Parents When do you say enough?

[GymLife]

DD just turned 11. This is her 4th yr competing (xcel silver, xcel gold, Level 6 x2). She was a second yr level 6 this season. She is a solid middle of the pack. She is a beautiful gymnast capable of so much, but with huge growth spurts, broken foot, heel fractures and severs the past 2 seasons, she is constantly in recovery mode.

This should have been a break away season for her. New gym and an actual team that cheered her on. Coaches that didn’t scream in her face and give her anxiety. Girls that didn’t try to one up each other. Granted she spent most of her last summer in a cast. She has enjoyed every minute of it until now when she spent the past few days at a coaches camp with me and saw how an elite gym ran. Felt the spotting of 2 coaches per event and skills were broken down to the very beginning stages which helped her get over some fears.

I’m footing double the bill, double the miles and double the commitment (2 hour round trip commute 5 days a week) and DD actually did worse this season than last. Has gained zero new skills and is actually less strong. 12-14 girls to 1 coach/ up to 39-42 girls on fri/sat with maybe 3 coaches and only 1 really spots girls. The others can only spot tiny girls.

So the easy answer would be to leave this gym, right?

DD has said she wants to get better, but they lack the time or space to do proper drills during the week. “Just wait until summer!” for what to play catch up!?!

She’s in a frickn perpetual growth spurt. She’s 5’3!” They said they know how to help girls through it by doing more reps and using a bit more weight to help them ease into their new bigger bodies... more.... more... more.

We have seen zero. We are about to head into summer training.

20 hours is the purposed training schedule..... she currently trains that and it made zero difference for her last season.
She does extra at home when she’s here, which is only thu/sun but she is starting to get more frustrated.

She asked for extra gym time and after months and a bit of drama from another parent, got an extra day to work with older optionals. So we have spoken with the coaches. They are exhausted, she is frustrated and I’m over this drive. They keep saying she has 7 more years. 7 more years for what? At this progression she isn’t going to make it past level 9. Her goal is level 10. Solid level 10.

We have only 1 other gym option and I’m not sure it’s any different than the gym we left for this one (lots of parents complain of yelling coaches).

Talk me off the ledge. Why can’t she just play volleyball or cheer. She is so good at every thing she has ever tried.

Sorry for the long rant. I’m so tired of this sport and I’m so tired of watching my big beautiful giraffe struggle. She gets these pockets of days that she sees her amazing power and she wants to work so much harder......

 

[Aussie_coach]

Perhaps expectations were unrealistic, you mention “this was supposed to be her break away season”, which indicates you had certain expectations of what she would achieve. But gymnastics often doesn’t work like that, kids can plateau and then jump, sometimes drop backwards, then go forward. Even if the gym and coaches are much better, it doesn’t always equal magic.

She sounds quite tall for 11, so I am assuming she is going through a major growth spurt. It is very, very normal for kids going through the major pubescent growth spurt to struggle for a year of so, fail to learn new skills, lose skills they previously had, to score so well etc. After this some kids bodies are dramatically changed and they struggle for there on, others will get back into the swing of it and continue to progress.

If it is a high level gym, they may also be sweeping her under the carpet, not putting a lot of time and effort into her development because they feel she will be too tall.

 

[profmom]

Do you think she's getting close to her adult height? It is hard when they are growing fast. Once the growth slows down, she should be less injury prone and should be progressing more.

 

[GymLife]

Perhaps expectations were unrealistic, you mention “this was supposed to be her break away season”, which indicates you had certain expectations of what she would achieve. But gymnastics often doesn’t work like that, kids can plateau and then jump, sometimes drop backwards, then go forward. Even if the gym and coaches are much better, it doesn’t always equal magic.

She sounds quite tall for 11, so I am assuming she is going through a major growth spurt. It is very, very normal for kids going through the major pubescent growth spurt to struggle for a year of so, fail to learn new skills, lose skills they previously had, to score so well etc. After this some kids bodies are dramatically changed and they struggle for there on, others will get back into the swing of it and continue to progress.

If it is a high level gym, they may also be sweeping her under the carpet, not putting a lot of time and effort into her development because they feel she will be too tall.

I did think that maybe with the change in gyms and the positive work environment after struggling the previous season with her new height and weight, she would just have to stay uninjured and compete well like she always has. The coaches promised a plan. The plan ended up being a one size fits all. So yes, I feel like my expectations on the gym were not met and we need to decide if this drive/time is worth it. She is so strong. 4 weeks with a foot fracture, zero tumbling/jumps and very little practice she hit in the 9.0's at state, but bars and vault. I see the girls in the upper levels at this gym and I see DD's future. They are just barely hitting their skills.

Her goals, I thought were reasonable:
Improve flexibility
Gain 2 new skills
Be strong enough mentally to work level 8

Her old gym was all about big score and big skills. So she has been working really hard on retraining her mind and being more self motivated rather then worrying about being punished with conditioning or being threatened to not move up with her team.

She loves this sport. She wants to work harder. She wants to be in the gym more. She has stated she wanted to go to the other gym when she hits level 8 so maybe we just have to move her plan up a season.

I think I just needed to get that earlier rant out.

 

[GymLife]

Do you think she's getting close to her adult height? It is hard when they are growing fast. Once the growth slows down, she should be less injury prone and should be progressing more.

Her Dr. said she isn't done growing. He said about 3 more years. She's pretty devastated. I love her height. I know it isn't ideal, she's 5'3" and 98lbs at this age. She is really only struggling on bars and vault.


Anyone have any success stories? Some words of wisdom?

 

[profmom]

I guess that depends on your definition of success. My DD progressed slowly but steadily to L8, which she reached at age 12. She then had a series of injuries, including back problems, that stalled her out completely. After three years of frustration and a lot of regression on bars in particular, she finally switched to XCel Diamond last year. For her, it was the best choice she possibly could have made. She had no significant time off for injuries last year and began progressing again. Bars is still a rough event for her, but she's regained most of her skills and hopes to add a shoot half to her routine for the upcoming season, which will be her senior year.

I guess when she was nine or ten, we were hoping she would get to L10, but it became clear to me at least that bars was always going to be a barrier for her. Success for me means her being happy with what she's doing. She loves going to practice and has signed up to do an extra day over the summer. Gym is a happy place for her. She's not sure if she's going to do club gym in college, but that is a possibility. Looking at where she is now, I am so glad she didn't quit when she was having trouble on beam and vault at age 10-11.

 

[John]

If she truly loves gym decide what options your family is willing to give her. Let her have some input on the decision. Make that decision and stop worrying. If she loves gymnastics she will be happy doing it. Eliminate expectations and just ask for hard work and happiness. Levels and scores mean nothing if she is doing what she loves.

 

[Elvencat]

My DD is also just over 5'3" and 115 lbs at age 11. The doctor guesses she will top out at 5'7" to 5'8" based on her growth patterns. (I am only 5' tall, otherwise the doctor thought she may end up even taller.) Her coach is holding her at her current level due to her growth spurts and the fact she has had a difficult time being consistent in her basic skills over the last year. She has learned new skills, but has a difficult time doing them consistently due to her constantly changing body size. DD was a bit disappointed that she isn't moving up, but also relieved that she isn't moving up. Her opinion is that she would rather compete at a level she can be confident in than compete in a level at which she currently has very little confidence in her skills.

Her coach's answer to the growth spurts is to continue to do steady conditioning/strengthening and spending a lot more time on practicing basic body movements and breaking down the skills into the individual pieces, rather than focusing on continuing to practice the whole skills with improper form. This approach seems to be helping my daughter adjust to her changing size a little at a time. I won't lie - it's VERY slow going, but also effective for her.

 

[CLgym]

When do you say enough? Ummm... personally like every week. But I keep getting back in the car and heading to the gym (and sitting in traffic, and racing home to my other kids, and getting back in the car for pick-up..... day after day after day). I just made a post similar to yours in one of the private social groups. I'm in the same spot. So tired of the drive. So tired of the whole "two steps forward one step back" (or sometimes two steps back!!) nature of the sport. So tired of internal competition at the gym that everyone pretends doesn't exist but is just below the surface. I think if I can just make it to summer, then the load will lighten (longer practices, better times/less traffic, no school/homework, and down one kid thanks to 8-weeks of summer camp) Not sure if it helps to know you are not alone in feeling frustrated --- because you are definitely not. For me, I keep up the "Groundhogs Day" routine because my DD still loves it (although her goals are super modest -- which feels kind of weird since most report their kids have big gymnastics dreams??)

In any event, good luck. Hopefully you are feeling a little better than when you posted.

 

[NutterButter]

When do you say enough? Ummm... personally like every week.

TRUTH! And it is like Groundhogs Day. Week after week. Day after day.

 

[GymLife]

Thank you for the replies.

Tuesday I took DD to a gym that she had tried out for last year ( they said she was a beautiful gymnast, but she was not a good fit). Well this year they offered her a spot. It is the best program in the area. DD is not looking for amazing scores or even huge skills. She is looking to get better, She felt like while she loves her gym family, they weren't producing good athletes. She saw 6 optional girls in the past few weeks get roughly the same injury on the floor. She saw only one or 2 girls progressing and those girls spend 30 plus hours in the gym. On my part I hated waiting around for a schedule or feeling like parents had way too much say about hours, meets and everything that had to do with the gym.

She starts the new gym on Monday and she is very excited to have plans in place to help improve her strength, flexibility and mind and I'm happy that I was given a packet with all information including fees, meets, breaks, training schedule for the next year.

 

[CLgym]

Good luck with the new gym!