For Parents So Sad for Little Bit

[Pineapple_Lump]

I think anyone whose been around gymnastics long enough knows this is how A LOT of coaches act when someone leaves their gym.

That is because people who have been around awhile realise that there are many crazy people involved with gymnastics.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Banned from the gym? At a meet that is open to the public? A mother and child? Really? Were you wearing T-shirts that said "Gym X Sucks! You should quit and join Gym Y instead!"???

In retrospect, I wish I HAD been wearing the other Gym's t shirt! HA HA! No, but seriously, the owners were so insecure they were so afraid girls coming back to "bad mouth" the gym. They just didn't realize that the girls just want to come cheer on their teammates. Crazy crazy crazy. And I supposedly was "recruiting" ... ?? Well, all I can say is that I was the worse recruiter in history if that was the case! Anyway, it was very, very sad for my DD. I was really heartbroken to watch her reaction to this whole thing since she was standing at the door w/me when we were blocked from entering.

I hope Lovofu can find a happy place for BOTH girls.

 

[NGL780309]

Well, in this case, Little Bit has an older sister still at the gym. I'm not sure what she could've done differently. It sounds like lovofu needed to be there for her older child and Little Bit had to come along. It wasn't like they showed up unannounced and disrupted the practice to say good-bye. Where we live, we have 2 gyms- the one my daughter competes at and the other one. There was a move the season before my daughter competed where 4 compulsory girls from the other gym moved to DD's gym. However in the competitions we were at with the other gym last season, I did not once see the other gym's coaches act rudely to their former girls. The parents of these girls confirmed this. I've seen the same from our coaches with a few older girls who moved to the other gym for optionals. There can be civility where gym switching is concerned. Our HC has the girls sign a form that says if they switch gyms locally, they can't come back to her gym. However, I've not seen her hold a grudge if they do switch. Lovofu, hopefully you find another gym for your older girl to switch to. Sounds like they will not be forgiving for moving Sophia.

We all know it shouldn't be ugly, but typically it is. Lovofu didn't say in her original post that she had to take her DD with her to watch her sister (that was a later post). She just said that she took her to cheer her sister on. My point is just that I find it hard to believe that Lovofu had no thought in her mind that it might cause a problem.

 

[NGL780309]

That is because people who have been around awhile realise that there are many crazy people involved with gymnastics.

Sad, but very true.

 

[NOG]

So you have a another child still at old gym? UGH! I would start looking for another place for her as well now. You will never feel comfortable or accepted there again. While that behavior towards a child is not acceptable in my book, if you look at it thru their eyes (owners, coaches, staff, ect...) you still being there will raise alot of questions among the parents. A simple question about why Sophia isn't there anymore will generate talk and because she left, probably negative talk. This sounds like they are doing damage control by not wanting Sophia any where near old friends or teamates. When kids leave, it's not usually just one, it can become contagious and gyms can loose entire teams! I know, because I was part of an entire L5 team that left one gym for another.

That's what I was about to post as well. While it's not right and more than a bit extreme to hollar at the other kids (but really from what you've described about the coach in the past - not surprising), the gym is trying to do damage control.

I'm sure that from their prospective, each time you show up (100x worse when you bring Sophia) they are worried about which Team parent you've talked to, which ones of those parents are asking you questions about the other program, which ones that asked questions are wanting to go check out the other program and then leave. (NOT AT ALL SAYING THAT YOU ARE EVEN SPEAKING TO THE TEAM PARENTS...JUST THAT I'M SURE THAT THAT COAHC SEES IT THAT WAY). Seeing you show up with Sophia (again, not saying it's right, but...) I'm sure that they believe 100% that you are chatting with the other parents about how happy Sophia is with the switch, and how happy you are with the switch, and how many things are wrong with the gym that they are at, etc....

Blackie is right - gyms can loose whole levels/teams and they are right to be nervous, BUT yelling at kids to stay away from Sophia will only push them out the door sooner. If they were smart, they would've asked to talk to you and explained their issues with you bringing Sophia and come to a solution. Honestly, I'm surprised that they didn't make it a 2 for 1 deal....you take Sophia out/you take older dd out. A lot gyms (and again, just from past behavior descriptions of these coaches that they fit this bill) would not allow you to keep older dd at the gym when you've taken younger dd to another program to compete against them (again not right, but that's the way it is). It would take a lot of trust on the part of both the old and current gym to accommadate that.

Good luck battling through this

TQM--- that is by far the most extreme case of owner paranoia I've heard of! We've had kids leave and come before. Our coaches always treat the kids and parents respectfully. Heck - most of the times our coaches are the first to go up and hug them and tell them what a great meet they had. SO GLAD that we have fab coaches and not the ones that you just described and LovofU describe

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

NOG... I DO agree w/you re: gym owners being paranoid about having parents come in and talk about their new gym.... BUT I think that the gym owners/coaches are think that they are cutting off any communication between people who have left and people who are still there arent' "living in the real world" either. The gym parents and girls become like a second family. We all talk to each other OUTSIDE of the gym as well. I think that IF the gym owners/coaches act so horribly, if REALLY starts to perpetuate the talk that they're so fearful of. I sure know that once my DD and I were treated so horribly, and at all places, at a meet they were hosting, I definitely had, and continue to have, NOTHING good to say about them at all. I will now go out of my way to never recommend them to anyone. (they have since "banned" two other families... on they are on a roll, aren't they?) On the other hand, I continue to recommend the gym where she participated in Prep Opt., as well as her current gym. Both places, we were, and are, treated with respect!!!!

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

WOW No wonder we have so many Rude kids in this worls, when adults do not even let
KIDS Talk to another kid!!


We ha a girl leave out gym and her mom was even still a coach, (she left sinc well she scored to high and was too good for our team, ~really not sure why but it seemed that way LOL~ anyhow The girls coach knew she would be at the first meet they went to and were
told to go say hi and cheer her on! I totally repspected the coach even more and I actally started not caring for this girl since she was "acting" better then the rest of the girls and my 2 were good friends at the beg. I just wish more adults help show the kids more respect!!!
but unfortunly this does not happen!!

 

[momof5]

This does not surprise me at all. When our former gym found out my older DD had left they confronted me the next time I showed up with little DD for her class. They told me my 5 year old was no longer welcome in their gym and they would happily refund my months tution for her but that she and I should not come back. We compete against them alot at each other meets and other meets around the area, It took 3 seasons for them to acknowledge and be friendly toward me and my older DD.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

wow...^^^that's nuts. kick the revenue stream out the door. geesh.

 

[NGL780309]

After my DD switched gyms and starting competing for the first time a few of the moms from our old gym texted me to see how she had done. She did better than anyone from our previous gym ever did scorewise and when these moms went back to the old gym and told the other parents they were asked not to talk about us to other parents. We didn't leave on really bad terms, but there was definitely drama involved. When a big group of girls at DD's new gym decided to go to a camp at DD's old gym (it's at the gym, but has nothing to do with their program, OGC) I opted out because I knew it would be uncomfortable for DD. I try to avoid these moments if at all possible. I'm already not looking forward to seeing her former coach when meet season starts. I'm not a fan of uncomfortable situations.

 

[BRB]

Sorry that this happened! It's shame when the kids know how to act, but then an adult behaves immaturely and, in this case, unprofessionally. It sounds like you made the right decision. Hope you can find another option for your other DD at a place where the whole family can feel comfortable.

 

[maddiemei]

That stinks for Sophia. I hope that she enjoys her new gym. I know that she will.

After my dd got kicked off of her team right before states (they found out who were switching gyms) I knew I wasn't going to take her back to the old gym to say goddbye. It was awkward enough when I went by there to get my booster club money from them. The worse part was when we went to states with our new gym. My dd was the only one competing level 3 for her new gym who was nice enough to take her. Well wouldn't you know it, she got put into the same rotation with her old gym. I was really nervous about how it was going to be. Was her old coach going to say something? Was her old team going to snub her? I knew that her new coach wouldn't let her old coach say anything to her and he was always there watching out for her. Her old team was just happy to have her there. They would let her sit with them and it was just nice.

Now fast forward about 2 months when we faced the old coach and her "favorite" team girls, the pre-op silver girls at a meet. My dd's teammate who had gone over with us, went up to the old coach to say hello. Old coach bent down to look at her and came face to face with her. Didn't say a word, just turned around and walked away.

 

[NOG]

NOG... I DO agree w/you re: gym owners being paranoid about having parents come in and talk about their new gym.... BUT I think that the gym owners/coaches are think that they are cutting off any communication between people who have left and people who are still there arent' "living in the real world" either. The gym parents and girls become like a second family. We all talk to each other OUTSIDE of the gym as well. I think that IF the gym owners/coaches act so horribly, if REALLY starts to perpetuate the talk that they're so fearful of. I sure know that once my DD and I were treated so horribly, and at all places, at a meet they were hosting, I definitely had, and continue to have, NOTHING good to say about them at all. I will now go out of my way to never recommend them to anyone. (they have since "banned" two other families... on they are on a roll, aren't they?) On the other hand, I continue to recommend the gym where she participated in Prep Opt., as well as her current gym. Both places, we were, and are, treated with respect!!!!

You are SO right! The owners can't control talk outside the gym so they become UBER controlling wherever they can, only to push even more parents away with their rotten behavior. They don't realize that by yelling at girls to 'stay away from her' or by banning a girl and parent from coming to a meet to support ex-teammates, they are making even more parents question why they still have their own dds in that program. There has to be a nicer way to handle things. Our coaches form a bond with the gymnasts and are always the first to tell ex-teammates what a great job they did or ask how they are doing when bumping into them. I've never heard of our coaches 'shunning' or banning gymmies that have left.

We did have one gymmie who made a 'decision to leave' in mid season, but thought that she could remain until after the season was over. They asked her to leave immediately. Their point was that if you're not happy with our program, please leave immediately...do not stay and talk negatively to other teammates about our program and all the reasons for leaving our program at the end of the season. That will only lead to more drama and negativity among the level. And yes, this girl was talking negatively about the program and had been some time. So her staying for another 8 weeks to talk badly about all the reason she was going to leave would have been bad for the program. BUT - they always supported her in her move and treated her respectfully whenever they ran into her and her mom. Matter of fact, she has since quit competitive gymnastics altogether and is back at our gym doing rec tumbling and was welcomed back with open arms.

Every competitive program is not the right fit for every gymnast and it is a wise gym/owner/program who can see that and maintain the civility in this sport. Poor behavior during times of switching can come back to bite a program in the rear end - like what happened to you (you'll NEVER have anything good to say about that gym/program because of how they handled your dd's switch). Word of mouth is the Best advertisement that there is - Gym owners should Be Aware AND Beware of that!!!!

I maintain that from everything that Sophia's mom has posted about the coaches behavior before, their reaction to bringing Sophia back to the gym at all was to be expected. They have never been supportive to kids - even while sophia was on team there - so I'm not surprised at all by the bad behavior that they displayed by yelling at the team girls to 'stay away from her'. I say keep sophia away from them - they will never be the coaches that will come up to congratulate her (heck they couldn't even do that while she was on their team - they def won't be now).

 

[gymjourneymom]

I'm sorry Sophia was treated rudely by her former coach. Really though, I would not have expected anything different after how you portrayed this coach in other threads. I'm not saying what he did was right in anyway. But by taking Sophia back there to watch her sister, you created an "attractive nuisance" to her former teammates. You had to know the other little girls would want to talk to their friend & that this would distrupt their team practice. I'm not saying what the coach did was right...but I can see he was trying to keep his team practice on track. My DD's coach gets upset if the girls spend too long during snack break anyway. I can imagine getting the team back on track after a surprise old friend encounter would be even harder. Not saying what this coach did was right & I'm not saying you or Sophia were there trying to distract anyone. I feel very sad for Sophia being put in that situation. But I can kind of see the coaches side too. Taking her back there so soon, while the wound was still to fresh for the coach. Remember by switching gyms you insulted his program & coaching style. Now you bring Sophia back and it distrupts his team practice. Honestly, how did you expect him to respond? As others have said it could have gone much worse! At least he's not giving your other DD a hard time. I think he's trying to let it go, but by having Sophia present during a team practice, distracting his team, I think you pushed him a little too far. JMHO.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

NOG - Perfect post!

 

[Gymdad2]

Its sad to read these posts about coaches and parents snubbing ex-teammates. I do have a different story. We went to a meet one time and there was an ex-teammate in our rotation. The girls got along fine and we sat with her mom and had a good chat. After awards we were talking to HC about where we would go for dinner. He noticed the girl and her mom and suggested to me that we invitte them to go with us. I did and we all went out together and had a nice time. HC and the girl and her mom got along fine just like they had when she was on our team. Just goes to show that it doesn't have to be a bad experience if everybody will act like an adult.

 

[NOG]

I agree Gymdad2, that is how our coaches would handle it. They love their girls (even if they've moved on to a different team). BUT - from all previous descriptions of the OP's coaches at old gym - that will never happen for them. It's sad, but I would always feel the need to shelter Sophia around those coaches and never let her be put into a position to see just how rotten they can act. Sadly, a lot of gyms/coaches would act just like them. I'm not agreeing with the behavior...I do understand the underlying fear that it stems from though. Sadly, those coaches are just not mature enough to know how to handle it.

Again - Word of mouth is the Best advertisement that there is - Gym owners should Be Aware AND Beware of that!!!! Ticked off families have very loud voices

 

[Bella's Mom]

Again - Word of mouth is the Best advertisement that there is - Gym owners should Be Aware AND Beware of that!!!! Ticked off families have very loud voices

This is so true! We had a family who was not able to handle the ownership change that we went through about a year and a half ago. They ended up leaving which is fine. Unfortunately, they also decided to post on the local Topix forum (horrible horrible site) and attacked our coach, her reputation, and the gym. It was just horrible and hurt our HC quite a bit. She told me that she knew about the comments but decided to take the high road and not engage the family in an online argument.

I admire her class but there were a few of us parents who were not content to allow the mudslinging to go unchecked. We made sure that we posted our very positive experiences with the gym and the new owner/HC and to refute the misinformation that was being spread through this medium.

 

[NOG]

This is so true! We had a family who was not able to handle the ownership change that we went through about a year and a half ago. They ended up leaving which is fine. Unfortunately, they also decided to post on the local Topix forum (horrible horrible site) and attacked our coach, her reputation, and the gym. It was just horrible and hurt our HC quite a bit. She told me that she knew about the comments but decided to take the high road and not engage the family in an online argument.

I admire her class but there were a few of us parents who were not content to allow the mudslinging to go unchecked. We made sure that we posted our very positive experiences with the gym and the new owner/HC and to refute the misinformation that was being spread through this medium.

You bring up a great point. On a forum such as this (or any other) we only get one side of story. In my mind there is always 3 sides to the story - (1) from person A, (1) from person B, and (1) that is somewhere in the middle, which is probably closest in actuality. Always a good thing to keep in mind when posting/responding to posts on here. Unless there is someone else posting who gives the other side of the story - don't assume that a poster has 100% of the facts correct. Not to say that anyone on here would purposely post inaccurate facts, just that we are all skewed by our own experiences and they slant our own views - NOT referring to the OP in this statement at all (so don't start throwing rocks at me yet, lol), just a generalization that we all have our own version of events and should be mindful of that.

 

[bigtiny]

That is very true! Everything posted here is 100% opinion of the poster and sometimes might be seen from a different point of view from another member of the gym. I can attest to that personally.