Parents Switching Gyms...Making the decision and how to leave

[Mill09]

Hi everyone! A little background.

I have a 9year old level 6 boy. He was with the assistant coach for his level 4 and level 5 seasons....we love love love this coach...then when he moved to level 6 he got the head coach. We have lots of issues with the head coach, as do other parents...one parent left the gym last year instead of going to level 6 with head coach. We considered leaving but ultimately stayed.

We recently found out that the assistant coach is leaving. He has taken a head coach position at another gym that is about 20-25 minutes away. That gym has a tiny boys team currently, but has a good boys rec program and asst coach hopes to grow the program.

The gym we are currently at is literally 4 minutes from our house, DS has all of his friends on the team, including his best best best friend who will probably never leave the current gym.

We have a few options....
1. leave DS where he is.
pros are that he stays with friends and we live super close.
cons are that we don't love the program or the coach, and I worry staying would be detrimental to DS's gymnastics.

2. go with the asst coach to new gym 20-25 minutes away.
pros, I believe this is the best coach for him.
cons, leaving friends (although there is a possible 1 boy who will go with us) commuting (this is huge for me), small program, uncertain future.

3. switch DS to gym about 15 mins away
pros, it is an established program with many upper level gymnasts.....his former teammate is there so he'll know one person.
cons....not convinced that the move will improve DS's gymnastics....and again leaving friends.

I have been so stressed out about this decision.....DS doesn't know that asst coach is leaving. But I have asked him about switching with his former teammate and he says no way because he doesn't want to leave his friends, so I think from his standpoint, this will take a lot of convincing, but I am just so afraid of keeping him where he is now and it hurting him.

thoughts? sorry if this seems a little rambly....

 

[ValleyGymMom]

Well it sounds like each senario offers equal pros and cons. One just doesn't stand out over the others so you just need to decide what is of the utmost importance. Is is the interaction with close friends? Is it the coaching? Or is it the location?

We found ourselves in a similar situation last year. We made the choice to move to a gym 40 min away. Actually there are 2 locations for our gym. The other is a 55 min drive. We made the change because of our DD advancing to an upper level and she needed more serious training. Luckily for us another gymnast went with us so we carpool and that helps tremendoulsy! We couldn't be happier with our decision to move although we do miss the short drive! But for our daughter, it couldn't have worked out better. She is flourishing at her new gym and has made many new friends, which I'm sure your son would do as well! It would be great if the other boy would go with you. A 20-30 drive isn't that bad compared to some of the other commutes I hear about.

Also consider what your son's goals are for gymnastics. Does he want to keep advancing? Or is it more of a recreational sport for him, time to hang with his buds. If it's the latter then I would probably just stay there. But if he is really serious, then it probably is time to make the change.

I hope I didn't confuse you more! Your situation is so similar to ours, once I got going I couldn't stop!
Good luck and please let us know what you decide.

 

[NOG]

Decisions, Decisions! Afraid I'm not much help. I can tell you that we commute 25-30min 5 days a week for dds (age 10) gym. It is well worth it! On gym days that are also school days, I pick dd up at school, go home for 10min (enough for her to change, and grab what she needs, get her hair up, etc). Then on the drive there, dd does her homework (have a lap desk in the car). We study, do math, anything you can think of that doesn't involve the internet lol. This seems to work very well, dd is a straight A+ student and whether she is naturally organized, or doing gymnastics has made her an organized person idk, but it works.

We switched to dds gym 2yrs ago and wish that we would have done it sooner. It was the best choice for her and her gymnastics. She LOVES her gym! When we switched, she was upset with us for moving her (out of a known element and away from known coaches). Although she was extremely upset about leaving the old gym, she loved the new gym from 1st trial practice. Hope that makes sense. You see, she really did like the new gym and could see right away that it was the best choice for her and she made new friends immediately (2 gymmies from old gym switched at the same time also). BUT while she understood the need for change, and loved the new gym from day 1, she still missed the old coach and gym too. Gradually she stopped talking about how things were at the old gym, and what the team was doing there. Then about 6mo after switching, out of the blue, she says "mom, thank you for making me move! I'm so glad that we switched!" Said she wished that I would have moved her sooner.

So, IF you decide to move DS, have faith that it'll all work out and that he'll make new friendships and bond to a new place. You just need to sit down with him and decide what HE wants out of gym. Does he just want to have fun with friends? Does he want to progress, and wont' mind making some new friends too. BTW, make sure he knows that if he does switch, he can remain friends with old team members! Switching doesn't have to be the end of a friendship. Have a heart to heart with him, he's old enough to give you an idea of where he sees his gym future. Then you'll know how to help him achieve his goals, whether that means staying where you're at currently, or switching to a new gym program.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[gymmomof1]

I can tell you our story and hope it helps. My gymmie was with a gym that she started when she was 2 and 1/2 until she was 7 and was 4min from the house. The reason she left this gym was it did not have upper level programs for her to grow and after states we along with her felt it was best to look for a gym that she could have opportunities with. It was not easy since she too had all her friends there and loved her coach. However, two of her friends left before states for the same reason and ended up at another gym and did really well at states. She tried out at that gym( which was 10 min from home) as well as another and liked the gym that was 30 min away better. All I can tell you is that for her it was the right decision because she blossomed this year at her new gym :thumbsup:!! She gained skills and confidence and has really connected with her teammates and new coaches . I also have to say it was many sleepless nights and talks with my husband as well so I know where you are coming from and will say a prayer it works out for your DS!

 

[ValleyGymMom]

Decisions, Decisions! Afraid I'm not much help. I can tell you that we commute 25-30min 5 days a week for dds (age 10) gym. It is well worth it! On gym days that are also school days, I pick dd up at school, go home for 10min (enough for her to change, and grab what she needs, get her hair up, etc). Then on the drive there, dd does her homework (have a lap desk in the car). We study, do math, anything you can think of that doesn't involve the internet lol. This seems to work very well, dd is a straight A+ student and whether she is naturally organized, or doing gymnastics has made her an organized person idk, but it works.

We switched to dds gym 2yrs ago and wish that we would have done it sooner. It was the best choice for her and her gymnastics. She LOVES her gym! When we switched, she was upset with us for moving her (out of a known element and away from known coaches). Although she was extremely upset about leaving the old gym, she loved the new gym from 1st trial practice. Hope that makes sense. You see, she really did like the new gym and could see right away that it was the best choice for her and she made new friends immediately (2 gymmies from old gym switched at the same time also). BUT while she understood the need for change, and loved the new gym from day 1, she still missed the old coach and gym too. Gradually she stopped talking about how things were at the old gym, and what the team was doing there. Then about 6mo after switching, out of the blue, she says "mom, thank you for making me move! I'm so glad that we switched!" Said she wished that I would have moved her sooner.

So, IF you decide to move DS, have faith that it'll all work out and that he'll make new friendships and bond to a new place. You just need to sit down with him and decide what HE wants out of gym. Does he just want to have fun with friends? Does he want to progress, and wont' mind making some new friends too. BTW, make sure he knows that if he does switch, he can remain friends with old team members! Switching doesn't have to be the end of a friendship. Have a heart to heart with him, he's old enough to give you an idea of where he sees his gym future. Then you'll know how to help him achieve his goals, whether that means staying where you're at currently, or switching to a new gym program.

GOOD LUCK!

Exactly! We stay in contact with her old gym too. Some of her best friends are there and they (and her former coach) even come and support her at meets. We go visit as well.

 

[gymjourneymom]

I don't know the right answer for you, just want to offer my support & good wishes to you!

I stuggled with a very similar decision so I understand what what you are dealing with. Ultimately we stayed at our gym. My DD would not leave her teammates...that was more important to her than moving to a more prestigious gym(that I thought would handle her fear issues better). We are still at our original gym & my DD is doing well in the sport & socially with her friends there. But I can tell you that not a day goes by that I don't question if I made the right decision or not. Wonder...what if we had moved her, would fear still be such an issue for her???

But what's done is done & she is happy with her gym! Since she is the one who puts in the hours there & always felt she needed to feel happy & comfortable. She loves her friends...I couldn't bring myself to separate them. Although I did try to get them to move with us, when they wouldn't, we stayed. They have been always been there for her & they know how much she struggles with fear. They have been a great support system for her. And a supportive coach did join the staff too. So her needs are met there. But I do wonder frequently..."is the grass greener over there??? Would they have done more with her there???". Who knows???

So I'm not saying my choice was right, we'll never know. But my DD is happy socially & progressing in the sport, that's all I can ask for. I wish you & your son well as you weigh all of your choices & come to a decision. Please keep us posted!

 

[Mill09]

Thanks everyone....DS loves gymnastics and at this point, he says he's never quitting. He and his best friend (who won't ever switch gyms, and lives on our block) have plans to compete on the same college team when they are older LOL.

There is no easy answer to this question.....I'm hoping the other family will go with us, they actually live only a couple blocks from us so that will work great for carpooling....

So, how did you break the news to the current coach that you were leaving? I'd like to leave on good terms in case we ever need/want to come back.

 

[Mill09]

gymjourneymom - the friend thing is going to be our biggest hurdle I think. He has been with some of these boys since he was 4....and it's a small team, so they are all very close.

Also there were some issues with the boy who left....with other boys calling him a 'traitor' so I'm sure he'd be worried about that too.

My plan at this point is to go see the other gym after regionals (mid april), maybe have him work out there once and see what he thinks.....maybe try to recruit a couple other families.

 

[ZJsMom]

I can commiserate with how hard the decision can be. We moved dd about a year ago and it has worked out well, but I did agonize over the decision. In your situation, I think I would either leave him where he is or go with the assistant coach to the new gym. If the boys really liked him, I bet there will be others who follow (in addition to the one you already know about) so carpooling should be a realistic option.

As for telling the current gym, you just have to be open and honest. If you follow the coach who's leaving, you have to just tell them that your son is attached to him and you think it's the best choice for him. I wouldn't count on being welcomed back though. Owners and coaches often take it really personally. If you think you want to leave open the option of gym 1, I would just stay there for now. You can always switch later, but you may not be able to come back if you leave.

 

[gymjourneymom]

gymjourneymom - the friend thing is going to be our biggest hurdle I think. He has been with some of these boys since he was 4....and it's a small team, so they are all very close.

Also there were some issues with the boy who left....with other boys calling him a 'traitor' so I'm sure he'd be worried about that too.

My plan at this point is to go see the other gym after regionals (mid april), maybe have him work out there once and see what he thinks.....maybe try to recruit a couple other families.

The friend thing & the travel time were major for us too. DD has been with these girls since pre-team, 8yrs now! That's more than 1/2 of her lifetime. They've been through some much together & 2 of them also go to the same school as DD. So they are really connected. The gym I was considering was a 45min trip 1 way, compared to our gym which is 10mins away. I really would have needed to arrange car pooling with someone. For us the "unknown" just had too many draw backs. So we played it safe...and I wonder where my DD's fear issues come from. Yeah I know, you don't have to say it, LOL! Good luck with your decision!

 

[mariposa]

You definitely don't have an easy decision. We switched DD to a new gym exactly a year ago and have been happy ever since. DD was on board with the switch though because she didn't like the coaching style there. We still keep in touch with old teammates, hang out at the park once in awhile. Her bestie from there has come to her meets and we have gone to hers.

I have to say that it wasn't an easy decision even though I knew it was the right one. I say to really think about it, talk to your son when the time is right. Have him try out at the other gyms and then go from there. When you really find the right decision, you will just KNOW and then it will be so much more easy to just do it.

I do agree that if you are really, really, unsure, to give the current gym more time and see. I was very sure for a long time and wish sometimes I had switched earlier, but at the same time am now happy we waited until we did.

Good luck to you deciding. I know how hard it is. Truly not an easy decision.

 

[NOG]

My plan at this point is to go see the other gym after regionals (mid april), maybe have him work out there once and see what he thinks.....maybe try to recruit a couple other families.

To be honest, an amicable break from the current gym will NOT happen if you plan to "recruit" others with you. The current gym will be furious about that and will make it impossible to leave on friendly terms. You have to make the choice based solely on what's right for your own ds. I personally wouldn't want to be responsible for whomever you recruit's happiness at a new gym either. If they end up regretting the switch, then I would feel bad that I asked them to move. Way too heavy a load for me to carry. I would just make the choice based on what you determine is best for your ds, whether that means staying or switching and not worry about the others. If they end up switching, is their decision, and if they do switch think of it as an added benefit.

When we switched, it happened that 2 other families switched also. That was great, but wasn't a deal breaker and wouldn't have swayed me if they had not. We were family #2 leaving. As it worked out, Family #1 decided to leave and informed us of their decision (did not try to recruit, was just a curtesy call) and based on unhappiness with the old gym/program and visiting the new gym ourselves, decided it was the right choice for us to move also. We then informed dds best bud that we had also made the decision to leave (again courtesy call, best bud would've been devastated had we not given them a heads up) and they also made the choice to leave. All 3 of us are EXTREMELY happy in the move, but I definately would not want to be responsible for their happiness.

As a side note, while we still keep in contact with old team members/families, we would never be welcomed back at the old gym. Because 3 families left at the same time, it was seen as recruiting. When going in to discuss our decision to leave, the HC had gotten wind of it ahead of time. From the time we found out about Family #1 to going in to tell HC of our decision was only 4days or so, but it was enough to get back to them. HC was furious with us for what she saw as recruiting and we were asked to leave the premisis immediately! We had tried to do the right thing and leave amicably, but it just didn't work out that way. I would never go back there after the way they handled our exit. So...be warned! Word that you are LOOKING at other gyms may get back to your gym and will not be pretty. Especially if you are actively recruiting other families.

 

[ValleyGymMom]

Thanks everyone....DS loves gymnastics and at this point, he says he's never quitting. He and his best friend (who won't ever switch gyms, and lives on our block) have plans to compete on the same college team when they are older LOL.

There is no easy answer to this question.....I'm hoping the other family will go with us, they actually live only a couple blocks from us so that will work great for carpooling....

So, how did you break the news to the current coach that you were leaving? I'd like to leave on good terms in case we ever need/want to come back.

It was hard to break the news. Even though her coach kind of knew it was coming. She had encouraged us to try to find a bigger gym that would serve her needs better. The old gym was quite small. So we took the coach out to lunch and after some small talk she looked at us , smiled and said, "ok, spill it". When we told her, she was very pleased because it was something we had discussed in the past but just were not ready to committ to the commute. It felt like the world had been lifted from our shoulders. Coach was very happy and encouraging and we parted ways on good terms, so if need be she could always come back. And we keep in close contact and visit often.

 

[ValleyGymMom]

Thanks everyone....DS loves gymnastics and at this point, he says he's never quitting. He and his best friend (who won't ever switch gyms, and lives on our block) have plans to compete on the same college team when they are older LOL.

There is no easy answer to this question.....I'm hoping the other family will go with us, they actually live only a couple blocks from us so that will work great for carpooling....

So, how did you break the news to the current coach that you were leaving? I'd like to leave on good terms in case we ever need/want to come back.

It was hard to break the news. Even though her coach kind of knew it was coming. She had encouraged us to try to find a bigger gym that would serve her needs better. The old gym was quite small. So we took the coach out to lunch and after some small talk she looked at us , smiled and said, "ok, spill it". When we told her, she was very pleased because it was something we had discussed in the past but just were not ready to committ to the commute. It felt like the world had been lifted from our shoulders. Coach was very happy and encouraging and we parted ways on good terms, so if need be she could always come back. And we keep in close contact and visit often.

 

[Mill09]

The friend thing & the travel time were major for us too. DD has been with these girls since pre-team, 8yrs now! That's more than 1/2 of her lifetime. They've been through some much together & 2 of them also go to the same school as DD. So they are really connected. The gym I was considering was a 45min trip 1 way, compared to our gym which is 10mins away. I really would have needed to arrange car pooling with someone. For us the "unknown" just had too many draw backs. So we played it safe...and I wonder where my DD's fear issues come from. Yeah I know, you don't have to say it, LOL! Good luck with you decision!

LOL....I'm the same way I think (and talk which my DH just loves) every decision to death...and no matter which one I choose I always wonder if we made the right choice....

 

[Mill09]

To be honest, an amicable break from the current gym will NOT happen if you plan to "recruit" others with you. The current gym will be furious about that and will make it impossible to leave on friendly terms. You have to make the choice based solely on what's right for your own ds. I personally wouldn't want to be responsible for whomever you recruit's happiness at a new gym either. If they end up regretting the switch, then I would feel bad that I asked them to move. Way too heavy a load for me to carry. I would just make the choice based on what you determine is best for your ds, whether that means staying or switching and not worry about the others. If they end up switching, is their decision, and if they do switch think of it as an added benefit.

When we switched, it happened that 2 other families switched also. That was great, but wasn't a deal breaker and wouldn't have swayed me if they had not. We were family #2 leaving. As it worked out, Family #1 decided to leave and informed us of their decision (did not try to recruit, was just a curtesy call) and based on unhappiness with the old gym/program and visiting the new gym ourselves, decided it was the right choice for us to move also. We then informed dds best bud that we had also made the decision to leave (again courtesy call, best bud would've been devastated had we not given them a heads up) and they also made the choice to leave. All 3 of us are EXTREMELY happy in the move, but I definately would not want to be responsible for their happiness.

As a side note, while we still keep in contact with old team members/families, we would never be welcomed back at the old gym. Because 3 families left at the same time, it was seen as recruiting. When going in to discuss our decision to leave, the HC had gotten wind of it ahead of time. From the time we found out about Family #1 to going in to tell HC of our decision was only 4days or so, but it was enough to get back to them. HC was furious with us for what she saw as recruiting and we were asked to leave the premisis immediately! We had tried to do the right thing and leave amicably, but it just didn't work out that way. I would never go back there after the way they handled our exit. So...be warned! Word that you are LOOKING at other gyms may get back to your gym and will not be pretty. Especially if you are actively recruiting other families.

Thanks, it is very helpful to hear what has happened to others in this situation. I should clarify that when I say recrtuit, I probably don't mean recruit (that's really not my personality), but more see who is even considering leaving....and go from there. Actually the boy who left last year left under similar circumstances as you mentioned above....dad sent an email to all the parents saying we should have a meeting, email got back to coach, and it did not go over well....he wasn't asked to leave but they were made so uncomfortable they really had to.

I will definitely tread lightly, thanks for the reminder

 

[Flippers Mom]

We moved gyms nearly a year ago. Flipper had been at the same gym since she was 3 and we loved the owner, coaches, other gymnasts - but Flipper was the only optional at this tiny gym. In our case, she had been asking to move for several years. There was another gym nearly an hour away that is simply better - has high level gymnasts and great coaching (think of it as moving from recreational to competitive).

I went to the owner/coach as soon as we made the decision. She was very disappointed, but as we talked about it, she came to see that the move is what is best for Flipper. It has taken a bit of time, but she has come around. She emailed me yesterday to tell me that she is going to Regionals to watch Flipper compete. Folks, that is a 9 hour drive! When we left the gym, I promised the owner that we WOULD NOT recruit any other team members to go with us. Mind you, it would be nice to have somebody to carpool with, but we simply didn't talk about the move with other gym families. In fact, when they would call and ask about pricing, hours, etc., we would refer them to the gym and explain that we promised not to try to influence anybody. The old gym owner is now one of Flippers biggest cheerleaders.

 

[Tim_Dad]

I'd be more interesting in knowing the issues with HC. Is it his or her coaching style, or is your son having problems understanding what the coach wants? Is he being pushed too much, or not enough? Because honestly, It sounds like your son would be happiest staying with his best friend, who seems to be content as well with the current HC.

We lost a girl to another gym last season after she moved up. The issue: She wasn't being coddled by the optional coaches as much as she was previous coaches, and was asked to step-up her game. Mom was upset about the reduced level of attention, pulled her from team - from what I understand against DD's will - to moved to another gym. I'm just hoping the same isn't happening in your case.

Either way, I'm sure you'll do what's best for your son first, and the sport last. It's ONLY gym.

 

[cathiann]

Can you go to the gym and try it out--I know we're had girls trying out team out for a day or so.

 

[Mill09]

I'd be more interesting in knowing the issues with HC. Is it his or her coaching style, or is your son having problems understanding what the coach wants? Is he being pushed too much, or not enough? Because honestly, It sounds like your son would be happiest staying with his best friend, who seems to be content as well with the current HC.

We lost a girl to another gym last season after she moved up. The issue: She wasn't being coddled by the optional coaches as much as she was previous coaches, and was asked to step-up her game. Mom was upset about the reduced level of attention, pulled her from team - from what I understand against DD's will - to moved to another gym. I'm just hoping the same isn't happening in your case.

Either way, I'm sure you'll do what's best for your son first, and the sport last. It's ONLY gym.

Issues with the other coach are mostly integrity issues...I've caught him in several lies, and just general trying to make the other coach look bad.....Other issues are that he's never managed to keep a boy past level 6. Last year we had 5 level 6 boys....every single one of them quit, I know that's a tough age/transition year, but you would expect maybe 1 or 2 to remain.....and this has happened the last several years in a row.

As far as how he treats my son....my son likes him and doesn't have a personal problem with him. BUT I honestly just don't think he's as effective with my son. My son lost his back tuck just a few weeks before the season started this year (had a fall and just couldn't do it) All season, my son would work back tucks maybe once a week, maybe not at all during a week.....how is that possible? I finally did a private with the asst coach, and in an hour he had his back tuck back.....

Then there's the gym.....I don't think they really want a boys program.....our equipment is outdated, and only 1 of everything....compared to the girls program with new equipment and 10 balance beams. I know there are many more girls compared to boys....but it's very unbalanced.

I don't know it's really hard to explain. The asst coach is great...he has passion for the sport, he seems really invested in the kids....I feel like he genuinely cares about my son....the boys really respect him, and know that they will be expected to WORK when they are with him, where they know they'll get to goof off with the other coach. It's not the the HC is a bad coach really, but the AC is just better....does that make sense?

I *think* my son will be fine if he stays where he is....I certainly don't want to move him against his will....or make him miserable when he's at the gym...but my fear is that is what will happen to him (eventually) if we stay where we are...that he'll end up quitting like all the boys before him.

Sorry that got so long, its so hard to type it all out.....there are good things about the gym too....the boys have a lot of fun....the families all have a ton of fun too, we all hang out together, even HC hangs out with us too....that's all great, but it's not necessarily helpful to my son....KWIM?