WAG Was this judge unethical?

[mamaS]

First and foremost, I am a mom of a gymnast. I was asked to start judging a year ago when my daughter became an optional gymnast. I went for it The plan has been for me to judge compulsories. The gym my daughter is at has been having trouble for years with coaches leaving, gymnasts leaving, squabbling... yada yada. Everytime there was a drama, the coaching started to circle the drain. At this time, one of my dear friends decided to loan a former coach money to pursue opening another gym over an hour away. The venture didn't work out. My friend made a snap decision and regretted it immediately. She kept her kiddo at the gym and things have been getting better.

Word got out that a new gym could be opening. The owner of our gym started shaking everybody down to find out details. I just stayed out of it.

One of the judges in our state befriended me a few months before asked me to come to her home. We talked about judging and future changes most of the time. Before I left she started asking me questions about what I knew and if a parent was opening a gym. I was taken back. I told her that I tried not to get in the middle of it. She said, no problem "we're both judges here and we have to be very careful to not associate ourselves too much with gym politics". I asked her directly if she held any friendships with the gym owners. She restated the above. I went ahead and chatted with her about the crazy stuff I was enduring and did tell her about my friend giving the loan that fell through. She was really supportive. I texted her later that night and asked for her complete descretion in the matter. She assured me I had it. Two days later on a social website this judge posted pictures of her and the gym owners vacationing. A week later when they returned, my friend and her daughter were thrown out of gym and the owner screamed at me for not spilling my guts. I told him that I stay out of peoples business. He then dropped the judges name inadvertantly as the source of his info. I am so disgusted with the sport and feel so betrayed. I resigned as a judge that same week. My question is, does any of this seem unethical as far as conduct of a judge. I will fill in more details if you have questions. Thanks.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Unfortunately a secret is only a secret if you tell no-one. There is no objective, just subjective. People have alliances and will politic to further those alliances - you just got caught in the middle.

 

[bookworm]

I don't know that she was unethical from a judging standpoint, but any friendship I had with this person would be over. I don't know that I would have resigned as a judge either...YOU did nothing wrong and could have continued with that if you liked it...and like margo said above, I would tell no one my secrets anymore...

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Unethical as a judge, not necessarily.

Unethical as a person, definitely.

 

[dmytv]

the question now comes in if she judges that gym. It is frowned upon to judge a gym if you are associated with it. ie, coach at that gym, have a kid at that gym, or post facebook pics with the owners at the gym. You should not resign as a judge. You did nothing wrong. Did you know the owner would be mad if he knew about the money? I do think it is childish of the owner to hold a kid and parent responsible for what seems to have been a bad bussiness investment. He lost a customer and now created more drama in what it seems is just business.

 

[gymdog]

They shouldn't have told you that you had their complete discretion, but important lesson here, NOTHING stays a secret in this sport. I would have seen that coming from 100 miles away. If two people are friends, or acquaintances, or heck, sometimes even sworn enemies in gymnastics, and one of them knows information the other doesn't, it will come out.

 

[mamaS]

Yes, she does judge at that gym. I was between a rock and a hard place. I was not going to run to the owner with info about my friend. I just stayed out of it. I told her how betrayed I felt. She admitted what she did and confessed that she used to be a partial owner of the gym 20 years ago and these are her friends. I feel sick to my stomach. I have recieved several emails and calls asking me to reconsider. I just feel Icky right now. I just need a few weeks to think about it.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

NOTHING stays a secret in this sport.

Quoted for truth.

 

[Flossyduck]

This other person/judge acted (badly for you) in their role as friend and you got caught up in that. If it had been a coach you were friends with, or another parent, the same may well have happened, as it sounds as though there was a lot of gossiping and digging going on and to an extent you were used.

Has this person done anything wrong as a gymnastics judge? I would say probably not, although there behaviour wasn't exactly ethical. I would try and separate the two things and wouldn't let this stop your your ability to judge gymnastics competitions, just because a person you trusted (judge or not) let you down over another matter.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

the question now comes in if she judges that gym. It is frowned upon to judge a gym if you are associated with it. ie, coach at that gym, have a kid at that gym, or post facebook pics with the owners at the gym.

If only this were true. We run into this problem quite a bit, especially in T and T.

 

[mamaS]

I suppose the main thing for me is that it seems a bit shady for a judge to do recon for a gym. The goal is to obstruct the new gym from ever going in. They have called all gyms within a 100 mile radius to discuss how to combat a new gym. I am pretty burnt out on the gymnastics drama. It's constant and takes away from the joy of the sport. Our gym is just festering all of the time. I thought by embracing Judging, I could remove my self and love the sport in a more pure way.

Really? You guys don't think it was teetering on the edge of inappropriate for a judge to dig up info for a gym? She is trying to help the gym fight a new gym going in... Doesn't that seem counterintuitive? Wouldn't you embrace more gymnastics to judge? Do you see why I'm turned off? My kiddo is a champion cross country runner too... Maybe she will eventually go down that road. For now, her first and only love is gymanstics. It was and is mine too

 

[gymdog]

They have called all gyms within a 100 mile radius to discuss how to combat a new gym.

Well, that is odd. Unless there's more to the story (that you may not even know).

 

[Kiwi]

Over here judges are associated with specific gyms and often are coaches from those gyms. Gymnastics is a small scene so it wouldn't be unusual for friendships between judges, coaches, gym management, etc. To try to avoid bias in competition scoring, panels are always made up of judges from a mixture of clubs.

In this case, I think the judge was unethical as a person, since she assured you she would keep the information to herself and didn't. I also think the gym owners were unethical in their behaviour to your friend and her daughter. It does sound strange that the owner is so set against the new gym, sounds like some real bad blood there. That kind of nastiness would certainly put me off too.

 

[mariposa]

Personally, I think that you were also wrong in talking about it to her and took a risk by doing so, that she would talk about it. Especially since it seemed she was fishing for info, best thing would have been to just say you didn't know. Your friend could be writing the same post, saying was my friend unethical?

Lesson learned, if you want something to stay a secret, don't tell anyone.

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[mamaS]

Mariposa, my friend loves me and understands how it happened. I made the mistake of being convinced that she wanted to chat judge to judge. I never betrayed my friend. I was never sworn to silence. I'm just upset that it happened. Are you always so abrasive?

 

[cbone]

mamaS, if we are going to ask for opinions, we should be prepared to hear them. While the delivery of what was said may have been a bit harsh, the point is spot on. If you don't want something repeated, the only 100% effect way to accomplish that is to remain tight-lipped.

 

[mariposa]

Mariposa, my friend loves me and understands how it happened. I made the mistake of being convinced that she wanted to chat judge to judge. I never betrayed my friend. I was never sworn to silence. I'm just upset that it happened. Are you always so abrasive?

Sorry if I came off abrasive, but I was honestly confused on how you telling the secret to the judge wasn't as bad as the judge telling the gym owner. Like I said, I'm sure a lesson was learned, a tough lesson. I guess I don't see the difference of being sworn to silence or not when this was a pretty big thing that you knew the owners had already been trying to get details about and the person involved was your friend.

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[mamaS]

Sigh.... I guess you'd have to understand the dynamic. I thought I was talking with the judge on a professional level. I am in a tough spot being a parent at this gym and a novice judge. I was super relieved to have a sounding board. I foolishly just believed that with the job came integrity. I'm also a trauma nurse. We bounce things that bother us off each other a lot. It's a support thing. I was told that judges needed to make every effort to be above reproach. I suppose that's why I let my guard down. It's easy to judge from the outside looking in, but I guess you'd have to walk in my shoes.
I am a good friend. I made a mistake. I made it clear to the gym that I have my friends back no matter what and that their behavior doesn't change anything. I just don't understand the shunning that goes on. A lot of parents won't talk to her out of fear of the backlash. Anyway, thanks for the input.

 

[wallflower]

Gym is a VERY small and gossipy community. Everyone knows everyone and has ties to them somehow. You learned that lesson the hard way and at least you'll know for the future.

I don't think the gym is unwarranted in throwing at the parent financing another gym. Why would they want someone on their team who was helping someone open a gym? It's a definite conflict of interest.

 

[gymdog]

Sigh.... I guess you'd have to understand the dynamic. I thought I was talking with the judge on a professional level. I am in a tough spot being a parent at this gym and a novice judge. I was super relieved to have a sounding board. I foolishly just believed that with the job came integrity. I'm also a trauma nurse. We bounce things that bother us off each other a lot. It's a support thing. I was told that judges needed to make every effort to be above reproach. I suppose that's why I let my guard down. It's easy to judge from the outside looking in, but I guess you'd have to walk in my shoes.
I am a good friend. I made a mistake. I made it clear to the gym that I have my friends back no matter what and that their behavior doesn't change anything. I just don't understand the shunning that goes on. A lot of parents won't talk to her out of fear of the backlash. Anyway, thanks for the input.

Eh, not really, people won't keep those secrets. They just won't. She shouldn't have lied and said she would...that was a lie.

Also, your owner should have been more rational about the situation and tried to find the facts first. There are people who own or coach one gym and send their kids elsewhere for various reasons. Now your friend really should have been upfront about her plans in the first place. So everyone is kind of in the wrong.