MAG The "F" word.

[l.c.o]

Flexibility.

DS (8) is not super flexible. I do think it's slowly getting better, but s l o w l y. He's like 2-3" from hitting any of his splits, though his "good leg" is closest. He HATES stretching. Coaches have been stretching him at practice (varying in intensity) since the summer to help him along. He cries on the "more intense" days. Now, DS does tend to be a crier...

Now, my DS is not the worst in the group, but is definitely lagging some in this area. Head coach has gone so far as to ask my DD to help at home, which my DS usually refuses or does at half-effort, so I don't push beyond occasionally suggesting that if he wants some extra iPad time, he could do it while stretching.

On Saturday he complained to me in front of coach - and I asked if he was still alive, and whether it was helping. DS said yes to both. Lately, when he's complaining, I've suggested to him that he has several options: 1. Suck it up and deal, 2. Stretch more at home so he needs less "help" at practice, or 3. Switch sports. He says no way to #3, ignores the others.

Back when DD was 5 and doing an invite strength/flex class, she had splits homework which she did diligently (while tearing up) nearly every day. They're so different.

He loves his teammates and otherwise likes practices. First L4 meet is in a little over a week. How do I handle this? Do I handle it? Should I do anything differently?

 

[Shooosh]

I really have no advice.
Just wanted to say my son is the same way. You're not alone.
My daughter diligently works on her splits but son just goofs around. What's even more frustrating is that he doesn't work on them at gym either. I'm not sure why the coaches don't stretch the kids but they don't. So he, in turn, doesn't really understand how important they are. Grrr...

 

[ZJsMom]

I think you just need to let him figure it out on his own. If he wants to do this sport, flexibility is part of it and he's going to need to own it at some point. The only thing I think you could do to motivate him is let him know that it's easier to improve while he's younger.

 

[GYM0M]

My dd had reached a plateau in her flexibility. Granted she was quite a bit more flexible than you described, but she needed more. We used perfect ten physical therapy and she is AMAZING!

 

[gymdog]

Take this for what it's worth but I think the coach and by extension you (because the coach put this process in place) is making things worse. Stretching or pushing them down in splits when they're inflexible rarely works because of neurological processes the body has in place to protect soft tissues and joints. The Hybrid Perspective blog has a lot of good information about how to increase flexibility with stretches that rely on a knowledge of human anatomy and emphasize proper positioning, soft tissue mobilization, and controlled dynamic ranges.

Your son was trying to tell you and the coach something and personally it makes me very uncomfortable to disrespect a kids bodily autonomy that way. It sends the wrong message. Your coach isn't doing anything that a lot of coaches don't do, but since it came up for discussion here I think it's misguided and anyway, when it comes to anything whether I have rock solid evidence for it, if a kid expresses vocal discomfort about something I'm not going to ignore them.

 

[MomIdidit!]

GYMOM...sorry I don't have good advice for you except for maybe get ds a timer so he can time his splits and it will put ownership on him.

I have a dd and ds and she's so different from him it's scary....even with him knowing his little sis can out run, out crabwalk, out sit up, out pull up and out push up him and all his friends, he doesn't even try to get stronger.

Can you please elaborate on the perfect ten physical therapy?

 

[l.c.o]

Take this for what it's worth but I think the coach and by extension you (because the coach put this process in place) is making things worse. Stretching or pushing them down in splits when they're inflexible rarely works because of neurological processes the body has in place to protect soft tissues and joints. The Hybrid Perspective blog has a lot of good information about how to increase flexibility with stretches that rely on a knowledge of human anatomy and emphasize proper positioning, soft tissue mobilization, and controlled dynamic ranges.

Your son was trying to tell you and the coach something and personally it makes me very uncomfortable to disrespect a kids bodily autonomy that way. It sends the wrong message. Your coach isn't doing anything that a lot of coaches don't do, but since it came up for discussion here I think it's misguided and anyway, when it comes to anything whether I have rock solid evidence for it, if a kid expresses vocal discomfort about something I'm not going to ignore them.

Thanks for this - I appreciate it a lot. It's actually why I asked - I was not 100% comfortable essentially telling him to suck it up (he's only 8), but also know how physically demanding this sport is, so I felt torn. At home we have never, ever physically pushed him down - that does only happen at practice. I only occasionally suggest that he stretches.

He's come home stating that he's cried while stretching 3-4 times since the summer, and has voiced general discomfort a bit more frequently. Now, not to discount the pain, but he's also the type of kid who has a flair for the dramatic and tends to cry easily. I only mention this because it's so very different than my DD who rarely cries or complains. Their personalities are very different, so it's hard to me to judge what might be truly wrong vs. something he just dislikes and is trying to get out of doing.

DS is coached by 3-4 different coaches, depending on the day. Head coach has never made him cry during stretching - it's one assistant coach. That said, head coach did joking tell said assistant to "make them cry" during stretching one day, which really upset my son (not only because of the pain, but because he was upset his coach WANTED HIM TO CRY). Sigh - I was rather upset that day.

I'll definitely take a look at that site and be more empathetic toward DS. How might I handle this? Is this something I mention to the assistant coach? Should I tell DS to ask him to back off (he would)? Do I encourage/ignore requests for at-home stretching? Sorry for so many questions - I'd just like to do right by my little guy.

 

[gymdog]

I would email whomever you usually address problems with along these lines: "hi coach, it seems that over the last few months DS is really hitting a wall with the stretching during practice. I know that he lack flexibility and I respect that you are trying to do your best to help him overcome that. However, he is frequently mentioning that being stretched during practice makes him cry and he seems very concerned about this. I know you and other coaches are just trying to do your best by him, but I'm also concerned that this issue could drive him to lose interest in the sport. From my end, I am willing to look into physical therapy options to increase his flexibility. Let me know your thoughts."

And see what they come back with. My guess is they truly do mean well but they are not really seeing the cycle that is created by "pushing harder is better"...kid keeps struggling (again this can be the result of muscle tension neurologically to "protect" the body from ranges it hasn't achieved)...so they keep pushing harder. They want him to get better, of course, if they didn't care they would just ignore it. So on one hand we know they're invested so I think a respectfully worded dialogue might help express DS's side.

Look up Hybrid Perspective and sort through the flexibility. If you look up his YouTube channel he also has a hip circuit that he demonstrates. It will not cause crying but will greatly improve splits. Maybe for DS seeing a young man (this might help because it will be someone he looks up to) demonstrate stretches that don't cause crying and huge pain will help him to do the stretches.

 

[Sasha]

My son is also very naturally inflexible. What has helped him is adding "PNF" stretching to his routine. Note: requires being well warmed-up. I don't have a definitive video or link, but there are quite a few informative sites and videos demonstrating different techniques.

I'm a believer that you should never feel pain while stretching - only pulling. Stretching should feel good. My son has had success doing home stretching using a rewards chart. Because it doesn't hurt, I think that helps with motivation. He is now 8, but first did this when he was 6/7. He continually has to work hard on it. Even a few days off is obvious loss.

Though our coaches do sometimes apply gentle pressure while stretching certain positions (like pike), there is nothing extreme of tears-worthy. Personally, I would feel the need to speak up if more painful pushing was being introduced. I recognize this is common practice at some gyms, though - even very reputable ones, but my personal opinion currently remains.

 

[Faith]

I believe there's controversy over pnf stretching- I recently went to a seminar and definately picked up some negative feelings- it wasn't a topic, but came up during something unrelated and was quickly dismissed.

If any coaches would like to chip in with for and against I'd love to hear it. Must go look it up.

Having said that I found pnf stretching worked for me as a gymnast. I use it very very gently on my gymnasts and it seems ok too.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Eldest is currently doing a PE/Sports diploma and they teach PNF. He has lost a lot of flexibility since quitting gym and taking up Rugby, it definitely has helped his motion range.

 

[SwimMom]

My 7 year old has stretching homework too. We set a timer for 15 mins and I do it with him. He loves to laugh at his old mom trying to do the splits & I am getting better. Nowhere close to him or your ds but closer to the floor. It dos hurt and it is hard but it makes it more fun for him.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I believe there's controversy over pnf stretching- I recently went to a seminar and definately picked up some negative feelings- it wasn't a topic, but came up during something unrelated and was quickly dismissed.

If any coaches would like to chip in with for and against I'd love to hear it. Must go look it up.

Having said that I found pnf stretching worked for me as a gymnast. I use it very very gently on my gymnasts and it seems ok too.

nothing wrong with PNF. more wrong with no stretching at all.

 

[l.c.o]

I would email whomever you usually ...
Look up Hybrid Perspective and sort through the flexibility.

Sorry for the delay in reply - but THANK YOU!!

Head coach hasn't been in as much as usual over the past few weeks (mono!) and isn't really replying to anyone's email. I've asked DS to keep me updated on what's happening at practice during stretching, as I rarely watch. We have a decent rapport with the asst. coach (he's coached one or both of my kids for some 7.5 years), so next time I have an opportunity to casually mention it, I will. And if head coach replies to my outstanding email about the season, then I'll definitely respond with a question/comment about it.

Anyway - DS and I had time to check the Web site you mentioned together last night and are encouraged and eager to try some new things at home. Thanks again.

 

[l.c.o]

My 7 year old has stretching homework too. We set a timer for 15 mins and I do it with him. He loves to laugh at his old mom trying to do the splits & I am getting better. Nowhere close to him or your ds but closer to the floor. It dos hurt and it is hard but it makes it more fun for him.

Thanks for this idea! I'll definitely give it a try - it'll be good for some laughs, at least!

I'm a believer that you should never feel pain while stretching - only pulling. Stretching should feel good. My son has had success doing home stretching using a rewards chart. Because it doesn't hurt, I think that helps with motivation. He is now 8, but first did this when he was 6/7. He continually has to work hard on it. Even a few days off is obvious loss.

Though our coaches do sometimes apply gentle pressure while stretching certain positions (like pike), there is nothing extreme of tears-worthy...

Thanks for this, too! We'll try the rewards chart - it has helped some with his picky eating.