Parents What questions should I be asking?

[gymbeam]

Last weekend was the final meet of my 8YO daughter's first regular competitive season (Xcel Bronze). I'm proud to say that she did great! In fact, she is one of only three chosen from her team to go to the state meet. Now that we have pretty much finished up this first year, I have seen my daughter's potential and she has proven her dedication, I am trying to get a better grasp of the big picture to help plan our future commitment.

From poking around this board, I see that its not uncommon for parents like me to find ourselves feeling a little lost. I had to laugh when I found the "boiling the frog" comparison because I can already relate to that analogy and we're just in the first year of Xcel! So you all understand our situation, here's the story of where we began and how we got where we are:

Almost precisely one year ago, my daughter joined the rec. team at her gym just for fun. She had taken a few dance classes in years prior, but was not interested in continuing so we thought a gym class would be fun to keep her fit and having fun. Those were only goals. Well, within 4-6 weeks, the HC asked her to join team. At that point, I knew nothing about competitive gymnastics. I pretty much agreed to it because it would allow her two days in the gym instead of one and because of my daughters's excitement when I proposed it to her (she knows a lot of cheer comp. girls so I think she wanted to say she was going to competitions like they are always saying, know what I mean?)

A few months after she starting training with comp. Bronze team, the coach asked if I wanted to go ahead and let her compete Silver. In the end, we decided to keep her in Bronze because, after all, she had only been doing gymnastics for about 4 months at this point. In hindsight, I probably should have gone ahead and let her do Silver but I think she is just going to end up skipping it. If I understand what her coach said correctly, she may even go ahead and place out of 4th in the first half of next season? I don't know. I think thats what he said. It is so hard to finish a conversation with any of the coaches around there because of so many interruptions and distractions.

So, that leads me to my main point of this thread…I think I want to ask for a meeting with the coach so I can have a clear understanding of where we are and where we are going. I don't want to sound too pushy or like I am to high of expectations for my daughter, but I get the feeling she must have some potential if they are planning on moving her through levels so quickly.

I would like to make a list of questions before I meet. For example, I have no idea what level is the highest they are currently training or have recently trained. I want to know what kind of hours they are going to expect of my child as she progresses, etc. In my shoes, what kind of things would you be asking to help you decide how much you are willing to invest in her gymnastics career? Thanks in advance!

 

[gwenmom]

First question I would ask would be to DD. What is her goal? Now, depending on her age, she might be pie in the sky (my DD still thinks she is going to the Olympics at age 8) or realistic.
I would want to know what HC plans are for my DD. What time/expense/travel commitment does that require? Are they planning to keep her in Xcel or do they want her to transfer to JO (sounds like it since they are talking scoring out of Lvl 4)? What are the hours? What "extras" are required of your family (booster club, volunteer hours etc)?

Our team has a handbook that outlines most of the requirements listed above.

Those are just the first things that come to mind. I'm sure I can come up with more later.

 

[gymbeam]

Oh I wish we had a handbook! We have nothing. LOL. Every piece of info just comes at us as its relative. My daughter's goals are more skill-related than they are title-related (for lack of a better term). She just knows she wants to learn how to do it all! I don't think she really cares about the formal levels and potential for college, etc, at this point. I guess that's a good thing, really. All I know is that she has never NOT wanted to go to practice and loves every single opportunity she has to be at the gym.

 

[IreneKa]

My first question would be if she is going to stay in Xcel or switch to JO. First you say she will skip Silver, meaning going to Gold, which would mean staying in Xcel. But then they talk about skipping L4, which means switching to JO. Confusing. If they do plan to switch her to JO, be aware that the time will increase tremendously. Xcel Silver\Gold usually trains about 6-9 hours, while JO L5 could be around 15-20 hours. So, you should definitely ask about time and money.

 

[wallinbl]

In my shoes, what kind of things would you be asking to help you decide how much you are willing to invest in her gymnastics career?

Don't think of it as investing in a career; think of it as her having fun while doing something that can teach her great lessons about hard work, diligence, etc.

Just ask a basic, open ended question like, "Help me understand what being on team looks like - what should I expect the next year to be like?" If the coach's answer doesn't include something you want to know about (time commitment, travel, costs, etc), ask him/her what those look like.

 

[gymbeam]

My first question would be if she is going to stay in Xcel or switch to JO. First you say she will skip Silver, meaning going to Gold, which would mean staying in Xcel. But then they talk about skipping L4, which means switching to JO. Confusing. If they do plan to switch her to JO, be aware that the time will increase tremendously. Xcel Silver\Gold usually trains about 6-9 hours, while JO L5 could be around 15-20 hours. So, you should definitely ask about time and money.

Sorry- I guess I think of Silver as being the equivalent of L3/L4 and that by placing out of L4 this year that would essentially be skipping Silver. Correct me if I'm wrong, because I've only come this conclusion from my own reading on line and such.

It appears to me, that our gym is set up that there is no levels 1.2 or 3 and that instead kids do Excel Bronze, then Silver then jump over to JO Level 4.

 

[gymbeam]

To further explain, I guess part of me is almost scared or embarrassed to assume that she's good! LOL. I mean from all that I'm seeing and reading about levels and characteristics that make a child have natural ability and trainability, she's got it. But, its not like the coaches ever really say that. In fact, they don't say much to anyone in that regard. They are friendly and cordial but there's never much talk about my actual kid's skills and where that could take her. I'm almost afraid to ask for fear of sounding like I am expecting too much. Its hard to explain.

I mean, if she's a natural then of course I want to know what we can do to maximize this. If she's average, then I want to know that I'm off the hook for feeling obligated to to give her as much training time as we can budget, kwim? Does that make any sense?

 

[gymbeam]

I guess that may seem like Im asking for a crystal ball, but I really do understand that no one knows for sure. However, I would hope that any good coach would have enough of an "eye" for talent that they could give me a good educated guess?? Maybe? Sigh---I'm sounding ridiculous aren't I?

 

[sce]

I'm almost afraid to ask for fear of sounding like I am expecting too much.

There is a way to ask your questions without sounding like that. Something like, "I have some questions. We are still new to gymnastics and I'm just trying to understand what it entails. You mentioned what level DD might move to for next year. Can you clarify your idea/plan for her?" From the answer you receive you can then ask about time commitment etc.

 

[IreneKa]

You don't sound ridiculous, you sound like a normal mom. LOL Of course we all want to know if our kids are talented or not, and where they are going.
From what I'm readying here, the fact that she just started gymnastics a year ago, and already going to be level 4 or maybe even 5, tells me that she is good! My DD did two years of rec, then a year of Bronze, now doing a year of L2\3. If everything goes well (read she gets her kip), she will be L4 next year, definitely not 5. And that's after 4 years of gymnastics! Going from nothing to L4\5 in just one year is already a huge achievement, so you are safe to assume that she is good.

 

[Sasha]

You're definitely not sounding ridiculous. Most of your questions were exactly where I was a few months or so after my DD also started in rec, also just over a year ago. And we also went the Xcel track at first, then switched to JO (different path than your gym, but similar result). My DD is 7.5 and now L3.

The above posters gave great advice on how to approach coach - as just an admittedly naive and new parent to the sport who is seeking understanding. I'll add that the couple times I've spoken about my kids to a coach (privately), I have added "And please be honest about my child's potential - you will not hurt my feelings. I want to make realistic decisions for her and I value and trust your judgment." or something like that. That's just my personal style of trying to emphasize that I want honesty.

As to your "is my child a natural vs. average" - a very common thought/question we all have!! I would say that if she started at 7/8 and is being considered to score out of L4 soon, that is a very high indicator that she is way more natural than average. L3 is pretty attainable for many 'average' gymnasts imo, but L4 starts to get hard and girls start dropping out (Kip! for instance).

How are her bar skills right now? (that is often the weeding factor between Xcel and JO)

How does your gym fare in competition at JO levels? Do you have any kids making national championships or elites? (not that you need to have these to be at a good gym, but if your gym is very competitive, this might imply your daughter is even more talented to move up so quickly than at a more average gym).

Anyway, an open talk with the coach (privately, and scheduled so he/she can't be pulled away) is perfectly normal, and just try to appear inquisitive and neutral, and don't mention the Olympics ;-) lol. I know you wouldn't do that.

Have fun in gymnastics!

 

[iwannacoach]

I guess that may seem like Im asking for a crystal ball, but I really do understand that no one knows for sure. However, I would hope that any good coach would have enough of an "eye" for talent that they could give me a good educated guess?? Maybe? Sigh---I'm sounding ridiculous aren't I?

The best judge of her abilities can't help you...... because she's somewhere else being an 8 year old. Give her another year and ask her how far she knows she can go, thinks she can go, hopes to go, and dreams of going. Take whatever she tells you about how far she hopes to go and then add a bit more, because just like you..... she's embarrassed to tell you everything for rear of being labelled as unrealistic.

Assume she has enough potential to enjoy the sport and compete as high as she hopes, because more damage is done by doubting than hoping and having to adjust to reality.

Hey, did someone say it getting hot in here???

 

[gymbeam]

Thanks so much everyone! You all make me feel a lot better and justified about asking these questions. Sasha, I don't know the answers to any of the questions you've asked! Guess I'll add those to my list of things to bring up! Its a lot to take in! Not only am I new to gymnastics, but I've really no experience in the sports realm at all. This is all new to me. Its great, though. It has been such a fun year. Plus, my daughter is one of those rrrreally introverted, quirky smart kids and finding something like this to boost her self-confidence is really worth a million dollars in the end.

 

[MaryA]

Yes, I agree that the most important thing to figure out is whether they are planning on keeping her in Xcel or if they plan on moving her to JO (Junior Olympics). And whether she (and you) WANTS her to have the option of doing JO.

JO is the more "serious" option... longer hours, more emphasis placed on form and perfecting the skills. At the lower levels (levels 1-5 is considered "compulsory" gymnastics) every girl does the exact same routine on each apparatus, uses the exact same music, etc. JO is good for the "all gym, all the time" girls and those who have long-term goals in the sport (college gymnastics, elite, etc.).

Xcel is fewer hours and is more about learning the skills and having fun. For Xcel (as you have probably discovered) girls can have their own individual routines and music from the earliest levels. Xcel is a good option if she has other things she wants to do (girl scouts, youth group, other sports, etc.) or if she's just a kid who needs some down-time in her life (I have twins... one does just fine being in the gym for 20 hours a week, but her sister would be a mess if she didn't have time at home curled up with a good book.).

If you and your daughter determine that she would like the chance of trying the JO route, then that is something you definitely need to discuss with the coach. Some gyms are fine with girls switching from Xcel to JO and for others there is no mobility between the two.

JO is also more expensive than Xcel and sometimes involves more/further travel. If you go that route, you may rue the day you said that gymnastics "is worth a million bucks" because the price point may not be too far off...

 

[gymbeam]

LOL- Mary, that's what I'm afraid of!
Maybe I really need to just ask one question..."So, cut to the chase: How much is this *&@($ really gonna cost us?"

 

[wnl256]

Yep you got it: "How much" is the right question.

As others have said, first find out if they are thinking of switching her to JO. If not, then fine: you will have about the same level of commitment, cost, and fun that you've had this year.

If they are considering JO for her, then don't worry about the exact level (unless you are curious). Ask the more serious questions: How many hours will she need to be in the gym each week. How much are the monthly gym fees. How much are the extra costs: competition fees, leotards, warmups, booster club fee, etc. How many hours will you be expected to volunteer each year (yes, this is very typical for parents of competitive gymnasts). How many meets will she be competing in (in other words, how many of your weekends will be tied up with gymnastics), and how many of them will require travel (at compulsory levels, many gyms minimize the travel).

And of course once you have the answers, ask your gymnast if that is something she really wants to do and commit to.

Honestly, it is too soon to worry much about her potential or how far she will go. For now, just enjoy the ride. Even if she never makes the transition to level 6 this sport will still be a huge benefit to her. I've seen "top" gymnasts who got high placings at levels up to 5 fall way behind as they tried to move up to the optional levels, or quit the sport entirely. And I've seen the reverse: average compulsory gymnasts blossom in to great optional gymnasts. It's really hard to tell at this point how far she will go and how well she will do when she gets there.

When we were first offered the chance to move DD up to preteam, here is how we reacted. My wife said "is she really that good?" and I said "how much does that cost?"

 

[MeetDirector]

gymbeam -

Everyone has given you good advice and let me add a couple of things from having been where you are several years ago. If I knew then what I know now the path might have been smoother (not different).

First, take your lead from your daughter. By this I mean that she is the one that is going to have to do the work that this crazy sport demands (you can't do it for her nor can you get past the mental blocks that she will inevitably have). Are her eyes fully open to what might lay ahead. She does kind of need to give some thought to what is at the end of the road since that will influence some of your decisions now. For example, if she wants to strive for college gymnastics, you do not want to stay in Xcel; you need to get on the JO track.

Second, understand what the impacts of decisions are to the whole family. If she goes the JO route, you will eventually be travelling to meets and this gets expensive very quickly. We started out with small in-state travel meets of a $100 or so a weekend and this season at Level 9 are probably coming in at $2000 for a typical meet weekend. This sport is not for the weak of wallet and unless you have that magical money tree in your backyard it can impact the whole family dynamic.

Lastly, relax and enjoy the amazing things you will see your daughter do. This sport has a habit of producing very organized, disciplined young ladies who, as a rule, do very well on the academic side of thier lives. Learn about the sport so that when she gets to the higher level skills you might be able to know the difference between a Yurchenko and a Tsukahara. You will have to climb the trust mountain and eventually reach the summit where you really trust her coach to "take care of her" in the sport.

Good Luck!

 

[gymbeam]

Thanks again everyone! The insight you've given is so helpful! I actually took some of this advice already! The perfect opportunity to speak with the Head Coach presented to me tonight! First, I asked what level would came after Silver and he said he does indeed transfer into JO after Silver and that my daughter will probably skip Silver altogether.

He said bars is what will determine that- not necessarily for her personally, but as a general rule that is what separates his Silver Excels from his JO L4s. Does that sound about right to you guys?

There wasn't much time for much conversation beyond that, but at least it did confirm that she does have some promise to keep improving at a steady rate- not expecting olympics or even college here, just that she can keep holding her own and advancing the skills that she so desperately wants to nail! That, combined with how much she LOVES gymnastics, is really all I need to know at this point. We already have the schedule for this summer and next year and I'm OK with that time and financial commitment for the time being. I suppose as we approach the end of next season it will be time to re-eval her commitment and our financial state!

Thanks again. You all did give me the confidence to start these conversations!

 

[iwannacoach]

Bars drives the decision in most cases. A child with little experience, but uncommon strength, will have fewer skills and can still move up if she's leaned them quickly enough to swing a decision in her favor. Other than that, it's better to stay a level down and train hard to get the skills, or at least show they'll be there when it's time for the comp season.

 

[mom2C&H]

I'm in the same position with my dd. I'm so glad you asked these questions! Lots of good information shared!