what to do when they quit?

[mayestra12]

My dd informed us today that she wants to stop doing gymnastics. Should I make her tell the coach herself? Write a letter? Say goodbye to teammates? I didn't see this coming at all and I'm still in shock.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I would look into it a bit further. If you are shocked and didn't see it coming it may be that she still wants to do it but something is turning her off. Maybe she is being bullied by another team mate, maybe she is afraid of a certain skill, maybe she feels like she isn't progressing, maybe she just started feeling self conscious about wearing a leotard or something like that. Get to the bottom before you allow her to quit.

A lot of kids go through a stage of wanting to quit and change their mind in a few weeks. It is often best to have a set date and make her see out her commitment until then. Ie wait until the end of the term and then decide.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

My dd informed us today that she wants to stop doing gymnastics. Should I make her tell the coach herself? Write a letter? Say goodbye to teammates? I didn't see this coming at all and I'm still in shock.

discuss it with her coaches. and if it's final find out what their procedure is for saying good bye.

 

[AGM78910]

I agree 100% with Aussie Coach. Sometimes it is something bugging them that they haven't shared with you. I told my DD that if she wanted to go to a gymnastics camp she would have to continue until camp was over, which was about a month, then she could quit. She wanted to go to the camp and pushed through the hard part. Going to camp made her realize that she wanted to stay in the sport. It helped greatly that Hollie Vise was her camp counselor.

 

[mayestra12]

She has generalized anxiety disorder. She says it's too much pressure (she's training L4 and only going twice a week). She just got her ro bhs and has been super excited about it. She's been freezing up the past week and not wanting to go in to practice by herself. She's signed for IGC this summer and everything! I haven't talked to her yet. She refused to get out of the car today when dh tried to take her to practice and dd told him she wants to quit.

 

[wallinbl]

Have her take a break for a few weeks. See how she feels. Don't pressure her to go back, but tell her that she can stop, but that she can start back if she thinks stopping was a mistake.

As far as telling the coaches, you should do that together. Teammates are her thing.

 

[flipandtwist]

I think it matters how old she is and how good her relationship is with her teammates/coaches.
If she's young or doesn't have too good of a relationship with her coach, that would be your job. For teammates, for girls leaving our gym, they usually come to their last practice and say bye. Or bring her in at the very end of their usual practice. If their very close, you could even have a little "party" at your house.

 

[iJaide!!]

If she an anxiety disorder gymnastics is probably VERY stressful to her... I would get to the bottom of the problem before you make a final decision. But, remember gymnastics is extremely stressful and if she has problems with now, it will only get harder in the upper levels..

 

[mommyof1]

It sounds as if more investigation is in order before you can be sure she is really done. If she won't give you more details about why her excitement over camp and her new skill has suddenly turned into a dread of practice, maybe she can discuss her decision with her treatment provider? Even if she ultimately ends up leaving gymnastics, there will be less chance for regret in the long run if her decision is made calmly and rationally instead of in the heat of the moment.

 

[gym law mom]

I would let her take a step back right now. Do contact her coach and see if they've seen anything unusual with her of if they're working on a skill that may be causing some anxiety. I would tell the coach that she's having a hard time right now, but you don't have to say the word "quit." If I recall your dd's coaches have been very good at working with her.
Certainly see if you can get dd to tell you what has her so anxious that she wouldn't even get out of the car---it maybe something she can work through given some time/support.

 

[Krystan]

She has generalized anxiety disorder. She says it's too much pressure (she's training L4 and only going twice a week). She just got her ro bhs and has been super excited about it. She's been freezing up the past week and not wanting to go in to practice by herself. She's signed for IGC this summer and everything! I haven't talked to her yet. She refused to get out of the car today when dh tried to take her to practice and dd told him she wants to quit.

I have a dd with an anxiety disorder too, and I don't think it's a good idea to let her quit (unless it is for non-anxiety reasons) just yet. It seems likely that something has sparked the anxiety and she is avoiding it. Maybe there's some new skill or a sudden fear of an already-acquired skill, or maybe someone said something to her that she is taking to heart. If she quits over something like that, there is a risk of her coming away feeling like a failure ("I can't do it"). I agree about setting a deadline like, "after this season", or "after the really expensive camp I've already paid for". Then you'll know the decision is rational. One cannot make a rational decision while one is in the grasp of anxiety.

On the other hand, I know well how, once irrational anxiety has taken over, it's pretty impossible to *force* someone to do something. Is she seeing a counselor? If so, get in there and have her talk through it. Also, can you walk her in? I still can't drop my dd off and she's 11 - I walk her in. Once there, she see's the other girls getting ready and she slowly joins in and is fine by the time class starts.

We did have an episode this past fall where she "hated gymnastics" and wanted to quit, was pretending to feel sick every day, etc. She said it wasn't for any specific reason, but I spoke with the coach who said dd was the only one without her kip and was so stressed out about it that she was avoiding it as much as possible despite being expected to compete it soon. They offered her the option of competing L4 while still training with the L5 group, and it was like a light went on. She immediately started loving practice again. She got her kip on her own schedule, is now doing lovely L5 routines, working on some L6, and has not mentioned quitting or even missing a single practice since then, and it was 10 months ago. I am SO glad I didn't listen to her back then and let her quit! I feel like she would have ended on a bad note, feeling like a failure. Maybe you can ask the coach if she is not giving you specifics. I know gymnastics, in general, has been great for my dd's anxiety issues, but I do think this is partially because we are at a wonderful gym with patient and caring coaches that are willing to work with us.

Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[mayestra12]

Thank you all so much! Yes, it was just the anxiety kicking in and she doesn't want to quit.

She said she was feeling pressure because she just got her ro bhs last week but her coach wants her to have it perfect already. I feel she was getting anxious about all the corrections she was hearing. Her anxiety causes her to hear everything as "yelling" even when the coach is not yelling. She also is one of the few on her level that hasn't made the front hip circle yet. She also had a few routine changes (dad having to drop her off and not mom) and some school anxiety (dealing with a 2nd grade mean girl).

So, easy to see why she said what she yesterday. She missed practice as she wouldn't get out of the car and my husband couldn't walk her in due to a doctor's appointment.

She asked to back to a psychologist. Her's retired in December and left us thinking she was fine. I made a few calls today so hopefully I can get her in soon. I may have to walk her in for the next few practices but she'll get through it. Hopefully she'll master the remaining L4 skills soon!

 

[mayestra12]

Oh and she spent last night showing me her beam routine and is BEGGING to go to open gym tonight! Glad to see my gym girl back to herself! I also had a conversation with her coach today so that should help too.

 

[coachmolly]

If she an anxiety disorder gymnastics is probably VERY stressful to her... I would get to the bottom of the problem before you make a final decision. But, remember gymnastics is extremely stressful and if she has problems with now, it will only get harder in the upper levels..

I generally disagree with this statement. I was a competitive gymnast for many years, lived and breathed the sport, and also had a very severe anxiety disorder. While some aspects of gymnastics were much more stressful, and I did take some comments/corrections/suggestions a little bit differently than the other kids at times which added to the stress, it was also an amazing outlet for my nervous energy. Many children with a predisposition for anxiety possess traits that can be VERY helpful in the gym, or in many endeavors, as long as they are cared for properly and working with coaches who aim to understand them as best as possible. And it won't necessarily get worse as the child progresses through the levels, in fact there might be improvement as the child learns to use their traits to their advantage (not necessarily the anxiety itself, but the ability to work hard, persevere, etc.), develops a relationship with an understanding coach, and is able to speak up in times of stress/anxiety. Of course it can lead to self-destruction and that is something parents/coaches need to keep an eye out for, and to find the route of the problems so they can be dealt with, but I don't think it's fair to say things will only be more difficult as she progresses. It just kind of sounds like you're saying any kid with a predisposition for anxiety might as well not bother with competitive gymnastics, and that is definitely not the case, at least in my mind.

So glad you were able to work over this hump and come to a solution, and glad to hear that the coach seems to be pretty willing to work with her and help out. Gymnastics, or any activity which a child loves, can be SO incredible for kids with anxiety-type disorders as well as things like ADHD. Keep dwelling on the positive and don't hesitate to contact her coach when needed to ask questions, discuss current stressors for your DD, or to make suggestions about how to best work with her in a productive way- As a coach, I absolutely love hearing a parents take on their child and learning from them! I hope she has a great summer and continues to progress, it sounds like she's doing great! And best wishes with finding a psychologist, sometimes it can be hard to find a good one that really "fits" with your child. Sending lots of well wishes your way!

 

[mayestra12]

I agree. I really do think gymnastics is good for her. The last psychologist (the one that retired) agreed that it was good for her too and always assured us that she really loved it from her sessions.

I got her an appointment with someone on 5/17 but I didn't get a good vibe from this doctor. I'm hoping I can find someone else to see her before 5/17 so I can cancel the appointment. We'll see what state she's in on Tuesday when her next practice rolls around.

 

[Kiwi]

How old is your DD? She sounds so much like my DD! My DD has been through phases of wanting to give up gym or ballet, phases of feeling stressed because of perceptions that the coach was 'yelling' at her, feeling down because everyone else has a skill except her. At one point I talked with her a lot about going easier on herself, trying to just enjoy what she is able to do, and it seemed to really help her. My DD will sometimes say she wants to give up, when what it really means is she has a problem and doesn't know how to solve it.

I agree with Coach Molly about anxiety. Avoidance leads to anxiety getting worse. Learning good coping skills is empowering.