Anon Bullying

[Anonymous (628e)]

I’m getting bullied at my gym. I’ve just recently moved up to train with older girls who i’ve never trained with in my life. I’m training with girls who have years of experience and very advanced skills. Me on the other hand, Im doing skills that are basics for them. I get made fun of my abilities and just my personality.

I usually keep to myself, but these girls keep calling me pet names. If my name were to be Charlotte, I get called Char Char. I can hear them taking about me, and I know it’s not good. Anytime they talk to me and I respond, they give each other a look. And I know that look.

I know the next step would be to address this with a coach. Last time I did, coach just told me it’s because I’m very awkward socially. While this is true, I don’t appreciate being bullied. It’s very hard and I’m always coming home from practice upset.

Sorry about the rant. Does anyone know how I can address this with the girls? Am I getting bullied? I don’t have many friends at the gym, so maybe it’s easier to pick on me?

 

[Coach Kate]

If you feel like your coach isn't listening to you, involve your parents. They should be able to help advocate for you.

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

I’ve told my parents about this. The problem is that my coach doesn’t like it when parents intervene. The last time this happened, my mom did talk to the coach about it. They had a huge argument about her interfering (after I talked to my coach). Coach also won’t do anything unless the gymnast talks to them. I had to change the day I came to practice, so my mom emailed the coach. They didn’t respond until I talked to the coach.

I don’t think involving my parents will help. She doesn’t like it, and she probably won’t do anything. Yet she also won’t do anything if I talk to her.

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

I’ve only met these kids 2 practices ago. Does anyone happen to know why I’m being bullied? I never talked to them.

 

[Anonymous (db52)]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Kids bully for all sorts of reasons. Just because you may be "very awkward socially" or may not have many friends at the gym does not give them any right to bully you.
My daughter was bullied at her gym last year as well, to the point where she often cried the whole ride back home. The circumstances were a bit different from yours, but things escalated to the point where we (both parents) emailed the coach and asked him to talk. Fortunately the coach listened to us and took things seriously, and things have gotten a bit better for her since then.
So I would recommend talking to your parents again, and then perhaps you might want to go along with your parents to talk to the coach, since she won't talk to just them and won't help if you talk to her alone. Bullying is a serious issue, and if you tell her specific things that have been said and done to you, hopefully she will do something about it.

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

I’m glad it’s gotten better for your daughter. I will try to bring my parents with me next time to discuss this. Thank you for the advice, I will keep you updated

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

The situation is worse than I thought. I thought that this was just a problem in my team. Turns out the girl is encouraging the DP girls to bully me too. I heard this from a friend. I had suspected it too, as I once again heard my pet name being used in a conversation.

 

[Anonymous (1d15)]

There are some aspects of training about which coaches might prefer the athlete talking directly to the coaches because they want to build that confidence that environment where the gymnast can seek help or just be accountable for what's happening. For me that would be talking about fear/pain/problems when doing some skills. I want gymnasts being able to talk to me by themselves in the moment that it happens and not after by the parents. Also, if they can't come to practice, are late,... I want them to approach me and tell me, even if it's before/after discussed with the parents too.
However, it's ok for the parents to communicate an issue, especially if the kid has not be able to manage it by herself.
Anyway, if you coach is not willing to listen to your concerns (directly or through your parents), it is seems like the problem is bigger than just your teammates and it can be more of a cultural problem of the gym that doesn't promote healthy relationships between gymnasts and gymnasts/coaches. What you have told about it doesn't sound well .

 

[Anonymous (5d02)]

1. Let your mom know that you are going to try to work it out with the girls.
2. Talk to the girls. If you don't like their pet name for you, remind them that your name is your name. If they say something, respectfully call them out in the moment.
3. If they keep it up, go to the coach IMMEDIATELY. (Honestly, if you called them out in the moment, the coach should have heard that and been on the lookout for further disrespect, so this step shouldn't be necessary ... but with what you have said about the coach ...). Explain that you have tried to handle it on your own, but the other girls are still being disrespectful. Ask for help.
4. If the coach doesn't do anything and/or nothing changes, find a new gym.

 

[Anonymous (ab44)]

That coach is protecting those bullies. Find a new gym, if that’s possible. Otherwise, email the coach about the concerns and cc the head coach. That way the complaint is in writing. Also meet with the coach with your folks. If the coach tries to start again about “parents intervening” just stop them and remind them that gymnast health issues and that they have every right to intervene!!
If they’re gonna be an *******, you and your folks might have to be a big ******* too!!

My biggest concern is why you were put in a group with gymnasts that much more advanced. Seems an odd decision - unless you’re in a very small club.

We’re all here to support you. This is not OK.

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

There are some aspects of training about which coaches might prefer the athlete talking directly to the coaches because they want to build that confidence that environment where the gymnast can seek help or just be accountable for what's happening. For me that would be talking about fear/pain/problems when doing some skills. I want gymnasts being able to talk to me by themselves in the moment that it happens and not after by the parents. Also, if they can't come to practice, are late,... I want them to approach me and tell me, even if it's before/after discussed with the parents too.
However, it's ok for the parents to communicate an issue, especially if the kid has not be able to manage it by herself.
Anyway, if you coach is not willing to listen to your concerns (directly or through your parents), it is seems like the problem is bigger than just your teammates and it can be more of a cultural problem of the gym that doesn't promote healthy relationships between gymnasts and gymnasts/coaches. What you have told about it doesn't sound well .

I will definitely try involving my parents. Thanks.

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

1. Let your mom know that you are going to try to work it out with the girls.
2. Talk to the girls. If you don't like their pet name for you, remind them that your name is your name. If they say something, respectfully call them out in the moment.
3. If they keep it up, go to the coach IMMEDIATELY. (Honestly, if you called them out in the moment, the coach should have heard that and been on the lookout for further disrespect, so this step shouldn't be necessary ... but with what you have said about the coach ...). Explain that you have tried to handle it on your own, but the other girls are still being disrespectful. Ask for help.
4. If the coach doesn't do anything and/or nothing changes, find a new gym.

Thank you! I will speak to the girls first and call them out.

 

[Anonymous (628e)]

That coach is protecting those bullies. Find a new gym, if that’s possible. Otherwise, email the coach about the concerns and cc the head coach. That way the complaint is in writing. Also meet with the coach with your folks. If the coach tries to start again about “parents intervening” just stop them and remind them that gymnast health issues and that they have every right to intervene!!
If they’re gonna be an *******, you and your folks might have to be a big ******* too!!

My biggest concern is why you were put in a group with gymnasts that much more advanced. Seems an odd decision - unless you’re in a very small club.

We’re all here to support you. This is not OK.

This could be the case. Coach has been with those girls for at least a decade. I’ve been there for 2-3 years. I’m not necessarily placed in a group that’s much more advanced. The gym groups three levels together for practice, but I happen to be in lowest level out of the three, and the only first year. The rest are 3rd years or higher levels. I really appreciate the support!