WAG She's just not team-track: breaking it to parents

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wh/gh

Coach
Hi all,
Wondering if you all have any advice about how I, as a rec and preschool coach should break it to parents if they ask me about team possibilities for their kid.

I have one 7-year-old child in particular in intro girls' classes. Her mother keeps asking me about private lessons (I don't do them), possibility of moving up to pre-team. I told her the kid is past the age for pre-team but also told her we want talent at any age and mentioned some things we're still working on to improve. Didn't tell her her kid doesn't have what it takes to get noticed and picked for JO at a later age. I think she's moved up quickly in dance and has the expectation (or her mother has the expectation) that gymnastics will work the same way.

In this particular scenario I think I should have been more honest about the fact that she will not get into get into the JO program here, and maybe brought up Xcel as a possibility a few years down the line. But in general, coaches, how do you break this news to parents? Parents, how would you react to what I said or what do you think is the best way to say something like this?
 
As hard as it might be to hear, if my daughter was 7 (young!!) and yet, still "too old" for preteam at this specific gym, I would not want to be strung along thinking "if only Susie works on x and y she can make JO in another year." I would want to know what the best options were for my daughter. I would want you to tell me kindly, but objectively. I would want you to encourage me that there may be competitive options, such as Xcel, or another gym, and that hard work is the primary indicator of future success. But I would not want to be led to believe my daughter has a shot at JO team at your gym if it is highly unlikely.

I would want you to tell me, privately...

"Hi Susie's Mom, I really enjoy coaching Susie and I appreciate her hard work and enthusiasm in class. I want her to be as successful as possible. So I'm going to be absolutely honest with you because I know she is interested in team. Is that ok? Can I be completely honest? OK. How it works at this gym, JO pre-team is generally for ages 4-6 (or whatever). The JO coaches have many girls interested in team, and need to be very selective. To get invited onto pre-team, the expectation is that girls have x,y,and z skills/abilities by the age of 6, which only a small percentage of girls do. Although the team coaches do sometimes take older girls, Susie would need to have skills/abilities x,y,z very quickly, and based on where she is now, the possibility of making the JO team here may not be realistic. If Susie really wants to compete, I would recommend the Xcel program here at our gym (which I'm happy to give you details about), or you may want to let her try out at other gyms in the area as each gym has its own different qualifications for joining their team. Ultimately, hard work is what will determine her success in any program, and I know she's a hard worker. Although I would be sad not to be her coach anymore, I want what is best for her goals, so I feel it is my responsibility to give you all the information so you can make the best decision for your daughter. "

Also, if the team/pre-team coaches do "evaluations" for pre-team, is it possible the mom could request one? Perhaps hearing from the "team" coach that Susie isn't ready / not a fit for the program would take the pressure off of you.

Good luck. I know us parents can be defensive about out 'special snowflakes', but if the sweet little 7 year old girl really wants to compete, it's not in the child's best interest to keep her in a rec program that will pass her over and crush her hopes when she's 8 and thinks she can then join the team.
 
That's a tough one. I have only had to do it once, and it was not a particularly fun meeting but I was honest, kind and felt it went well and the parents were understanding. In my case it was a kid who was already in pre-team when I took it over, she would not have been in the program to begin with on my watch.
I don't think it's a conversation many parent wants to have, or will be able to receive in a good way. Nobody ever wants to find out their kid isn't "good enough". So, there are ways to spin it that would be more gentle. I'm a big fan of honesty, but it can be delivered kindly and with options.
There is nothing wrong with saying that a child isn't ready for team/preteam yet. I have to tell kids/parents that they aren't quite there yet all the time. It does help to have some specifics, as in "Suzie must have her BHC and ticktock before preteam would even consider her" but if you feel this kid would be rejected because of age once that is accomplished, then I would perhaps prepare mom for that and hype up the alternative program for "late starters" (or whatever spin you put on it).
I once had a Mom who was so insistent that her DD needed to be at a certain level that I had to go as far as writing down every single skill needed for that level and then crossing off the ones her DD didn't have in red while checking the ones she DID have in green. It was a very red page with a couple of green spots. This was not ideal by any means, but it was the only way to show this mom on paper why her child wasn't moved up (and this was after many, many conversations trying to be less blunt).

There's also nothing wrong with "only" doing rec gymnastics. If your program goes high enough in their rec classes, you can have kids go all the way to practically be ready for HS gymnastics if they wanted to.

Good luck! I guess my main point is, if you don't have set policies in place for what is required for preteam/team, get on that as it is so helpful to be able to have concrete things to refer to. :)
 
It can take a parent a lot of courage to ask that sort of question. Answer it as honestly as you can. It may not be what they want to hear, but it is the information they need to make decisions for their child.

If a child isn't going to make team in your gym they may in another with less age restrictions, or they may want to allocate their valuable leisure hours to a sport where they can experience more success. At the very least parents need the information in order to manage the expectations of their child.

Nobody benefits when you don't call it as it is.
 
She's 7.

I would go with something like..

"At the moment little Suzie doesn't have what we're looking for in JO team gymnasts. If she progresses as we anticipate, it's likely she'll enjoy Xcel gymnastics if she wants to compete (outline the Xcel program).

However, she's 7, things can change. If she still loves her classes, we'll reassess as time goes on. She'll continue to learn and be challenged in gymnastics. In the meantime I suggest you make the most of not having the time commitment of JO and have her learn to swim, keep up the dance, and try out lots of other sports too."
 
This is a hard one as a parent who had a somewhat similar issue.. My DD had a fun, but basically unsuccessful year at age 6 at a small, but very nice, gym in our area. We knew she had more potential and began looking around. We went to a very competitive gym in our area, and were basically told (in a very dismissive way) she could go to back to preteam, but no guarantees that she would ever move up, as she was almost too old (at just turned 7) to get the basic skills. When we walked out my DD said "I will never go back in there". We then went to another well known gym near us where they welcomed her with open arms. Long story short, she won almost every meet at L3 last year and AA at States. She corrected form issues from the old gym with lots of hard work and determination and scored between 36-38.5 every meet.

Point is, if she had been written off at 7 then she wouldn't be where she is today, skill wise or confidence wise. And believe me, she had lots of sloppy form, etc. only just over a year ago.

Of course, every situation is different, but you hate to hear about kids being written off so young.

Good luck!! Let us know how it turns out.
 
Another parent of "too old" and "not talented" gymnast. You have to be honest and let the parents know exactly where the child stands at your gym. When I talked to DD's old gym's owner, I was told "she is too old for JO pre-team, our pre-team consists of 4-5 year olds", and "I have very high standards for my JO team and I just don't see it in her". It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it was honest, and I knew if we stayed at that gym, she would never make JO, so I took her somewhere else, where she was accepted to JO team right away.
I understand that turning them away would be sending business to the gyms' competitors, but if you are looking for the child's best interests, that's the right thing to do.
 
Different gyms have different objectives and philosophies.
Some gyms are not as highly selective, and therefore have a much more relaxed feel with less hours and less commitment. I could even say these kids have 'fun' competing....
Others are very selective and want their 7 year olds to be groomed for those optional levels, with a different competitive MINDSET.....

It would be 'bad' to take a kid without a decent amount of talent, take the family's money, only so that kid could be at the bottom of the totem pole, and struggling at meets, at that competitive gym.
This is no fun for the kid, or the family, and will probably lead to the family leaving on a sour note.....

Be honest. give them some alternative gyms that may have a less competitive JO Program, and of course offer the XCel track....

But, then again.....some kids blossom later.....

Remind the family of the time commitment and money that families with "talented" kids must sacrifice.......maybe give some examples of girls on the upper team and what they have had to go through to get to L7.......
 
Not sure I understand, with the advent of Xcel I haven't had any child who sets the goal of competing and puts on the work for it not be able to do some level. It shouldn't be difficult or awkward at all to tell a mother her daughter is on track for Xcel bronze competition and needs her pullover and back hip circle.
 
I think you've gotten lots of helpful advice but in response to what you said in your initial post I would add that I wouldn't say "we look for talent" (implying her daughter doesn't have talent....even if it is true. ..the mom will understand from everything else you're saying that you don't consider her to be obviously promising and I don't see much reason to use that language. Plus you really never know. People really can surprise you especially kids. If she's a good dancer she is at least got a leg up on floor exercise. I'm not saying you're wrong to conclude she isn't JO material...just trying to make the conversation go more smoothly.
 
As a parent, I'd much rather hear the truth. Especially if the little girl (or mom?) has her heart set on team. That way they can either adjust their expectations, find another gym/program that'll fit, or try another sport.

But please be as gentle as possible.
 
It may also be helpful to point out that most girls do rec gymnastics and a select few are involved in team (even if your gym happens to be team heavy). At dd's old gym there were 1000 rec kids and about 100 team kids, so it helped to point out to parents that only 1 in 10 kids did team when having to let them down easy.
 
It is hard for me to say these things to a parent because I also hate the age barrier to serious training and competition. I joined JO level 4 at age 13 - though I wasn't ever talented or too successful - but it was a valuable experience for me. Of course I didn't contribute anything to the gym's team program (I also had a bad attitude hahahahah...oh, being a teenager...).

At my gym Xcel is technically considered team but the Xcel coaches and gymnasts don't really feel it is treated as such. Also, to get on the Xcel team you have to be ready to compete at Gold or Platinum (have your backhandspring, etc). So it would be a few years down the line for this kid who has her pullover and cartwheel.

My best advice for this kid would probably be to go to a gym that is more centered around the experience of learning gymnastics and less around winning medals in the JO team program. But as an employee I can't say that. My best advice to MYSELF would be to work at a different gym once I have the means to get a car.

I also don't really know how much is the kid wanting to compete, or the mother wanting to. She enjoys class but she does not ask me about other opportunities on her own. She always goes to meet her mom in the hallway, and then comes back in with a new question about pre-team, or private lessons, or how soon she will move up...
 
Thanks to everyone for the advice. These are things I think I can implement:
  • Clarifying specific skills/prerequisites she would need to move to team or to Xcel.
  • Honesty about the team program's unlikeliness
  • Reiterating that rec is not a lesser experience than team (especially since she's involved in other things that take a lot of time!)
Unfortunately as a measly rec/preschool coach I don't have any control over how we pick for team. Someday when I'm the head coach ha ha ha.

I think this thread turned into a rant about the objectives of my workplaces. Oops.
 
If the girl doesn't have what "it" takes, you should be able to specify what she is lacking. A kid who is young and who has moved up quickly in dance is clearly coordinated, flexible, strong, and able to take directions. I cannot imagine why there wouldn't be a place for her at some level of gymnastics somewhere.
 
I agree that you need to be honest about ability without insulting any program or the child's current/long term potential.

  • Reiterating that rec is not a lesser experience than team (especially since she's involved in other things that take a lot of time!)

This drives me nuts... parents who constantly harass for more and then don't want to add that extra day/hour because of X,Y, Z or because '2 days/2 hours is too much for my six year old' The info was all laid out for you, but you pushed for something you are not willing to commit to.
 
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With the new info in mind, I would tell her that the best thing she can do now is to start taking as many rec classes as possible so that she is closer to pre-team hours. If after 6 months of coming 5-6 hours/week, she isn't going to be considered for your team she probably will be ready for a "less selective team" at another gym, so her time will not be wasted.
 
Thanks to everyone for the advice. These are things I think I can implement:
  • Clarifying specific skills/prerequisites she would need to move to team or to Xcel.
  • Honesty about the team program's unlikeliness
  • Reiterating that rec is not a lesser experience than team (especially since she's involved in other things that take a lot of time!)
Unfortunately as a measly rec/preschool coach I don't have any control over how we pick for team. Someday when I'm the head coach ha ha ha.

I think this thread turned into a rant about the objectives of my workplaces. Oops.

My advice is try to talk to the gym owner about starting a Bronze/Silver group. It only takes 2 hours twice a week at the outset and you could just do a few competitions. Even if they don't compete and are just an Xcel "preteam" for the Gold group.
 

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