To watch or not to watch

[Deanna]

Since school has started I havent sat down and watched a single one of Kadee's practices. I used to sit there and read my book for 2 hrs while she did her thing. Glancing up every once in a while to see what she was doing. Now the parents sit in a "gallery" that is closed off from the gym (literly in a closed off room). We can view the gymnast, but they cant view us. Its one way glass. She is obviously doing different things than she was towards the end of Aug. Example, not this wednesday, but last wednesday when I picked her up she was talking about how she did a "perfect" vault onto the "big mat" for the first time. Well, last time I was there in Aug, she was doing her vault onto a few small mats stacked up, but only about 12 inches off the floor all together (about the same level as the spring board). This last time I picked her up she was talking about doing a "sole straddle" on bars. This got my attention so I looked at the level 2 booklet the gym gave me and see that they call it a staddle sole circle dismount. I looked at the pictures and saw that this indead was something she wasnt doing back in Aug. After her hip cirlce she would just kinda swing through it and land on her feet. Her feet would never go up to the bar, they would stay pointed down.

Okay now that ive rambled on for no reason..lol. I want to see what she is up to. But once she made team she asked me not to watch anymore. She said she was a big girl, and big girls dont need their momma's watching them. . For a couple months (june to aug) i would still watch (i started bringing my book so i wasnt always watching..lol)..mostly because it was just so much easier to take her and stay, than to take her, leave, then come back. Since she started school she is happy as a little lark that mom isnt there anymore..lol. But I wanna see dang it.

Should I ask her if she would mind if I watched one practice? Should I show up a few minutes after practice starts (she rides the tumble bus from school to the gym so I dont take her anymore..just pick her up) and not tell her at all that im/was there? Honor her wishes and just let it all be a surprise at her first comp. which takes place at our home gym?

Im torn...I want to respect her wishes. (you have to give to get right?). But I want to see what my baby girl is up to.

What should I do?

 

[Ingwe]

We are not allowed to watch practice at our gym but I will say that my Dd hates for me to watch her on th erare occasion that we are able to watch. Even during privates when I am allowed to stay she asks me not to.

She tells me when she gets a new skill and I am always excited and surprised once meet season comes around and I get to finally see those new skills in action.

If it were me I would repsect your DD's wishes for you not to stay and watch. Just think how exciting it will be for you the 1st time that you get to see her using her new skills in competition.

 

[bogwoppit]

I watched when my kids were in preteam, well more like I sat and read the as gym was in a high school and I wasn't happy to leave them to go to the bathroom alone with all those strangers around.

SInce team I haven't watched more than the last five minutes. They are happy and I am fine with it. When I see them compete, 3 times a year, I always get to see new skills and huge improvements. You just don't see that day to day.

If my DD asked me not to watch then I would either negotiate a once a month day when she and you both know it's happening or I wouldn't go. Lying to her is a very bad plan! In the end gym is her sport.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I watch... well, I am present in the waiting area for all practices, I don't *watch* the WHOLE time, I read, play on the computer, pay bills, etc.... I am the only mom of the kids on DD's team that does. My DD is 6 and I still feel the need/desire to supervise her and be readily available should she become injured. She is only little for a short while, but I feel like I should be there if I am needed, and I enjoy watching her progress and try new skills.

 

[bogwoppit]

I watch... well, I am present in the waiting area for all practices, I don't *watch* the WHOLE time, I read, play on the computer, pay bills, etc.... I am the only mom of the kids on DD's team that does. My DD is 6 and I still feel the need/desire to supervise her and be readily available should she become injured. She is only little for a short while, but I feel like I should be there if I am needed, and I enjoy watching her progress and try new skills.

The OP isn't asking about whether she should watch or not. She is asking if she should lie to her kid and sneak in to watch when her kid doesn't want her too.

We have many threads about whether or not parents should watch. This isn't one of them.

THanks

 

[LizzieLac]

Maybe you could explain to her why you want to watch, and sort of ask her permission. And, in a year or two she may change her tune and want you to see what she learning in pratice!

 

[MdGymMom01]

I would respect her wishes and not watch. She is probably testing the waters of independence. I am sure that if she wants you to start watching again, she will let you know. This is the perfect time to let her begin to "own her sport". But, you can always be waiting in the wings if she asks for your support.

 

[sportzmomov3]

She has asked that you not watch. If you asked her not to do something, what would your expectation be? Would it be up for negotiation?

That's your answer.

 

[Deanna]

Veiwing some of the responses i see that my post came across wrong to some. I dont want to lie to my daughter. If I did I would just go and not say anything. I wouldnt be having this inner struggle with what she wants and I want. It would just be the way I wanted it. It was just a option I listed along with the other two as a possible choice. 2 of my options are not sneaking in. I even state that I want to respect her wishes. Not trying to sound angry, but I think I might have been taken wrong here. I should have worded myself better.

Deep down I know the best thing to do is just keep my trap shut and wait till Dec to see her compete it at her first comp. But I just dont want to wait that long..lol.

Its just a argument im having with myself. Maybe I should have kept it to myself..lol

 

[bogwoppit]

If you go against her wishes you are basically lying by ommision.

Imagine you see her do the most awesome thing ever, when you sneak in to watch, and when she climbs in the car she doesn't share it with you. How are you going to keep it to yourself that you were spying on her?

It may not be lying, but it sure would be deceitful. If you really want to watch you will just have to tell her that you will be there, and when!

We all go through inner battles about right and wrong, you are not alone!

 

[mariposa]

I would respect her wishes. I would also talk to her about how much you enjoy seeing her sometimes and ask if she would mind you watching when you pick her up (the last few minutes or whatever) and if she would mind you watching her once a month or something. Seems like she is pretty independent. It is great that she feels she can tell you she would rather you don't watch!

My daughter actually likes me to stay and watch, but I don't like to stay. When I do get there early to pick her up, she is always excited to see me and wants me to watch her. But after all this time of not watching, it actually feels weird, like I am invading her space. I do try to watch though and see what she is up to, but I think she does better when I am not there and she isn't trying to show me stuff.

 

[Tuduri]

Self conscious daughter

I have watched less and less of practice as the years have gone by, though I'm still usually there for the last 30 to 40 minutes of practice. (the last 20 to 30 minutes are usually conditioning). Even then I bring a book to read. My daughter has never specifically asked me not to watch her at practice. However, I can't help but notice that she is aware of when I arrive at the gym, particularly when she is on the bars which is very close to the entrance. I hate the idea of her becoming self conscious or thinking about 'dad' when I come into the gym, particularly when she is on the beam or the bars when she needs the most concentration. So I try to be inconspicuous when I am there. I try to make sure she doesn't see me looking at her. I actually read my book or use it as a prop to pretend I'm reading as she does a skill and may be looking in my direction. It is a lot easier for me to resist watching a lot of practice when I consider that my presence at the gym may prove to be an impediment to my daughter's ability to concentrate and remain safe, particularly with the more difficult skills she is learning.

It's true that one is not as aware of what skills are being worked on or at what stage they may be learning a skill. Believe me, I know the 'wanting to know' feeling. But you don't want to distract your daughter and you'll eventually see the skills she is doing. I will usually spend a little more time at the gym to watch the routines just before the season starts.

Julio Garcia,
Jamy's dad

 

[bogwoppit]

I have watched less and less of practice as the years have gone by, though I'm still usually there for the last 30 to 40 minutes of practice. (the last 20 to 30 minutes are usually conditioning). Even then I bring a book to read. My daughter has never specifically asked me not to watch her at practice. However, I can't help but notice that she is aware of when I arrive at the gym, particularly when she is on the bars which is very close to the entrance. I hate the idea of her becoming self conscious or thinking about 'dad' when I come into the gym, particularly when she is on the beam or the bars when she needs the most concentration. So I try to be inconspicuous when I am there. I try to make sure she doesn't see me looking at her. I actually read my book or use it as a prop to pretend I'm reading as she does a skill and may be looking in my direction. It is a lot easier for me to resist watching a lot of practice when I consider that my presence at the gym may prove to be an impediment to my daughter's ability to concentrate and remain safe, particularly with the more difficult skills she is learning.

It's true that one is not as aware of what skills are being worked on or at what stage they may be learning a skill. Believe me, I know the 'wanting to know' feeling. But you don't want to distract your daughter and you'll eventually see the skills she is doing. I will usually spend a little more time at the gym to watch the routines just before the season starts.

Julio Garcia,
Jamy's dad

Did you read the OP's question? As this is not really what the thread is about, her DD doesn't want her to watch training and she wants to.

 

[justanothergymmom]

I learned my lesson the hard way about "sneaking in" to watch my 5 yo pre-teamer. I decided to go in for the last 20 minutes of her practice after she had told me she didn't want me watching her anymore. When she spotted me across the gym she crossed her arms and glared at me! Then she pointed at the door!!!!!

 

[gymdog]

Did you read the OP's question? As this is not really what the thread is about, her DD doesn't want her to watch training and she wants to.

It seemed pretty relevant to me

I think it is understandable that your daughter doesn't want you to watch, since pretty much everyone I did gymnastics with shared the same sentiment.

Usually they are older when they come to this but I guess she picked up on it early. It's stressful to be watched by yet another set of eyes. I wouldn't lie to her or go against her wishes but I don't see coming 20 minutes at the end as lying really. I didn't mind when my mom did that. I just didn't want to be watched the whole time. It seems to me that she just doesn't want you there the whole time (perhaps she noticed other girls parents weren't there or something) but I don't know that watching some at the end would be harmful or viewed as offensive.

 

[Linsul]

If the gym allows watching I would try to compromise with your daughter. Many parents at gyms that don't allow watching have very valid reasons for not liking the policy...usually when something goes wrong that they wish they had been there to witness. I'm not for or against that policy, both sides have good points, but if I had the option to watch I'd make use of it. Sparingly if that's what your daughter wants, but I wouldn't make a binding agreement to shut myself out of a facet of my childs life. Especially at a young age. Maybe I'm being overly paranoid, but if an agreement to stay out of it because my child wanted me to starts at gym, where it will end? I'd pull the overlord parent trump card on this one. Tell her that you will only go 'x amount of days per month', and be as unseen as possible. That way you wont have to lie, and she (hopefully) won't know when you're there.

 

[Megley]

Seems like you have two choices - either respect her current wishes and don't watch or ask her if she would be okay with you watching at least some small amount of time. If she okays a once a month visit or some other amount of time, then you have her permission and can watch without guilt.

 

[LittlePhantom]

If my daughter asked me not to watch I wouldnt..however I know what you mean, its hard being the mom and WANTING to watch them. Perhaps she could pick one day a month that you could come watch?

My DD has a love / hate thing with me watching..she loves for me to be there but at the same time I think I make her self-conscious so for me it is a blessing that our gym has a limited viewing policy

 

[bogwoppit]

It seemed pretty relevant to me

.

Tuduri, I apologise, I didn't read your post properly. I take back my comment.

Bog

 

[Tuduri]

Let's keep posting

Bog:

No need for apologies. Let's keep posting and having fun.

Julio Garcia,
Jamy's dad