Parents any advice for those unhappy mornings?

[WorldClass]

Hi, L5+ daughter can put up a fight sometimes for practice. My wife is nearing end of patience. She works late night nights in parent booster club to help pay.... Then gets hit with "I don't want to go..."

 

[Aussie_coach]

Honestly I think the best thing you can do when you get hit with the "I don't wanna go".is say "well that's your choice" and don't take her. She can deal with the consequences of explaining to her coach why she was not there.

perhaps even expect her to owe you the money you paid for the training session too.

 

[bogwoppit]

I would tell her if she doesn't want to go then that is just fine. Let her deal with the repercussions of her choices. Life is like that. I know parents do not like the whole quitting thing, but sometimes kids learn from making their own decisions and frankly it is not fun trying to convince a child that they "really do want to go" and it is crap for a coach to have a gym full of kids who are forced to be there. She will either realise that gym is her thing or she will realise she is done with gym, both are fine.

 

[bookworm]

Hi, L5+ daughter can put up a fight sometimes for practice. My wife is nearing end of patience. She works late night nights in parent booster club to help pay.... Then gets hit with "I don't want to go..."

Let's put it this way...if I were having to work late nights in the booster club to help pay for my daughter's gymnastics and she wasn't loving it , and was in fact saying she didn't want to go, we would be done...and as Bog says, that's ok...

 

[gymgal]

Honestly I think the best thing you can do when you get hit with the "I don't wanna go".is say "well that's your choice" and don't take her. She can deal with the consequences of explaining to her coach why she was not there.

perhaps even expect her to owe you the money you paid for the training session too.

We have never had a problem with dd gymnast but this is what we do with our Ds with another expensive sport. He makes the choice but pays for the missed practice through his savings. Obviously, if he is truly sick, then this doesn't apply.

It has really cut down on the drama and he usually makes the choice to go to practice.

Let me add that if your dd truly doesn't want to do gymnastics anymore, then I wouldn't be wasting my time trying to make her. With Ds, he really likes swimming, just doesn't always like transitioning from whatever he is currently engrossed in to go to practice.

 

[2G1B]

For the, "I'd like to just take a day off" type stuff, I just point out that the last practice they were wanting to work more on XYZ and that usually does it. For the true complaining I remind them that I am not spending all of the time and money for something that they don't want to do. That they are welcome to quit; but if they are doing gymnastics, then they are doing it. So to either stop the complaining and get in the car or we can all be happy to have a lot more free time. They always seem to quickly change their tune.

 

[gymmomtoo]

After several days of my daughter complaining about going, I slammed on the the brakes, turned the van around , drive back home and said "fine! You can quit. Go call your coaches and tell them you are done!" She frantically said that's not what she meant and she didn't want to quit! Never complained like that again.

I don't believe in skipping whenever they want If they made a commitment to the sport but an occasional mental health day is fine. And if too many are asked for, a serious conversation about whether to continue in the sport or what the real problem is is needed

 

[iwannacoach]

After several days of my daughter complaining about going, I slammed on the the brakes, turned the van around , drive back home and said "fine! You can quit. Go call your coaches and tell them you are done!" She frantically said that's not what she meant and she didn't want to quit! Never complained like that again.

I don't believe in skipping whenever they want If they made a commitment to the sport but an occasional mental health day is fine. And if too many are asked for, a serious conversation about whether to continue in the sport or what the real problem is is needed

I remember an expression favored by a fellow I once worked for. If somebody started whining out of place about anything, work related or not, he'd say "Don't put your turd in my pocket". The sentiment being that making somebody sacrifice so you can make things easier on yourself is just plain unfair. So hit the figurative brake pedal and turn the van around. Perhaps she'll grab the grab the wheel and start driving the van herself.

A sit down conversation about the energy it takes to get, and keep her in the gym seems in order. Possibly she'll understand that the family, as a whole, has only so many resources in time and money, and she needs to make every effort to use wisely, and appreciatively the resources allowed her. If not, then it would seem she's not as invested in gymnastics as you, and that won't get either of you the bang for your buck that you both deserve.

 

[EastCoastGymMom]

Hi, L5+ daughter can put up a fight sometimes for practice. My wife is nearing end of patience. She works late night nights in parent booster club to help pay.... Then gets hit with "I don't want to go..."

If this was my family, it would only happen a few times before I decided that dd was done with gymnastics. You should have a talk with her and find out why she doesn't want to go to practice..... is she training too many hours? Too early? Too late? Doesn't like her coaches, teammates, group, level? Wants to do other things? Wants to play with friends or relax at home? Depending on the answers to those questions, I'd decide whether she stays in gymnastics or not.

 

[shelovestoflip]

I think the important thing to find out is "Why doesnt' she want to go?"
How old is she? Is she tired? Does she have too much HW? Is she overwhelmed by school/practice expectations?

In my daughter's 6 years of team, I guess I"m lucky. She has never once told me she didn't want to go. Occasionally, she has had too much HW and we have a general rule that on those overwhelming HW days, she stays home to finish and then goes to practice. Sometimes an hour or two late.

Her coaches understand this is rare.

However, if my daughter were putting up a fight, it would be a whole different ball game. I think that is their way of telling us it's not really what they want (and we can help them figure out why and then try to solve the issues if we can)

Good luck!

 

[GymBee97]

usually if my DD is saying that she needs a day off and I let her take one (if there isn't a meet that week) She may ask maybe 2 or 3 times a year for a break day and usually its when she has her period and is extra crampy.

If it were a constant thing that week I just say "get in the car or your done with Gymnastics since you don't want to go any more"

When she was younger I just told her "Well I'm not asking you if you want to go, I'm telling you your going so get into the car end of discussion" Any further arguments are on her side and I ignore her debate with a comment like I'm leaving in 10 min you can be in the car ready to go or I can call the gym and tell them you quit - Your choice and walk away.
My DD always ended up in the car. Now that she is older we don't have those discussions any more she knows she has to go even if she doesn't want to.

 

[WorldClass]

Thanks for the great replies - I have to admit...the first couple caught me completely off guard! She just turned 10, and has only competed for about 1.5 years. We moved and thus had to change gyms. She does like it. When we pick her up, things are always good. I get the MWF 0530 practices and she's still asleep so I don't hear the complaining. My wife gets the T/Th after school practices and she complains because there is no break from getting off the bus to getting into the car and a leo. There are dozens of other things I'm sure you all have experienced. My wife is explaining that developmental doesn't focus on L5 specific so she doesn't get those "good" scores like she did in L4. And yes, she occassionally asks what life is like on the "outside" of the gym

 

[krisnkids]

Thanks for the great replies - I have to admit...the first couple caught me completely off guard! She just turned 10, and has only competed for about 1.5 years. We moved and thus had to change gyms. She does like it. When we pick her up, things are always good. I get the MWF 0530 practices and she's still asleep so I don't hear the complaining. My wife gets the T/Th after school practices and she complains because there is no break from getting off the bus to getting into the car and a leo. There are dozens of other things I'm sure you all have experienced. My wife is explaining that developmental doesn't focus on L5 specific so she doesn't get those "good" scores like she did in L4. And yes, she occassionally asks what life is like on the "outside" of the gym

She's 10 years old, a level 5, practicing 5 days a week, 3 in the morning 2 in the evening? How many hours total? To me for a level 5, that's an awful lot.

 

[2G1B]

I didn't realize that she was having to head to practice at 5:30 in the morning. Oy. That seems really tough, especially for a 10 year old. and especially for the parents since a 10 year old can't drive herself!! I'm feeling pretty fortunate right now that I'm 99% sure that our gym doesn't do morning practices during the school year (and never that early). I am soooo not a morning person and it would be my kids having to drag ME out of bed to get to practice that early!!

 

[WorldClass]

Six days a week total....Saturday's for 4 hours.
Um, 20 hrs maybe? Mornings r tough...school principal is on our case for tardies.

 

[2G1B]

that really seems like a lot of time in the gym IMO for a level 5. Our level 5 and 6 girls do 3 days per week for a total of 10.5 hours (all after school). Is there anyway the gym would be willing to cut back on the morning practices? It just seems like a lot for a kid that age...

 

[gymgal]

Six days a week total....Saturday's for 4 hours.
Um, 20 hrs maybe? Mornings r tough...school principal is on our case for tardies.

is she being fast tracked for elite? This is an awful lot of hours for a level 5. Now I see her side of the situation. I am certain that my dd would not go for this type of schedule. And neither would I, for that matter. If she is rebelling this much, you may want to look at another program with more realistic hours in terms of number and timing. But my original stance still applies - if she is committed to this and wants to stay then she needs to be at practice, or pay for her sessions she misses.

 

[krisnkids]

That many hours to me is just too much for me. That and I don't understand what you were saying how she isn't getting the high scores in L5 because she is training higher. That many hours she should be rocking each meet. Take a look at this thread where it discusses how many hours Link Removed

 

[GymBee97]

5:30 in the AM!!! not necessary unless she is fast tracking elite. Really at developmental L5 that is alot of hours. My DD at L4 - L6 was usually 3 days a week 4 hours a day (3:30 pm - 7:30 pm M,W,F) then an optional day on Sat afternoon for about 3 hours but it wasn't required. That is more than enough time for a normal team L5. I Know if that early AM training were required for my DD I wouldn't stay at that gym I'd be looking for something else - that can cause burn out and the kids drop out of the sport.

Now at L8/9 she goes S, M, W, F and opportunity to do the open gym Sat and Sun if they want to go in and work on something specific Usually its about 18 hours with the extra opportunity at the open gym (which alot do when meets come up to work on a specific skill needs work) The girls do well as does the whole team.

 

[Kiwi]

The IDP girls in our gym (I guess you would call them elite track) do 20 hours a week when they are only 8 or 9, but it is all after school and Saturday. Our STEPs girls do 11 hours at step 5. A girl who was in IDP doing 20 hours a week transferred to STEPs as she was getting very tired and wasn't enjoying it any more. She is now doing 11 hours and enjoying it again. When my DD doesn't want to go to training, it is usually when she is overtired. I usually tell her to just do what she can. Once she gets there, she is usually okay.

I used to work with someone whose daughters were competitive swimmers, and she took her daughters to training very early each morning. I am not a morning person and if gymnastics training had to be before school, I really doubt that DD would be doing gymnastics!