Parents update and daughters decisicion

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Well finally daughter made her decision, she decided she is no longer going to continue with the gymnastics. She met with her coach yesterday and told her. I was completely out of the process like the coach wanted so she could make her own decision which seemed to be best. Daughter just feels like she can no longer deal with all the pain that the sport is causing her (she has severs disease and now her wrist is acting up, she is still limping when she walks). I think she is looking at her older teamates who a lot of them are also injured and decided it is just not worth it. Her headchoach was very supportive and just explained that some kids are able to work through the pain and some even though they may enjoy the sport they can not deal with the constant aches and pains. She did say she is welcome back anytime.
I think this has been the easy part helping her transistion is going to be hard. Daughter stayed for the whole 4 hour practice yesterday despite after I got notice about her decision I went over to pick her up. She was surprised and told me she was staying. So I thought this was her last practice maybe she wants to stay. Then last night she mentioned something about practice next week and I said I thought you were done then she told me I thought I was going till the end of May. I was perplexed. Then last night she talked about going to practice just on Monday to say goodbye eventhough our banquet is this week. I am thinking it is probally best to make her just stop going. She is really close to the other girls and I think this is making it harder. She woke up with nightmares the night before her decisicn she said she dreamed a crazy man walked into the gym with a gun and shot her teammate (this is the one that she did not want to leave since they have been together since start and she is the only one left from her group so she will be competing by herself).
I am going to sign her up for swimming in the summer and she is going for a week to a daytime art camp. I think if she wants to go to camp at her gym it would be best to wait till the end of the summer. Her dad just laughed when I said what is she going to do know he said I am sure you will find her something to do. He also said I am sure you will find something to spend the extra money on. Surprisingly I am not as upset as I thought I would be knowing this is her decision. I just wish I could make things easier for her cause I think she is going to have a harder time with this then I expected. Any advice would be welcomed.
 
MY only advice, and I have now beenthrough this twice, is to tell her if she really wants to quit that she needs to name a date when that will be and stick to it. THis is for her sake, your sake, the teams sake and the coaches sake. It is unfair to everyone for her to keep everyone guessing.

SHe will try something new, but will she find another thing like gym? WHo knows, mine haven't at this point, but they are happy. Youngest is doing rec gym class twice a week and likes that enough to keep going, she wants to keep up her tumbling enough to do cheer next year.
 
I think she has made her decision but I think she does not want to leave the her friends, coaches at the gym. It seems like a lot of girls who leave really miss the gym team atmosphere. I personally think the best thing now would be to keep her out of the gym let everything heal and try other things. If she really misses it she will let me know and then she will have to recommit herself to the sport and work through all the pain. She has dones this in the past thought about quitting but her coach feels like this time she is old enough to know what she wants. In other words she has to want to do it and I am not sure if she wants that at this point. I would not keep bringing her to practice unless she decided that she definitly wants to continue. It would not be fair IMHO to take away time and coaching from the other girls on the team unless she was going to do a recr class which would only be tumbling. The camp is a week during the summer that also has recrec kids so if she wanted to do that I will let her but I will wait till the end of the summer.
I am hoping that she will enjoy swimming she gave it up when she was younger. I feel like it is a sport that will not cause her more pain. I just feel bad that her heels hurting her right now is limiting her so much. Last year she was running track and dancing but this year she is complaining when she walks. She quit dance this year but misses it I hope by the fall she can go back to it also and I was thinking maybe she would like to try a yoga class I know they have one at the y. I think she enjoys going to gym and conditioning so maybe yoga would be enjoyable for her.
 
I agree with everything Bog said. It will be hard, but she has to pick a date and stick to it. The door is still open for her to come back if she ever wants to. And she has come to this on her own, which is important. You did the right thing, being supportive of her decision. Hugs to you both. It is hard.
 
PGM--I think you have the right idea. She needs to stop now---no going back for this or that and no stretching it out another month. Sounds like the heel pain is limiting just about everything she could do without gym---dance, track. I would take her back to the doctor at this point. My gymmie had pretty intense case of Sever's but she was never in as much pain as your dd. IIRC, she was only doing conditioning for the past couple of weeks, so usually the pain does decrease with some rest. Not at all normal for a kid to be in so much pain with minimal physical activity.
 
Thinking about you and your DD as you both go through this transition! :grouphug: (chalk bucket group hug)
 
I saw a great quote somewhere that has helped me in tough situations. I think this is a very motivation quote and may help you and your daughter in dealing with this:

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

A lot of people sometimes relate "quitting" to being weak or giving up and as a negative thing. But, like the quote says, there is an enormous amount of strength and courage that is needed to let go and move on.

Good luck to your dd and I am sure she will be very successful in whatever path she next chooses.
 
As the parent, I would pick the date and be done with it...and then she can say "my mom says I'm done on this date" and it kind of takes the pressure off of her...we left our old gym and friends a few years ago and it was tough but we still see those who are our friends so it can be done...good luck!
 
Panda Mom,

Wanted to send my ((HUGS)) too. I know you have been going thru this up/down all season. I hope that now she has made her mind up you can all take a deep breath and enjoy some worry free time off. Who knows where the road will lead you, but maybe some time off now to heal her spirit and body is just what she needs! The gym will always be there and there are other programs she could do (less intense than USAG) if she ever decides to go back. I would just pick a date and cut her off from practice so she doesn't stress over the "good byes" anymore.
 
Thanks for all the hugs. We are hanging in there. I let her know that Saturday was her last day since she seemed confused about it. I explained that there is really no point of her continuing to go to the gym since she has made her decision. The head coach was doing me a favor by making her decide by Saturday since the monthly tuition is due this week. Daughter agreed that she will stop going and that since the year end banquet is this week she will say her goodbyes then( I am sure she will still keep in touch with the girls). I also decided that I will make an apointment with the Ortho to check out her heels again and her wrist. She has only been conditioning for about 2 weeks so the pain has not gotten better. At daughters gym like a lot of gyms they are expected to go and condition if they are injured. I did in the begining of the year take her for heel pain and was told it was alright for her to tumble through the pain. As for the wrist daughter just started admitting to me and the coaches that the pain has returned she was afraid of missing her meets. I also think she may have occasionally mentioned to her coaches but they kind of blew it off. Anyway I am sure if since she has stopped gymnasticcs the pain will subside but I would like to get everything checked out by a doctor.
Today was much better for her than yesterday. I signed her up for swimming with her sister despite of her mentioning she wanted to do this this summer and I orginally told her she could not if she was continuing with gymnastics, she really did not seem at all happy about it. Yesterday she would not even tell me about her meeting with the coach. She seemed really depressed so I just let things go. Today she told me she was proud and nervous that she was able to tell the headcoach her decision. She told me she told her if she changes her mind she can come talk to her again. I think daughter was alittle hurt because her one of her main coaches did not say anything to her during her last day. I think maybe she is taking it to personally that daughter does not want to continue but I am surprised that she did not say anything to me when I picked her up. Her headcoach was gone the time I got there and she was the one who let me know her decision via email. The communication there like most gyms leaves a lot to be desired but I do really think her headcoach really cares about the girls. She showed me this by allowing daughter to come to her own decisicion and I have a lot of respect for her and her program.
I am hoping things get easier for daughter as time moves on and she tries other things. She is also talking about cheerleading for her school next year. I am not totally thrilled about that since her friends that want her to do it create a lot of drama and it is a bunch of parents coaching which I worry about saftey but it is really low key cheerleading and I told her if that is what she really wants to do I will support her. I just am not sure I can deal with the drama of it all. She also wants to return to dance which I would be thrilled about since her dance teacher is a wonderful person and really works great with kids, it is a non competitive program that would allow her to do other things. I think it would benefit her to try other things instead of having to do the kind of commitment gymnastics requires especailly the USAG program. I also let her know that if she changes her mind and misses gymnastics I will support her and let her go back. So for now she says she has made her decision.
 
You probably know this already, but it'll be fine. For us, we picked a date at the end of the month to be done, and then I didn't pay the next month's tuition. D1 went to every practice, though, and stayed for the entire practice up until that last day, even though we'd put in "notice" at the beginnig of the month. D1 went back as an employee (but yours is a bit young for that if I remember correctly).

Don't worry about keeping busy or finding enough to do. I used to think life would be easier post-gym . . . HA! The list of activities is absolutely huge. The kid will easily fill her time (and yours, oh driver). One big benefit, though, is that everything, especially those things associated with the school, has been way less expensive. Between the 2 girls, post gym, we've tried diving, track, softball, marching band, color guard, vocal music, cheerleading, pit orchestra, part-time jobs, fencing, jazz band, dance team, and piano. Tired yet just listening? I know I am. D1 found a calling in vocal music. Got a pretty nice scholarship out of it, but had to completely relearn how to stand, breath, etc. Very different from gymnastics, and surprisingly physical. D2 is only a hs freshman, and right now does not have a favorite.

As for friends, both d1 and d2 have kept in touch with the girls on the optional team with them. D1 and her gym buddies still get together and do lunch or a movie from time to time, although it's tougher now. One is already gone to college, and the others all graduate this year. D2 kept one close gym buddy. So, with a little effort, the friendships can continue.

So, to reiterate, help her transition by letting her try some new things. Take her to the mall with some friends. Do not underestimate the relief that being free from pain will have on her spirits once she stops hurting.
 
Thanks it is getting easier. I think keeping her out of the gym is best. I think the pain from her wrist and heels just caused her too much frustration. She did not like only conditioning and doing bars. I actually think her wrist was starting to hurt her on bars. She says she is sure about her decision and she does not want to back but when I mention other things she does not seem that excited. I quess I just expected her to be more happy that she has more free time and will be able to try other things. She seems like she does not know what to do with herself and kind of depressed. I suppose it will take time. I never went through this before with my older daughter when she wanted to stop something she just did at the end of the season. I quess gymnastics was such a big part of her life I hope she can find something else. I keep conforting myself telling myself that it was her decision.
 

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