For Parents Short window to get invited to team - not sure if I'm too involved/CGM

[momstrong]

I've posted dd's situation a few times, but quick recap. She just started pre-team in January (6 hours/week plus she does an acro dance class). She was in level 4 rec prior. Our gym created this special pre-team class for a small group. Normally, they only have mini pre-team with little girls. DD just turned 10 this week, so definitely on the older side to move to JO, I fully realize. She will likely always be the oldest. When she was invited to this class, they said the goal is to have the girls ready by this summer to train level 3 skills and begin competition season in Sept. Her coach has only positive things to say about her when I see her. But...

I don't often watch, but dd asked me to watch last class because it was her birthday. I will occasionally watch a small part of the end of a class if I'm early for pickup. To me, it looks like she isn't trying her hardest and is still "having fun" with her gf that also came over from rec with her. But maybe that is not for me to assume? I know I can't make her want this or to try her hardest. It has to come from her. She says she really wants more than anything to be on team. I just feel like she is on this time crunch to get up to speed/catch up and this is her only/last chance, then if she is invited to team, she will have more hours and then I can relax a little. I know the whole journey will be a trial and a blessing, but it seems she needs to just get her on team at this point if there's any hope of going this route. She did say the coach said if some girls aren't invited to team in May they might still be invited later in the summer, but I can't imagine the training will be the same or as many hours and with a fall comp. season summer is important. I've had her do a few privates and will try for a few more before decisions are made in May.

I should probably just sit back and see how it plays out and not stress about it and trust the coaching!

 

[gymgal]

I don't often watch, but dd asked me to watch last class because it was her birthday. I will occasionally watch a small part of the end of a class if I'm early for pickup. To me, it looks like she isn't trying her hardest and is still "having fun" with her gf that also came over from rec with her. But maybe that is not for me to assume? I know I can't make her want this or to try her hardest. It has to come from her. She says she really wants more than anything to be on team. I just feel like she is on this time crunch to get up to speed/catch up and this is her only/last chance, then if she is invited to team, she will have more hours and then I can relax a little.

You have to just let it go. You can't make her try harder if she already feels she is trying her hardest and really wants to be on team. I think a lot of parents (including me) have felt the same as you at one point or another. It's normal. But you have to just ride it out. And just a bit of foresight - you will never "relax a little". Once she is on team, then it's: does she have her skills well enough to be competitive? will she move to the next level? When will she get her ___ and if she doesn't will that hold her back? etc... life of a gym-mom or dad.

I will also say that I have been guilty of assuming that my dd was goofing around too much in practice, not trying her hardest, not taking advantage of every turn, etc. But I think that was an unfair assumption. Sometimes kids just need to grow into their added responsibilities. And remember that this is new to her. There is a big difference between rec and pre-team in what is trained, the expected level of work and dedication, etc. This takes time to adjust to.

 

[ldw4mlo]

It's her journey to take. And watching one day, especially on her birthday is going to give you the whole story. Perhaps touch base with the coach.

I can however assure you there is no moment when you stop worrying/stressing. Especially if this is stressing you, there will be no relaxing up ahead.

 

[ldw4mlo]

I should probably just sit back and see how it plays out and not stress about it and trust the coaching!

This is the advice you should take.

 

[NY Dad]

if she is invited to team, she will have more hours and then I can relax a little.

I'm sure it feels that way now but there's always going to be the next thing to worry about.

 

[Sasha]

I'm going to be the slight contrarian in the bunch, and suggest that if your gut is telling you she may not be giving 'enough' in the class to reach her goal of promotion this round, then a quick private check-in with an approachable coach may help ease your mind. Of course, one day of observation is unlikely to be representative, so up to you if you feel observing a little more is appropriate.

If you do decide to inquire, don't bug the coach to death... but if it's been a bit since you had a semi-formal check-in, it might be ok to schedule something to ask how she thinks your DD is doing, if it's still realistic that she could make team for this upcoming season, and in her honest opinion if she is seeing the work ethic that she's looking for. I probably wouldn't mention your own observations or concerns - just ask the coach for her perception, and openly welcome honesty.

It is reasonable for a family potentially planning for new team commitments to check in a couple months before decisions are being made to get a sense whether your daughter is still 'on track' or if there are any concerns. For example, if a child is struggling with something, some privates could potentially swing the pendulum. Or if attitude or work ethic actually were a concern, helping a child (especially an older kid like a 10 year old) understand what is expected and give her the opportunity to self-correct is also worth a try.

I have a bit of a bias (don't we all) as I have seen a couple families NOT address something their gut told them might be a concern, and feel 'burned' when their child didn't reach the agreed-upon goal for a potentially-addressable reason. The families felt that they should have gotten some kind of 'heads up' about the issue in the months prior so that they could have tried to address it. I have also failed to act soon enough when my gut was screaming that I should intervene. So I tend to err on the side of politely and humbly inquiring, as long as it's not frequent or pestering.

 

[NY Dad]

I'm going to be the slight contrarian in the bunch, and suggest that if your gut is telling you she may not be giving 'enough' in the class to reach her goal of promotion this round, then a quick private check-in with an approachable coach may help ease your mind.

I wasn't specifically disagreeing with you, I was only commenting on:

if she is invited to team, she will have more hours and then I can relax a little.

momstrong is worried about what's in front of her right now.

If her dd makes the level 3 team but at some point in the future she finds out that her dd doesn't have a front hip circle and if she doesn't get it in the next 2 weeks the coach will make her scratch bars, I'm guessing momstrong will be worried about that.

The funny thing is that I'm in a similar situation, I've just realized that the time to (try to) relax is now b/c it's not going to get easier (for us or our gymmies). (But don't hold my comments against me b/c I also post a lot of questions. I think comments/opinions from those that have been through it before or are also going through the same thing are very helpful).

 

[gymnastmom05]

I'm not sure if the situation is different but I do know I went in to watch practice back when my daughter was 8/close to 9. While she wasn't in trouble with her coaches, she was in trouble with me. Instead of working at her station, she was dancing around with another friend. They would do what they were suppose to do, take a minute, dance around, laugh, etc and go do another turn. I put it this way to her, "This is not a 4 hour playdate, if you want to dance around and play with your friends, I can arrange that BUT I am not paying this much money for a playdate.". I have expectations if I'm going to fork out thousands of dollars a year - 1. maintain good grades 2. I expect you to work hard 3. I don't want complaints about having to go to practice. I want this to be fun and want her to enjoy her time. There is just a time and a place for all of those things and this is a lot of money. She also knows she has the option of Rec Team if those expectations are too much. It really only took the one comment for her to realize it's all in her hands.

 

[momstrong]

Thank you all for the responses. I debated posting my thoughts as it is probably more of a vent and wanting to hear from some of you that might have been through something similar. And you're all so right that the stress will not lessen. That is not in my nature. I'm already thinking ahead to "if" she makes team will she be the lowest scoring, etc. I know I need to stop! Maybe I need counseling!

I think I will check in with the coach before too long. She has been responsive to email, so that is helpful - I don't have to grab her at the end of class.

Thanks all for your wise words! I love this forum.

 

[momstrong]

This is the advice you should take.

I know this is the answer. I think it would be easier if she were 7 or younger. I blame myself for not getting her on this track sooner. I think older brother's sports took precedence and now I am trying to make up for it and hoping it's not too late for her! I am so thankful they have given her this opportunity.

 

[momstrong]

I'm going to be the slight contrarian in the bunch, and suggest that if your gut is telling you she may not be giving 'enough' in the class to reach her goal of promotion this round, then a quick private check-in with an approachable coach may help ease your mind. Of course, one day of observation is unlikely to be representative, so up to you if you feel observing a little more is appropriate.

If you do decide to inquire, don't bug the coach to death... but if it's been a bit since you had a semi-formal check-in, it might be ok to schedule something to ask how she thinks your DD is doing, if it's still realistic that she could make team for this upcoming season, and in her honest opinion if she is seeing the work ethic that she's looking for. I probably wouldn't mention your own observations or concerns - just ask the coach for her perception, and openly welcome honesty.

It is reasonable for a family potentially planning for new team commitments to check in a couple months before decisions are being made to get a sense whether your daughter is still 'on track' or if there are any concerns. For example, if a child is struggling with something, some privates could potentially swing the pendulum. Or if attitude or work ethic actually were a concern, helping a child (especially an older kid like a 10 year old) understand what is expected and give her the opportunity to self-correct is also worth a try.

I have a bit of a bias (don't we all) as I have seen a couple families NOT address something their gut told them might be a concern, and feel 'burned' when their child didn't reach the agreed-upon goal for a potentially-addressable reason. The families felt that they should have gotten some kind of 'heads up' about the issue in the months prior so that they could have tried to address it. I have also failed to act soon enough when my gut was screaming that I should intervene. So I tend to err on the side of politely and humbly inquiring, as long as it's not frequent or pestering.

 

[momstrong]

I'm going to be the slight contrarian in the bunch, and suggest that if your gut is telling you she may not be giving 'enough' in the class to reach her goal of promotion this round, then a quick private check-in with an approachable coach may help ease your mind. Of course, one day of observation is unlikely to be representative, so up to you if you feel observing a little more is appropriate.

If you do decide to inquire, don't bug the coach to death... but if it's been a bit since you had a semi-formal check-in, it might be ok to schedule something to ask how she thinks your DD is doing, if it's still realistic that she could make team for this upcoming season, and in her honest opinion if she is seeing the work ethic that she's looking for. I probably wouldn't mention your own observations or concerns - just ask the coach for her perception, and openly welcome honesty.

It is reasonable for a family potentially planning for new team commitments to check in a couple months before decisions are being made to get a sense whether your daughter is still 'on track' or if there are any concerns. For example, if a child is struggling with something, some privates could potentially swing the pendulum. Or if attitude or work ethic actually were a concern, helping a child (especially an older kid like a 10 year old) understand what is expected and give her the opportunity to self-correct is also worth a try.

I have a bit of a bias (don't we all) as I have seen a couple families NOT address something their gut told them might be a concern, and feel 'burned' when their child didn't reach the agreed-upon goal for a potentially-addressable reason. The families felt that they should have gotten some kind of 'heads up' about the issue in the months prior so that they could have tried to address it. I have also failed to act soon enough when my gut was screaming that I should intervene. So I tend to err on the side of politely and humbly inquiring, as long as it's not frequent or pestering.

I agree I want to be proactive, but not to the point of pestering or being that annoying mom. I don't know what the balance is for coaches/program directors.

 

[momstrong]

I wasn't specifically disagreeing with you, I was only commenting on:

momstrong is worried about what's in front of her right now.

If her dd makes the level 3 team but at some point in the future she finds out that her dd doesn't have a front hip circle and if she doesn't get it in the next 2 weeks the coach will make her scratch bars, I'm guessing momstrong will be worried about that.

Yep, your guessing would be accurate!

 

[momstrong]

I'm not sure if the situation is different but I do know I went in to watch practice back when my daughter was 8/close to 9. While she wasn't in trouble with her coaches, she was in trouble with me. Instead of working at her station, she was dancing around with another friend. They would do what they were suppose to do, take a minute, dance around, laugh, etc and go do another turn. I put it this way to her, "This is not a 4 hour playdate, if you want to dance around and play with your friends, I can arrange that BUT I am not paying this much money for a playdate.". I have expectations if I'm going to fork out thousands of dollars a year - 1. maintain good grades 2. I expect you to work hard 3. I don't want complaints about having to go to practice. I want this to be fun and want her to enjoy her time. There is just a time and a place for all of those things and this is a lot of money. She also knows she has the option of Rec Team if those expectations are too much. It really only took the one comment for her to realize it's all in her hands.

It sounds very similar. My dd and gf might not be dancing, but there's chatting, throwing in their acro skills in between drills they are supposed to be doing, etc. I LOVE your quote. I've said similar, but not so blunt. Her gf also goes to her school and we carpool so you would think they spend enough time together that they don't need to chat in practice!! And same, my dd has seen the rec XCEL team at our gym and doesn't want that as her goal. Most of them do not have clean skills and many don't have basic skills. I suppose it is a backup, but definitely not her desired. I fear the gym will track her there if she isn't invited though.

 

[NutterButter]

I've posted dd's situation a few times, but quick recap. She just started pre-team in January (6 hours/week plus she does an acro dance class). She was in level 4 rec prior. Our gym created this special pre-team class for a small group. Normally, they only have mini pre-team with little girls. DD just turned 10 this week, so definitely on the older side to move to JO, I fully realize. She will likely always be the oldest. When she was invited to this class, they said the goal is to have the girls ready by this summer to train level 3 skills and begin competition season in Sept. Her coach has only positive things to say about her when I see her. But...

I don't often watch, but dd asked me to watch last class because it was her birthday. I will occasionally watch a small part of the end of a class if I'm early for pickup. To me, it looks like she isn't trying her hardest and is still "having fun" with her gf that also came over from rec with her. But maybe that is not for me to assume? I know I can't make her want this or to try her hardest. It has to come from her. She says she really wants more than anything to be on team. I just feel like she is on this time crunch to get up to speed/catch up and this is her only/last chance, then if she is invited to team, she will have more hours and then I can relax a little. I know the whole journey will be a trial and a blessing, but it seems she needs to just get her on team at this point if there's any hope of going this route. She did say the coach said if some girls aren't invited to team in May they might still be invited later in the summer, but I can't imagine the training will be the same or as many hours and with a fall comp. season summer is important. I've had her do a few privates and will try for a few more before decisions are made in May.

I should probably just sit back and see how it plays out and not stress about it and trust the coaching!

Mom of an 'older' gymnast reporting here! My DD was an 11 year old L4 which sounds like the path your DD is on. I bolded a few things above that I will comment on. Assuming a level/year (and skipping either 5 or 6), your DD will be the oldest until she hits L8. I won't lie, some aspects of being the oldest are sucky but it's worked out. Having teammates 2-3 years younger was a bigger deal when DD was starting middle school and most of her teammates were 3rd & 4th grades. Now that all are in middle school it's less of an issue. They are all more or less the same-level maturity. The other thing that has been tough is that once puberty sets it, it truly does seem harder and take longer to get new skills. She fights for every skill as is and having to deal with a changing body just adds to that. But - the big positive I see with her being older is that while many of her teammates have gotten burnt out and question their commitment or quit when they hit middle school, hers has never faltered. She was just getting into the sport at a point when many question it. My DD is hoping to stay in gym through high school.

Regarding watching--- yeah, don't watch on her birthday. Seriously though, consider what they are doing at the end of practice. At DD's gym the last rotation is strength. It's hard and they are all tired by I often do see more smiles and talking during strength. They often work in groups or have little challenges so it looks like fun. Not sure if this is a factor at your DD's gym.

Finally, your comment of feeling stress on your DD's need to catch up resonates the most with me. I felt this way. All. The. Time. This is the first year that I'm not feeling this. I wish I would have listened to her coaches early on as it would have saved me a ton of stress. When she was first invited to join JO we talked a lot about her age. They said to be patient. That she would hopefully progress and within a few years she wouldn't necessarily be the oldest both on her team and in age groups at meets. So true. In retrospect, I think they were able to accurately size up her potential and timeline which obviously I couldn't do. I now believe that they never would have offered her JO if they felt she couldn't do it. My DD is a solid gymnast but no superstar. She has steadily and slowly progressed with getting skills. In your situation, I have to believe that your DD's coaches know what they are doing....especially since they created this additional pre-team group of what sounds like slightly older kids. In other words - they seem to be breaking from their typical pattern of a young pre-team group to give more kids an opportunity. They must feel this group has the potential to meet whatever criteria they have for L3 (or else why even bother with this new group).

 

[momstrong]

Mom of an 'older' gymnast reporting here! My DD was an 11 year old L4 which sounds like the path your DD is on. I bolded a few things above that I will comment on. Assuming a level/year (and skipping either 5 or 6), your DD will be the oldest until she hits L8. I won't lie, some aspects of being the oldest are sucky but it's worked out. Having teammates 2-3 years younger was a bigger deal when DD was starting middle school and most of her teammates were 3rd & 4th grades. Now that all are in middle school it's less of an issue. They are all more or less the same-level maturity. The other thing that has been tough is that once puberty sets it, it truly does seem harder and take longer to get new skills. She fights for every skill as is and having to deal with a changing body just adds to that. But - the big positive I see with her being older is that while many of her teammates have gotten burnt out and question their commitment or quit when they hit middle school, hers has never faltered. She was just getting into the sport at a point when many question it. My DD is hoping to stay in gym through high school.

Regarding watching--- yeah, don't watch on her birthday. Seriously though, consider what they are doing at the end of practice. At DD's gym the last rotation is strength. It's hard and they are all tired by I often do see more smiles and talking during strength. They often work in groups or have little challenges so it looks like fun. Not sure if this is a factor at your DD's gym.

Finally, your comment of feeling stress on your DD's need to catch up resonates the most with me. I felt this way. All. The. Time. This is the first year that I'm not feeling this. I wish I would have listened to her coaches early on as it would have saved me a ton of stress. When she was first invited to join JO we talked a lot about her age. They said to be patient. That she would hopefully progress and within a few years she wouldn't necessarily be the oldest both on her team and in age groups at meets. So true. In retrospect, I think they were able to accurately size up her potential and timeline which obviously I couldn't do. I now believe that they never would have offered her JO if they felt she couldn't do it. My DD is a solid gymnast but no superstar. She has steadily and slowly progressed with getting skills. In your situation, I have to believe that your DD's coaches know what they are doing....especially since they created this additional pre-team group of what sounds like slightly older kids. In other words - they seem to be breaking from their typical pattern of a young pre-team group to give more kids an opportunity. They must feel this group has the potential to meet whatever criteria they have for L3 (or else why even bother with this new group).

I LOVE this! Thank you, NutterButter! What a cute username too. I needed to hear from a mom of an "older" gymnast. We seem to definitely be in the minority. I sure hope my dd can follow your dd's path. It gives me more hope and inspiration.

 

[Lizandkatiemama]

Another mom of an older gymnast here! My DD didn't even take her first rec class until a couple weeks before she turned 9. But she picked things up quickly & made team about 6 months later. She didn't have her ROBH when she made team but over the summer got that & the rest of her level 3 skills. But I gotta tell you - while she was struggling - and everyone else was getting their skills - it stressed me out thinking she was NEVER gonna get that ROBH! She competed level 3 as a 10 year old & ended up finishing the season winning 1st AA in her age group.

She ended up moving on to level 6 after scoring out of level 4 & 5 at one meet so she competed level 6 as an 11 year old. Broke her leg a couple weeks before state (hyperextended her knee & her femur hit the top of her tibia & fractured it). But since they initially thought it was ACL & MCL, breaking it was actually the better outcome. Was out of tumbling for 10 weeks but she still went & trained 5 days a week - came out of that injury much stronger than she was before it! Silver lining? LOL!

She did level 7 as a 12 year old & did level 8 this year at 13. State is next weekend. Though she got a late start in the sport compared to most, I think being older has had it's advantages. She went from training 9 hours/3 days a week as a level 3 to training 16 hours/5 days a week the next year as a level 6. That was hard for me to agree to & get used to w/her being 10/11 - I don't think I could have done it if she'd only been 7 or 8! I was also glad she'd had a chance to play soccer, take ballet & do ice skating - it made her decision to stick to "just" gymnastics easier.

Anyway, I just wanted to reassure you that getting a late start can still work out really well - and your gymnast can be very successful!

 

[momstrong]

Another mom of an older gymnast here! My DD didn't even take her first rec class until a couple weeks before she turned 9. But she picked things up quickly & made team about 6 months later. She didn't have her ROBH when she made team but over the summer got that & the rest of her level 3 skills. But I gotta tell you - while she was struggling - and everyone else was getting their skills - it stressed me out thinking she was NEVER gonna get that ROBH! She competed level 3 as a 10 year old & ended up finishing the season winning 1st AA in her age group.

She ended up moving on to level 6 after scoring out of level 4 & 5 at one meet so she competed level 6 as an 11 year old. Broke her leg a couple weeks before state (hyperextended her knee & her femur hit the top of her tibia & fractured it). But since they initially thought it was ACL & MCL, breaking it was actually the better outcome. Was out of tumbling for 10 weeks but she still went & trained 5 days a week - came out of that injury much stronger than she was before it! Silver lining? LOL!

She did level 7 as a 12 year old & did level 8 this year at 13. State is next weekend. Though she got a late start in the sport compared to most, I think being older has had it's advantages. She went from training 9 hours/3 days a week as a level 3 to training 16 hours/5 days a week the next year as a level 6. That was hard for me to agree to & get used to w/her being 10/11 - I don't think I could have done it if she'd only been 7 or 8! I was also glad she'd had a chance to play soccer, take ballet & do ice skating - it made her decision to stick to "just" gymnastics easier.

Anyway, I just wanted to reassure you that getting a late start can still work out really well - and your gymnast can be very successful!

Yay!! It is SO reassuring to hear from parents of gymnasts that got later starts! Your dd sure progressed quickly - amazing! The broken leg sounds scary, but what a silver lining that she came back stronger. Sounds like an amazing kid! I agree, I'm glad my dd had a chance to do other sports before now wanting to focus as well. She wants to stop piano too, but we are trying to keep that. I am really hoping that the increase in hours will make a huge difference.

Good look at state!! Thank you again. <3 <3