Anon Slow & Steady- how to support them?

[Anonymous (56ec)]

The title says it all. I have a kid who is slow and steady when it comes to gymnastics and frankly a lot of other parts of life, too. It’s really tough this time of year. Coaches are focused on transfers from other gyms, girls whose performance was so meteoric last season that they’re skipping or moving to junior elite or fast track, and especially fresh faces who are willing to do daytime/homeschool.

My daughter was an AA and multiple event state champion this year, but she’s at a nationally known gym where this puts her at the middle to bottom of the DP pack. I can tell she’s feeling lost in the shuffle as her workout group is shifting and girls are moving all over the place.

Homeschooling/daytime is not something I am willing to do as a parent. I am willing to support her in any other way, and I remind her that this is her journey, not anyone else’s, and at times it might look really different than her teammates’. I have also shown her examples of teammates’ progress from mymeetscores so she understands that plenty of the girls who move fast early take more time at certain levels later on.

She doesn’t understand how objectively good she is outside of her own gym nor that she could carry on at her current pace and be an excellent upper optionals gymnast. Her gym’s reputation means that it attracts a few of the best gymnasts in the region at every level every year, so this will always be a thing. I feel disappointed for her, but at the same time frustrated that her coaches are always giving so much attention to the shiny new kids without even a peep about the past season once it’s done.

Experienced parents: tell me what else I can say to my daughter who loves gymnastics but is way too aware of where she stands in her gym’s pecking order?

 

[Anonymous (6347)]

We are at a similar type of gym. My daughter has been a state champion, but she also is slow and steady. It takes her longer to learn things or get over her fears, but once she does she does it very well. She had to repeat her level because she wasn’t ready for the next level because she had a growth spurt and fear, etc. I resigned myself and tried to be really positive, and her repeat season was disappointing. But she will get to train up, so she’s excited to move on.
I also understand about the new girls, the top talent coming in from other places, the hopefuls coming in with their idea that this gym will make them gym stars, the people with enough money to do all the private lessons and extra training to hopefully advance their girl, the shiny new transfers, etc. The steady ones who’ve been there do seem to get lost in the shuffle. All I can offer is that you support your girl as long as she still loves the sport and make every effort to not compare her or let her compare herself to others. I’ve seen gymnasts come and go, and often the ones like your daughter last longer, go farther, and end up being the most successful in the long run.

 

[Anonymous (6463)]

How many years has this been happening? This is likely just a phase because they are in the middle of such changes with new groups and hopefully her thoughts settle as the training groups settle into their new patterns. However, you could offer her the option of finding a different gym that aligns better with hers and your family's priorities. She may be getting great coaching where you are but if she is not getting emotional component from her coaches and she is feeling "less-than", then the gym is not doing its best for her. Being at the best gym in the area is not always the best fit for every gymnast. Finding a gym that is not elite based and focuses on getting their gymnasts to college may be a better fit for her.

 

[RTT2]

My daughter is also slow and steady. I really like her gym and they don't fast track kids who've come up through the program, but they definitely fall prey to getting really excited about the shiny new transfers. Those kids can really suck up the oxygen for a while as the coaches get worked up about their potential while the steady kids who've always been there plugging away fade into the background. But, there has been an interesting phenomenon in our gym where the kids who come over and are made much of by the coaches score out of a level (this never happens with homegrown gymnasts no matter how talented) and then within a year or two quit the sport altogether. It's such a clear pattern my daughter and I now have a name for it when we see this starting to happen.

It's not always easy but I try to help my kid just focus on her progress and her path. The slow but steady train pulls into the station too, and it's not at all uncommon for the fast train to derail. Step by step, eyes on the road in front of you. It's tough not to get caught up in levels and ages and attention from the coaches, but I also remind myself that this is not all of life there ever will be. The highest placing kid isn't necessarily the one who gets the most out of the sport, who gains the most life lessons. Grit, determination, picking yourself up after hard days, after not being the favorite, not being the star but still working hard every day to be better- the knowledge that they have that ability inside of them is what the slow but steady kids will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

 

[Anonymous (ea46)]

Yours is not the first over the years asking about the 'slow and steady' athletes. What is a first is you considering your kid to be a 'slow and steady' when she is a state champion (in multiple events even!). That's quite impressive and kuddos to her!

With that said, it doesn't sound like your daughter's emotional needs are being met at her current gym if she is feeling 'less than'. Do you have other options that perhaps don't have the same churn factor as your current gym?

 

[Anonymous (56ec)]

My daughter is also slow and steady. I really like her gym and they don't fast track kids who've come up through the program, but they definitely fall prey to getting really excited about the shiny new transfers. Those kids can really suck up the oxygen for a while as the coaches get worked up about their potential while the steady kids who've always been there plugging away fade into the background. But, there has been an interesting phenomenon in our gym where the kids who come over and are made much of by the coaches score out of a level (this never happens with homegrown gymnasts no matter how talented) and then within a year or two quit the sport altogether. It's such a clear pattern my daughter and I now have a name for it when we see this starting to happen.

It's not always easy but I try to help my kid just focus on her progress and her path. The slow but steady train pulls into the station too, and it's not at all uncommon for the fast train to derail. Step by step, eyes on the road in front of you. It's tough not to get caught up in levels and ages and attention from the coaches, but I also remind myself that this is not all of life there ever will be. The highest placing kid isn't necessarily the one who gets the most out of the sport, who gains the most life lessons. Grit, determination, picking yourself up after hard days, after not being the favorite, not being the star but still working hard every day to be better- the knowledge that they have that ability inside of them is what the slow but steady kids will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

You articulated what I see at our gym better than I did. Our homegrown gymnasts rarely skip and aren’t anllowed into TOPS or homeschooling unless they’ve been asked to them from day 1. Meanwhile, new girls are offered all of the opportunities in the world and are seen for their potential, not their past scores.

I work in a corporate strategy role and I see the same thing in my industry- our employees rise very slowly through the ranks with matching small salary increases. New hires come in levels ahead of current employees who have the same experience and bigger salaries. It happens so often that my employees at certain levels all know to make lateral moves to other companies in order to be hired back at much higher levels/salaries at our company after a few years.

Yours is not the first over the years asking about the 'slow and steady' athletes. What is a first is you considering your kid to be a 'slow and steady' when she is a state champion (in multiple events even!). That's quite impressive and kuddos to her!

With that said, it doesn't sound like your daughter's emotional needs are being met at her current gym if she is feeling 'less than'. Do you have other options that perhaps don't have the same churn factor as your current gym?

Easily 1/3rd of the DP team at her gym were state champions this season, so she hardly stands out. I would happily switch to a better environment, but this is the best there is. The coaches, in spite of their annual fixation on new shiny athletes, are modern and coach in a healthy way, and that is part of what attracts so many athletes from other gyms. Other area gyms have athletes skip multiple levels, and if they are injured or burned out, they just send them to xcel and replace them with legions more tiny gymnasts from huge Level 2/3 squads. One of the reasons our gym attracts so many capable transfers is because of its positive reputation. Most of the other area gyms are increasingly known for having pretty sketchy cultures and training practices or they have given up on DP and gone to an xcel-only or rec-only model.

I guess I just worry that my daughter will eventually somehow lose her spot on the team as more talented girls come in from other gyms. Our gym ownership is new enough that I don’t know how they will behave when forced to make a choice between loyalty to long-time team members and making space for new, potential future elites from other gyms.

 

[gymjunkie]

You didn't really mention anything your daughter said about how she feels. Is she frustrated or are you worried about her potential frustration in the future because of the things you mentioned about the gym's climate?

I will tell you from experience that the environment you are describing is not one I would want to put/keep my daughter in. I have not even tolerated working in those types of gyms. One high-profile gym that I worked at bumped kids to excel who had previously made the recommended sacrifice to either homeschool or negotiate with their school for early release (which often meant changing schools to find one that would allow it). So in other words, they would put kids in the "favored group," only to kick them out when they later needed room for a transplant from another gym. To add insult to injury, the transplant kid usually transplanted to another gym within a few years (that was us). My daughter and I only stayed at this gym for a few season because we saw so much we did not care for (and BTW my daughter was in the coveted group/position the entire time we were there & was highly favored!). It was just as unhealthy for her to watch her teammates constantly lose their spots as it was for the teammates who were being demoted. This gym did not pressure the girls about their weight but had lots of kids with eating disorders nonetheless. I think that's what happens when your status on the team is so conditional.