Parents Setting Expectations

[gymmom0826]

This is my daughter's first year on team. She is competing Xcel Bronze and has been frustrated with the results. From what I understand from another team mom our gym doesn't do just the basic bronze requirements but instead adds in extra skills. Because of this our girls are getting killed by the other teams that are just doing the bare minimum which is minimizing deductions. I understand that in the long run this will be to our benefit but it's hard to explain to a child (8 years old) that their scores most likely will not be competitive for a few more years. Any advice on how to address this with my daughter? I have no experience with gymnastics. Her AA scores usually range from 34.400- 34.900 is this good?

 

[NY Dad]

I think it's good as long as shes working hard to get those scores. My DD doesn't compete yet but when she does I'm going to try to emphasis having fun, doing her best and not worrying about scores. (Easy for me to say now [emoji23])

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Focus on skills not numbers.

Focus on improvement.

And 34-35 are good scores.

 

[munchkin3]

I don't focus on expectations.....(other than attending practice and behaving) I have trained my daughter not to focus on scores......this is hard because natural competitors want to win, what to beat their teammates and want to be on the podium. The problem is focusing on the destination, not how you got there.....
Focus on listening carefully during practice. Paying attention when the coach corrects her, AND others......work very hard at hitting your routines AT practice....focus on conditioning correctly....
This is hard for kids. They don't see the Forrest for the trees.....it will get better as you get older.
My only advice is to be careful setting expectations during meets because it puts undue additional stress on the kid, thus increasing chances of falling......
At our meet this weekend, one of the parents had a whole list of skills that needed to be hit at the meet, and consequences for the skills that she missed..........the kid is 9..... Sorry, but I strongly disagree with this 'method' for success.

 

[raenndrops]

This is my daughter's first year on team. She is competing Xcel Bronze and has been frustrated with the results. From what I understand from another team mom our gym doesn't do just the basic bronze requirements but instead adds in extra skills. Because of this our girls are getting killed by the other teams that are just doing the bare minimum which is minimizing deductions. I understand that in the long run this will be to our benefit but it's hard to explain to a child (8 years old) that their scores most likely will not be competitive for a few more years. Any advice on how to address this with my daughter? I have no experience with gymnastics. Her AA scores usually range from 34.400- 34.900 is this good?

She is getting 86 - 87.25% of the possible points. In my local school, that would be a B to B+ average.
To bump it up to an A, she needs to "proofread" the details or "check her math" on the details ... depending on which class she likes better.
Every extra step is either a capital letter she forgot or a misspelled word or a 1 she forgot to carry... Etc. Etc.
Set skill goals. Set performance goals like no falls on beam or straight legs on a pullover.
Set showmanship goals like smiling on beam, etc.
Let her know that there is no bonus in scoring for doing harder skills, so she has to be cleaner (proofread better) than someone doing a minimum routine.
After all, if you have to write a minimum of a 5 sentence paragraph and you choose to write one with 8 sentences, you have 3 extra sentences to proofread.

 

[duyetanh]

My only advice is to be careful setting expectations during meets because it puts undue additional stress on the kid, thus increasing chances of falling......
At our meet this weekend, one of the parents had a whole list of skills that needed to be hit at the meet, and consequences for the skills that she missed..........the kid is 9..... Sorry, but I strongly disagree with this 'method' for success.

WORD! I see this at our gym and it is insane! My kid regularly thanks me for not being psycho, and says she could never deal if I was applying all that pressure. The last words I say to her when I kiss her goodbye is HAVE FUN. Because really, if you aren't having fun, why bother?
...a lot of the moms at her gym don't understand me, bahaha...

 

[Deleted member 18037]

At a meet I say, have fun, do your best, I love you and keep your head up.m

 

[RTT2]

I agree with keeping the focus on having fun. My shout outs at meets are always along the lines of "Have a blast!" or "Enjoy it!" Last year was DD's first year competing and she didn't score particularly well, but I was insanely proud of her because she did her very best for where she was in her training at each meet. As long as a kid is putting in his/her best effort and enjoying the process then I think it's time well spent. Maybe having her pick a particular goal, like nailing a certain skill in the meet, would give her more of a sense of success than focusing on the score.

 

[GymDad9.9]

I don't focus on expectations.....(other than attending practice and behaving) I have trained my daughter not to focus on scores......this is hard because natural competitors want to win, what to beat their teammates and want to be on the podium. The problem is focusing on the destination, not how you got there.....
Focus on listening carefully during practice. Paying attention when the coach corrects her, AND others......work very hard at hitting your routines AT practice....focus on conditioning correctly....
This is hard for kids. They don't see the Forrest for the trees.....it will get better as you get older.
My only advice is to be careful setting expectations during meets because it puts undue additional stress on the kid, thus increasing chances of falling......
At our meet this weekend, one of the parents had a whole list of skills that needed to be hit at the meet, and consequences for the skills that she missed..........the kid is 9..... Sorry, but I strongly disagree with this 'method' for success.

Consequences??? Such as???

 

[gymmom0826]

I think what made her most recent meet hard is her first meet the other teams were doing similar skills (not trying to get by with the minimum) so she finished on the podium (as high as 2nd) in a couple of events and then goes to the next meet and doesn't get on the podium at all. She fell on beam during the first meet but didn't fall this last meet so in her mind she was thinking that should mean a medal. I have been trying to remind her to just focus on her scores alone not how they compare to others and improving her scores each week is a win in itself even if she is last AA.

 

[Committed]

I think what made her most recent meet hard is her first meet the other teams were doing similar skills (not trying to get by with the minimum) so she finished on the podium (as high as 2nd) in a couple of events and then goes to the next meet and doesn't get on the podium at all.

I'm sorry, I have a problem when people think that because their kid does XYZ skill then that's the reason they didn't score at the top of the podium. Not everyone fits up there. Obviously the skills your DD is doing are within the XCel Bronze parameters. She is doing the best that she can! Sometimes it's good enough for the podium, other times it's not. An 8 year old is certainly old enough to understand this, though it'll be much more difficult if the people around her are giving her excuses. Time and experience will help. I can tell you that my DD did not score anywhere near the podium in her first few meets. By the end of that season, she was regularly getting 3rd-6thAA. Now, at L8, scoring even better ..... with upgraded routines - not the bare minimum.

 

[momof2gymmies]

Our gym also tends to compete at the max end of skills. For example - most of our silvers kip. A lot of the gyms that we compete against do not kip in silver. It is what it is. Our kids usually do pretty well. DD fell off on her squat on during her first meet, but still ended up scoring an 8.9 on bars. I thought that was great, since she lost .5 for the fall. Her kip was as good as she could make it. Would she have scored higher with a pull over? Who knows. She is proud of herself for competing it. Her coaches won't let the kids compete a skill that is not clean. You will also see different judges like different things. YDD is out of luck if the floor judge likes pretty dance. She looks like an elephant stoping across the floor with arms made of floppy noodles. If it's a judge who like tumbling DD is usually golden, since she can tumble very well.

 

[QueenBee]

I think what made her most recent meet hard is her first meet the other teams were doing similar skills (not trying to get by with the minimum) so she finished on the podium (as high as 2nd) in a couple of events and then goes to the next meet and doesn't get on the podium at all. She fell on beam during the first meet but didn't fall this last meet so in her mind she was thinking that should mean a medal. I have been trying to remind her to just focus on her scores alone not how they compare to others and improving her scores each week is a win in itself even if she is last AA.

My best advice is to ignore the scores completely and focus on growth within her skills. Your daughter can't control the scores. I've seen routines where I thought the score was a gift and I've seen routines where I thought the gymnast in question was robbed. Comparing scores from meet to meet doesn't actually tell you anything other than different judges score differently and what Susie hits at one meet (and what she get deducted on) might be completely different the following meet.

One suggestion is having your daughter figure out what goals she has for improving her skills so that she can compare her progress skill wise each meet. The nice thing about getting into this habit is she can practice it at every gym practice. For example, if her goal is to improve her tap swings on bars - she might have a list of things she needs to do (body position, tight legs, pointed toes, etc). Each practice - she could be focusing on the piece giving her the most trouble. She can then really see how focused practice effects progress and take that into her meets.

 

[LindyHopper]

I have been trying to remind her to just focus on her scores alone

improving her scores each week is a win in itself

One issue with this is that different judges see different things, so she may do a routine that you and she feel is cleaner or "better" than one she did at a meet two weeks ago, and the judges at this meet may be tougher than the judges at the last meet and score it lower. No need to feel bad that the score is lower if the gymnastics were better.

With Short Stack (L5), I ask her, on the way to the meet, what her goal is on each event, and she knows that I am in NO WAY looking for a goal regarding score or podium placements. She usually picks goals that are associated with what she's been focusing on in practice. Yesterday it was to block on vault, connect both halves of bars, land her BWO on beam, and to land her back tuck with a good body position on floor.

Similar to other parents, the last things said before I hand her off to coaches at a meet:

Me: Hey Short Stack! What are the most important things?

Short Stack: Work hard and have fun.

Me: That's right. Love you! *hug*

 

[LindyHopper]

@QueenBee

Just read your reply--you sound like my kind of gym mom! Especially since my reply is basically a carbon copy!

 

[gymgal]

I would help her to focus away from the medals at meets. She has to grow to understand that she is out there to perform her skills because she is proud of her accomplishments, not because there is a medal at the end.

I would be careful about making excuses like "that gym competed bare minimum" because there are many gyms out there who compete the max and still are top of the podium. People (including myself in the past) complain that their are competing down. It is what it is. It happens all the time. Don't let her succumb to these excuses.

Focus on the fact that she is performing those skills to the best of her ability in that environment and with time, she will improve. Have her focus on tangible goals for herself. She is going to try to stay on cue and act the part to her music, not take that extra step on dismount, keep her body nice and tight. These are all things that, when reinforced early, will grow with her.

 

[Taxidriver]

I 100% agree with queenbee and Lindyhopper you can't compare scores from one competition to the next, my dd best competition of the season last year had her lowest aa score of the season as one piece of apparatus was being particularly harshly marked.
But everyone in that competition was being harshly marked so it didn't affect the results and places on the day.

Instead of focusing on scores and placing i get my dd to focus on achievements like sticking particular elements or when she competes a new move for the first time regardless of how clean it was that in my book is still an achievement to be recognised. Even if it means she ends up with a lower score because it's not clean I remind her that it's still an achievement as a month ago or however long ago she couldn't even do the move let alone compete it!

My dd was once given her floor routine and she listed the elements and there were 3 elements that she couldn't do one needed light spotting one needed heavy spotting and one she had only ever done drills for. It was less than one month to her first competition and I thought that she had got her floor moves muddled up with someone else. But no that is what the coach had planned for her and at that competition she competed all the new moves and successfully landed them, even though one of the moves she only finally mastered a week before, it wasn't her cleanest floor routine and she finished last on floor but it was the proudest I have ever been of her as the effort she put in was so much more to me than any medal she has got. Yes she would of probably scored higher without the new moves but the new moves were added to improve her progression in the future and at each following competition she got cleaner and cleaner.

 

[munchkin3]

I guess things change too as you move up in levels. For level 3, I might expect my kid to try and stick, or be a good teammate- or stretch fully, or hold her handstand in beam for a full 3 'gymnastics'.... at level 7-8, i just pray she stays in- doing it- it's grueling..... it's very different now- I don't put anything on her now. I just try to keep her healthy.

 

[ascarter1]

As your child moves up, your perspective changes as a parent! My dd is lv 8, and my only focus is for her to not get hurt! Enjoy yourself at the lower levels, it's not as easy to do that in the upper levels!

 

[skschlag]

As your child moves up, your perspective changes as a parent! My dd is lv 8, and my only focus is for her to not get hurt! Enjoy yourself at the lower levels, it's not as easy to do that in the upper levels!

I hear ya! Every time he walks into the gym, I think, "is this the day?" I tell him the same thing every practice, every meet, and I know it will sound strange to some of you but it fits our family : "Work hard, have fun, don't die." (please don't get offended by that...it's his thing)