To watch or not to watch

[ZZMom]

Hmmm....

I think you should let your daughter know that you are her mom and that you might sometimes watch her. I don't think a big deal should be made about WHEN you watch. Just let her know that sometimes you will be there and sometimes you won't.

What interests me about this subject the most is how the not watching thing is so specific to gymnastics (and coincidentally ballet). My two sons play hockey (9 and 16 years old) and everyone watches. It would never, never occur to anyone to think it was unacceptable to watch their child.

My older daughter was a level 10 gymnast and we definitely fell victim to the "don't watch" school of thought. We went along and later found that there were things we should have been there to see. This is NOT uncommon.

I know there are problem parents at all sporting practices. Trust me, there are hockey dads (and moms) who actually yell at their kids during practice and I have certainly seen gymnastics parents whose behavior is just as bad if not worse. But, those people should be dealt with individually.

A gym should be fully accessible to the parents. Kids need to learn to practice and compete while being watched. Normal parents do NOT make their kids anxious. Abnormal parents should be dealt with on a case by case basis.

Gyms that are not open to parent viewing may just be fitting with the cultural norm in current vogue to exclude parents. Or, they might be hiding something. Your children will not necessarily tell you. They become very emeshed with the gym and the team culture. The parent can become the outsider.

This is a subject I am very passionate about and I know many here will not agree. But, I have been there and done that in a way many that don't agree have not.

Do not lie to your daughter. Just remind her that you are the parent and are responsible to watch out for her.

Best Wishes,

ZZMom

 

[NewtoGym]

You are so nice to put so much thought into it. She is 5 or 6? You pay the bills, she can't see you, and you would like to be there in case of emergencies? I say stay. You are the parent.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

I absolutely agree with zzmom! on all points.

I have baseball boys, and it seemed like, if you didn't stay for practice, you were the bad Parent!! lol

also, she is a very seasoned mom, since only, what?, like 3% of gymnasts actually attain level 10, so I would absolutely say her opinion carries loads of weight. I wouldn't trust a gym either that said parents weren't allowed to watch!

But, anyway, since the original post was about whether you should watch when you dd doesn't want you to. Don't lie. If you want to watch, then watch. Tell her you may from time to time, and that is your right as the parent with the checkbook. Right now, she hasn't been in gym long. When she's been there for a while, you will find the novelty of watching every time wearing off, and it will regulate itself. (esp when she gets on the upper level teams and she's there for 4 hrs at a time.)

If she's as dedicated as she seems to be, she will forget you are watching, anyway.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

listen, just want to put things in perspective for all of you. all things bad that you can think of that may take place in a gym have ALL taken place at gyms that have 'observation' for parents.

and there are lots of gyms in the USA that don't have observation, have been open longer than most of you are old, and have never had a problem.

so please, let's keep it all in perspective.

 

[emorymom]

I would tell my daughter that age that I will watch her any time I want. And when I get her a texting device I will read those any time I want. & Etc. Disregarding present danger, which is low, I would prefer to go into the teen years with the capability of giving her some more freedom and privacy. If I give it all now ....

I'm fortunate to not be dealing with that yet as DD7 is presently resentful that I do not have a situation worked out to watch her frequently enough.

In gymnastics decisions for an elementary age child, I'm happy to hear her input and I would never require her to be on team. However, certain decisions are adult or my judgment calls and she needs that. Who / what / when / where.

 

[NGL780309]

Can we just trade kids? Mine doesn't want me to leave and I feel guilty when I do leave her. I haven't pinpointed why she wants me to watch so badly.

Since school has started I havent sat down and watched a single one of Kadee's practices. I used to sit there and read my book for 2 hrs while she did her thing. Glancing up every once in a while to see what she was doing. Now the parents sit in a "gallery" that is closed off from the gym (literly in a closed off room). We can view the gymnast, but they cant view us. Its one way glass. She is obviously doing different things than she was towards the end of Aug. Example, not this wednesday, but last wednesday when I picked her up she was talking about how she did a "perfect" vault onto the "big mat" for the first time. Well, last time I was there in Aug, she was doing her vault onto a few small mats stacked up, but only about 12 inches off the floor all together (about the same level as the spring board). This last time I picked her up she was talking about doing a "sole straddle" on bars. This got my attention so I looked at the level 2 booklet the gym gave me and see that they call it a staddle sole circle dismount. I looked at the pictures and saw that this indead was something she wasnt doing back in Aug. After her hip cirlce she would just kinda swing through it and land on her feet. Her feet would never go up to the bar, they would stay pointed down.

Okay now that ive rambled on for no reason..lol. I want to see what she is up to. But once she made team she asked me not to watch anymore. She said she was a big girl, and big girls dont need their momma's watching them. . For a couple months (june to aug) i would still watch (i started bringing my book so i wasnt always watching..lol)..mostly because it was just so much easier to take her and stay, than to take her, leave, then come back. Since she started school she is happy as a little lark that mom isnt there anymore..lol. But I wanna see dang it.

Should I ask her if she would mind if I watched one practice? Should I show up a few minutes after practice starts (she rides the tumble bus from school to the gym so I dont take her anymore..just pick her up) and not tell her at all that im/was there? Honor her wishes and just let it all be a surprise at her first comp. which takes place at our home gym?

Im torn...I want to respect her wishes. (you have to give to get right?). But I want to see what my baby girl is up to.

What should I do?

 

[Mom2Brats]

I thought bog's suggestion of working out a compromise is a good one. Ask her if she minds if you watch once or twice a month. I definitely don't think "sneaking in" and watching is a good idea but most kids at this level are pretty mature, regardless of their age and I think that if you explain that you would like to respect her wishes but would also like to see her new skills occasionally, she'd probably be OK with it.

Allison loves for me to watch, so I haven't had that issue yet, but we have about a lot of others things. She's older now, but even at 6 we worked out a lot of compromises over things.