Anon Coaches don't like me

[Anonymous (2ddc)]

So recently, I hurt my knee at practice. At the time, my coaches were really kind and nice to me. One of them sat with me and talked to me. I couldn't really walk and had to skip practice for 2 weeks. When I came back last Wednesday, my 3 other coaches were very nice and understanding and gave me modified assignments and conditioning lists to do. I had a stress fracture on the same leg earlier this year in January, so I am kind of familiar with being injured and what I am supposed to do at practice while injured. So this week comes, and on Monday, I go to practice, and another coach is there. I am not allowed to run, so I was going up to her about to ask her what I should do to warm-up, and she just yelled at me to go sit. That day, she left early so she didn't coach me, and my other coaches were nicer when I asked them what to do, and they gave me conditioning assignments. Last practice, another coach was there, who was really nice to me when I got hurt. However, this practice, the coach mentioned before and this coach were just ignoring me. During vault, I went up to ask her if I could go get the conditioning book. She was just laughing and talking to someone else on my team, and as soon as she saw me walking towards her, she stopped laughing and stared at me, and just gave a small nod when I asked. My other coaches all asked how my knee was and how I was doing, which I get that not all coaches are this nice, but these two coaches just ignored me, and wouldn't even look at me. And apparently according to my friends, one of these coaches was laughing at me after I left the practice where I got hurt. I don't know if I am just being sensitive, but I feel like these coaches really don't like me. I don't really want to switch gyms because one of those coaches is leaving soon, and my other coaches are all super nice and supportive. I don't really know what I should do about this. Should I just ignore it for now? Sorry if this sounds dramatic and rude, but I have been dreading going to practice because of this.

 

[Anonymous (db5e)]

See if it keeps happening and then leave if it does.

 

[Anonymous (7bde)]

If I understand correctly, most of your coaches are kind and supportive but you’ve had a couple incidents with two coaches where they were curt or unfriendly. Some people are not very nice and it usually has absolutely nothing to do with you. One key to a happy life is to not let someone else’s cruddy mood or behavior mess up your day. The coaches probably doesn’t have any particular dislike for you (they probably don’t even think about you) but, even if they do, it’s not the end of the world. In your life, you will have many colleagues, neighbors, bosses, and maybe in-laws who you don’t like or who don’t like you. That’s okay! Generally, if you just mind your own business and give people space, there is no issue. Not everyone is going to be your friend.



Also, for a bit of perspective, my son’s coach completely ignores injured gymnasts until they are cleared to return to practice. We have two boys who’ve been on their own in “the cripple corner” for 3 months. They made up their own conditioning regimen and they do it together and leave when they are done. The idea of them repeatedly asking for directions during practice is unthinkable. Not that I think this is good or that it excuses your coaches being rude to you, but it might give you some perspective on how injuries are handled in different gyms.



It’s possible that your coaches expect you to be more self-directed and they are choosing to communicate that in a crappy passive-aggressive manner. That’s their personality flaw not yours, so don’t feel bad about it. Just take the hint and do your own thing during their rotations. You got this.



P.S. If things get worse or escalates into more overt bullying, you will need to take action. I would recommend talking with a parent or trusted adult about what is happening now, so that they can support you if things get worse. These kind of interpersonal things are hard and it’s good to have support.

 

[Klaws]

So recently, I hurt my knee at practice. At the time, my coaches were really kind and nice to me. One of them sat with me and talked to me. I couldn't really walk and had to skip practice for 2 weeks. When I came back last Wednesday, my 3 other coaches were very nice and understanding and gave me modified assignments and conditioning lists to do. I had a stress fracture on the same leg earlier this year in January, so I am kind of familiar with being injured and what I am supposed to do at practice while injured. So this week comes, and on Monday, I go to practice, and another coach is there. I am not allowed to run, so I was going up to her about to ask her what I should do to warm-up, and she just yelled at me to go sit. That day, she left early so she didn't coach me, and my other coaches were nicer when I asked them what to do, and they gave me conditioning assignments. Last practice, another coach was there, who was really nice to me when I got hurt. However, this practice, the coach mentioned before and this coach were just ignoring me. During vault, I went up to ask her if I could go get the conditioning book. She was just laughing and talking to someone else on my team, and as soon as she saw me walking towards her, she stopped laughing and stared at me, and just gave a small nod when I asked. My other coaches all asked how my knee was and how I was doing, which I get that not all coaches are this nice, but these two coaches just ignored me, and wouldn't even look at me. And apparently according to my friends, one of these coaches was laughing at me after I left the practice where I got hurt. I don't know if I am just being sensitive, but I feel like these coaches really don't like me. I don't really want to switch gyms because one of those coaches is leaving soon, and my other coaches are all super nice and supportive. I don't really know what I should do about this. Should I just ignore it for now? Sorry if this sounds dramatic and rude, but I have been dreading going to practice because of this.

Oh my, this is definitely not OK. In a workplace, it would be bullying.

There is not need for the coaches to be rude or nasty to you, or ignore you. You are still training as much as you can, and it sounds to me like you’re generally finding conditioning and rehab to do when you can’t work an app.

Honestly, I’d be repetitive g this to your parents and you should all be meeting with the head coach and these coaches to discuss this behaviour.

In the mean time, you need to be recording everything. Dates, times, what was said, what the issue was, what you observed.

You are NOT being sensitive. You are being bullied and it is NOT OK. If it doesn’t resolve quickly, I would be looking at if Di g another gym as it seems that this is not a safe place.

 

[Klaws]

If I understand correctly, most of your coaches are kind and supportive but you’ve had a couple incidents with two coaches where they were curt or unfriendly. Some people are not very nice and it usually has absolutely nothing to do with you. One key to a happy life is to not let someone else’s cruddy mood or behavior mess up your day. The coaches probably doesn’t have any particular dislike for you (they probably don’t even think about you) but, even if they do, it’s not the end of the world. In your life, you will have many colleagues, neighbors, bosses, and maybe in-laws who you don’t like or who don’t like you. That’s okay! Generally, if you just mind your own business and give people space, there is no issue. Not everyone is going to be your friend.



Also, for a bit of perspective, my son’s coach completely ignores injured gymnasts until they are cleared to return to practice. We have two boys who’ve been on their own in “the cripple corner” for 3 months. They made up their own conditioning regimen and they do it together and leave when they are done. The idea of them repeatedly asking for directions during practice is unthinkable. Not that I think this is good or that it excuses your coaches being rude to you, but it might give you some perspective on how injuries are handled in different gyms.



It’s possible that your coaches expect you to be more self-directed and they are choosing to communicate that in a crappy passive-aggressive manner. That’s their personality flaw not yours, so don’t feel bad about it. Just take the hint and do your own thing during their rotations. You got this.



P.S. If things get worse or escalates into more overt bullying, you will need to take action. I would recommend talking with a parent or trusted adult about what is happening now, so that they can support you if things get worse. These kind of interpersonal things are hard and it’s good to have support.

It is already overt bullying and what your son’s coaches are doing is NOT OK either.

My son was on long term injury recovery - as several of our senior men have been and they have NEVER been treated like this. It is appalling to me that you would even consider that kind of behaviour OK.

 

[Anonymous (7bde)]

It is already overt bullying and what your son’s coaches are doing is NOT OK either.

My son was on long term injury recovery - as several of our senior men have been and they have NEVER been treated like this. It is appalling to me that you would even consider that kind of behaviour OK.

Based on the limited number of incidents mentioned by the author, it is within the realm of possibility that the incidents could have been caused by the coach having an uncharacteristically short temper for reasons that have nothing to do with the athlete. Bullying requires a pattern of behavior and her post didn’t describe a persistent pattern of behavior (yet) but there are definite warning signs. That’s why I suggested that she reach out to her parents or another trusted adult for support in case it gets worse.

And yes, my son’s coach is a huge bully. That is an example of what bullying can look like. I should have been more clear about that.

 

[Anonymous (2ddc)]

here is always a lot of favoritism and during last practice one of the coaches also cursed at one of my teammates because she had a really bad mental block for a long time. They also told us we would stay in the gym until you finished the assignment. We were doing 3 full-out routines in a row and everyone else was conditioning, but they picked their favorites to stop conditioning first.

 

[Anonymous (7bde)]

here is always a lot of favoritism and during last practice one of the coaches also cursed at one of my teammates because she had a really bad mental block for a long time. They also told us we would stay in the gym until you finished the assignment. We were doing 3 full-out routines in a row and everyone else was conditioning, but they picked their favorites to stop conditioning first.

That is NOT okay. Have you talked with your parents? Even though you were not the one being cussed at, you are still being harmed by the hostile training environment this kind of behavior creates. Unless the gym management removes that coach, I’d remove myself. It’s not worth it.