Parents The will to prepare to win

[Amusibus]

Yeah maybe she is competing against kids that do 15 or 20 hours a week. If that's the case, explaining this to her might help her understand why first place is so difficult to achieve. Or it might just make her want to go that many hours too. Hmmmmmm.......

 

[Sasha]

I also agree with the people that say 7 is still too young (for many / most kids) to really grasp and live the 'will to prepare' concept on one's own. The kids who are super driven and focused are a small minority among all kids, but they seem like the majority since we're in the strange and selective environment of the gymnastics gym where kids have self-selected into a disciplined sport (enabled by parents who often look to channel this focus), then coach-selected to team once both skill and focus are demonstrated. It's a small and skewed pool, really, compared to the average healthy and emotionally normal kid. That's my personal take anyway.

I personally made the early mistake of pushing my DD to 'take advantage' of open gym, for example, when she just wanted some fun time. It was in that early skill acquisition stage, and as a parent I was swept up in 'Gosh, if she just tried that back kick-over a few more times - I can see she is so close - why is she running around playing with the foam and not practicing that? Come on just keep trying!" I was new and naive, and so vicariously excited to see her achieve new things, but I self-corrected quickly once I figured out I was making her feel bad (which I never intended of course, but I was a guilty pushy parent for a minute there). Like everyone else has said, it has to be her own thing,

 

[Sasha]

Continuing post, apparently too long to add above...

We actually moved from a brief stay in Xcel to JO because in our gym the JO coaches will not let girls get away with repeated flexed feet or sloppy arms, etc., as much as in Xcel. It's what my DD needed - to be firmly coached into thinking about details and making them habit. The Xcel coaches here are more lenient, and focused more on safe skill acquisition than perfecting details, so there are fewer consequences for not minding the details. Though my DD *said* she wanted to have great form and try to remember all the details to compete well, form details have always been her challenge. And though the Xcel coaches would of course repeat form instructions, it took a more strict coaching style with consequences (being called out, more conditioning instead of trying a new skill with the group, losing in class-time mini competitions, etc.) to force her to truly pay attention at that level. It has worked. That style fits her personality and she is much happier now. She is also now among the best in some form points, and I am amazed. No idea if your DD's personalty is similar, but just adding examples to the 'motivation' information pool of what worked for our DD and those pesky form details

 

[rsm]

Perhaps a stricter program with more hours might be better for your DD if you think she would like that. My DD (7 going on 8) sounds very similar. I'm sure she'll say 'yes' if I ask her if wants to win. But if I ask her if she wants to work on her splits or do xyz at home that would help her, the answer would always be 'no' or she may try for a few minutes, but there would be no consistent effort put to it. Right now, she's way more interested in the short-term goal of having fun than the long-term goal of winning. That being said, she is now in the gym 15 hours a week and she will happily do whatever the coach asks, and has greatly improved skill and form only because she has good coaching. For her, it's much more fun when everyone is doing it. She does not try to do any more (or less) than the coach asks, has never asked to go to the gym more (unless her friends were going), and doesn't ask to "not" go to the gym. She is very happy with where she is, but would probably also be equally happy if she were going 4 hours a week with her friends and coach. She just wouldn't be progressing very much at 4 hours a week. And she also places 3, 4, 5 or thereabouts in meets for her age group, but she has now competed old level 3, old level 4 and this year new level 4, so she is moving up in levels. It's rare for a child to have the willpower and discipline at this age. I just hope she can progress enough now while having fun, that if that willpower and discipline ever kick in, she would be in a good position to be successful (whatever she decides that is).

 

[iwannacoach]

It sounds like you want to help her but don't how to go about it. I can't tell you how to reach your daughter's logic center, and I doubt you should. She's too young to grasp the reality that she will compete the same way she trains, and may never get to that reality. You can remind her that it takes weeks of hard work, spent making changes, to significantly improve scores or placements........ and you're right about 1st not being that important. You can also remind her that she *can* take the coach's cue and change the way her body moves during her skillwork, and that nobody but her can make it move the right way.

Beyond those occasional reminders and the rare sit down explanation, there's nothing to do. You can't make it happen for her, but you can watch and smile as she grows, learns, and figures out what it takes to get what she wants out of the sport.

 

[gracyomalley]

At 7 my daughter was on the JO team, a "non-competing 5" (we don't do excel or old 4/new 3) and went to practice 12 hours a week...she also loved gym but told me she Never Wanted to Compete....not scared, just didn't think that was what she wanted to do....as an adult I was perplexed ("why are we doing this then....") - but for her gym was fun, she loved her coaches, her team-mates, loved "doing" gymnastics, worked actually really hard for her age, and is a very strong kiddo....

Its so easy to put our adult ideas into their little heads - but it really does have to be their idea....and all you can do is teach her good manners/sportsmanship (which it sounds like you are trying to...); and offer her the chance to progress - support efforts she makes to work harder, look at changing programs if that's the issue (I too don't get Excel for little ones, but I know many gyms do it so I'm sure it works for some...) and make sure shes having fun, learning life lessons (again, I'd emphasize the sportsmanship and hard work this year....), and around positive adults at gym...rest will come - OR it won'...t but you can't make her Want it! My DD is now a level 7, just turned 11, and pushing to level 8....still one of the hardest workers, but still wants some balance in her life....chose not to go level 8 so she could be a kid and play violin in youth orchestra, etc (also fears and puberty....fun times here!)....but she now Owns her Gymnastics...and that's more important long terms obviously!

 

[shelovestoflip]

Personally, I wouldn't tell my daughter to practice at home. I feel like the gym is the place for that. Plus, I think they pick up bad form. Tons of people have beams at home but if a coach isn't standing there reminding the child to keep their legs straight and point their toes, most kids won't do it. And honestly, I don't think a parent should be the one doing it. We are there to love our kids and support them. Teachers teach reading and coaches coach gymnastics.

Ditto for Open Gym. Not sure how it works at your gym, but I know many gyms are just that....open to do whatever they want. So again, a coach won't be focusing on skills as they would in practice.

I agree with some other posters about Xcel being less hours and the coaches being less focused on perfect form.

She is young to truly understand really working hard. It comes with time for many kids. But some kids arent' as focused on the details. I think she will figure it out with time.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

As I tell my step daughter
"it's not the will to win that matters, It's the will to prepare to win that matters"

My story,

My child is 7 going on 8 and has been in gymnastics since she was 2. Competing for two years now.
She is very consistent at placing 5th, 4th and 3rd place at meets.
Towards her last 4 meets she is unhappy with her placements. She wants first place very dearly. I think her placements are fine and every time I see her out there my eyes fill up with tears because I am so proud.

I spoke to her before we decided to sign back up at the competitive level. I asked her "do you want to do this for fun, or to win"
She was very stern on wanting to compete to win. I told her if that is the case, we will be going to open gyms and doing a lot of practice at home. It will take a lot of hard work to get first place. She agreed.

Now that it is almost meet time for the past two months we have been going to open gyms and doing practice at home. She is constantly asking "are we done yet, can I play, How many more times"

I try to reiterate as much as I can that we can be done but you haven't changed anything that needs to be fixed in your routines. If you hit the mat at your meet with your toes not pointed, hands not pretty and routines not flowing, you will not be getting first place. (to me that is OK)

She will turn around the next day and say "I can't wait for my meets, I hope i win first place"
I explain to her again, the only way you can win first place is by working really hard and fixing what your coaches say to fix.

I see her at practice fooling around and truly not listening to her coaches when they tell her to redo what she has done wrong. She will do the same thing over and over again with no change. She has had her floor routine (that I hired a private choreographer for) down graded to the very basic routine. A lot was taken out because of her not being consistent with the gymnast poise.

I asked her if she wanted to do the "fun" gymnastics (rec classes) she wants nothing to do with that. She truly lives breaths and dies gymnastics. She is constantly tumbling (the wrong way) loves youtubing gymnastics videos, writes about it in school, and puts on shows for us to all watch.


My question is, how do I know when it is time for quits?

From all of you other parents, at what age did your children start taking this sport seriously?

Should I stick it out one more year in hopes something will click in her head?

YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[gwenmom]

JM2C but DD felt the same way last year. My reply was the same as it always is, "if that is what you want, you need to talk to your coaches. I will be there, I will support you, but it needs to come from you." Now she is 8, so if she needs to talk to her coaches I am there literally holding her hand.

It is not my job to push and train her, it is her coaches and hers. She does have the internal drive, but I also know she is barely 8 and has the attention span of a squirrel.

Am I saying it doesn't drive me insane when I see her goofing off at practice? NO. It most definitely does, but I sure don't let her know. Someone posted an interesting article on here about what makes kids quit sports, and it was the parents and what they said the car after practice. I have been guilty with this with both of my children, but now all I ask is if she had fun, did she work hard and two things she did well (also advise from here).

She still has frustrated days and I am an advocate for her and let her coaches know, but I don't push. It's not my job. I pay someone else very good money and a lot of it to be that for her. We leave the gym at the gym as much as SHE allows. I still see her beam routine and floor routine practiced at home, but it is on her terms. The only thing I participate in is telling her to point her toes. The former dancer in me can not let that one go, but it is always her initiating, not me.

But I will also say I have the luxury in this journey of having a very competitive child. She likes to win, so I know that eventually she will start pushing herself and I have seen that start to come this year. She will cry, she will get frustrated, but it motivates her to work harder, not shut down.

Again, that is my 2 very uneducated about gymnastics cents.

 

[mylittlemiss]

From all of you other parents, at what age did your children start taking this sport seriously?

My gymmie just turned 8 this summer. She's a bit of a goof and really rather a silly and fun kid. However, when it comes to gymnastics, she loves it and goes to practice and tries to take the corrections the coaches give her seriously and makes needed corrections the best she can. She just has a natural drive to train hard and compete. We don't have her practice at home or really any other time, actually, we often have to tell her to take it down a notch or a few! I know every child is different, but to expect them take a sport seriously at a young age is a difficult thing. In our instance, she's just like this, driven and wanting to win, she strives to get/make corrections to be better. She places well at most all meets and if she doesn't do as well as she wants to, she knows she needs to make changes or it won't happen. We, as parents try to direct her drive and determination in a positive and healthy direction. I'd encourage you to just give your DD time and if she's enjoying the sport, then let her keep pressing forward, reminding her we don't always win. The maturity that comes with being a good sport comes with time.

 

[bookworm]

I think "winning first place" in a judged sport is a really tough goal to have ...some judges will love her and some may take every deduction possible , for routines that look exactly the same. Like others have said, I think having more attainable goals ( but at 7 yrs old, does she even need any goal other than to have fun?) would be a help because not being happy with a finish on the podium (but not first place) will make for a very LONG year....

 

[CreateMagic]

From all of you other parents, at what age did your children start taking this sport seriously?

Should I stick it out one more year in hopes something will click in her head?

Not a parent, but a coach---I have a small team of gymnasts aged 6-10. The seriousness varies greatly per child, and it's not necessarily age-based. One six year old is super serious, always checking with me if her toes were pointed, if her split was big enough, if she hit vertical--and will practice a correction repeatedly until it's there. I also have a nine-year-old that I have to remind to look at the vault table while running toward it. Nothing is going to make either child be more motivated. That is intrinsic. I work with their personalities to get them to their potential, but the desire and motivation has to come from within.

Btw, any child who tells me they are "practicing" skills at home is immediately remin[/quote]

 

[CreateMagic]

Having trouble editing...

They are immediately reminded that gymnastics stays in the gym. They can practice pull ups, leg lifts, and presses, but nothing else! Besides being possibly dangerous, the intricacies of each skill makes it a pia to fix technique that is practiced wrong! Grrr....