Parents The will to prepare to win

[Jane]

As I tell my step daughter
"it's not the will to win that matters, It's the will to prepare to win that matters"

My story,

My child is 7 going on 8 and has been in gymnastics since she was 2. Competing for two years now.
She is very consistent at placing 5th, 4th and 3rd place at meets.
Towards her last 4 meets she is unhappy with her placements. She wants first place very dearly. I think her placements are fine and every time I see her out there my eyes fill up with tears because I am so proud.

I spoke to her before we decided to sign back up at the competitive level. I asked her "do you want to do this for fun, or to win"
She was very stern on wanting to compete to win. I told her if that is the case, we will be going to open gyms and doing a lot of practice at home. It will take a lot of hard work to get first place. She agreed.

Now that it is almost meet time for the past two months we have been going to open gyms and doing practice at home. She is constantly asking "are we done yet, can I play, How many more times"

I try to reiterate as much as I can that we can be done but you haven't changed anything that needs to be fixed in your routines. If you hit the mat at your meet with your toes not pointed, hands not pretty and routines not flowing, you will not be getting first place. (to me that is OK)

She will turn around the next day and say "I can't wait for my meets, I hope i win first place"
I explain to her again, the only way you can win first place is by working really hard and fixing what your coaches say to fix.

I see her at practice fooling around and truly not listening to her coaches when they tell her to redo what she has done wrong. She will do the same thing over and over again with no change. She has had her floor routine (that I hired a private choreographer for) down graded to the very basic routine. A lot was taken out because of her not being consistent with the gymnast poise.

I asked her if she wanted to do the "fun" gymnastics (rec classes) she wants nothing to do with that. She truly lives breaths and dies gymnastics. She is constantly tumbling (the wrong way) loves youtubing gymnastics videos, writes about it in school, and puts on shows for us to all watch.


My question is, how do I know when it is time for quits?

From all of you other parents, at what age did your children start taking this sport seriously?

Should I stick it out one more year in hopes something will click in her head?

 

[Amusibus]

Quitting?? You said she loves it right? 3rd to 5th place sounds great to me! The motivation needs to come from her, so if she's asking you to stop practising and go play, that's time to back off. They learn by doing, by experience. So if she really wants to win so bad you have to let her decide to put forth the effort totally on her own... or perhaps help her adjust her expectations. Maturity will come, slowly, don't worry.

 

[Jane]

Thank you for the Advise Amusibus

The reason why I mention quitting is because well,we all know how much this costs...
for the past two years she hasn't advanced in levels and is doing the same things in her routines as she was last year. Nothing new, no new skills...same old same old.
I see the rest of these girls move up into higher levels and mine just stays the same.

 

[2G1B]

you say that you have had the floor routine professionally choreographed - what level is she? Is she in Xcel? (I'm assuming that is what it is since if you have an almost 8 year old at level 6 or higher (optionals) then I'd assume that she is doing amazing...

Anyway, no matter what she is in (JO/Xcel/YMCA/etc), I agree that the motivation has to come from her. I encourage my kids to stretch at home. If they give me a hard time I drop it. It has to be THEIR thing. IMO, we as parents, have to let it be their thing. We should support them when we are asked, some times nudge them when they hesitate, remind them of how they should behave (not goof off in practice - they are young kids, they will get distracted and sometimes need to be reminded to pay full attention), and then let them do their thing.

My DS had a lot of 1st - 3rd last year; but the year before he was more 5th - middle of the pack. Who knows what he will do this year. Last year both of my DDs were middle of the pack on down in all but bars. This year both have had some top 3 placements and some middle of the pack. I can see them progressing though and they all love the sport. They don't ask to skip practice. They don't ask to quit. Sure, they have some rough days; but they are all ready to go to the next practice and/or competition. It is a lot of money; but IMO, as long as they are still enjoying it, learning and wanting to commit their time to it, I'm not making them quit just for sometimes acting like kids in class or are not placing top 3 every time.

 

[bogwoppit]

But if she is happy does it matter?

Not every child will progress at the same speed, gymnastics is an individual sport for this reason.

Her placements are wonderful.

 

[Jane]

you say that you have had the floor routine professionally choreographed - what level is she? Is she in Xcel? (I'm assuming that is what it is since if you have an almost 8 year old at level 6 or higher (optionals) then I'd assume that she is doing amazing...

She is Bronze Xcel

 

[Jane]

But if she is happy does it matter?

Not every child will progress at the same speed, gymnastics is an individual sport for this reason.

Her placements are wonderful.

She is happy but when it comes time for awards she is not. For instance, her last meet she received for 3rd all around. That to me is awesome!! I gave her the double thumbs up as she was on the podium. She looked at me, shook her head no with a mad look, and pointed to the first place spot. LOL!!

 

[bogwoppit]

Helping her set more attainable goals might be key to her satisfaction at meets. Right now she is focussing on something she has absolutely no control over. Those kinds of goals are very frustrating.

Helping her set goals she can achieve will be very useful.

Perhaps, making bars tighter, casts higher. Making beam jumps higher and stronger. Sticking certain beam skills or vault etc. being the supportive team mate and friend. These are things she can control, see results from and in the end she will be happier with her efforts.

She also might benefitby being reminded of the child that comes last, goes home with no medals but who still loves gym and meets. The journey is the gym not the medal.

 

[Amusibus]

My daughter is also progressing more slowly than average, because of developmental disabilities (ADHD and Aspergers), not because of lack of ability physically. If she quits because she can't be number one, what message are you sending? There are so many other benefits to competitive gymnastics besides winning. It will still help shape her into a better person no matter what her scores are.

 

[MaryA]

Generally, I see slower progress in the Xcel levels. At our gym, at lest, Xcel is fewer hours than JO, so you wouldn't expect kids to progress as quickly. I think you should encourage her to set goals that aren't linked to scores or placements. "In this meet I am going to stick all my landings/work on keeping my legs straight/whatever." Beyond that, keep out of it. No amount of prodding from you is going to give her that motivation you think she should have.

 

[AmandaLynn]

I gave her the double thumbs up as she was on the podium. She looked at me, shook her head no with a mad look, and pointed to the first place spot. LOL!!

This is poor sportsmanship and would not be tolerated by me as a parent or as a coach.

 

[Jane]

This is poor sportsmanship and would not be tolerated by me as a parent or as a coach.

You bet it is. The audience laughed...not that is OK she did that. I did speak to her about that attitude...Didn't feel as though I had to explain that here. I try not to get too far into explaining things on boards.

 

[Jane]

My daughter is also progressing more slowly than average, because of developmental disabilities (ADHD and Aspergers), not because of lack of ability physically. If she quits because she can't be number one, what message are you sending? There are so many other benefits to competitive gymnastics besides winning. It will still help shape her into a better person no matter what her scores are.

I would not have her quit because she is not winning. I would call it quits and try something else that she may want to work hard in and listen better in. But with her age, It is tough because that attitude may just not be there yet.

 

[Jane]

Helping her set more attainable goals might be key to her satisfaction at meets. Right now she is focussing on something she has absolutely no control over. Those kinds of goals are very frustrating.

Helping her set goals she can achieve will be very useful.

Perhaps, making bars tighter, casts higher. Making beam jumps higher and stronger. Sticking certain beam skills or vault etc. being the supportive team mate and friend. These are things she can control, see results from and in the end she will be happier with her efforts.

She also might benefitby being reminded of the child that comes last, goes home with no medals but who still loves gym and meets. The journey is the gym not the medal.

Very good points.
At her level everyone gets a medal and or a ribbon. She always leaves a meet with 5 medals or ribbons.

 

[profmom]

Let her own her gymnastics. If she really wants to win because she understands that to do so, she will need to improve her gymnastics, she will figure it out. If she is desperate to earn first place, she will be begging you for more open gym. But I agree that she doesn't get to engage in poor sportsmanship because she did not place where she wanted to. And wanting to be the best gymnast is not the same thing as wanting the first place trophy. The motivation must be internal. In my opinion, our job as parents is to limit our driving to being behind the wheel of the car, not in supplying missing motivation.

(Spoken as the parent of a moderately motivated soccer player who's happy on a non-elite travel team, a slowly but steadily progressing L7 girl who could be better if she wanted to do privates or more open gym but is feeling like she has as many hours as she can handle, and a L5 boy whose goals this season include getting a perfect score on his favorite event and winning it at states and who is taking concrete steps to try to bring these crazy things within the realm of distant possibility. And, most importantly, spoken as a parent who is very happy that everyone knows what s/he wants and has taken responsibility for setting the boundaries around sports at a place that works for her/him.)

 

[juststartingout]

I think it's the age, you should give it another year. I have a 7yo gymnast and she is hot and cold with how much and how hard she practices. Last season she practiced her skills but was not consistent with the form. The coach would tell her to squeeze and be tight and she would do it a few times and then back to the same old same old. At her first meet she placed 3rd AA and that is when she finally got it that if she wanted to win the little things count. The last 2 meets she placed 1st AA. After meet season however she hasn't been focusing as much as she should or could again. I can't wait till the first meet when again she will see that you can't win if you don't work hard. Her group is 6 to 12yo girls and I notice that they all go through stages where they seem to be working hard and focusing and then not so much for a while.

 

[Quadqueen]

Most 7 year olds are not ready to "take gymnastics seriously," so her attitude there is normal. She needs to have the intrinsic motivation to work hard, and she doesn't yet, but that's ok. I would stop trying to push her to work on fixing things at home. For one thing, I really think the gym should be left in the gym, and secondly, she may work and work and work, and still not win - telling her she will win if she works harder and fixes her mistakes isn't the right message to send. She needs to want to improve for the sake of improving.

As long as she's having fun and isn't repeatedly asking to quit, and you are asking her on occasion if she still wants to continue, I think you're fine.

I would definitely have a talk with her about sportsmanship though, and ask her if she loves the sport. If she doesn't, it might be time to suggest other sports or activities.

 

[IreneKa]

I think it's too early for a 7 year old to grasp the concept of "if you don't work hard now, you won't win later". At least that's how it's been with my kids. They live in "here and now", and NOW she wants to play, and not practice pointing her toes. Yes, she will be upset when the meet comes and she doesn't win, but it's just hard for her to understand that now. Just let her have fun and enjoy gymnastics, and she will learn from her own mistakes eventually.
However, what I find somewhat strange is that she is doing the same routines the third year in a row, and she hasn't improved? Did she place 3rd - 5th last year too? Did her scores improve at all since last year? Is she learning any new skills at all? Are you happy with her gym in general? If she is not improving, maybe the gym philosophy/coaching style is not suitable for her?

 

[Quadqueen]

I agree ^^. I would not expect her to move up each year in Xcel, but you should see some improvement and new skills.

 

[saddlupasb]

Who knows with Xcel? Personally I really appreciate what Xcel stands for but I don't understand little ones in it. Do you have any option to do JO?