skills and is the first in her training group to do so. Then, right before meet season hits, she announces "I lost my shoot through." I asked her if she checked the lost and found at the gym. She said "MOM... you know what I mean." I told her not to worry that these things happen and it will come back. I told her to have fun and work hard. When she started obsessing about it, I talked the coaches. They talked to her and told her it wasn't a big deal and taught her a cheat to help ease the pressure and guess what- it came back. She did it first meet. Second meet, she missed it the first time but got back on the bars and did it the second try. I applauded this effort and told her that I was SO proud of her courage to try it again.

I haven't made it a "THING" so it hasn't become a "THING." The main difference- last year I tried to help and made it so much worse. This year, I am trusting the coaches (Who are fabulous, but the way. They have taken her back and forth through progressions and spots so much this year... all with a smile. They are angels!)

To be honest, this sounds like an awful lot of pressure for a little one. She has so many more years in this sport if she doesn't get frustrated at a young age. If the pressure is coming from the gym- maybe it's not a good fit for your daughter. (See above about letting a 7 year old hand upside down on a high bar until the back of her knee bled.) If it is coming from you or her- time to relieve a little of the pressure and stress. When she relaxes a bit, it just might make all the difference in the world.

Good luck to you both!