Parents For those who have changed gyms…

[For Flip Sake]

For those of you who switched to a different gym, did you experience animosity from the parents and/or athletes?

I’ve read threads on CB about coaches being angry or vindictive, but did not expect the parents of the kids to react the way they did when we left, almost as if we rejected them personally.

What was your experience? How many years/what level was your gymnast at her old gym? Were they able to see their old teammates at competition and have a positive interaction? I’d appreciate any feedback!

 

[GymDadWA]

Each case is different, but the girls that move because their family relocates out of town, those girls tend to have a long hug and greet session with cheers from everyone, the girls moving because they thought they would do better somewhere else for the most part are just ignored as if they were never part of the team in the first place.

Personally if we recognize the parents we try and be polite, waive and say hi, but don't sit together in the stands or anything.

 

[For Flip Sake]

the girls moving because they thought they would do better somewhere else for the most part are just ignored as if they were never part of the team in the first place.

Yep, it seems that is the way it will be for us, which I find it surprising! These kids have been together for years and I’ve never taken it personally when a child is moved from a gym/school/wherever. Sometimes it’s a logistical decision that just makes sense for the family or child with no hard feelings towards the gym. Thanks for your insight, I guess it’s much more common than I thought.

 

[RTT2]

I've remained friends with people who've left our gym, but I know there are times when people are really chilly towards those who leave. I find that most people feel that it is a rejection of their choice when someone makes a different choice and that often makes people feel hurt or angry. If you left for a better gym fit, then it must mean you don't think highly of the gym they have chosen for their child is how the line of thinking seems to go.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

I’m still good friends with several parents who’ve switched gyms because they hated our head coach and the way he ran things. No hard feelings between the parents in my experience.

 

[For Flip Sake]

I’ve remained friendly with parents who have left our gym and our school. I certainly don’t expect to sit together at meets but I’m surprised at the animosity and taking things personally that another parent chooses for their kid ‍

Thanks for all of the responses so far! It’s interesting to read everyone’s different experiences

 

[For Flip Sake]

Just wanted to add that I understand in certain situations people may be badmouthing their previous gym and would understand the anger in that case, but we left on good terms with gratitude for my gymnast’s time there.

 

[Rose7777]

I’m pleasant to all of them. The ones I was actually friends with, I’m still friends with. A few of the current moms and I took a bunch of the girls to cheer on two former teammates at their first meet for the new gym. Zero animosity- some sadness and missing them, but the girls are all still close.

 

[ORgymmom]

My daughter has made friends with girls from her teammates’ old gym, so there are definitely cases where gym switches don’t affect friendliness at meets. We cheer for my daughter’s former teammate who switched gyms on a kind of bad note. It’s fun when they podium together because they knew each other all the way back to their toddler rec days. It’s nice to see familiar faces at meets, especially if our level is split across sessions.

Our region is small and it seems like everyone eventually knows each other, so it helps to get along. I can think of exactly one parent/athlete combo who I would hide from from if I saw them at a meet or anywhere else.

 

[BusyMomof2]

We just switched gyms and it seemed "out of the blue" to the old gym...but we were professional about it and are still attending the team banquet this weekend at our old gym. My daughter is still friends with many of her teammates and I am friendly with a handful of the parents. In terms of meets next season - if I ran into any of them I would gladly sit in the stands with them. We'll see how it goes moving forward, but fingers crossed it stays a non-issue.

 

[drwho42]

We changed gyms two years ago and we decided not to broadcast our move I wanted a quiet separation. I stayed friendly with the parents and coach on FB. We were all supportive of the girls’ accomplishments. When we competed a couple of time together this past season the girls were friendly with each other and the coaches were extremely supportive. I, in turn, always wish the coaches and athletes luck before the meet and have supportive chats after.

 

[GYM0M]

We were at a gym for over 10 years and I’ll admit there were times when another gymnast left that I took it more personally than I probably should have. I’m not the type of person who is disrespectful or rude to anyone, but I did change my perspectives on those relationships from thoughtful friendships to cordial acquaintances. And now, we’ve moved from that gym….there’s no animosity and my dd has maintained just about all of her friendships.

 

[For Flip Sake]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences! There were a few gymnasts who left our small team around the same time, so I can see how that could sting, especially if they thought the group who left planned it together without including them. That wasn’t the case but I can see how it would appear that way and cause hurt feelings. I’m hoping to be friendly and supportive if we see them at meets in the future, and I’ll update this post when that time comes

 

[Gymmom826]

Personally, I think it's very immature to ignore children or even parents that you've been friends with for years or have them ignore you. I think it's very hurtful. Not from experience just from what I've read others on here have experienced is sad.

 

[SupportingHerDreams]

We recently changed gyms and had pretty intense animosity from the owner, coaches and other parents. I know there was a lot of hurt feelings on every side of our decision and I’m sure a ton of rumors and exaggerations were probably spread as well. I have done all I can to repair relationships with anyone that I may have hurt through the process but sadly a lot of friendships were damaged beyond repair.

We haven’t seen them at meets yet but I’m concerned about the awkwardness.

 

[bookworm]

When we changed gyms, we remained friends with those we had been friends with ...and 15 years post our move, several of them and their parents were at my daughter's wedding this summer.
Those we were just teammates/cordial acquaintances would say hi at meets but really the only animosity we experienced was from the coaches who thought they could still coach my girls, with no level 10 coaches. I got ahead of whatever negative spin the coaches wanted to say about our leaving by hitting the "send" button on a blast email (as we left the gym after telling them) to the entire team telling them we were leaving and why and that we'd had many good years with them all and "hoped to run into them in the future" ....that really helped put a lid on what was said.

 

[For Flip Sake]

I wanted to update the thread as I often read old threads and wonder how things turned out.

My daughter is happy and thriving at her new gym. She was so sad initially when her old gym friends suddenly wouldn’t reply to her, but she has made so many new friends at her new gym and seems truly happy.

It turns out that there was one parent on the old team who told the rest of the team that me and my daughter were badmouthing the team to the coaches, and that’s why they completely cut us off. Apparently, it was so bad that the coach had to get involved and set the record straight. The parents and kids tried to reach out afterwards but I think the damage was done after so many months. My daughter is polite and cordial, and to be honest I am distant and brief when approached since my daughter was so hurt by the whole thing. I guess one bad apple really can spoil the bunch. People have continued to leave the team and I really think this toxic parent is a huge reason why.

In the end, it was all a blessing in disguise. It was as stressful time but I’m glad we made the switch and are in a better environment overall.

Edited to add: We did run into her old coach at a meet and she was great. Friendly and supportive to my daughter and went out of her way to greet us.

 

[USmominHK]

It got ugly in our case - the treatment of parents and the kids was far worse than from the gym itself, with which I strive to maintain good ties because our city is small.

Parents would badmouth my daughter’s new gym to their daughter who was also in my daughter’s class at school. The girl would then proceed to tell this to my daughter, usually right before a meet as they compete in the same division, I presume to get in her head. Lovely people. We ended up having to sit next to the parents at one meet and awkward is an understatement.

The whole thing was absurd in my opinion because the gymnastics community is small where I live and there are very few high level gymnasts. As a result, everyone knows each other and you have to train across multiple gyms if you want to be competitive with programs in other countries.

Interestingly we did a summer camp at the old gym because DD’s new gym hadn’t started summer classes when her school had finished. One of the coaches came as close as she could to apologize for our experience with them previously. She said my daughter had been in the wrong group and that we had made the right decision to move gyms.

 

[LPflip]

For those of you who switched to a different gym, did you experience animosity from the parents and/or athletes?

I’ve read threads on CB about coaches being angry or vindictive, but did not expect the parents of the kids to react the way they did when we left, almost as if we rejected them personally.

What was your experience? How many years/what level was your gymnast at her old gym? Were they able to see their old teammates at competition and have a positive interaction? I’d appreciate any feedback!

We have switched once because of a coach leaving and once because my daughter was switching to XCEL and the gym did not offer it.
The first gym took it personally but did not replace the coach that was leaving and my daughter was close to that coach.
The second gym took it very respectfully and both my daughter and I talk to previous team parents and teammates.
We see previous teammates at meets. There is always hugs and wishing of good luck.
Sometimes children need a different voice and it is nothing against coaches or gym. In the end you need to do what is best for your daughter’s journey.