Why don't they TELL me their kids have special needs?

[Tumblequeensmom]

Pure Talent, one thing that might be helpful for your younger daughter is if you place less emphasis on your older daughter's success at meets. You are clearly very proud of her, which is understandable, but maybe try focusing less on the results than on the process. In that way, you could praise both girls for how hard they work to achieve what they can achieve. If you talk about your two-time state champion and your tops A camp recipient, your younger daughter will of course want to know when she can start competing and earning such high praise. My son, like your daughter, suffers from anxiety and OCD (and occasionally tics) and I know how much it means when such a child finds success. But it really is the journey that matters, and both of your children can feel pride in their journeys if you place value on the effort, hard work, and fun of gymnastics, rather than the awards and accolades.

I definitely agree here! PureTalent, as I was reading your very well-written post (My oldest son also has Tourettes... will get back to that in a minute), I was also wondering if maybe younger DD could do a different sport? It's hard enough when you have one super talented child and the other one does the same sport, but then you add in the disability and in your words (since I don't know the child) that she'll "never" get there... surely there must be something else she could do? You have referenced how talented your oldest is in several posts here, and you have every right to be proud of her... but as Pittsburghscribe stated, younger DD is definitely going to realize that you think oldler DD has tons of talent, and her, well, not so much.

Anyway, back to my son.... Tourette syndrome is most definitely NOT an anxiety disorder, but can be made worse by anxiety. I'm sure that's probably what you meant. My son strugged through his tics ( as well as the OCD and ADD) through elementary, middle and high school. He was lucky tho, he was in the 1/3 of the population where tics diminish as the child matures. He is now 24 and the only thing tic he demonstrates is the clearing of the throad. I haven't seen an eye twitch, shoulder shrug, head bob in years now.... so I'm hoping that your DD will outgrow some of those tics as well!

We didn't always tell people about his issues either. To me, he was just my son. Of course the school knew what was going on because he also had an IEP. If his tics were really bad, obviously we'd have to tell the adults he was inviolved with outside of school. But other than that, there wasn't anything anyone could really do about it, he wasn't a danger to himself or others, so it didn't seem that everyone needed to know everything about him.

He turned out just fine. Graduated from a well known university in my state and is now pursuing another degree in business. So all's well that ends well.... most of the time!

 

[CoachGoofy]

PureTalent: Your kids sound great. Thanks for sharing your story.

For your younger daughter--is there a special olympics program in your area? I'd suggest USTA tumbling & trampoline-kids get to compete at a lower level-but USAG is way bigger in most areas,

My favorite athlete ever had apraxia (and probably still does, I taught her years ago), She was such a hard worker & she was so kind to the kids in her class who picked things up easily. Wicked sense of humor, too.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I am a teacher in an inclusion classroom in a public school. I think at the very least if a child has an identified need in the classroom (is on an IEP or has a 504) then that need should be shared with the coaches.

I also work with special needs kids in an inclusion classroom. But I don't believe that just because someone has an IEP that necessitates sharing everything with coaches (or other adults). Most of the kids I work with simply have a processing learning disability. Gymnastics isn't like sitting in a classroom and having to read material and process it. I would not share that type of information with a coach... most people don't realize what a learning disability truly encompasses unless they have a child identified as such. Most people, today, still ignorantly believe that a child having difficulty in the classroom is either lazy or just needs to study harder!

I do believe, however, that if a child has an emotional or behavioral disability, then THAT would need to be addressed with a coach.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Gymgurl, I loved everything about your post except the "fit" description!!! It's a seizure, not a "fit." I haven't heard that one in a while!!

There are somethings like severe (by severe i mean not your typical short sighted kid) vision problems that coaches just should know and particularly things like epilepsy because what if your child had a fit at the gym?

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

Ohhh this is a VERY tough one. In an ideal world we'd be able to be totally open with our children's needs and the coaches, teachers and others working with them would have the willingness and skill set to assist them 100%. But it's not an ideal world unfortunately.

I'm a special ed teacher by trade who now helps run our district co-op for special ed on the K-12 level... and I'm also a mother of a "special needs" gymnast. In our case it was pretty clear from the first couple rec classes that DD was completely Deaf, she was very talkative even as a toddler and said talkativeness was just by using her hands. This was back in the early to mid '90s and I'm sure other parents of older children know how much awareness of special needs has changed since then. Until the 80s, Deaf children, like many other special needs children, were mostly sent to special schools away from their families, even when they had no other special needs. They were expected to learn to talk and abandon sign (which never happened and is another rant completely). I was comfortable advocating for her in an educational setting, but as far as gymnastics I wasn't sure. I first put her in classes thinking it would just be a recreational thing and didn't want her, not just to not be discriminated against, but to be barred from participating. But a couple classes in, I saw how much she enjoyed it and the instructors were aware something was different and I was able to sit down and talk to them about how she could continue to participate like all the other kids, with as little disruption as possible. It all worked out and she went on to become a pretty successful optional and college gymnast. On the other hand we're from a very small town, so our gym was also fairly small and she had the same set of coaches from L4 on. One of them went as far to learn sign for her. If it was a larger gym in a big city with multiple sets of coaches, things might have been different I suppose.

I honestly don't think my daughter's Deafness impacts her ability to be a successful gymnast and wouldn't want her to be treated differently by a coach. She can't hear or talk and she does have balance problems due to having an underdeveloped inner ear. Other than that she's very high functioning, intelligent, emotive and capable of doing almost anything any other child can.

Then again as a special ed teacher, I understand the importance of communicating with teachers, coaches, camp staff, etc. It's natural to be protective of your child, especially one with special needs who faces continuous discrimination, even if it's unintentional, in school, with family, etc. However in the long run it really does a disservice to your child, the children around them and the adults working with them if there isn't some kind of honest communication going on with your child's needs. It is impossible for a teacher or coach to help your child the best if they don't know what they need help with. Especially these days a large number of children have some sort of disability or special needs that are being addressed, so the fear of a child being singled out isn't necessarily as prevalent. Even if that's not the case, awareness has increased recently. Often times if the special needs involve behavioural issues, it can affect the other kids and the coach and even present a safety problem. I've had parents who haven't disclosed a child's ADHD or other need that leads to them acting out and because of this other children in their class have gotten hurt. It might not seem like a big deal if your daughter gets hyper waiting in line, but it's far better to let her coach know her needs so they can have her do something between stations like conditioning, than to not know leading to her possibly running into someone, tripping, impacting someone else on another apparatus, etc. Also if coaches/teachers aren't aware specifically what a child's needs are they might try to address them the wrong way. Maybe your child has Aspergers but you don't tell the coach this and they believe she has ADD. They might try to increase structure and discipline while letting her have more active roles. This might not help an Asbergers child leading to frustration for the coach and your child, which is a lose-lose.

On the other side, there are coaches and teachers who are not receptive to children with special needs at all. My daughter had a gymnastics coach her first year of high school who told her to go participate with the Special Olympics (meanwhile she was the only L 10 on the whole team). This particular coach is no longer associated with the school district, in part because what she did to my daughter. I honestly don't believe the majority of coaches and teachers are like this, just a select few who really shouldn't be in their respective professions and/or they just need a wake up call about special needs awareness. Obviously you don't want to be fighting battles all over the place to spread awareness at the expense of your child. You just want to have a balance where your child is happy and healthy!

So overall I really do see both sides. I think the best idea is to go with your instinct but to try to be as communicative with your child's coaches and teachers as possible. If you really think they'll be discriminated against if their needs are made aware, it might be a good idea to reassess whether or not you want your child to be left with these coaches or teachers. If despite this, you still want your child to participate, use your best judgement and discretion. If your child has an issue that never comes up at gym except maybe once a year, maybe it's not as necessary to talk to the coaches. But if it's something that will come up and possibly affect not just your child but also the coach or the other kids (this part is really important), I think sharing and discussing a plan to address it successfully is important and just over all the right and fair thing to do for everyone involved. It is tough, everyone wants to protect their kids! But it's good to remind yourself that your child's coaches and teachers most likely do want to help them succeed and knowing what their needs are is vital to this!

 

[gymgal]

Gymgurl, I loved everything about your post except the "fit" description!!! It's a seizure, not a "fit." I haven't heard that one in a while!!

In the US, we tend to use "episodes and seizures" as "fits" has become stigmatized but in other countries it is still used often, even by drs.

 

[PureTalent]

tumblequeensmom and Pittsburghscribe, yes, i know what you're saying about younger DD feelin' like the older one has the talent and this and that. I make sure conversations like this are kept at an extreme minimum in front of younger DD. I know it seems like I keep yapping about my older gymmie on these boards and well, that's part of the reason why I'm glad I found this board because of the fact I have an outlet to talk about her. haha My gymmie is soooo modest and won't tell a soul that she has these accomplishments, but the proud mamma that I am it makes me feel good I can talk about it amongst people who "get it". haha I'd never want younger DD to feel like she's the "minority" at all. I uptalk the talk to younger DD when she tells me she's learning BHS, and we talk about what she did and how proud i am of her and how strong she's getting! She is so proud and happy and would never want her to feel inferior to her sister and I'm sorry....I should have made it clear in my post that in no way do I ever, ever go on and talk about gymmie DD when younger DD is around. It's not right. It's not fair. Younger DD is always being so good about trecking here and trecking there to get older DD to gym and back, etc. The last thing I'd wanna do is talk and talk about it. Younger DD doesn't even understand what placing is and all that. She doesn't get the gymnastics lingo. lol But it really is kept to a super bare minimum. We just talk about how far younger DD has come and I'll get her to show me some gym moves or her splits. And it's great. She loves showing me stuff and she will even try to emulate her sister's floor routine. haha so cute!!! I have the compulsory gymnastics music on cd so i'll pretent she's at a "show" and start with the music (whichever one she wants whether it be the level 1 stuff or level 5! haha) and she'll do her thing and me and her older sister will clap and tell her how great that was, etc.

As far as her doing something else. Well, this is what younger DD chooses. This is what she wants. She's been in a rec class for like 3 yrs. now and just loves it. She use to do a special needs soccer for 2 seasons and she's not interested anymore even with her father being her coach. She doesn't want to do dance. She just wants to continue doing gymnastics. So i can't say no to that...ya know? But i never make her feel compared to her older sister at all. I'd never want her to feel like she's not good enough. So that's why gym talk is toned down when we're at home or if she is around. Even if it goes over younger DDs head, I'd still feel guilty. You just never know.

There's not much special ed stuff from what I see. She's in a great camp in the summer and again in the winter which is so awesome for her. But I have to think of what else may interest her. But for now she is soooo happy and looks forward to her Sat. class.

Thanks guys for your support/input, etc.

 

[PureTalent]

Anyway, back to my son.... Tourette syndrome is most definitely NOT an anxiety disorder, but can be made worse by anxiety. I'm sure that's probably what you meant. My son strugged through his tics ( as well as the OCD and ADD) through elementary, middle and high school. He was lucky tho, he was in the 1/3 of the population where tics diminish as the child matures. He is now 24 and the only thing tic he demonstrates is the clearing of the throad. I haven't seen an eye twitch, shoulder shrug, head bob in years now.... so I'm hoping that your DD will outgrow some of those tics as well!

We didn't always tell people about his issues either. To me, he was just my son. Of course the school knew what was going on because he also had an IEP. If his tics were really bad, obviously we'd have to tell the adults he was inviolved with outside of school. But other than that, there wasn't anything anyone could really do about it, he wasn't a danger to himself or others, so it didn't seem that everyone needed to know everything about him.

He turned out just fine. Graduated from a well known university in my state and is now pursuing another degree in business. So all's well that ends well.... most of the time!

Wow, how awesome that your son just graduated and is doing so well for himself! Good for him! what a proud mamma u must be! Yes, I too, hope that DD is in the 33% that it will get better and not the other way around. Was your son ever medicated for it? So far mine is not. She's not hurting her muscles or anything and so far she's not getting a complex about it. If she ever does, we may have to go down that road but for now she's not medicated for her tourette's. DD has no IEP (well she does, but it's speech therapy related. she had problems with her "r" and at times she has dysfluency (stutters) which since it's anxiety based as well it waxes and wanes. So she'll have periods of times where it's fine and others which it's big time stuttering. We almost did a 504 plan but don't need it as of yet. And yes sorry...that's what I meant that tourette's is anxiety driven. Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it. And that's such a great story about your son.

 

[PureTalent]

PureTalent: Your kids sound great. Thanks for sharing your story.

For your younger daughter--is there a special olympics program in your area? I'd suggest USTA tumbling & trampoline-kids get to compete at a lower level-but USAG is way bigger in most areas,

My favorite athlete ever had apraxia (and probably still does, I taught her years ago), She was such a hard worker & she was so kind to the kids in her class who picked things up easily. Wicked sense of humor, too.

Well thank YOU for reading my story.

No...I really don't think there is a tumbling or trampoline special olympics thing around here. I'm usually in the know about any type of special needs stuff because I have alot of contacts of other parents and have a decent amount of resources and nothing ever came my way about that nor heard of it around here. That would be awesome though if they did. They did have a special needs cheerleading and they even have a competition at the end. But DD was not interested. She's so happy doin what she does even if it's her gym class an hour a week. Awe. That's great u had an apraxic kid that was such a hard worker. This sport though, really is good for her too in so many ways besides her "having fun". She had SID too (sensory integration dysfunction) so it's great for body awareness as well. She also gets OT (occupational therapy) at her school a couple times a week. And with all the different things they do and using different parts of the body, it's so great for her.

 

[Allieonbeam]

PureTalent, your story just absolutely brought me to tears, thank you for sharing. I had what is now diagnosed as Selective Mutism when I was a kid, back then I was yelled at school by the teachers to "just open my mouth and speak already", I remember how debilitating it was to realize that something was wrong with me and nobody cared. Thanks God that now it is a recognized disorder and there is help available.
You have a very brave little girl! The fact that she struggles in her social life and shines in gymnastics seems to indicate to me that she found just the right outlet for her personality to sparkle, and when she performs in front of the judges, she is a beautiful gymnast not burdened by her disorders. Thank you again for sharing. And with your little one also having special needs, you have your hands full and seemed to have embraced it with such poise.
We are in NY/NJ area too and we may cross our paths at a meet one day. Good luck to your daughter, I think you mentioned in a different thread that she is competing this weekend.

 

[PureTalent]

PureTalent, your story just absolutely brought me to tears, thank you for sharing. I had what is now diagnosed as Selective Mutism when I was a kid, back then I was yelled at school by the teachers to "just open my mouth and speak already", I remember how debilitating it was to realize that something was wrong with me and nobody cared. Thanks God that now it is a recognized disorder and there is help available.
You have a very brave little girl! The fact that she struggles in her social life and shines in gymnastics seems to indicate to me that she found just the right outlet for her personality to sparkle, and when she performs in front of the judges, she is a beautiful gymnast not burdened by her disorders. Thank you again for sharing. And with your little one also having special needs, you have your hands full and seemed to have embraced it with such poise.
We are in NY/NJ area too and we may cross our paths at a meet one day. Good luck to your daughter, I think you mentioned in a different thread that she is competing this weekend.

Allieonbeam - Wow, thank you for your beautiful post. It really means a lot.

I totally get what you're saying about it being so debilitating...as I, too, found out years later that SM is what I had as a child as well! Never understood what was wrong with me. Wanted to talk so bad, but couldn't. Everyone just thought I was extremely shy. But SM is sooo much more than that. It was awful...I hated it. But you know what....going through that is what made us who we are today. I've written a little memoir about her SM experience and mine as well (unpublished) and it's helped me immensely in understanding it, accepting it, trying to get help for DD and spreading awareness about it and knowledge when I can.
And yes, you are right. This is certainly her outlet in which she can be the person she is, without talking and without the tics while she's up there being judged. And every time, without fail, she bring it on 200%. Amazes me. Thanks again, you are too sweet. <3

Gosh, everyone is. I love that I found this place.

P.S. Yes, her 1st Level 6 meet of the season is this Sunday!!! I will definately fill you guys in...I think I saw a Meet Results thread or something I can put it in.....?

 

[gymgurl]

Gymgurl, I loved everything about your post except the "fit" description!!! It's a seizure, not a "fit." I haven't heard that one in a while!!

Sorry, my medical terms are not fantastic and i never meant to offend anyone by misuse but thank you for correcting me I really appreciate it

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

In the US, we tend to use "episodes and seizures" as "fits" has become stigmatized but in other countries it is still used often, even by drs.

Seriously???

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

tumblequeensmom and Pittsburghscribe, yes, i know what you're saying about younger DD feelin' like the older one has the talent and this and that. I make sure conversations like this are kept at an extreme minimum in front of younger DD. I know it seems like I keep yapping about my older gymmie on these boards and well, that's part of the reason why I'm glad I found this board because of the fact I have an outlet to talk about her. haha My gymmie is soooo modest and won't tell a soul that she has these accomplishments, but the proud mamma that I am it makes me feel good I can talk about it amongst people who "get it". haha I'd never want younger DD to feel like she's the "minority" at all. I uptalk the talk to younger DD when she tells me she's learning BHS, and we talk about what she did and how proud i am of her and how strong she's getting! She is so proud and happy and would never want her to feel inferior to her sister and I'm sorry....I should have made it clear in my post that in no way do I ever, ever go on and talk about gymmie DD when younger DD is around. It's not right. It's not fair. Younger DD is always being so good about trecking here and trecking there to get older DD to gym and back, etc. The last thing I'd wanna do is talk and talk about it. Younger DD doesn't even understand what placing is and all that. She doesn't get the gymnastics lingo. lol But it really is kept to a super bare minimum. We just talk about how far younger DD has come and I'll get her to show me some gym moves or her splits. And it's great. She loves showing me stuff and she will even try to emulate her sister's floor routine. haha so cute!!! I have the compulsory gymnastics music on cd so i'll pretent she's at a "show" and start with the music (whichever one she wants whether it be the level 1 stuff or level 5! haha) and she'll do her thing and me and her older sister will clap and tell her how great that was, etc.

As far as her doing something else. Well, this is what younger DD chooses. This is what she wants. She's been in a rec class for like 3 yrs. now and just loves it. She use to do a special needs soccer for 2 seasons and she's not interested anymore even with her father being her coach. She doesn't want to do dance. She just wants to continue doing gymnastics. So i can't say no to that...ya know? But i never make her feel compared to her older sister at all. I'd never want her to feel like she's not good enough. So that's why gym talk is toned down when we're at home or if she is around. Even if it goes over younger DDs head, I'd still feel guilty. You just never know.

There's not much special ed stuff from what I see. She's in a great camp in the summer and again in the winter which is so awesome for her. But I have to think of what else may interest her. But for now she is soooo happy and looks forward to her Sat. class.

Thanks guys for your support/input, etc.

LOVE IT!!!! If this is what she wants and is happy doing... kudos to her.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Wow, how awesome that your son just graduated and is doing so well for himself! Good for him! what a proud mamma u must be! Yes, I too, hope that DD is in the 33% that it will get better and not the other way around. Was your son ever medicated for it? So far mine is not. She's not hurting her muscles or anything and so far she's not getting a complex about it. If she ever does, we may have to go down that road but for now she's not medicated for her tourette's. DD has no IEP (well she does, but it's speech therapy related. she had problems with her "r" and at times she has dysfluency (stutters) which since it's anxiety based as well it waxes and wanes. So she'll have periods of times where it's fine and others which it's big time stuttering. We almost did a 504 plan but don't need it as of yet. And yes sorry...that's what I meant that tourette's is anxiety driven. Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it. And that's such a great story about your son.

Yes, my son was medicated in the beginning, but every medication (as you know) has it's own side effects. We (and he) decided that the side effects outweighed any perceived benefits... In fact, the meds. to control tics made him almost a zombie before we saw any alleviation of the tics. And then meds. for his ADD would only INCREASE his tics... so there you go.

It's funny you mentioned the dysfluency, because he did (and still sometimes does) have problems w/stuttering as well. He was also on a speech IEP. Funny, I had forgotten all about that, and even though he occasionally stutters even now, I don't even notice it anymore. Anyway, we stopped his meds. when he was in middle school. From a social standpoint, it was a really rough couple of years for him. But, as I said before, he is now very happy, has had the same lovely girlfriend for 4 years now and is looking forward to getting that first "real" full time job in the spring.

 

[coachmolly]

I love all of these stories about children who are doing so well despite their struggles. It sounds like there are some great coaches and teachers out there who are willing to deal with these things in a positive way. My experiences with coaches and teachers were not nearly so positive, so I'm so glad that things are different for some your kiddos!
PureTalent- Does your gym have a USAIGC program? They are decently popular in the PA/NY/NJ area and offer competition starting at a beginner level. It's all optional routines so you can work them around an individuals abilities. I'm not sure the extent of the troubles your younger dd faces, but would that be a possibility to get some more fun/laid back meet experience? The requirements are pretty basic and flexible, so if she loves gymnastics and wants to give competing a try, it could work for her. So glad to hear that she is enjoying her time in the gym!

 

[gymgal]

Seriously???

Originally Posted by gymgal
In the US, we tend to use "episodes and seizures" as "fits" has become stigmatized but in other countries it is still used often, even by drs.
Seriously???


Yes, Seriously. It is not meant to offend, it is just the word they use. And it hasn't been stigmatized like it has here in the US.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

and I didn't mean my comment to offend either. I was just extremely surprised!!!

 

[gymgal]

and I didn't mean my comment to offend either. I was just extremely surprised!!!

none taken here. I just wanted to clarify my original answer.

 

[CoachGoofy]

Well thank YOU for reading my story.

No...I really don't think there is a tumbling or trampoline special olympics thing around here. I'm usually in the know about any type of special needs stuff because I have alot of contacts of other parents and have a decent amount of resources and nothing ever came my way about that nor heard of it around here. That would be awesome though if they did. They did have a special needs cheerleading and they even have a competition at the end. But DD was not interested. She's so happy doin what she does even if it's her gym class an hour a week.

Oh sad! Special Olympics artistic is apparently really accessible even for athletes with motor challenges. USTA T&T is all 'mainstreamed', but they're supercool about a lot of things...and pretty much midwest based (and no bars or beam...)

Awe. That's great u had an apraxic kid that was such a hard worker. This sport though, really is good for her too in so many ways besides her "having fun". She had SID too (sensory integration dysfunction) so it's great for body awareness as well. She also gets OT (occupational therapy) at her school a couple times a week. And with all the different things they do and using different parts of the body, it's so great for her.

My gymnast got a lot of benefits too. The change in her movement fluency between the day I met her & the day she moved on was just...wow. I know gymnastics is great and wonderful, but that was THE most visible thing I've ever seen and was such a demonstration of what a library of movement can really DO.

And I could write a whole book on gymnastics for sensory integration. Oh my gosh. For kids with vestibular & proprioceptive undersensitivity, it's better than a whole lot of the therapy, with the added bonus of "can do cartwheels (and more)" is way more socially rewarded than "can ride on a swing that spins and goes up and down and orbits without puking".