For Parents Update - First Meet! It looks like it’s really going to happen

[NY Dad]

This is a follow-up from: https://chalkbucket.com/forums/threads/getting-evaluated-at-another-gym.60026/page-8#post-525811

Thanks to everyone that has helped steer me (and my dd) in the right direction. I’m absolutely certain that without the guidance and support that I’ve received from all of you here on CB, my dd wouldn’t be where she is today.

Proud Dad Alert!!!

A week from today, my 8yo dd will, fingers crossed, accomplish a goal that she set for herself a long time ago, when she walks into her gym, proudly wearing her sparkly leotard and matching ginormous bow, to compete in her first meet.

I’m so proud of her for her perseverance: overcoming a significant injury, taming her fears and regaining her confidence after her (old) coaches gave up on her (all before she was even on a team).

For anyone that’s interested (and hasn’t read my previous threads), here‘s a brief recountal of my dd’s journey to her first meet:

• At 6, she was shaken up when she saw a friend slip off bars and badly break her elbow.
  
• At 7 she joined JO2 pre-team, I joined CB the same week smile
  
• 4 months later, my dd broke her elbow falling from a CW on beam
  
• For 9 weeks, she was restricted to conditioning, but she only missed a few practices.
  
• 2 ½ months after her return she was evaluated for team and “invited” to advanced rec with the explanation that she has to get herself past her fears so that they can coach her.
  
• I researched for weeks then called the gym that I had selected for my dd. A few hours later, we were at the gym and my dd was at her best. I was caught off-guard when she was offered a spot on their team (I guess I was expecting that the HC would get back to us). As we left the gym, either there was a lot of chalk dust in the air or I teared up knowing that I had found someone else that believes in my dd.
  
• I thought everything was going great until two weeks later when her coach questioned whether my dd really wanted to be on the team. She had been sidelining herself during certain skills and drills.
• My dd got very emotional when I discussed this with her the next day and I suggested that she might need to reconsider a non-competitive track.
  
• Something changed for my dd that evening. Her coach told her for the first time that she had a great practice and then followed up a couple weeks later to tell me that she’s proud of her.
  
• 3 months later, my dd passed her gym’s final prerequisite to compete, her last official hurdle other than actually stepping onto the floor when they call her name.

I hope that she enjoys her big day and that she doesn’t put too much pressure on herself. After all the candy-grams have been delivered and the chalk dust has settled, I want her to be proud of herself no matter what the scoreboard says.

Back in July, right after my dd made the team, her coach mentioned that her team was about to head to Reno to compete in USAIGC Worlds. After we left the gym, my dd said that she would like to compete at Worlds next year (goal # 2?). We’ll see if she still feels this way after she’s been to the rodeo a few times. If she does, score permitting, I’m going to make sure that she’s there, along with her sparkly leotard and her matching ginormous bow.

 

[2gymkids]

Thanks for the update and good luck to your daughter! As long as she's enjoying herself and trying her best, she will have won. And good luck to Dad at that first meet- they can be nerve-wracking but you get used to it.

 

[thefellowsmom]

What an amazing day that will be for all of you. Best of luck to her and make sure to take lots of pictures, enjoy every moment and celebrate the day no matter the outcome. Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

 

[John]

I am so excited for her. Please enjoy it. I can't wait to hear about her experience.

 

[gymisforeveryone]

Yay! Super exciting! Good luck

 

[Flyaway]

Thank you for the follow up! Good luck to your dd and enjoy it dad!

 

[gymmomx2]

Good luck to your DD this weekend

 

[NY Dad]

Thanks again for all the support.

First, a minor update. My dd won’t be wearing her blinged out leotard because they aren’t going to arrive in time. I'm not sure what the plan is. I hope that it's okay to wear a practice leo at a meet.

Now a few questions/comments...
Since (I believe) this is the first meet for everyone at my dd's level, I'm considering suggesting a FB or other type of group for team parents to communicate with each other. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Is it common for a team to go out together after a home meet? My dd doesn’t go to school with anyone from her gym. I thought it would be nice to spend some time together outside the gym.

How did your gymmie respond to his or her first meet? My dd is very shy and quiet. She typically doesn’t like being the center of attention. Sometimes she doesn't even want anyone to watch when she goes through her floor routine (sans skills) at home (her coach asked them to practice at home). Does anyone have a gymmie like that? How does this translate to how he or she feels in a meet?

She's unhappy that she was selected to go first on floor. She was hoping to be able to watch others first, so she knows where to go and what to do.

I’ll admit that I’m nervcited for her.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Thanks again for all the support.

First, a minor update. My dd won’t be wearing her blinged out leotard because they aren’t going to arrive in time. I'm not sure what the plan is. I hope that it's okay to wear a practice leo at a meet.

Now a few questions/comments...
Since (I believe) this is the first meet for everyone at my dd's level, I'm considering suggesting a FB or other type of group for team parents to communicate with each other. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Is it common for a team to go out together after a home meet? My dd doesn’t go to school with anyone from her gym. I thought it would be nice to spend some time together outside the gym.

How did your gymmie respond to his or her first meet? My dd is very shy and quiet. She typically doesn’t like being the center of attention. Sometimes she doesn't even want anyone to watch when she goes through her floor routine (sans skills) at home (her coach asked them to practice at home). Does anyone have a gymmie like that? How does this translate to how he or she feels in a meet?

She's unhappy that she was selected to go first on floor. She was hoping to be able to watch others first, so she knows where to go and what to do.

I’ll admit that I’m nervcited for her.

My YDD hates to be the center of attention, really hates it. She somehow puts it aside for ballet recitals and gymnastics competitions, and then she immediately retreats back into herself.

We’ve enjoyed going out after meets with teammates, but never after a home meet because most people are either working other sessions or staying to cheer on teammates.

 

[Texasmomof3]

We typically do not go out together. Meets can be long. There are siblings, grandparents, and a long drive home. Everyone is tired and finding a table to accommodate 11 families together is just not something we do.

We tried it once a couple of years ago. There were 47 people and it took three hours to have dinner together (at a chain type restaurant that we would never eat at normally with marginal food options). The girls enjoyed it, but it was just too much and no one has suggested it since.

 

[2gymkids]

In terms of communicating, I have seen several different things done, from a large group text to a private FB page to a group/private shutterfly page to share pics and comments. I don't know that it's necessary but can be helpful.

In terms of going out together after a meet, we are always so tired and hungry and it's such chaos with everyone grabbing their kids after awards and extra family members, etc, that we usually just jet. There may be some smaller groups that go out to eat together but it's never been a team thing for us (I hear it is typical for long distance travel meets but we have not yet done one of those). The only exception was after states last year, 3 of the 4 families went out to get pizza together. Just the logistics of figuring out what was around where we were and what suited everyone was kind of a nightmare- and that was only with three kids!

 

[LGnyc]

For dd, going out to eat after is the highlight of a meet. I would even argue that she goes to meets just to get to the lunch or dinner after. She gets so little "play" time with her gym friends that it just lets them be silly and goofy together. It can be the whole team or just a smaller group.

She too is a gymmie who does not like attention on her. So emphasize to your dd that while there will be lots of people there, they are likely not focused on her. They are watching their own children or their friends' children. She can go out there and do her thing for herself, and herself most of all.

Good luck!

 

[kayjaybe]

Agree that it is hard to go out with a big group after a meet. If you want to give her some bonding time outside of gym, maybe try to hook up with 1 other family rather than a big group.

Also, depending on how she (or the other gymmie you plan to get together with) does, they might not be up for socializing. At dd’s first meet (well, first 2 meets), she was one of only two on her team of 16 who didn’t medal in anything. She wasn’t in the mood to sit with her bff who had 5 medals around her neck.

So...based on that, I’d maybe not plan anything for this first time. See how it goes and how her spirits are after the meet.

 

[Rose7777]

My daughter is super shy and hates to be the center of attention, but she does fine at meets. She figures we're the only ones watching her and everyone else is watching their own kid. It's such a four ring circus that they kind of just focus in on their own stuff and everyone else fades into the background. As for her first meet, she was a hot mess leading up to it. Once we got there and were able to hand her off to the coaches and the rest of her team, she was fine. Even now, she's nervous, but says that once they start warmups, it's all business, in essence.

After the meet, it varies. She's at a small, very tight-knit gym. The girls often want to stay if there's another session right after that their friends are competing in. It doesn't always happen, but we usually manage a carpool so at least some of them can stay. If we don't do that or there isn't a session right after, a bunch of us will often grab dinner on the way home together.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Also, depending on how she (or the other gymmie you plan to get together with) does, they might not be up for socializing. At dd’s first meet (well, first 2 meets), she was one of only two on her team of 16 who didn’t medal in anything. She wasn’t in the mood to sit with her bff who had 5 medals around her neck.

Just to generalize about this... I think that going out for a meal or ice cream (ice cream has always been our preferred group thing over a meal after meets) with teammates after a bad meet is good for gymmies for a couple of reasons. One, it could lift their spirits and take some focus off the meet and onto the fun thing they’re doing with friends. Two, a bad meet shouldn’t make them sore losers. They should be encouraged to celebrate whatever small accomplishments they had at the meet and share their friends’ joy. Trust me, I don’t say this lightly- my DD very nearly came last in everything for a whole season- but had she gone from wanting to go out with teammates (her default position) to not wanting to/not able to enjoy that time with her team despite the results, we would have to have a pretty serious talk about her behavior. Her very first meet of coming in last place on everything there were tears. We gave her a minute and then told her to get over it. Not to be harsh, but because acting like that helped nothing and was counterproductive.

 

[ldw4mlo]

We don't usually go out after meets if they are local. If they are further away and its around meal time, maybe. States, usually always do a meal.

Unless there are siblings in a different session very rare to stay for other levels of our own gym (we have FB to see how its going). No one takes this personally. No one gets offended or feels unsupported. A lot of hours spent in gym. And even more so now that we have been together 5 yrs. When we are done we all like to be done. And would rather do something together not gym related.

We have a facebook group for parents. Its a good way to communicate. I think there are apps you could use too, if you didn't want to use FB.
We use it communicate time changes, I'm going to be late please tell my kid, I forgot when are the meet fees due, anyone up for pizza, lets have a movie meet up etc.....And meet updates and photos.

My kid hates to be the center of attention. She never volunteers for things that involve her being front and center. The only negative thing she has ever gotten on a report card, is needs to participate more aka raise hand in class stuff. Meets don't bother her in the same way. I think it is simply because in gym, she is not the center of attention. There are kids warming up around her. She is not the only one doing something at any given time as there are 3 other events happening at the same time. And she is a realist. She gets most people there don't give a hoot about her personally. Those of us that do she knows so she is not bothered, as long as we don't yell. Does she get a bit nervous about being judged? Yes but its manageable.

 

[kayjaybe]

Just to generalize about this... I think that going out for a meal or ice cream (ice cream has always been our preferred group thing over a meal after meets) with teammates after a bad meet is good for gymmies for a couple of reasons. One, it could lift their spirits and take some focus off the meet and onto the fun thing they’re doing with friends. Two, a bad meet shouldn’t make them sore losers. They should be encouraged to celebrate whatever small accomplishments they had at the meet and share their friends’ joy. Trust me, I don’t say this lightly- my DD very nearly came last in everything for a whole season- but had she gone from wanting to go out with teammates (her default position) to not wanting to/not able to enjoy that time with her team despite the results, we would have to have a pretty serious talk about her behavior. Her very first meet of coming in last place on everything there were tears. We gave her a minute and then told her to get over it. Not to be harsh, but because acting like that helped nothing and was counterproductive.

I don’t think wanting some time alone after a disappointing meet is being a sore loser. She sat and cheered for all her friends during medals and congratulated them. But in the car she was a bit sad and just needed some family time. I don’t see that as being a sore loser. (Now, the one girl who got 4 medals, not five, and started crying and had to be carried out by her parents —- that’s a sore loser! —- true story)

 

[CLgym]

First, let me join the chorus of congratulations! I've enjoyed your posts so much, and am happy to see your DD meet her goal of competing.

Regarding communication, my DD's group (mostly the same level) has opted for a large group text as a way of communicating with each other. One benefit to text is that most people have their phones handy, so quick communications (real example from last meet: "I'm here but can't figure out which gym we are in. Where do I go?") can be quickly answered. Of course, you could have multiple communication platforms (text and FB, for example).

Regarding a team meal after, for us it occurs only sometimes and usually is fairly spontaneous (e.g. a parent might suggest it near the end of a meet). I will say that my DD often crashes after a meet (even if it was a good one). I think it's tough for some girls with all that adrenaline pumping during the meet. I might play it by ear for the first meet, rather than plan ahead. Also, I have found that meets hosted at larger hotels (we have several) are a good bet for easy food (and drinks if it's a late sessions!) afterwards because you can often stay right there.

Regarding being shy, my DD is like this x100. Didn't even want birthday parties when she was younger because she didn't want to be the center of attention. She feels this way at meets too. Thus, usually only one parent attends (she doesn't want the whole family, and definitely not extended family, to be there). Honestly, if she could get herself to the meets alone, I think she'd prefer nobody attend. I never push or force her to allow others to watch. (In fact, my mom was visiting this weekend from a different part of the country, and she and I stayed home while DH took DD to her first meet of the season). We usually ask that DD pick just one meet per year that the entire family (both parents and siblings) can attend... She never picks the first meet or a big one (e.g., State), but will agree to a family meet if she has the power to pick it. Interestingly, my DD doesn't seem to have trouble performing for the judges.

Regarding going first, my DD doesn't like it either, but it happens from time to time. Hopefully floor is not the first event for your DD.

Sorry about the leo.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Flyaway]

Like most above me have said, we rarely go out after a meet with other families. Usually because it's late and we're tired and all have to drive a couple hours to get home. The few times it's happened it's because we were staying in the same hotel and staying the night before heading home the next day. But even then it was just a couple families, not the whole team.

We have a private facebook page for team families where we share meet details, driving hazards (essential in the winter!), and general gym information that we don't want to constantly bug the coach with (like, "what time does practice start today?"). I love it because it's allowed me to connect with parents who's kids aren't in my dd's level and don't practice at the same time.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I don’t think wanting some time alone after a disappointing meet is being a sore loser. She sat and cheered for all her friends during medals and congratulated them. But in the car she was a bit sad and just needed some family time. I don’t see that as being a sore loser. (Now, the one girl who got 4 medals, not five, and started crying and had to be carried out by her parents —- that’s a sore loser! —- true story)

We can agree to disagree. There is never anything to be sad about following a best effort, regardless of outcome. I find it very important, personally, to make sure that is relayed to my DDs. Now if a child generally likes to be alone, is an introvert and needs to recharge, that’s different. They wouldn’t enjoy a post-meet gathering either way. Anyway, it’s all different strokes of parenting and to each their own.