Anon The mean girls want to follow dd to the new gym

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Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
I am posting because this has been a rough year and we thought we had turned a corner, but now it seems it may be shortlived. A little backstory. My DD had been at a particular gym for years. It was highly competitive and she is a good gymnast, but definitely not the podium finisher the gym wants. They are pushing a lot of elite levels, so we chose to go to a new gym. It was a gym that had been established for a while, but under new ownership. We got there, everything was great. However, there was one girl there who had been there since she started gymnastics. She had always been the best gymnast in that gym. My DD comes along and now she is no longer the best gymnast in the gym. (She had been XCEL gold/platinum and my DD was level 7 and the gym first optional gymnast). As the year progressed, this gymnast and another gymnast began to really bully and isolate my daughter. I think a lot of it stemmed from jealousy. DD put up with it to finish the season, but as soon as the post season ended for her, she quit.

We joined a new gym nearly an hour away. She loves the sport and was tired of being treated like trash by these 2 girls and all pleas to the HC fell on deaf ears as the worst of the 2 had been her gymnast for years and the HC had trained her. This new gym is opening a new facility and it will be an amazing place. We have been so happy with the coaching and the feedback and the goals they set for their kids. DD is happy again for the first time in months. Well, turns out the previous gym has not had their lease renewed in the building they are in. If they don't find a place in the next 6 months, the gym will close. Now both of those other girls are looking at the new gym with its new facility and thinking of switching. I am dreading this. I have seen the text messages these girls wrote to other teammates about my daughter. They actively try to deter teammates from being friends with my daughter (for example, "Are you spending time with X of your own free will rn? Why would you do that? You know we hate her." And "You used to hate her too. Why are you her friend now?" Or, "Fine. If you like her, I still have X to talk **** about her with. I don't know why you hang out with her, but whatever. You don't need to be our friend anymore.") My DD is HAPPY now. She cheers her new teammates on. She hugs them when they get a new skill. She is still the highest level gymnast on the team, but she doesn't ACT like it. She was claps and cheers on the level 4s who are making the jump to 6. And I do not want her to be the target of these girls again if they come to the new gym.

Do I say something to the new coach to let her know what happened before? I have screenshots of the text messages back and forth from other kids because their parents were aware of what was happening. Do I share these with the new coach? Its not that I want to badmouth the other kids, I just want to protect my daughter from this bullying again. Any advice would be appreciated.
 

Mercedes smith

New Member
May 9, 2022
1
34
Tell the new coach but realistically I would be meeting with the parents also. Bullying isn’t like when we were kids it’s not tolerated any longer. Show the parents the texts I’m sure at that level they will quickly realize no gym will accept those kids with proof of bullying. I was an elite gymnast and bullying almost caused me to lose my life don’t allow this to go on .
 

rlm's mom

Proud Parent
Aug 21, 2021
308
39
I would definitely say something to the new coaches, assuming you are comfortable enough. Show them the texts, tell them how happy your daughter is in the gym etc. I’m assuming this is a small gym so girls of the same level will inevitably train together. If this is not the case you can try to arrange them in a different training groups… this is prob not an option for you though. It’s an awful situation!
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
I would show the new gym HC the texts and tell them about the situation. I think they would want to promote a better culture than what those 2 other gymnasts could offer. I'm so happy for your daughter that she found a good gym where she is happy.
 

TheXcelMom

Proud Parent
Apr 14, 2022
38
I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I hope she hasn't seen these texts, though if she's older, I imagine she was the one who gave them to you.
If she has seen them, what if SHE showed them to her coach? Is she close enough with them to do so?
That gym would be hard-pressed to let those girls in if they know your daughter is aware of how they act.
Or not. I'm sure there are 100 reasons not to do that. But I do think you're within your rights to make sure she's protected from those actively trying to hurt her.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
I would also talk to the coaches but try and keep the language as neutral as possible. State you are concerned about how your daughter will be treated and the impact to the team culture based on past negative experiences with these kids. If the coach would like to know the nature of these experiences you would be willing to show them the text messages so they can form their own opinion about how these girls may impact gym culture. I would state that while I would hope these girls have reflected and grown since you last interacted with them so that they do not treat others this way anymore you want to be sure that if they have not changed that they will be dealt with fairly but firmly as that was not the case at the last gym.

You don't want to come across as though you are labeling these kids as "bad kids" because it could end up making you look like the bad guy in this situation. I would position it all as a just making you aware so you can be prepared for any situation. IF you get to confrontational or its them or me it could make it look like you were the instigator not them by being fair and neutral in your language if they come in all crazy you just seem vindicated and it makes it easier for the new gym to act
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I hope she hasn't seen these texts, though if she's older, I imagine she was the one who gave them to you.
If she has seen them, what if SHE showed them to her coach? Is she close enough with them to do so?
That gym would be hard-pressed to let those girls in if they know your daughter is aware of how they act.
Or not. I'm sure there are 100 reasons not to do that. But I do think you're within your rights to make sure she's protected from those actively trying to hurt her.
Oh she has seen them. Some of the worst has come on her own social media. The girls have been blocked and removed from friends lists, but if a friend of my DD tags her in a post and they are friends with the bullies, the bullies feel the need to comment. In this cyber world it is really hard to avoid.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
Wow that’s a really rough situation. I would be careful about showing the texts to the coach unless you/your daughter have a strong relationship with them, it could get spread around to seem like you/ your daughter are the mean ones. If your daughter has as close of a bond with her new teammates as you made it sound, I don’t think new girls coming in will necessarily change that. The other girls on the team know your daughter and her character, and I think that they would believe your daughter, who they have known for a while and has been a good friend, over some random new girls coming in that they don’t know. I hope this all works out for you.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
Wow that’s a really rough situation. I would be careful about showing the texts to the coach unless you/your daughter have a strong relationship with them, it could get spread around to seem like you/ your daughter are the mean ones. If your daughter has as close of a bond with her new teammates as you made it sound, I don’t think new girls coming in will necessarily change that. The other girls on the team know your daughter and her character, and I think that they would believe your daughter, who they have known for a while and has been a good friend, over some random new girls coming in that they don’t know. I hope this all works out for you.
 
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Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
Wow that’s a really rough situation. I would be careful about showing the texts to the coach unless you/your daughter have a strong relationship with them, it could get spread around to seem like you/ your daughter are the mean ones. If your daughter has as close of a bond with her new teammates as you made it sound, I don’t think new girls coming in will necessarily change that. The other girls on the team know your daughter and her character, and I think that they would believe your daughter, who they have known for a while and has been a good friend, over some random new girls coming in that they don’t know. I hope this all works out for you.
This is my hope. She is forming friendships already. I am leaning towards not showing the messages and waiting to see how it plays out. This gym is a good fit and I don’t want to jeopardize that.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
As a coach I would want to know about the previous texts if these girls joined our team, especially if they were placed in the same training group. But I would recommend waiting to see if they do switch first, it may not happen.
They will most definitely be in the same training group. Both were level 6 last year (the XCEL gold/platinum gymnast was supposed to be the gyms first ever Optional gymnast until my DD moved to the gym. So not only was she not the first Optional gymnast, she was a lower level optional gymnast than my kid. I don't think this helped the situation).
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
I don't have any great advice but I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter. For the gym veterans out there, is this common? We're relatively new to the sport.
 

pt coach

Coach
Proud Parent
Dec 23, 2009
195
I agree with showing the messages ahead of time. As a coach, I would absolutely want to know that there was a potential issue. I do not think it makes you look bad, or that you are "bad mouthing" these gymnasts.

I am a very direct person, so before allowing these gymnasts on my team I would review the messages with them and their parents and explain that this is not something we find acceptable. If they can't be good teammates to everyone, they should continue with their search for a new gym.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
I don't have any great advice but I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter. For the gym veterans out there, is this common? We're relatively new to the sport.
"Mean girls" can be anywhere and everywhere girls are spending a lot of time together, so I wouldn't say this is unique to gymnastics. But it certainly does happen, unfortunately.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
Seems like it is a us or them situation where the gym has to pick who they want on the team. If it were my team I'd pick the team players over the selfish ones.
 

Anonymous Post

Secret Identity
Feb 16, 2022
582
Oh jeez...what a pain!
1) If they join the gym I would mention it as an aside to the coach that your child had previous conflict with this child and if your coach could closely monitor and keep you informed and you will do the same.
2) I would not recommend showing "proof" to the coach. Just tell them what happened. I work with children and the amount of parent's wanting to show me "proof" drives me crazy. It's like I believe what your saying and I'm not a judge just tell me what you are concerned about. Of course if the coach asks to see a sample that's a different story.
 
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