MAG When to pull the plug and SWITCH gyms.

[munchkin3]

So i guess this has been brewing for awhile. It is becoming clearer and clearer that a switch may be needed. DS has been at his gym for 7 years. When he was little he had the same coach that DD has now, a wonderful, patient 'all knowing' coach. When a new boys coach came in about 3 years ago, my son was 10 and things were a bit bumpy with the transition, but expected. My son adjusted and had some great seasons.
At 12 1/2-13 he was injured and went through a long process of recovery and this is where the glaring problems started.
Coach was never able to guide through injury. Always said, whatever the Dr. says...(b/c liability for gym)
As teen age stuff started, it was clear that he was going to rule with an 'iron fist' but with no respect. As DS has grown, he is now keenly aware of coaches manipulations and hypocrisy. Respect coach, but coach does not have to respect them. I have always said to DS that in life you must learn to deal with all types. yadda yadda....As a parent I know that the coach does not know how to handle the teens. He makes stupid mistakes like humiliation, unequal punishments, manipulation. He acts just as bad as they do. My son sees it and is having a hard time 'respecting' him. Progress is very slow for DS and this FRUSTRATES coach. I have to constantly remind coach to be positive, and encouraging to ALL of them....I find myself talking to COACH like a kid...'great job with them today', 'dont worry we all have bad days', 'always find what they can do and not what they cant'.....

I dont know...

 

[profmom]

Do you have decent options nearby? This does not sound like an environment that's going to enable your son to complete his comeback and be a happy gymboy again.

 

[munchkin3]

Yes, so nearby it is embarrassing.

 

[profmom]

GO!!!!

 

[munchkin3]

AHHHHH......DD would have to stay at other!!!!!!

 

[profmom]

It's a pain in the butt, but probably worth it -- one of DS's optional teammates has a brother at another gym (one needed a really high intensity program and that wasn't working for the sib), and they seem to be surviving. There's also a brother-sister combo where the brother is DS's teammate and his sister is starting L3 next fall elsewhere. It can be done! Don't fear the driving and coordination! Embrace the adventure!

 

[gracyomalley]

My boys are at a different gym from my daughter - it stinks! However, it has been what was best for each child and so far its been worth it....lots of driving and coordinating to do, also sometimes I get caught up in the middle of the stupid small town gym politics ("best gym in town, most high level athletes, etc....when they are both pretty equivalent and everyone knows each other - UGH!!!)

If its what would work best look into it - but be ready to be in the middle!

 

[munchkin3]

I know it is right for my son. I just need to wait a bit for a pending 'mock meet' next Saturday. If he does not score 'out' of L7, then we are done. (our gym uses these mock meets to keep em going)
I dont see how he will score out since coach is with holding certain skills....weird.

 

[2G1B]

I had to make a similar decision recently. The gum that is a good fit for my older two just isn't for my youngest; but she doesn't want to quit. So next month she starts her new gym and the other two are staying where they are. It is going to be a rush some days; but I'm going to make it work. I'm figuring it isn't much different than if they were doing different sports.

 

[bogwoppit]

Usually they say when you start asking questions like these it is already past the time you should have left.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I know it is right for my son. I just need to wait a bit for a pending 'mock meet' next Saturday. If he does not score 'out' of L7, then we are done. (our gym uses these mock meets to keep em going)
I dont see how he will score out since coach is with holding certain skills....weird.

some coaches are just no good with kids after 12 or 13 years old. i see it all the time.

 

[skschlag]

He ahs to "score out?" Is this a gym requirement??

It is always so hard to know what to do. I mean, the grass is always greener, right? do you know much about the other gym? How they coach? If you have options, that is great!!

 

[munchkin3]

Coaches requirement......who knows, maybe he is setting him up to fail.
I wouldn't be surprised.

 

[Sperkowsky]

He ahs to "score out?" Is this a gym requirement??

It is always so hard to know what to do. I mean, the grass is always greener, right? do you know much about the other gym? How they coach? If you have options, that is great!!

Yeah she said that's how the gym determines there level

 

[munchkin3]

Yes, I know the other gym.....it is fine. I have known the coaches, and they are fine. DS Tried out there for a week a while ago and said it was fine.
Equipment was kinda crappy and old.....no real bar, trainer pbars.
I will see what happens with this mock meet.

 

[skschlag]

Good luck. I know how frustrating it can be when you feel things aren't right for your ds. Hope things work out!

 

[midwestgymcoach]

So i guess this has been brewing for awhile. It is becoming clearer and clearer that a switch may be needed. DS has been at his gym for 7 years. When he was little he had the same coach that DD has now, a wonderful, patient 'all knowing' coach. When a new boys coach came in about 3 years ago, my son was 10 and things were a bit bumpy with the transition, but expected. My son adjusted and had some great seasons.
At 12 1/2-13 he was injured and went through a long process of recovery and this is where the glaring problems started.
Coach was never able to guide through injury. Always said, whatever the Dr. says...(b/c liability for gym)
As teen age stuff started, it was clear that he was going to rule with an 'iron fist' but with no respect. As DS has grown, he is now keenly aware of coaches manipulations and hypocrisy. Respect coach, but coach does not have to respect them. I have always said to DS that in life you must learn to deal with all types. yadda yadda....As a parent I know that the coach does not know how to handle the teens. He makes stupid mistakes like humiliation, unequal punishments, manipulation. He acts just as bad as they do. My son sees it and is having a hard time 'respecting' him. Progress is very slow for DS and this FRUSTRATES coach. I have to constantly remind coach to be positive, and encouraging to ALL of them....I find myself talking to COACH like a kid...'great job with them today', 'dont worry we all have bad days', 'always find what they can do and not what they cant'.....

I dont know...

I have been seeing this for a while now. How do we know that you and your "DS" are not the issue? You come on here and complain about the coach and everyone comments. There are ALWAYS two-sides to a story. How do you know the coach is not being overcautious? Safety is of the utmost importance in this sport. Why would you want to put your son out there when he can't be somewhat successful? Is he missing skills? Does he have all routines on ALL events at level 7? Can he pirouette from front giant to back giants on high bar? Can he do a layout or full on floor? If you say he's been out for a while, does he have the endurance to get through routines? Being out only a week can start to effect endurance and strength in a gymnast. Back to his abilities, can he get through the most basic pommel horse routine? Can he get through the ring routine? Can he get through the p-bar routine? Does he have the p-bar dismount? I ask because if he's been unable to use his wrist and support himself, then how was he supposed to train the two support events consistently. By the way, no coach is "all knowing." Let's get back to the issue at hand. I'm sure the coach has tons of experience, what most likely happened was that he came in and has a certain style. And you don't like his style. Not every coach is great for every athlete, there are always conflicts.

Also, what is the problem with him saying follow the doctors orders? Coaches are not doctors. What would have happened had he pushed him a little harder and your DS, heaven forbid, injured himself more seriously because he came back too soon? Or even worse, a catastrophic injury? Was your son given physical therapy exercises? If so, has he followed them to a 'T'? How in the loop did you keep the coach with the injury and doctors' recommendations?

Has he treated every kid like this? I think maybe you and your DS should look in the mirror a little harder. Have you had meetings? You come on here and malign this coach and he can't possibly defend himself. How do we know that your DS is not manipulating the situation? You've had ample time to make a decision to stay or go and you've chosen to stay. You're venting, I get it. Have you ever taken the coaches side on anything or have you always taken your DS's side? You being patronizing to coach and talking to him like a kid doesn't work, by the way.

As a coach, this really irritates me. As coaches, we have to get the best from every child. Some kids require more attention than others. Some kids have natural gifts that others don't. Some kids are spoiled and manipulate their parents. You've said on previous posts that you don't care what level your DS competes. Yet, on a previous post you're up in arms about him being level 7 or 8. You're the same woman that has called this coach douchey. I really hope that your DS has not seen you post that. I have no doubt, however, that you berate the coach in front of or within an ear shot of your son.

You talk about a switch and you said that your DS said the other gym was alright. That was a snapshot. The grass isn't always greener.

 

[midwestgymcoach]

Coaches requirement......who knows, maybe he is setting him up to fail.
I wouldn't be surprised.

That's ridiculous. Most, if not all, gyms/coaches set requirements for advancing. I assume he's getting ready for a meet in the coming months since he's still doing routines and having this 'mock meet.'

 

[skschlag]

wow. interesting first couple of posts...midwestgymcoach....

Anyway, there easily could be a personality or style conflict. That does happen. What score does he have to get to score out of 7? (I am so glad we don't have to deal wtih that!)

When is the mock meet? I hope things go well!

 

[munchkin3]

Midwestcoach, I have been posting for a long time. My son has been dealing with major injuries, surgery and it has been a long road to recovery. Coach has been aware every step of the way with a rather blank face, like he has no idea what to do. Chalkbucket also has been very supportive. My son has been through a lot. More physical therapy than most 13 yo. When there is an issue, we always assume it's the kid.....
I have been one of the major advocates at our gym for the coach. I have a close relationship with both DS and DD. I have had many meetings....
When DS began having attitude problems, we immediately took a look at DS. I demanded utmost respect to coach, explained to him there was a method to his coaching. That all DS needed to do was what coached asked of him. He needs to work hard.
From the 4 years DS has been with this coach I have noticed that he seems to do well with little kids. Not ones that have an opinion, or ones that may question his strategy, he is inflexible and does things his way. There is no one older than 13 on the team.
I started to become suspicious about 2 months ago, and it hit me that it takes two to tango! My son gets the wrap!
If a teacher, no matter what kind, cannot understand that teenagers question, push, test, and that they are growing up, and especially need support, then this is someone who has trouble with teens. Coach has made no secret about it too. He has clearly said many times that he does not like teenagers.......that is his precedent, not mine.

Sometimes there is a point when even young men decide they do not want to train with a limited coach. And when I say limited, I am not saying bad, I am saying limited.
I pay to have my son learn gymnastics. He is not progressing or thriving and above all he has a poor role model. Someone who he spends more time with than his own father....that's where I fail as a parent.
Thanks Midwestcoach, you have just reiterated all that is bothering me about current gym. You could even be my DS coach.

To everyone else, thanks for supporting and listening. Our family will see what happens and decide in a couple of weeks. I would never burn a bridge though, so if we leave, it would be humbly and thankfully.