Why Do Parents Comment On Gymmies That Are Not There Own?

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So...why do other people feel like they need to comment about someone else's child? Why can't a 5 year old go to class, have fun and have a good or a bad day and it just be that? I had one dad say to me this week that my dd will be an olympian to another mom walking up to me and telling me out of the blue that my kid is just ok. Do I care!? No, I just want my kid to have fun and stop having people analyze her every move. For peets sake, she is a 5 year old. Parents are nuts! Do people really care that much? She could be doing synchronized swimming in 6 months for all I know. Why is it so important to them? Sorry to rant but this is getting ridiculous.
 
So...why do other people feel like they need to comment about someone else's child? Why can't a 5 year old go to class, have fun and have a good or a bad day and it just be that? I had one dad say to me this week that my dd will be an olympian to another mom walking up to me and telling me out of the blue that my kid is just ok. Do I care!? No, I just want my kid to have fun and stop having people analyze her every move. For peets sake, she is a 5 year old. Parents are nuts! Do people really care that much? She could be doing synchronized swimming in 6 months for all I know. Why is it so important to them? Sorry to rant but this is getting ridiculous.
I hear ya! This is why I don't like parents watching practices. If they WERE just watching their kid I wouldn't care. But they don't, they watch my kid too & then make comments. To me & HER!!! Sorry, but yes this is a REAL pet peeve of mine too.
 
This is one reason I can't wait for level 4. I can drop off, leave and come back later. Then I can at least pretend ignorance. Sometimes I just wonder if finding a hole in the wall gym somewhere where she could just progress at her own rate and have a blast woulndn't be better. She recently asked me if she could go to a different gym. Sad for a 5 year old. I think she is starting to feel like she is being watched by everyone and critiqued on everything she does including breathing.
 
This is one reason I can't wait for level 4. I can drop off, leave and come back later. Then I can at least pretend ignorance. Sometimes I just wonder if finding a hole in the wall gym somewhere where she could just progress at her own rate and have a blast woulndn't be better. She recently asked me if she could go to a different gym. Sad for a 5 year old. I think she is starting to feel like she is being watched by everyone and critiqued on everything she does including breathing.
That's such a shame, especially at 5yrs old! But unfortunately I'm hear to tell you it won't change much:(. My DD is 15yrs old and I haven't watched her practice since those preteam days. Yet other parents of optionals still stay??? For 3-4hr long hour practices?!? I'm sorry but at that point they are just being nosey!!! Or crazy IMHO, LOL!!! Then when I show up at pick up time, these people corner me in the lobby to give me their unsolicited assessment of my DD's progress!?! I don't watch because I don't want my DD to feel any stress or pressure from me. She is at practice to learn & well...practice! I really don't appreciate other parents putting pressure on her when I'm trying purposely not too!!!
 
That would really bother me. Some parents can't bear to see someone doing better than their child, and can get nasty about it.
 
I cannot imagine saying anything negative about another gymnast in our club even if there was something to be said. For one, it's not my business. Two, it's the opposite of what we are trying to do...support kids and build them up through athletics. Thirdly, it's just plain rude. these are kids for cryin' out loud.

Sounds like your HC needs to put up some motivational flyers in the lobby to remind parents how to behave. Shameful.....

I try to always say something positive about the gymnasts if the parents are there. It bonds us as adults and helps strengthen our gym family. Even if they are the clumsiest, untrained kids in the word, you can find SOMETHING nice to say...cute leo, great smile, what enthusiasm, etc.

In the same fashion, I wouldn't say something negative publically about my child. The worse I would say is something like "Man, B is having a hard time staying focused today."

I think that we must always remember that these are our sweet, vulnerable kids and public criticism helps no one, not our own kids, not the team, not the club, and not another family.
 
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle

Usually this stems from jealousy

You are so right--it does stem from jealousy. Very sad but true. There is a great quote that I love that goes like this:

"A candle loses NOTHING by lighting another candle."

This statement is so profound and very enlightening. If people would just realize that being happy, or proud, or appreciative of someone else's talent doesn't take away anything from themselves, then maybe people would be more apt to give heartfelt compliments to other people. Positive compliments spread positive energy which in the end helps EVERYONE including themselves.
 
Threads like this make me so grateful my DD isn't in competitive anything! I'm about as subtle as a ton of bricks when I'm not wearing my coach hat. I've been drawn into conversations at her dance studio that involved kid critique. Well, a long time ago. I can tell someone that a conversation is pointless and has no bearing on how my daughter will do or is doing and turn my back on them, it doesn't make you popular! I can read books undisturbed now at least in the lobby though :)
 
This is a universal issue in this sport, I'm afraid! I once had a mother march up to me and tell me she heard my dd got her giant. She then went on to add she heard they were archy and really awful, but hey, at least she got her giant. I was shocked for a second, then told her that after 2 years of practice and failure, any giant was a good giant for us!:)

Anyways...the lesson I always tried to install in my dd is that all the jealousy in the world won't make you a better gymnast...only hard work and determination can make you a better gymnast. Too bad parents can't seem to get this message too.:confused:
 
So...why do other people feel like they need to comment about someone else's child? Why can't a 5 year old go to class, have fun and have a good or a bad day and it just be that? I had one dad say to me this week that my dd will be an olympian to another mom walking up to me and telling me out of the blue that my kid is just ok. Do I care!? No, I just want my kid to have fun and stop having people analyze her every move. For peets sake, she is a 5 year old. Parents are nuts! Do people really care that much? She could be doing synchronized swimming in 6 months for all I know. Why is it so important to them? Sorry to rant but this is getting ridiculous.

Well at least it seems like they are saying mostly positive things. I get sick of the "she's going to be so awesome" too and that is from the parents I'm friends with. I know they are just being nice, but it makes me feel like if she isn't they will be disappointed.
 
Its the gymnast's labor not the parents

I enjoy watching practice whenever I can.

One thing one learns after a few years is that it's all about the gymnast, not the parent. Every one of these girls is toiling in practice trying to perfect or learn a new skill. Each one sweats it out in the gym doing conditioning. We parents do nothing, other than pay the bills. Actually, we do a lot more, but I'm sure you see my point. It's all about our DD's.

I am thrilled to see any of the girls in the gym improve. I feel like an uncle to them all. Each one improves at her own pace. Whe should look at every marginal or incremental improvement as a victory for that girl and be happy for them. They're all on the same team. They're all in the same family, so to speak.

I won't say that I don't feel competitive for my daughter sometimes. Of course I do. But that feeling has mellowed over the years. It is a competitiveness that a father feels when watching his daughter and nieces compete at some game. You want them all to do well and be friends.

To those parents who are jealous of another person's daughter, or who feel superior because of the success of their own daughter I say, take it easy. Sit down and relax. These girls are all heroines. They are all engaging in the hardest sport in the world. Let them enjoy it. Don't project yourself into the mix. It's about them, not you.

Julio Garcia,

Jamy's dad
 
Jaime's Dad very well said! I was thinking the same thing. I enjoy watching my DD's team progress as well. Actually any kid for that matter. I am lucky that at our gym we do have laid back, mellow parents. Each enjoys their own DD's progress as well as the team as a whole.
My little one is the youngest at her gym, but you would never know it. When parents comment about her it's always positive. I don't mind because it lets me know she has caught their attention. No she isn't doing her gymnastics to catch a parents attention, but it is a nice feeling when they it does. Most times they comment about her bubbly personality, flexibility, and her comfort in her gymnastics ability. It is nice to know parents feel that at ease with me to tell me , "Hey I saw C do..." If I couldn't see it, then I could still say to DD "Hey, I heard you did..." It makes her feel like I am connected with her as well in that respect. The guilt I have had about not watching her practices are eased when I can say that to her. Think of it in positive terms.

Now if parents were negative, I would definitely approach it a different way.
 
Lilgymmie7, Positive is good but sometimes it just creates undo pressure and expectations. I was literally off to the side this week seeking quiet while trying to feed a newborn when a mom seized the opportunity to strike. This newborn is fussy and I just got her settled and a mom comes up to me and says point blank that my daughter is just an ok gymnast. I handled it well but inside I was going nuts. I just told her that if my daughter is just an ok gymnast, than I am very proud of her. I told her that I enjoy watching all the girls learn and develop their gifts that have been bestowed upon them because truly they each have their own talents and abilty and watching all of them achieve is a joy. Oh, and then I got up and walked away.
 
So...why do other people feel like they need to comment about someone else's child? Why can't a 5 year old go to class, have fun and have a good or a bad day and it just be that? ... Do I care!? No, I just want my kid to have fun and stop having people analyze her every move....
I've got a bad feeling I might be one of "those" mothers. A couple of other mums and I stay for logistical reasons. We hang out because it's more fun that way. Our girls (aged 5-6) tend to look over and make sure we see/acknowledge/applaud their best moments. We do it for the girls whose parents don't stay because we'd feel mean if we didn't >>>>

...My little one is the youngest at her gym, but you would never know it. When parents comment about her it's always positive. I don't mind because it lets me know she has caught their attention. No she isn't doing her gymnastics to catch a parents attention, but it is a nice feeling when they it does....It is nice to know parents feel that at ease with me to tell me , "Hey I saw C do..." If I couldn't see it, then I could still say to DD "Hey, I heard you did..." It makes her feel like I am connected with her as well in that respect. The guilt I have had about not watching her practices are eased when I can say that to her...
>>>> It means that I/we do have a tendency to say something to each girl about their efforts/progress that day (even if all you can say is what great hair they have that day). It's partly so as not to seem rude/partial by only complimenting our own DD's, partly because kids often feel that "public" praise (to/in front of their parents) is sweeter, partly (oh dear this might sound arrogantly presumptuous now I think about it, but it was intended in the nicest possible way) because one mother is clearly under terrible time pressure and never gets to see anything and her DD is just the hardest little worker and I thought it might make her glad to know all her efforts are well used/appreciated by that little girl, and partly because I feel like I'm trying to bond with the other parents and draw them into our little group (which I think of us a gorgeously supportive informal club rather than a nosy clique). >>>>

Lilgymmie7, Positive is good but sometimes it just creates undo pressure and expectations...

>>>> In my defense I'd argue that I limit my (only) positive comments to events of the day instead of rubbish about what they might be able to do in 10 years.

... But then at the end of the day I guess I'm still one of "those" parents who often make unsolicited comments to others about their children's progress.
 
After 10 years of having kids in the gym I have learned to have a deaf ear, in fact I just pretend I don't speak French, it works great. I don't stay and watch, I just pick up and leave.

I went through years of people "observing" things about my child. Even up until last year people were very interested about how old my kids were and what level will they compete. As in "is your kid competing against mine?" syndrome.

It does get old pretty quick. I love watching all the girls train, they all work so hard and they are all talented in their own ways. But some of the parents get way too involved and cannot see how destructive their attitudes are to the gym and it's culture. Kids pick up on their parents attitudes and it does spread.
 
I am guilty of this too. I will tell a mom if her daughter got a new skill. I only (at least I think) share a positive pov. But maybe its like the new Katherine Heigl movie where Josh pushes the baby down as she starts to walk. :) Maybe they would rather see it for themselves.
 
Happyfacetwin- by all means carry on. I guess this one lady was just the straw that broke the camels back. Intentions mean a lot to me. There are truly some people with good intentions, some who don't realize how much pressure they put on these young ones and others who just plain want to be nasty.
Bogwoppit- I am longing for the days when she will be old enough for me to leave practice and come back. She is too young and I live too far away for her short practices.
Some of these parents watch her every move and seem happy when she struggles with presses on the beam on an off day or can't cast to handstand. She generally has good days but lately was ill and that affected her for a few practices. I don't know many 5 year olds straddle pressing on the high beam or attempting cast handstands so I think she is doing a great job for her age. This is just with 3 practice hours. If that is just ok, then I am happy with her accomplishments.
 
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