Parents When do you say enough is enough?

[GymLife]

9 yr old level 6 gymnastic is having a horrible season. She started with hitting all her skills regularly to crumbling under pressure and having mental block after mental block.

We have 1 coach. She is young. She was a college gymnast and she is a fantastic coach for the most part. There are only 4 girls in the morning program. 1 level 8 and 3 level 6.

We have just competed a meet where my daughter fell off her cartwheel back tuck (2x). She recently started having mental blocks and her coach is really not budging on giving her any other options. She wants all the girls doing all the same skills. Fine, but we only practiced 3 days the week of the meet and the girls had 3 days off before they competed.
Same with her bar routine. She had her full bar routine
Kip cast to handstand
Clear hip to above horizontal
Squat on
Kip cast to above horizontal
Tuck fly away.
1 week ago my gymnast lost every bit of it. She can't connect any of it. She can kip on both bars but can't do anything out of it.
Fine, mental block. Her bar routine was changed at the last 2 hour practice (she normally practices 4 hours) her bar was changed to
Kip
Squat on
Kip
Cast
Clearhip on high bar
Tuck fly away.
She got to work on it 2 times before practice was over and her coach left to head to the meet for one our level 8 girls the following late afternoon.

I feel like her coach has given up. I feel like my daughter is the only one with blocks. With them only having 4 girls during their practices I feel like it should be more positive and productive. But more and more i'm finding that I am picking up a sad, crying gymnast.
State is 1 week away and for the first time in 3 years she feels like she will not qualify for regionals. Her other 2 team mates will probably qualify.
It has become such a hard thing to watch her struggle. She doesn't want to quit. But her coach refuses to budge on these blocks. She did 10 rope climbs the other day because she wasn't able to do her bar routine.
I have asked her coach what we can to work through the block at a more positive level. No luck. Just more pressure and a battle of wills.

Do we stay with this coach and chalk this up to first year optional jitters or do we look for other another gym?

 

[bookworm]

Well this sounds just dreadful...a couple things, when you say she is one of 4 "in the morning program", does she also do an afternoon or evening practice as well, along with school? And why, at level 6, is she in a morning program versus whatever the regular program is for the level 6s at your gym? And how long has she been doing this, and what prompted the move to mornings?

I ask the above because I'm agreeing with you that she's having blocks but is she just overwhelmed with the schedule ? And if that's actually been going on for a while and you don't think that's it, maybe it's the expectations of her projected "success" by being in the morning group that are almost paralyzing her...almost like she feels like she just won't be good enough so she just doesn't...

Coaches deal with blocks very differently...we had one coach who flat out did not even acknowledge a block and therefore never helped any kid that had one (and hopefully your coach isn't in this subset), and we've had coaches who dealt with it and the gymnast overcame it and moved on and did well...I guess you have to figure out how your coach plans to move forward.

If you get no resolution on any of the above, and she continues with blocks and tear filled practices and rides home, I'd pull the plug on it for a month or so because maybe she just needs a break....no sport is worth a 9 year old being miserable all the time.

 

[GymLife]

This is our second season of an 11-4 mon-fri schedule. The girls get a break at 1:30.
We have the gym to ourselves. The night girls show up from 4:30-9.
This is the first season we have had with this few girls. Most of our original group decided to stay at night or didn't make it to optionals.
We are not allowed to come at night mon/wed/fri since it is only for level 4 & xcel. Also because we only have 1 coach.

She has always dealt with blocks aggressively. No give. My daughter ran for a half an hour after practice and tops because she continued to balk on her cartwheel back tuck this summer. Rope climbs until she developed blisters on her inner thigh. But DD wanted to do level 6 (we took a 6 month break after xcel gold and when we came back she immediately tested out of 4/5). I wanted her to do 5. Even if she was the only one. But DD wasn't having it and all the new skills came so easily.
I feel like she is trying to break her!!!

I have never seen my DD have this severe of a loss for skills. Bars are her favorite thing in the world. She was first to hit her cast handstand and first to put her entire bar routine together. Now, it's like she can't even do a level 4 bar routine. She got a 7.6 on bars this last meet. She started the season with a 9.1. I thought girls were supposed to peek closer to state? The other 2 girls are and my girl just seems to be getting worse and worse.
It's turned into a huge sore spot. We encourage at home and praise for her other qualities.
She was kicked out of practice tue for not completed a bar routine. I'm considering pulling her out 2 days a week because maybe she's burned out. But all the girls have the same practice. She is no exception.

If this is tough love, I'm not sure I can watch her go through this.
The sad thing is her coach just tested positive for the flu. So they have had 1 day of practice this week and will only have 3 days next week before they leave for state.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Time for a new coach.

 

[bookworm]

It seems odd to me that your only choice for optional training is 11 am to 4 pm....and there are only 4 of you and 1 coach, and 3 of them are imploding the week of states? And your coach is sick and can't coach them either and has no back up plan? And you don't mention if you homeschool, but I imagine you would have to with this schedule....I don't know, it seems to me that you're doing a lot here in terms of time in the gym 5 days a week with a very low coach/gymnast ratio...and she's regressing and miserable....I'd cut bait and move on after the State meet, that's if your daughter still wants to do it...and I'd be looking for a program with a little more of a normal routine for my 9 year old....

 

[lovemygymnast]

Wow! I definitely don't agree with how the coach is handling things. I will say that I've heard of young girls skipping levels and developing fear issues. But this sounds more like, she's being hard on herself which adds pressure and then the coach starts being hard on her which adds more pressure. That's too much to handle for anyone! I would be thinking about searching out a new gym.

 

[GymLife]

It seems odd to me that your only choice for optional training is 11 am to 4 pm....and there are only 4 of you and 1 coach, and 3 of them are imploding the week of states? And your coach is sick and can't coach them either and has no back up plan? And you don't mention if you homeschool, but I imagine you would have to with this schedule....I don't know, it seems to me that you're doing a lot here in terms of time in the gym 5 days a week with a very low coach/gymnast ratio...and she's regressing and miserable....I'd cut bait and move on after the State meet, that's if your daughter still wants to do it...and I'd be looking for a program with a little more of a normal routine for my 9 year old....

It's really just my DD. The other 2 girls seem to move pretty quickly through blocks. This season has been a mess. Our team currently rents a facility until our coach's gym is built. This was only supposed to be temporary. We left a bigger gym when our coach did. So the coach and our team are kind of flying by the seat of our pants. Our gym is barely equipped, but that being said our level 6 girls (including my DD) have never really seen it as a disadvantage, until now.
I figured this is just a battle of wills and while I wouldn't want any one breaking my DD's will, I also know she is not one of those gymnasts that will do something because you tell her "everyone else is doing it."
My daughter loves her coach. I can remember my coaches as a kids being tough, but I was not afraid. I guess we just have been so loyal and I know that by looking at other gyms we may find that we stayed to long for all the wrong reason.

 

[lhmom]

It sounds to me like she is totally overwhelmed and does not have time or space to process her fears. If it were my kid, I would be giving her a "vacation" immediately after this last meet. A break where the pressure and stress is completely removed (no gym at all). Might go a long way in giving her the space to work through things. Maybe after a few months, see what she wants to do (continue in another environment or move on). Poor kid!

 

[LizzieLac]

I think it is worth looking at other gyms in the area. There is no harm in doing some research to better understand your options.

Blocks are tough and for every kid they take a different amount time. An understanding coach is so important, but not just emotionally. A good coach knows how to break down the blocked skill to work on drills or parts so the gymnast can get back her confidence. Good luck!!

 

[Jenny]

I think she has burned out. That is a lot of hours for a 9 year old. It must feel like a job to her. Coach is stressed about the new gym , hence her getting ill and her attitude. Also inexperience. She will find out in time that her stance on blocks will only lose and break talented kids.

I would pull her out and send her back to school while you look for a new gym for next season. Absolutely no reason at all to day time train for level 6 or 7 or even higher. She is young enough for a fresh start which is her best chance of overcoming this.

 

[amiandjim]

I agree with the above and wanted to also say that a mental block is NOT a battle of wills. It is a very real and normal issue that pretty much all
gymnasts deal with at some point. IMO, the coach is handling it all wrong.

 

[Mommyo2az]

This sounds like an awful situation. My DD is same age and level - I am not sure I would allow her to stay at this gym past the season. It doesn't seem like the gym actually has a team "program", and I wouldn't want to be part of a gym that is flying by the seat of their pants. There seems to be no set schedule, timeline, or knowledge about how to deal with gymnasts. While building a new gym is great, not having a well defined program to put in it - will make it unsuccessful - I wouldn't want my child to be a part of that.

You DD is doing a lot of hours and going backwards skillwise and doesn't seem to be getting the support she needs - time to reassess her situation.

 

[NutterButter]

It has become such a hard thing to watch her struggle. She doesn't want to quit. But her coach refuses to budge on these blocks. She did 10 rope climbs the other day because she wasn't able to do her bar routine.
I have asked her coach what we can to work through the block at a more positive level. No luck. Just more pressure and a battle of wills.

Do we stay with this coach and chalk this up to first year optional jitters or do we look for other another gym?

Your coaching situation/training program is an arrangement that would not work for my DD's temperament nor is it a philosophy that I would want my kid to be part of. Just know that this is not what optionals has to look like.

My DD is a fearful gymnast so I may be able to offer some insight on supporting a kid through blocks. Your are right - it is so hard to see your kid struggle! I've been through a gamut of emotions watching her deal with blocks from sadness, to anger to happiness to indifference. It's hard to tell from what you've shared whether her blocks are a result of a coach/training program misfit or if the blocks are part of who will be be as a gymnast. Blocks are common. Most, if not all, will deal with on at some point in their career if they reach upper level optionals. Some kids though are more prone to them. My first inkling with my DD was when she lost her CW on beam for 9 months when she was 10 years old. Now, she's 14 and a L8 and each year there has been at least one major fear. At 9, your DD is the age where some gymmies start embracing their more cautious temperament.

Despite being fearful and cautious, my DD always perseveres and gets the skill. I've learned what to say (really, what not to say) and to check my emotions around it. She is who she is. She loves the sport and so far has been willing and able to work through all the tears, frustration and embarrassment (this would be her word, not mine as she is very self-conscious when she is dead last in getting a skill). Yah, as a parent this is hard to watch. And the reality is that she may hit a point where it is just too scary for her and she may decide to walk away.

What is most important in all of this though is that I have never doubted her gym's commitment to her. There is no punishment for a fear or block. She goes back to where she is comfortable and re-starts the progression. Sometimes they may try something new with her and add a different drill. They also seem to know when it just isn't going to happen and move onto a Plan B. There are kids in other levels who have entire routines re-arranged to accommodate whatever block or skill is missing (we area talking L9 bars w/o giant or floor/beam with no backward). I'm thankful she is at a place that accommodates and the athlete can still have success at their level. I have total peace of mind that her coaches are on her side. It's not perfect at all. Sometimes there are insensitive comments made ("I know you can do it, you must not want it bad enough") that aren't at all helpful. I don't like this but because it's not an every day occurrence and because overall they are committed to her, I can overlook. Coaches are human after all.

I hope your DD can find her passion again. Also know that if you DD is a cautious one, that she can enjoy success in the sport. 9 is too young to be burned out of an activity that you love.

 

[duyetanh]

When is enough enough?
Honestly, I think you are already there....

 

[Flyaway]

It's interesting to me that she took a break after Xcel. How long was this break? What was the reason? Was she already showing signs of burnout? To come back after a break, test out of two levels and jump into a 20 hour/wk training schedule for a new level may have been too much for her. And I completely disagree with punishment for blocks. Punishment for disrespectful behavior. But not for blocks.

 

[GymLife]

It's interesting to me that she took a break after Xcel. How long was this break? What was the reason? Was she already showing signs of burnout? To come back after a break, test out of two levels and jump into a 20 hour/wk training schedule for a new level may have been too much for her. And I completely disagree with punishment for blocks. Punishment for disrespectful behavior. But not for blocks.

We took the break because honestly the schedule was overwhelming financially for my family. During this time she was able to try other sports or nothing at all. She chose swim team and soccer. She also chose to tumble to keep up some skills. She was miserable. She wanted to go back with in 1 month. We waited for the season to be over then something happened between our coach and the old gym in which the gym owner refused to have a day program. Since our girls (13 of them) at that time wanted to stay with the coach she found another facility. We slowly integrated back in.
We have always have 4-5 practice 5 days a week. But with 13 girls it seemed like it was a huge deal. I think when we went down to 4 it really changed the dynamic.
We will be leaving after state. If she makes regionals she will come down to 3 days a week until then. She has expressed that she doesn't want to miss a beat. We have talked about repeating level 6 until she is comfortable. She attends a cottage school now 3 days a week and while she wants to continue that we have to look at putting her back in regular school since this current program is the only Homeschool program in the area.

 

[Flyaway]

We took the break because honestly the schedule was overwhelming financially for my family. During this time she was able to try other sports or nothing at all. She chose swim team and soccer. She also chose to tumble to keep up some skills. She was miserable. She wanted to go back with in 1 month. We waited for the season to be over then something happened between our coach and the old gym in which the gym owner refused to have a day program. Since our girls (13 of them) at that time wanted to stay with the coach she found another facility. We slowly integrated back in.
We have always have 4-5 practice 5 days a week. But with 13 girls it seemed like it was a huge deal. I think when we went down to 4 it really changed the dynamic.
We will be leaving after state. If she makes regionals she will come down to 3 days a week until then. She has expressed that she doesn't want to miss a beat. We have talked about repeating level 6 until she is comfortable. She attends a cottage school now 3 days a week and while she wants to continue that we have to look at putting her back in regular school since this current program is the only Homeschool program in the area.

It sounds like you have a plan of action. Just keep listening to your dd (both verbal and non-verbal) and keep your "burnout radar" turned on. Best wishes to her!

 

[Seeker]

She attends a cottage school now 3 days a week and while she wants to continue that we have to look at putting her back in regular school since this current program is the only Homeschool program in the area.

There are lots of ways to homeschool...doesn't necessarily need to be a part of the gym. We have a homeschool group if you're interested in joining.

 

[LindyHopper]

Everything about the situation seems chaotic. No wonder she cannot work through the block. She probably can't even get to a point where she can "hear herself think".

If it were me, I would be researching new gyms. Coach seems unwilling to meet your daughter where she's at. Additionally, rope climbs as punishment (as well as being kept after a long practice to run--when already tired so there is probably no benefit) and maybe even being kicked out of practice (as long as she remained fairly calm and respectful with coach during block) does NOT sit well with me.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Additionally, rope climbs as punishment (as well as being kept after a long practice to run--when already tired so there is probably no benefit) and maybe even being kicked out of practice (as long as she remained fairly calm and respectful with coach during block) does NOT sit well with me.

ODD had a coach once with very straightforward, if a bit crazy, rules. He didn't deal well with blocks at all. If a girl was blocked on a skill and refused to go for it on command the following things happened: you did conditioning through the rotation, the next time you did conditioning the rest of practice, the next time you were kicked out of the rest of practice, the next time you were kicked out of practice for a week (parent note- no tuition reduction), then the next time you were off team.

She had a different coach once who didn't let you leave an apparatus where you were blocked. She did hours and hours of bars for weeks at that gym- as much as 4 hours at a time. Obviously neither of those things were effective and both of them pushed her out of those gyms.