Parents Bad Attitude (or is it me?)

[TheXcelMom]

My daughter is 11. She was in Xcel Silver last year and did amazing (high 37-38 AA thru regionals) considering her gym offered only 6 hours a week practice. Her best friends were in the gym. They were all positive and loving vibes. She was working on platinum level skills.
Staffing issues caused the gym to cancel the Xcel program, (their coach walked out the week before regionals) so we moved gyms. For a billion reasons, none of the other girls could move with her. Two have left gymnastics. One moved to JO/DP. My girl got a spot on a team another 40 minutes away.
Cue problems:
Multiple mental blocks.
Girls not as nice.
Brutal summer schedule (5hr/day, 5 days/week - because of camp and travel, she'll only have to do it for a month, then it's 12 hrs/week)
Everything hurts (reasonable considering the new hours)

She WANTED to go to this gym as opposed to another, gentler gym. But now she's a sour puss. She won't talk about gymnastics. Won't deal with the mental blocks. I've wised up and stopped asking her anything about anything.

On the one hand, I can't blame her. This sucks on every level. She had a great thing taken away. There's no mountain I can move to get it back for her.

But if she continues to have a bad attitude about it, nothing is going to get better. The mental blocks aren't going to budge. She's not going to make XG, where she can pick her own music and choreograph her own routine...which is like the ONLY thing she's excited about. (I DO NOT say any of this to her. When I do bring this up I'll be strategic about it )

I don't know what I want from you guys. I think I just wanted to type it all out.

 

[RTT2]

Well, it sounds like a lot of change all at once and that is a lot for a kid her age to deal with. Those hours do sound absolutely brutal- am I reading correctly that she is going 25 hours a week while training XG? That is a lot, and I can imagine she's feeling it. Is there any chance she could do a week at the kinder, gentler gym just to see if it might be a better fit? Otherwise, I'd see if she could skip a few days here and there until things settle down to 12 hours in the fall.

 

[Deleted member 26368]

Yup, that's a lot. I agree with @Gymx2 that maybe a break or a few missed days of practice are reasonable. It sounds like she hasn't really had time to process the disruption of her previous "comfort zone". She's in a program now that sounds like a polar opposite of where she was before.

Also, my DD is the same age and level as yours, and puberty is definitely affecting her emotions nowadays. I tend to think that a little of the "bad attitude" you may be seeing can be attributed to not knowing how to talk about or handle how she's feeling about all that's going on.

 

[TheXcelMom]

UPDATE: Children are bizarre and mysterious creatures.
Today, her coach complimented her (rare thing), told her she's improved, and gave her clear goals.
Then my daughter conquered TWO mental blocks.
And just like that...she's my kid again.

DISCLAIMER: I know, I know. She'll backslide. She'll have bad days. But seeing her beam and smile? Priceless.

 

[ZB55]

25 hours a week for Xcel at any level sounds excessive. Our upper optional team girls max at 20 hours/week, while our Xcel Diamonds max at 10 hours.

 

[TheXcelMom]

25 hours a week for Xcel at any level sounds excessive. Our upper optional team girls max at 20 hours/week, while our Xcel Diamonds max at 10 hours.

It is. She didn't have to do most of it because of sleepaway camp and sundry covidy reasons. I can't imagine doing 8 weeks of it next summer.
I may give her Wednesdays off for the rest of the summer.

 

[JPC13]

It is. She didn't have to do most of it because of sleepaway camp and sundry covidy reasons. I can't imagine doing 8 weeks of it next summer.
I may give her Wednesdays off for the rest of the summer.

FYI, attendance is tracked at my daughter’s gym. I’m not sure that showing up as a new athlete and then blowing off 20% of the practices is going to be well received.

 

[Coach Kate]

Agree with this! Our golds do 5 hours with an option for 7.5, platinum is 5.5 with an option for 7.75, and diamond is 9!

25 hours a week for Xcel at any level sounds excessive. Our upper optional team girls max at 20 hours/week, while our Xcel Diamonds max at 10 hour

 

[TheXcelMom]

FYI, attendance is tracked at my daughter’s gym. I’m not sure that showing up as a new athlete and then blowing off 20% of the practices is going to be well received.

I'll definitely ask respectfully and loop them in to what I want to do.
They mentioned at the beginning of the summer that they'd be open to days off if it's too much *especially because* she's a new gymnast.

 

[JPC13]

I'll definitely ask respectfully and loop them in to what I want to do.
They mentioned at the beginning of the summer that they'd be open to days off if it's too much *especially because* she's a new gymnast.

Sounds like a good plan as long as you’re upfront about it.

 

[GymMomStarQuest29]

UPDATE: Children are bizarre and mysterious creatures.
Today, her coach complimented her (rare thing), told her she's improved, and gave her clear goals.
Then my daughter conquered TWO mental blocks.
And just like that...she's my kid again.

DISCLAIMER: I know, I know. She'll backslide. She'll have bad days. But seeing her beam and smile? Priceless.

I noticed that when we got my dd’s confidence up, her mood and skills and performance improved a TON. Glad she’s smiling again!

 

[Tammie]

I'll definitely ask respectfully and loop them in to what I want to do.
They mentioned at the beginning of the summer that they'd be open to days off if it's too much *especially because* she's a new gymnast.

I'm not sure you want to do that....yet. At least not without talking to your daughter about it.

First, one of the biggest potential issues is that if your daughter starts missing 20%, is she going to struggle more or be behind her teammates?? Will it cause bigger issues with the "mean girls?" That would be my biggest concern since she is new and trying to fit in-while coming from a different type of program with a different set of skills.

Secondly, you don't know what she will be missing-without talking to her. Maybe Wednesday is "bars day" and her absolute favorite or the thing she feels she needs to improve upon most or whatever.

Mostly, I would just try to talk to her. Ask if she changed her mind & would like to try the other program-maybe she enjoys the challenge-even if it makes her grumpy?? Remind her that she can ALWAYS change her mind, this is all for her.

At the end of the day I wouldn't be afraid to politely, but firmly, go toe to toe with the coach and just say no to whatever you think is too much-BUT make sure your daughter is on board first!!

We take vacations that our coach doesn't exactly approve of, but she deals with me. We take off Saturdays often-again, not exactly approved. Initially it was a bigger issue, now they realize she does better with a bit of downtime. Always remember that the coaches aren't the one dealing with your kid after practice & won't be there when your kid is a grown adult(with or without issues), that's all you, so you need to advocate for your kid-if you don't, who will???