Parents Switching gyms when child doesn't want to

[curlymomof3]

Hey all!
I posted last week about possibly switching Dd to a different gym because she is outgrowing her other one. She is 8-years old, training Level 6 and at a gym that currently has no optionals. Her coach does a lot of uptraining, but I would like to move her to another gym that has a large optional team up to Level 10. It is the same distance from our home so the commute time wouldn't change. I know it needs to happen and will probably switch her in the summer when competition season is over (Dd is currently not competing but the other gym is). The trick is convincing Dd that it needs to happen. I briefly mentioned it to my Dd today and she said she will never switch because all her memories and friends are at the other gym How do you deal with the emotions of a young child switching gyms and how long does it take to adjust? TIA!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I've told our story several times over the past 2 yrs, so will keep this brief, lol. Oldest DD never wanted to leave old gym, begged, cried, etc. I caved into her...a few years later, when she decided to retire, we moved DD2 to her current gym, where she LOVES her new team, and has improved 1000%. Seeing this, DD1 says she wishes she had changed gyms when I wanted them to. One of DD2's friends was literally dragged bawling from old gym by her parents. She cried for the first month. Now, she too, loves her new gym and has improved a great deal. Both she and my DD2 are now at gyms with well established optional programs. My lesson learned is to listen to, but don't allow an emotional child to make an important decision. Try to reason with her to give new gym a trial X number of weeks/months, she can still maintain old friendships, etc. Kids are resilient, they will adjust. Some kids may take longer to adjust, every child is different. My DD2 walked into new gym and was immediately "home". Good luck

 

[MaryA]

DD was the same. Didn't want to leave the team she "grew up" in, in spite of the fact that she was rapidly outgrowing it. I tried to make it "her choice" because it is her sport, but that just ended up putting a lot of pressure and guilt on her. I think this is one of those times when you need to step up and be the parent. Lay out your reasons for the switch and tell her that it's happening. Promise that you will make every effort to keep her in touch with her old friends. Let her plan a sleepover with them or something after the switch. Don't tell her too soon. DD says that the time in between the decision to switch and when she actually left the gym was really hard for her. Good luck. It's a hard time, but truly, in spite of all the stress, DD never regretted the switch. Hopefully your DD will be the same.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

whew...don't forget who the parent is and who pays the bills and who runs the insane asylum. tell her to shut up, get in the car you have practice or your making memories and friends in gymnastics ends today.

 

[my4buffaloes]

With my dd we (9 at the time) we were able to explain to her why we didn't like the old gym and why we thought the new gym would be better. Once we explained it to her, going to the old gym magnified what was wrong and she quickly came around to our way of thinking. But you have to be careful and make sure your dd doesn't say anything before you are ready to switch.

 

[MeetDirector]

Just like Dunno said - be the parent. As to how you do it - just like taking off a band-aid; just do it. Yes there will be tears, yes there will be nerves about the new gym, but time heals everything and I would bet that within weeks after the switch she won't even be thinking about it.

 

[GymBee97]

whew...don't forget who the parent is and who pays the bills and who runs the insane asylum. tell her to shut up, get in the car you have practice or your making memories and friends in gymnastics ends today.

I agree with Dunno. You are the parent and you just have to put your foot down and say your current gym isn't going to be able to provide you with the training you need to move forward so if you want to continue in gymnastics then its going to be at a gym that has the program you need to move forward. If you don't want to move then you're telling me you want to quit at the end of June and move on to something else. So you have a choice Gymnastics at a new gym or try something new but either way we won't be going back to this gym. end of story. She will hate you for about a week but will get over it they all do. If she chooses to go on to the new gym she will make new friends and new memories very quickly.

 

[curlymomof3]

Thank you for all the advice! I was somewhat expecting some parents to chime in and say that if she loves her current gym than I should keep her there. But I really feel like she has so much potential and her little gym will only be able to take her so far. It will be a tough move since she has been there since the mommy and me class at age 2. I have one more question since you all have been so helpful!! If I plan on moving her is it worth it to wait until summer? Or should I just do it now and get it over with? Does it make the transition easier if it's not during competition season??

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

We left right after States (end of April). DD was more than ready, once she (age 10) embraced the idea, she couldn't get to the new gym fast enough!

 

[MeetDirector]

Don't wait for summer. Once the season is over and her commitment to the team is finished, make the move. Significant training for new skills starts then. Plus with the new levels coming in next season it would be good to get into a new team at the beginning of that process.

Good Luck.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I agree--move her and move her soon. Not fair to the gym or her to keep her there. Get the move over with and she can adjust faster. We've never moved gyms (although maybe we should have), but have moved schools--my son HATED it for months--begged me to let him go back. I knew the new school was better for him--and after that adjustment period, he is happy and has done SO much better! Rip off the bandaid and get the move over with

 

[curlymomof3]

I'm kind of worried about how the level changes will affect Dd at the new gym. Her current coaches are planning on her competing new Level 5 in the fall. Moving her might set her back a level (depending on how they handle move-ups). She is not currently competing; we will not be walking out on the team if we left right now. Our state does State Competitions in both Fall and Spring and the gym Dd is currently at competed last fall. The girls at the other gym are competing at Spring states. Guess I should talk to the coaches at the other gym and see if they will take her mid-season.

 

[2G1B]

We had to change gyms in 2012. For us it was kind of a "must" because our old gym dropped their boys' team. My girls did really want to stay at the old gym and tried to convince me to just drive them to the old gym and him to the new one. Um. Nope. I told them that if they wanted to do gymnastics they would do it at the new gym. period.

We made the swap in April, right after state for the boys. My older DD was only pre-team and my younger DD was only rec at the old gym. The new one put older DD in with the girls who were about to move up and my younger on pre-team. Then my older DD just stayed back with the girls who were repeating the level.

It has been such a good move for the kids. I'm not sure if I would have done it had the boys' team not gotten dropped; but I'm glad it did happen.

 

[Sparky]

While I typically agree with Dunno - on this one, I am completely aghast at his response (although he tends to be somewhat out there sometimes).

Yes, I am the parent - and because I am the parent, I listen to what my child has to say. I don't want to make decisions for my athlete, rather I want to give them as much information and explanation as I can, and let them lead the way. Of course, the younger they are, the more you "lead", but when they are becoming older children and young adults I want them to be able to make decisions that are based on fact and information.

I would never ever "force" my child to do something that they felt very strongly against. I think that at the end of the day, whether or not it turned out to be the "right" decision, something will have been lost. I want my kids to grow up to be decision makers of their own accord - I never want them to do something because someone told them they "had to" - even if it was their parent. We are not perfect, either.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

"aghast"? yikes!

 

[Committed]

We are going to switch soon too. in fact, we will do a trial class in just a couple of weeks. Luckily, DD is young and can easily be moved. She is not excited about it, but it will be for the best. I can give her more pro's for switching than he can give for staying.
As for listening to your child, of course, take her input into consideration. However, kids dont have all the information. They think with their emotions. If it is the best for her and the family- you need to just do it. It will probably be a bit of a struggle, but she ill probably come ound.

 

[iwannacoach]

Move to the new gym as soon as possible. Yesterday would be best, but since that's not an option talk to the whoever at the new gym to see if anything can be done to get her acclimated before the new club's season ends. As MeetDirector says.....everything they need for the next season starts getting worked on as soon as post state practices start.

 

[Muddlethru]

My daughter just switched gyms a month ago. She was almost 7 when she started gymnastics at her old gym. She is 11 now. She was sad beyond words. My biggest mistake was having her think she could go back to her old gym if the new gym did not work out. She would come home with some exaggerated story about her new gym. Worst, she did not allow herself to like the new gym. After a week of this, I flat out told her the truth and pretty much handled it the way dunno had suggested. My husband thought long an hard about this decision. And it took two years for us to actually put it into action. We told her it was this new gym or no gym and she should start getting used to it. Overnight, her attitude changed. She came home with better stories about her new gym and began smiling again. She still misses her friends in her old gym. If I had switched her sooner, the transition would have been much easier.

 

[MaryA]

I would never ever "force" my child to do something that they felt very strongly against. I think that at the end of the day, whether or not it turned out to be the "right" decision, something will have been lost. I want my kids to grow up to be decision makers of their own accord - I never want them to do something because someone told them they "had to" - even if it was their parent. We are not perfect, either.

Truly, this is the way I felt too... Until I tried to carry it out. DD was 10, wanted more hours in the gym (as a level 6 was going 7.5 hours), wanted a pit, wanted the nice (safe!!) equipment, wanted to be a level 10 someday... but was literally wracked with guilt over the thought of leaving. I went to Dunno for advice and he gave me the same advice he gave the OP. In the end, it was important to DD that I told the coaches it was MY decision to leave, not hers. She has thrived at her knew gym, and even early on was a little embarassed by how little she actually missed the old gym. In the end, I am relatively sure she would have regretted the decision to stay. That's what we have as parents... the perspective to see down the road a bit. It isn't perfect, and we make mistakes, but we do the best we can.

Adding on edit: if she had wanted what the other team had to offer... maintaining low hours so she had time for other things, going on to prep op and eventually HS gym, that would have been a different situation. Her "choice" (to not leave the gym she had been at for half her life) didn't fit her goals (to continue to a high level of gymnastics).

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Okay, I have what probably is a wildly naive suggestion here. I am in agreement with the other poster who was somewhat aghast about just moving her against DDs wishes. I have read and taken to heart here people constantly saying it's their sport, be a cheerleader etc, etc, and then hear this advice leaves me yes, aghast. Clearly a level 6 8 year old is a good gymnast and will need an optional program soon. But since her gym doesn't offer this for her, how about getting her current coaches on board? It's not your or her fault they don't offer what she needs. Maybe them telling her it is time for a change and why would help her. They really should have a plan for her, and clearly they know she doesn't fit into what they have to offer. Then she wouldnt have any guilt about leaving. Maybe some friend who want to do optionals to will eventually follow. What do other kids from this gym do when this comes up? Is this a possibility? I think from what you have told me that flat out moving her against her will could easily backfire. Maybe it's naive to think her current coaches would support this, but I don't know the relationship.