Why don't you voice your concerns at the gym?

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10.0

I am a bit perplexed lately. I see a lot of posts from angry/frustrated parents on CB complaining about everything imaginable that their gym does. What ever happened with going straight to the source? I can easily tell from most of these posts that the parent has not even though about approaching the coach, head coach or gym owner? And why? You pay good money for this, you are a customer and your concerns should be heard and dealt with. If you went to your favorite grocery store and all the sudden the food was moldy and the store was unclean and the cashiers were rude would you go on the internet and ask others what to do about the situation or would you talk with the person in charge of the store? I mean there is nothing wrong with venting or asking advice but please talk to your gym. I have been on all sides of it, a coach, a gymnast and a parent. From the coach perspective we want you to talk to us! I know we don't always seem approachable, a lot of coaches teach class after class and don't have time to chit chat in the hall but you can always ask for a time to talk. And I hated nothing more than teaching a class that I thought went terrific, going out and having every parent say thanks and good job with Sally today and then getting to hear from my boss, Sally's Mom pulled her because she said your class was unorganized. What? Really? Why didn't she ever talk to anybody? I do think gyms need to be more informative to parents but communication has to go both ways. You have to keep in mind that your child is special and you surely deserve to know anything you need to know about him/her and what’s going on but the gym may have 300 kids and owners worrying about putting on meets and coaches worrying about training for meets and things get lost in the mix. Use your voices and speak up, you just might be surprised at how much easier it makes the gym journey when you do!
 
In an ideal world that would be great. Sometimes people just want to let off steam. Then they think it through and think differently. Sometimes they are not sure if what they are experiencing is unusual or common and whether they should go along with it or not. People sometimes love everything about their gym except one thing, they know no gym is perfect so they need to 'vent' a little about the one thing from time to time and find suggestions to temper the 'one thing' or make is workable. Life is about a balance.

Sadly parents may feel intimidated about 'complaining' and think it may be taken out on their child. They may be 'marked' as a trouble maker. This happens all the time. There is no point in denying it. Coaches and owners and human and may not take criticism well. Parents are right to be concerned about it.

If you have an enormously talented dd you can probably act any way you like and say anything you like and they will still fall over you to have your dd on team but for most parents careful and thoughtful is a better long term option.

There are lots more reasons why. When they have discussed their issues, thought it through and shared it with others hopefully parents feel in a better place to go to the gym owners if they need to.
 
Unfortunately, there really does seem to be a wall between coaches and parents. I think the issue is that both sides are aware that there are a few nutcases on the other side of that wall.

Parents are not always comfortable voicing their concerns to the coaches, because there are coaches out there who can't handle criticism, and will simply assume the parent is a complainer.

Coaches are not always comfortable being open with the parents for exactly the same reason: some parents are crazy, and if they are ever given any indication that anything is going less than absolutely flawlessly, they'll pull their kids out or, even worse, spend practices sitting in the stands and complaining to the other parents (which can lead to large groups of parents pulling their kids and leaving with little warning).

Is there a solution? I don't know. Since I took over as head coach a couple weeks ago, the biggest thing I've been focusing on is keeping communication open between parents and caoches (which is why I started a blog for that purpose). I frequently encourage the parents to e-mail me with any questions or concerns.

Will it work? Too early to say. I suspect it won't cause all problems in communication to vanish overnight, but I hope the parents will feel comfortable approaching me.

All this said, 10.0 is right: parents, if you have questions or concerns, don't sit and stew over them, bring them up! Either with your daughter's coach or with the head coach or with the owner. After all, we all have the same goal -- providing the best gymnastics experience we can for your kid.
 
Sometimes it is easier to "vent" to people not directly involved because no ones feelings or ego get damaged in the process and your DD's gymnastics will not suffer as a result. Just my 2 cents.
 
Sometimes they are not sure if what they are experiencing is unusual or common and whether they should go along with it or not.

I agree, I think a lot of times people want to get opinions and think through how to approach the issue before making a decision about how to proceed.
 
I don't really feel like a "customer" at the gym. I'm never greeted much less welcomed upon my arrival. I have minimal direct contact with the providers of the service I'm paying for. The rare contact I do have with coaches is according to their leisure and agenda, and without notice to allow me to prepare for the opportunity. There is no published protocol for dealing with concerns or complaints. I would have to make an appointment days in advance to discuss the tiniest imaginable concern. There's not even a means by which I can pass on a message (eg: DD is getting over a cold, grieving over the dog's death this morning, etc). It is made clear to me that an appointment with coaches is serious business that needs serious reasons, and the practical reality of DD being at gym only 2 days pw at this age means it's likely to be days at least before I will be at the gym again to potentially discuss any incident. The passing of time is not condusive to accurate discussion of the events of concern. DD and I will have had to shelve any negative emotion, and may find it harder to revisit bad feelings. I am not consulted about any decisions made in relation to my DD's training/competition. I am given only take-it-or leave it options (eg: compete in this comp or not, train in this team X hours or stay in that one). I'm never asked how satisfied I am with the service I receive. I can't easily take my business elsewhere.

And I'm talking about a gym I really like!! I have no illusions that it would be better anywhere else.

I feel the same at the gym as I do when faced with an issue at school. If I am dissatisfied with the resolution of my concern/grievance, my DD stands to be disadvantaged in many ways. In fact just confessing to puzzlement over an action/decision has the potential to motivate someone to unfairly target/scapegoat my DD. It has the potential to bias the recipient against me personally which may result in avoidance of my DD. If I take DD elsewhere to access a better service, she will be separated from friends and familiar surroundings - which will make her very sad.

In fact it' worse than school: There are no multi-layered levels of gym personnel to whom I may address an appeal over any unsatisfactory decision/response. The gym does not encourage my periodic presence and involvement in the gym. I am not provided with resources to support my DD's progress. I get no regular feedback about my DD's progress according to pre-published timelines. I am not educated about what she does at gym or why. There are no industry codes of conduct addressing any of these issues.

I could go on and on for pages longer ... :D

The reality is that any request by me to address any of these things is likely to be viewed as unnecessary to my DD's progress. My motives are likely to be viewed as suspect. Any time spent over my concerns will probably be viewed as a non-profitable drain on time/resources.

I'm not saying these things to excuse myself from having to have an occasional hard conversation. I'm just trying to explain why it's so very intimidating and nerve wracking to do it, and why I would put SO much thought (worry) into anything beforehand. And even then, my issue might be dealt with by the gym - but any anger/frustration I might feel won't be. So when something eventaully goes wrong at DD's gym, I'll probably be venting on CB too!

... and I didn't even get to the bit about so many people on CB having so much valuable advice and information and perspective to guide me in my reactions to issues ...
 
Some of the things you mention are very familiar to me. Really it is not good enough but what can you do. And like you say this is a gym we love.
 
The problem is that while this a business, it is very hard for the people involved (ie parents, coaches) not to take things personally. I want my coaches and gym owner to act professionally, even though I hope they care deeply for my child. That can be a hard balancing act. I am very happy where I am right now, but I am still nervous to talk with the coaches about anything, because I how terribly it went at our first gym. We were encouraged to talk with coaches and then when I did, I was labeled problem parent and told that they did everything to bend over backwards for me and my child. When we decided to consider another gym, I was very upfront and honest with them about it, and what a huge mistake! I knew by how they reacted that we couldn't stay, because it was taken so personally. I just felt tricked and lied to by the gym, because they encouraged communication and then punished you for it. I love our new gym, and I really feel that I could talk with them about any concerns, but after that first experience, I am a little nervous of it. Communication is a huge area of concern that I really hope we could improve in the gymnastics community. This is not good for our little girls. It is good that forums like these can shine some light on this subject.
 
10.0: I think the reason people posts things about their issues with their gym/coaches/owners/other parents etc is because they CAN. As some posters have mentioned , the repercussions of talking to the coach or owner is often taken out on their child and it's not worth it. I haven't had to talk to my daughter's coaches more than once in the past 3 years and that was over an injury issue (safety things cannot be put on hold) so i think people use CB as a sounding board for the rest.
 
Happyfacetwin,

I can relate to most of what you said.

Here is a perfect example as to why I feel like I can't go to the HC/owner to complain.

We have recently had a lot of drama with level changes. It all is due to the lack of our (last year) L7's not having their yurchenkos. They trained them all summer (for the first time ever) but didn't get to the point where they were flipping them.
When they grouped the girls for the fall all the old L7's were put with the new L7's. The girls were all shocked because all summer long they were told they were moving to L8. One of the girl's parents called the gym and questioned this and basically ended up in a heated argument with the owner. My issue is not with the Levels or even with what the owner told these parents, it comes from the fact that after that call she went into the gym and called the girls over and then proceeded to yell at them because of this phone call. I don't want to get into the ugly details but lets just say when my DD got in my car the 1st thing she said to me was "Please tell me that you weren't the Mother who called the gym tonight" she was upset and terrified that is was me and that she was about to get kicked out of the gym.(yes, our gym kicks girls out, they've even kicked out their superstar due to issues with the mother) This happens everytime there is any kind of issue with a parent.
That is why I never voice my unhappiness because I know it will not change anything and it will just come back on my DD.


Don't get me wrong, I like the gym and would never allow anything that I felt was unsafe to continue but all the other stuff I just sort of roll with.
 
In another thread I described my recent attempt to talk to head coach. I knew dd was reaching the end of her rope adjusting to team and school, so I called. Owner answered, so I tried to talk to her, was told to talk to hc, so I left a message, which didn't get returned. When dd refused to go into practice we finally got hc's attention. The whole time I was worried about seeming like a problem parent, calling to say my child couldn't hack it. I worried that I would seem high maintenance and dd would seem weak. In the end the interaction was positive and future communication was offered, so I will feel better about calling in the future.

I'm an assertive person, so this thread made me wonder why it bothered me to call the first time. I think it is because I have never talked to hc before. To highlight the lack of communication, no one ever announced that pre-team turned into team, then they were surprised when only one girl showed up for team practice when all the other "classes" were canceled. I think it would be really nice if the gym had a meeting with parents talking about team, its expectations and its honors. The gym is in charge of gymnastics, so if they opened the communication lines, I'm sure parents would feel more comfortable reciprocating.
 
I've never NOT talked to our coaches or owner about any issues that my dd is having. I have a great relationship with all of them (some closer than others). I have all of their cell phone #s and we frequently text or send jokes. They are fabulous people and I consider them friends! I love how open the coaches are and it works great. If ever I have any concerns about dd, I would not hesitate to communicate the issue with them. DD is currently having a mental block with her beam series and it is wonderful to communicate with the coaches as to a strategy for her.

For the most part, I encourage dd to talk to her coaches about what she needs and only step in on issues that she's having difficulty verbalizing. She's young, so sometimes needs mom to find the right words. She does a great job of talking to her coaches usually though and I'm not needed that often in regards to this though.

I have heard of many cases of parents questioning a coach or owner on their dds progress - and the owner basically taking it out on the dd. It has not happened at our gym, but I've seen girls held back levels -who clearly should have moved on to the next level- b/c a parent dared to question a coaching style. It's not fair, BUT it DOES happen.

So it is a very real concern that parents have about communicating with gym management. For those that have a crappy communication with their dds coaches, when it comes to concerns involving a dds health or an injury, I would make sure to communicate that with the coaches. Whether they like to talk to parents or not, those are things that they NEED to know. If I had to, I would go into the gym with dd and make sure that they know that kind of stuff. A coach can not coach effectively if they don't know what is going on with a kid.
 
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This has really turned out to be an interesting thread--it could have gone so badly! I'm surprised at some of the stories and lack of communication. At the gym I work at, we are expected to walk through the lobby and be available at the front desk after EVERY class. I talk with many of my parents weekly. Sometimes I approach them to let them know about a new skill or conquering a fear (we also have large viewing windows from the lobby, so many times its simply "did you see what she did! I'm so proud of her!), or maybe some difficulties either skill or behavior-wise that day. Sometimes they have a concern and they seek me out--it could be a fear they mentioned or an ache they were complaining about; sometimes its time management issues or scheduling conflicts; sometimes its to tell me about a project they got an A on at school! Its wonderful to have that kind of open communication. It makes me a better coach when I know my students and families. In turn, we have many, many repeat customers year after year. In fact, after being open 15 years, we just had our first gymnast, that started with us at 3, graduate high school while still in the program! (We have had other high school graduates, but she's the first who started in our preschool program when the gym opened and stayed on team until grad. Its also important to note that we are mainly a rec program with a VERY small team.) I have students in the older classes that I was teaching as preschoolers when I started teaching gymnastics in high school. That really says a lot about a program.

I think many coaches out there could use a class on communication and parent relations! You CAN have a relationship without a power struggle!
 
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This has really turned out to be an interesting thread--it could have gone so badly!

Sometimes I approach them to let them know about a new skill or conquering a fear (we also have large viewing windows from the lobby, so many times its simply "did you see what she did! I'm so proud of her!), or maybe some difficulties either skill or behavior-wise that day. Sometimes they have a concern and they seek me out--it could be a fear they mentioned or an ache they were complaining about; sometimes its time management issues or scheduling conflicts; sometimes its to tell me about a project they got an A on at school! Its wonderful to have that kind of open communication. It makes me a better coach when I know my students and families.

I think many coaches out there could use a class on communication and parent relations! You CAN have a relationship without a power struggle!

Very true! You must be a wonderful coach - very insightful. :) As I said "A coach can not coach effectively if they don't know what is going on with a kid". The more you know about a kid/family the better you can coach them. If the the family dog died that morning, you should know that so that as a coach you know what's in the girls head. :).
 
A lot of times they will stay in the gym after practice until the parents leave. Sometimes I can catch them before practice but they usually are in the office. So they kind of make it difficult. A couple of daughters coaches are very nice and helpful when I can get a hold of them. I have found that unless the head coach comes out into the lobby it is best not to approach her so I usually will e-mail her. Funny thing a lot of girls have left the program because of communication issues. I quess for me it is not worth switching gyms for this.
 
My DD and DS have had various coaches over the years (all at the same gym) and each one has had a different method of communication, some will give me no more than a nod, others will give twice yearly interviews, one gave me a two page written report on DDs strengths and weaknesses :D, another will chat on passing, etc. If I have a problem there is no clear way to communicate with the coaches - messages are not passed on and if I have DD talk to the coach for me, sometimes it is not the result I want - eg. please tell coach no tumbling this week as recommended by physio becomes "I can tumble if my knee feels good".

There is no gym policy on communication and all the coaches do whatever they want.....this has resulted in a lot of confusion over the last 6 years, but then I have been told "this is your daughter's sport, not yours" so therefore I suck it up and go to chalkbucket.....YAY! If it was my choice, I would have left this gym many years ago, but then its not, and my children would be devastated to leave. Without chalkbucket I don't know if I could cope with the craziness of this sport, it has taught me so much (even if things are slightly different downunder) and assured me I am not alone in this unusual journey :).
 
This thread is good, I am starting to understand. I want to expand now and ask from your perspective as parents, what would you most like your gym to do that they are not for better communication? Parent/coach conferences? Progress reports? Or anything else you can thing of! Also what things are most important that you would like to discuss but feel like you cannot or may be afraid to? Coaching methods, class level placement? And again or anything else you can think of. I would really like to get a better picture so that as a coach I am meeting your expectations and heck maybe some things to even suggest to our gyms owner. I feel like we have a pretty good program but there is always room for improvement in any business. So fire away, tell me what you want!
 
Ugh typed out this big long thing and the internet flickered out :mad:. What it basically said was I am liking this thread and would like some input from parents of what you would like your gym to do for you that they are not. Would parent/coach confrences help? Progress reports? And what puzzles you the most, or what questions do you really want to ask but are afraid to? Level placement? Coaching methods? or whatever. I am interested in being a great coach and helping to improve my gym and I would love to pick your brains! So fire away!
 
Wow, parent conferences would be great - at least once a year or when they move levels. How about a yearly letter with basic policies on how to communicate, e.g. phone message, email? Also an updated website would be useful. Finally, as a parent, I think the coach should occasionally tell you something nice about your child, her skills, or the benefits of gymnastics. I feel like a little parent recruitment would be great, after all it is a commitment of time and money for us too. If coaches could "sell" parents a little on gymnastics, I think gyms would have better retention.
 
I would love a yearly one on one with the coach telling me the plans for the year, my kids strengths and weaknesses and if there is anything they have observed about my kid that I should know about in terms of fears, stress or disinterest.

I would love to know the required skills for move up (not an issue at our gym.)

I would like to know sooner when the meets are, sometimes you can find out on the net faster.

I would like to know what the rules are, written down. PLease don't change them or make them up just for one kid.

I would love a progress report with my childs goals on it and where she is in terms of attaining those goals.

Evaluations and move ups seem to get the most air time here, so I guess those are areas worth paying particular attention to.

THanks for asking such a good question.
 

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