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Feb 16, 2022
747
Hello all, I am not sure if i am asking a question or if i am just venting to get it out there and off my chest. Recently we were contacted by safe sport about a report someone else made about a coach in my daughters gym. The person in which reported the coach has since left the gym and moved to another gym. But they put a few girls down as witness or others that have been affected by said coach, one in which was my child. While we 100% agree that said coach is guilty and to be honest probably shouldn't be coaching or should be sent to some sort of classes on how to be a better coach and person.. My daughter as well as many other kids have been a victim of some sort of mental abuse from this coach. We are choosing not to speak up because my daughter is afraid of retaliation from the gym. I know, i know... it is wrong for us not to speak up, but its such a tricky situation since she is still at the gym. Frankly i feel disgusted in myself. That is all i have to say, so i guess this was mostly a get my feelings out there.
 

rlm's mom

Proud Parent
Aug 21, 2021
310
40
That’s an awful situation you’re in!

I wouldn’t trust such a person to coach my child. Are there any other options in the area?

Regarding SafeSport, unless specific details are given about your child the coach has no way to find out who made the accusations/witnessed. This really depends on the situation but you may be able to give very vague information which wouldn’t give away your identity.
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
I'll be candid and say this was tough to read. You admit your kid is a victim and you are choosing not to come forward with your experience out of what boils down to fear and selfishness. Bigger picture beyond gymnastics, you have normalized that emotional abuse is OK (heck, and that you are willing to spend money for this abuse!).
 
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flippin out

Proud Parent
Sep 26, 2011
659
We were contacted a few years ago as witnesses in a SS case. We were told that while it’s nice to give evidence anonymously, unless you are willing to go on record SS can not use your testimony as anything other than background information. So basically your eye witness account is worthless since it can not be used to verify any incident. We did choose to go on record and were quite honest about what we saw and didn’t see personally, and what we felt was reasonable in any gym and what was over the top. we were not at that gym any longer. Not sure if that would’ve made a difference to us or not.

As a side note. If you’re at a gym that condones this coach behavior I say leave now.
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
I don't want to be unkind to the OP, but I can't say nothing. While, knowing there's a problem and not speaking up is pretty bad. Knowing there's a problem, not speaking up, and not getting your kid out of the situation defies all reasonable standards of parental conduct.
 

Ty’s Dad

Proud Parent
Aug 3, 2017
515
40
I was kinda in your same situation. Wasn’t never contacted by Safe Sport, but me and a lot of the parents was like should we call. We seen and heard so much from this coach, but I always had the mindset of it better not happen to my kid. Now this coach has moved on to another gym and my daughter speaking to the girls from that gym things haven’t changed. Now some parents feel if we say something now it can mess up their current gymnast situation. I’m like you don’t know what to do and feel bad
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
I'll be candid and say this was tough to read. You admit your kid is a victim and you are choosing not to come forward with your experience out of what boils down to fear and selfishness. Bigger picture beyond gymnastics, you have normalized that emotional abuse is OK (heck, and that you are willing to spend money for this abuse!).
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
I expected the replies given. The problem I am having is that I feel like the lines are very cloudy on what might be considered safe sport worthy of misconduct. This coach is just not the nicest person, yes she yells and gives the cold shoulder to girls. But where does strict and cold shoulder start crossing the line? I just don't know. She also will cheer some girls on and not others. She will give the death stare to girls across the room to intimidate them. All of these things are very hard things to prove and frankly i feel like maybe some girls can ignore or not even notice, some may be more sensitive. All of it is very confusing.
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
I was kinda in your same situation. Wasn’t never contacted by Safe Sport, but me and a lot of the parents was like should we call. We seen and heard so much from this coach, but I always had the mindset of it better not happen to my kid. Now this coach has moved on to another gym and my daughter speaking to the girls from that gym things haven’t changed. Now some parents feel if we say something now it can mess up their current gymnast situation. I’m like you don’t know what to do and feel bad
Anything to say “my kid is an elite”, eh? Nasser approves.
 
Oct 15, 2022
2
32
I am appalled that you are teaching your daughter that keeping quiet is something she should do.

This a lesson that she will carry with her for life. I still carry my shame and I am 30+ now.

GET HER OUT NOW AND SPEAK UP.
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
I expected the replies given. The problem I am having is that I feel like the lines are very cloudy on what might be considered safe sport worthy of misconduct. This coach is just not the nicest person, yes she yells and gives the cold shoulder to girls. But where does strict and cold shoulder start crossing the line? I just don't know. She also will cheer some girls on and not others. She will give the death stare to girls across the room to intimidate them. All of these things are very hard things to prove and frankly i feel like maybe some girls can ignore or not even notice, some may be more sensitive. All of it is very confusing.

None of this is confusing. You’re just the perfect parent for MG Elite.

Back in the real world, most parents would realize it’s not their job to decide if something is “safe sport worthy” — THE INVESTIGATION AND ASSESSMENT OF THESE SITUATIONS IS WHY SAFE SPORT EXISTS.

I used to wonder how hundreds or thousands of USAG girls got molested and abused out in the open. Now I don’t.

It needs to be said, kudos to the family from the OP’s gym who actually had the decency to report. Too bad her old teammate is hanging her out to dry. GIRL POWER!
 

Ty’s Dad

Proud Parent
Aug 3, 2017
515
40
Look dude

1) if I hide behind the anonymous button you wouldn’t even have known this was me to say some bull**** like my kid is elite

2) the coach just was angry and yelling at the girls so that Nesser stuff pull back in all that

3) who even said he was my kids coach
 

rlm's mom

Proud Parent
Aug 21, 2021
310
40
Look dude

1) if I hide behind the anonymous button you wouldn’t even have known this was me to say some bull**** like my kid is elite

2) the coach just was angry and yelling at the girls so that Nesser stuff pull back in all that

3) who even said he was my kids coach
1. Makes no difference whether your kid is Elite or not. But it just strengthened the point.

2. Emotional harm can be worse long term than physical harm. And, if that’s what you see, how do you know worse stuff isn’t going on behind closed doors?

3. I would not go to a gym which allowed an abusive coach on premises. And, by not reporting him, you are allowing many more children to be exploited.
 

LadyJ

Proud Parent
Feb 18, 2022
19
I've seen coaches frustrated and yelling, but nowhere close to the point that I would consider abusive. I know each individual has their own definition what is acceptable, so I don't blame Ty's dad for doing nothing when it wasn't his kid.

OP, you say you don't know where the line between strict and abuse is? It is where you put it. By your own words, your child has been mentally abused, and you are not only blatantly refusing to speak up, but also keeping your kid in the situation. That is mind-boggling to me.
 
Feb 16, 2022
747
Agree with the others that this is a post that's hard to not get irate at, as so many of us do anything humanly possible to protect our kids. However, based on what you said, she sounds like a crap person, rude, and terrible role model. Whether that's "abuse" or not isn't for me to say, but if doesn't sound like the kind of person I want around my kid. I'm sure she would retaliate if she's already demonstrating this kind of behavior. You've answered your own question. Best of luck figuring it out.
 

Ty’s Dad

Proud Parent
Aug 3, 2017
515
40
1. Makes no difference whether your kid is Elite or not. But it just strengthened the point.

2. Emotional harm can be worse long term than physical harm. And, if that’s what you see, how do you know worse stuff isn’t going on behind closed doors?

3. I would not go to a gym which allowed an abusive coach on premises. And, by not reporting him, you are allowing many more children to be exploited.
I didn’t say anything about elite anyone being an elite, the person who I responded to said something thinking the coach was an elite coach
 

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