- Mar 9, 2008
I think many of you know me as the undying opimist here on CB...the champion of "you can do it!!!". But I'm at a total loss over my DD's most recent run in with fear. Her fears are paralyzing her at this point. I can't bear to watch her go through this all again. She has had severe fear to overcome at each level...it's always been there. I took her to a sports psychologist, followed Doc Ali's program with her(which helped the most), got her privates with the most supportive coaches. Through much hard work & determination she always has come out on top. State champx2 years!!! You guys know I'm proud of her...mostly for her determination to stick with the sport she loves! But each new level, each new skill, TOTALLY freaks her out & she's back to square 1. I can't stand to watch her torture her self mentally anymore! She made it to optionals this year...thought this was her ticket out of fear. Routines could be tailored to her. She started out great at her 1st 2 meets, happy, confident & motivated...trying for those things that scared her...giants & beam BHS, during practice. While she competed clear hips on bars & cart wheel/cart wheel/ RO on beam near flawlessly! Then it happened...HC changed "his" rules. Said she could not compete anymore unless she got her giant & BWO-BWO-BHS!!! I know he's trying to motivate her...yes I know she could easily do those skills. But her fear is an unusually severe case. Most girls with her fear level would have quit gymnsatics by now. But she LOVES the sport & she is VERY talented. I know the coach is frustrated with her...she is frustrated with herself. But his coaching style just isn't right for her. His style is to scream & yell & tell DD that she has "disappointed him". Since his new "rule", 2 weeks ago...DD has lost so many skills, from her kip all the way up!!! Can bearly even face setting a foot on the beam!!! There's no way she is ready to go for the bigger skills he's demanding she compete! She's lost so much in the past 2 weeks all due to stress & pressure!!! She was progressing before his "rule" change...just not fast enough for him. I feel the coach knows her talent & ability & he got greedy. Now DD is paying the price. I know everyone will post for me to "talk with the coach"...believe me...I've had so many talks with this coach...I know what he's going to say before he says it! His goals for my DD, are not the same as her goals at this point. He cannot understand, nor deal with her fears appropriately. He will not use the techniques with her, that I have paid a lot of money for her to learn. I can only do so much at home...if it's not reinforced at the gym. She's probably out of competiton for the rest of the season...due to paralyzing fear. DD loves this gym, her teammates...even this coach. She doesn't want to be a state champ again...she just wants to progress at her speed, in the sport she loves. She admits that he just "isn't the right coach for me". I'm at a total loss...there is no changing his coaching style. And I've done all that I think I can as a parent. I give her my total unconditional love & support. But between me & CB family...let me say...I cannot bear to watch her torture herself anymore! I wish she would give up the sport. I haven't said that to her though. I'm quietly looking into options at other gyms...but I know it would break her heart to leave this gym. Mentally this is an unhealthy situation for her, and I'm worried about her health. She wants to stay & says she is "handling it". But even if she comes through these most recent set backs...it will happen again. I want her to get off of this roller coaster!!! Even if she leaves this gym...these fears will go with her...plus there would be new ones, of that I'm sure. It won't be easy for her anywhere. I hate that I'm even thinking it....but when should she just hang up her grips & admit that these fears are just too much for her to overcome??? So sorry for such a loooong post, but as you can see GJM is in a very dark place today.