Parents Sour grapes/navigating jealousy

[Deleted member 18037]

This extension of the "participation generation" is doing nothing positive for our kids. Trust me, I manage a ton of them.

I wish to like this a million times.

 

[refugee]

...We had a teammate of my DD who said to my daughter that she needed to stop winning so many medals because she was making other girls mad who weren't winning any.

I've observed a gymnast who, after winning a medal on an event, goes back to sit with her team, waiting for the next event to be called up, during which time she stows her medal in her bag. No matter how many times she's gone up and won a medal, her next trip up is without any hardware. By the time AA is announced, even if she's been up there four times already, she still goes up without her earlier medals. Every meet I've seen her at, she does this.

She says she doesn't want other girls to feel bad if they don't have anything. Great lesson for many other competitors!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She says she doesn't want other girls to feel bad if they don't have anything. Great lesson for many other competitors!

I don't get the lesson. It's not as if the kids who don't win don't realize they don't have a medal.

One medal or 4, folks/kids know who is winning and who isn't. It's also OK to be proud when you win.

 

[blueredzone]

I don't get the lesson. It's not as if the kids who don't win don't realize they don't have a medal.

One medal or 4, folks/kids know who is winning and who isn't. It's also OK to be proud when you win.

On the other side of this I have seen kids be sour winners though too. Rubbing it in when they win. This is also not cool either. Walking around with your nose in the air and talking about how much better your kid is not cool either.

It's okay to be proud when you win. Because it comes from disappointment when you don't win. You can't succeed unless you have had failure.

 

[skschlag]

I've observed a gymnast who, after winning a medal on an event, goes back to sit with her team, waiting for the next event to be called up, during which time she stows her medal in her bag. No matter how many times she's gone up and won a medal, her next trip up is without any hardware. By the time AA is announced, even if she's been up there four times already, she still goes up without her earlier medals. Every meet I've seen her at, she does this.

She says she doesn't want other girls to feel bad if they don't have anything. Great lesson for many other competitors!

Our boys were taught to do this as well. Sometime, it isn't possible, as they are still walking when they get called up again. Most will then take the one medal off and put it in their pocket until they can get back. One medal at a time is the typical way they do it. At the end, for pictures, they put them all back on. Not sure why they do it, but I notice almost all the boys do this at the meets we attend.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

On the other side of this I have seen kids be sour winners though too. Rubbing it in when they win. This is also not cool either. Walking around with your nose in the air and talking about how much better your kid is not cool either.

It's okay to be proud when you win. Because it comes from disappointment when you don't win. You can't succeed unless you have had failure.

I don't recall anyone advocating bad behavior, in winning or losing.

Kids should learn to be gracious winners and losers.

 

[LizzieLac]

I've observed a gymnast who, after winning a medal on an event, goes back to sit with her team, waiting for the next event to be called up, during which time she stows her medal in her bag. No matter how many times she's gone up and won a medal, her next trip up is without any hardware. By the time AA is announced, even if she's been up there four times already, she still goes up without her earlier medals. Every meet I've seen her at, she does this.

She says she doesn't want other girls to feel bad if they don't have anything. Great lesson for many other competitors!

Our gym teaches the girls to do this at their very first meet. I love this about them.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Our boys were taught to do this as well. Sometime, it isn't possible, as they are still walking when they get called up again. Most will then take the one medal off and put it in their pocket until they can get back. One medal at a time is the typical way they do it. At the end, for pictures, they put them all back on. Not sure why they do it, but I notice almost all the boys do this at the meets we attend.

Maybe it's a regional thing or a boy thing. At our meets the kids keep the medals on usually.

Quite honestly there really isn't a lot of time in between events and names being called. There is usually a bit of confusion as well as to which sides the kids stand on, names that are called wrong, kids not paying attention and hopping up late. One batch of kids sitting down and then they are calling another event. Kids going up, then down, then making u-turns because their name is called again. Then the pictures...... We even have times where whoever is doing the announcing tells the girls, not to sit down because they are only going to be called again. When you have kids that strong it's not usually a surprise to anyone.

I'm for makes things go quicker so leaving them on is fine.

 

[gymbeam]

it would never occur to me that someone shouldn't wear their medals. if they aren't supposed to wear them, then why the heck are they on a string? lol. they surely aren't gonna wear them to school the next monday...

sorry, but this suggesting winners should be so modest as to remove their award seems to go along with the "trophy for everyone" mentality of which i am not a fan.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

it would never occur to me that someone shouldn't wear their medals. if they aren't supposed to wear them, then why the heck are they on a string? lol. they surely aren't gonna wear them to school the next monday...

sorry, but this suggesting winners should be so modest as to remove their award seems to go along with the "trophy for everyone" mentality of which i am not a fan.

Yep. I wish to like this a million times too.

 

[GymDad9.9]

I don't get the lesson. It's not as if the kids who don't win don't realize they don't have a medal.

One medal or 4, folks/kids know who is winning and who isn't. It's also OK to be proud when you win.

Sounds like one child's attempt at being gracious and humble in the face of success. Pride has many forms.

 

[skschlag]

I asked my son about it. He claims it is to show the importance of each individual medal, rather than to show how many medals you have. But those are HIS thoughts on it, as a gymnast. He said that it shows sportsmanship and humbleness, and he likes it that way. THen they put them all on and wear them for team pictures.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Sounds like one child's attempt at being gracious and humble in the face of success. Pride has many forms.

I am just trying to understand how wearing medals you earned excludes someone from being gracious and humble.

And not wearing a medal certainly doesn't exclude one from being boastful and a crappy winner.

My kid has been on both sides, with and without. Doesn't matter to me whose kid it is if they earned them, wear them.

Again as someone else said, its not like they are wearing them to practice or school the next day. They are at a meet, they earned their awards. Everyone else at the meet knows who won and who did well and who didn't. Its a few minutes and then everyone is off and on their way home. And back at practice on Monday, its back to the grind, getting ready for the next meet, season or skill.

Really they earned it.

 

[NutterButter]

Or...removing medals may have nothing to do with being gracious or humble...the kid just may not like how they feel around their neck and the clanging sound.

Or they remove them because they don't like the perception that "people are looking at me".

 

[HoldThePhone]

I don't have anything against a kid who chooses not to wear all their medals during awards, but I don't think wearing medals you've earned is at all wrong either.
My DD who is very tender hearted has never thought this way either. What she has done however is tried to give a teammate a medal when she though she wouldn't medal at State. Turns out that child did medal so it was not needed. We went to an Easter egg hunt recently, afterwards she began to see many kids walk away with nothing, she ran around giving away all her eggs and said it was cool to make other kids happy. There are ways to be proud of your own accomplishments without feeling like you're making others feel bad.

 

[AgingHippie]

My DD has done both, taken off her medals in between events and left them on. I asked her about it and she said if someone on her team has had a bad meet or is upset about something she is not comfortable wearing the medals during awards. Very interesting.

 

[twinmomma]

My DD has done both, taken off her medals in between events and left them on. I asked her about it and she said if someone on her team has had a bad meet or is upset about something she is not comfortable wearing the medals during awards. Very interesting.

I've found that generally the kids are way more astute and conscientious than the parents are.

 

[LizzieLac]

it would never occur to me that someone shouldn't wear their medals. if they aren't supposed to wear them, then why the heck are they on a string? lol. they surely aren't gonna wear them to school the next monday...

sorry, but this suggesting winners should be so modest as to remove their award seems to go along with the "trophy for everyone" mentality of which i am not a fan.

It is called modesty and helps counteract the potential for showing off. It is respectful of others and in my opinion a classy thing to do. I wouldn't change it.

Like everyone keeps saying, everyone knows who wins and is up on the podium. So no need to clang around in your medals. And by the way, you can still be proud of your accomplishments.

 

[gymbeam]

The attitude, actions and words of the athletes should be the only measure of their sportsmanship, IMO.

I say let them enjoy the few moments of actually wearing their medals before leaving the meet because after that they just hang on a hook for eternity.

I also think we are way overthinking this. LOL.

 

[skschlag]

I think the gist is to not judge either way. My son and his team prefer to take theirs off, to make each medal "stand on its own." Others, like to wear them. SOme like to shake hands. Some like to run up to the podium before their name is called for first. What we think is not ok, others do not and we should live and let live.